“Hey, it’s okay,” Lane said, pulling her to him. “We’ll find him.”
Even though she hated him right now and wanted nothing to do with him, his embrace was comforting. His chest was warm and she buried her face in the clean-smelling fabric of his shirt. She couldn’t cry. That would be stupid, to cry over a cat. But even as the thought emerged, she was already getting his T-shirt wet.
“Don’t worry. I’ll help you.”
She wiped at her face and looked up at him. “Thanks,” she managed to choke out.
“How long ago did he get out?”
“I don’t know. The window in the kitchen was open. He clawed his way through the screen. It could have been hours ago, or just a few minutes.”
“All right. Then let’s start looking around here. Maybe he’s just in the yard.” He guided her down the steps, which was good because more tears had made it almost impossible to see.
“Jasper! Come here, boy,” Lane called.
“You remembered his name?” She didn’t mean for it to sound like she was shocked, but she honestly couldn’t believe it.
“Yeah.” He said like it was no big deal.
He searched the bushes in the front yard, then he took her hand and they walked toward the backyard. “Does he respond to anything specific?”
“He always comes when I feed him.”
“Go in and get his food then. I’ll keep looking out back.”
Trudy nodded and walked into the house, her legs feeling numb. She grabbed his food bowl and the spoon she used to scoop the food with. Then she met Lane in the backyard. She clinked the spoon against the bowl. “Jasper! Time to eat!” Her voice wobbled, but she couldn’t help it. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Jasper!”
Lane shook his head. “I don’t see him.”
Fear clawed its way up her throat. She couldn’t talk. Couldn’t even think about where Jasper might be. There was a busy street only a block away. If he ran out into the road like he did as a kitten—she didn’t want to think of what could have happened.
Lane must have seen her distress because he wrapped his arm around her. “Don’t worry. Cats often go exploring and then come back. They usually have a good sense of direction.”
She couldn’t speak, so she just nodded, putting her hand up to her face.
“Let’s drive around. See if we can see him.”
“Okay.” Trudy got into Lane’s car, the numbness now taking over her entire body. All she could think about was Jasper and how he was probably far from home, hungry and confused.
Lane drove slowly around the neighborhood while Trudy banged her spoon on the cat bowl and tried not to cry so she could call for him. They must have done that for an hour before Lane gave her a frown. “I don’t think we’re going to find him this way.”
She set the bowl down on her lap and stared at it. “Yeah.”
“Come on. Let’s go put his bowl in your kitchen. He might find his way back if he gets hungry. Then we can go to my house and study. Get your mind off it. Maybe when you get back home, he’ll be waiting for you.”
Trudy had no more tears left in her. She had no more anything. All she could do was nod.
Jasper was gone.
Chapter 15
The silence in the car was strangling Lane. He hated the way Trudy sat there, staring out the window as if she would see Jasper crawling out of his hiding spot any second now. He tapped the steering wheel, trying to think of anything he could say to make her feel better. Nothing came to mind, so he just sat, silent, until he pulled up in front of his house.
He shut off the engine and turned to Trudy. “You okay?”
She shook her head and sniffed, staring down at the backpack on her lap.
Duh. Of course she wasn’t okay. She’d just lost her cat. He’d feel terrible too in that situation. Especially since the guy had been hit by a car before. She must be terrified he was going to get hit again. He reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. “It’s going to be all right.”
He had no idea if it would be all right, but he didn’t know what else to say. She nodded then turned to open her door. He got out of the car and walked with her. “I’m sorry. Maybe studying tonight is a bad idea. Want to go to the movies instead?”
She shook her head. “No. The only movie that looked good is about that talking cat, and I don’t think I could sit through it.”
Lane wanted to pound himself. How could he have brought up the movies? He knew that cat movie was popular. It was all over the television commercials. Dang, he was stupid. He opened his front door for her. “Oh. Sorry.”
“Let’s just get this over with.”
Great. Spending time with him was something she wanted to get over with. He drew in a breath and let it out. “Okay.”
She jerked her gaze up to his. “Sorry, that sounded terrible. I didn’t mean it. I’m just…you know.”
“Yeah, I know.” He pulled her close and she laid her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, breathing in her light coconut scent. He could feel the sorrow sucking the life out of her. He rubbed her back until she pulled back from him.
“Let’s go tackle calculus.” She smiled at him, but there was something odd about it. Probably because she was so distraught over her cat. She was forcing herself to forget about it.
“It means a lot to me that you are here.”
She took his hand and tugged him toward the basement stairs. “What do you mean?”
“You could have thought I was cheating off your test. The video looked like it. But I wasn’t. I swear. I just needed to see that first step. Then the rest I could do on my own.”
Trudy didn’t acknowledge what he’d said. She plopped down on the couch and took out her book. “Today’s lesson will be about indefinite integration.”
“I’d be so lost without you.” He put his arm around her and she gave him a quick smile before she went into the lesson. He listened while she told him what he’d missed in class.
The lesson was boring, but Trudy breathed life into him. Just sitting next to her made him feel less anxious about the future. He loved the lilt to her voice and the way she explained things so he could understand.
She looked up at him. “Are you with me?”
“Yeah, integration. I get it.” He traced his finger along her jawline.
She slapped him away. “Stop it.” But she said it with a smile.
“What, is my touching you distracting?” He continued down her neck, stopping at her collarbone.
She grabbed his finger. “Yeah. It’s distracting.”
“Your skin is just so soft. I can’t hardly stop myself.”
“Get a grip. You have to learn this stuff.”
He shrugged. “Not really. I’m off the team. No more consequences if I fail.” He started another trail from her cheek and down the back of her neck this time.
She stared at him, no longer batting his hand away. “Don’t you care about your grades?”
“Not really.” He hadn’t meant to be so honest with her, but there it was. Out in the open. He was a loser.
She took in a small breath, the shock evident on her face. “Don’t you want to go to college?”
“Yes. I was planning on getting a football scholarship. Now that’s out. And there’s no way I’d get in just on academics alone.” He stopped talking before he said what he was really thinking. He was too stupid to make it in college. Not without football carrying him.
“But you can still go to college. There are student loans.”
He must be faking it better than he thought. “I doubt I’d get in.”
“Why not?”
He sighed and pulled his hand back. He was going to have to spell it out for her. “I’m not good in school, if you haven’t noticed.”
“That’s why I’m tutoring you.”
“I know.”
“So, you’d better pay attention. I don’t like wasting my time.” She gave him a frown.
&nb
sp; “You’re not wasting my time at all,” he said, leaning closer. He was tired of this conversation. And her soft skin was calling him.
“Lane…”
He ignored her, mostly because he could see her trying not to smile. “I like studying with you. I like the way you wrinkle your nose when you’re frustrated with me.” He kissed the tip of her nose.
“I do not.”
“You so do. And I like the way you blush when you’re embarrassed.” He kissed her cheeks one at a time.
She pushed on his chest, but there was no muscle behind it. He chuckled. “And I like how you purse your lips when you’re concentrating.” He kissed her lips, lingering a bit, enjoying the sensations.
She closed her eyes. He waited for her to push him back again, but instead she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer.
“And I like how you clench your jaw when you’re mad at me.” He trailed more kisses along her jawline. She moaned softly as he reached the skin below her ear. “Oh? You like this spot here?” He kissed it again.
“Stop,” she whispered. “You’re killing me.”
He pulled back, chuckling. “That’s the last thing I want to do. I kind of like you alive. You’re warm and you smell good.”
She bit her lip as if she wasn’t sure if she wanted to encourage more kisses, or if she wanted to get back to the tutoring. He hoped she’d choose the former.
He watched her expression change as her thoughts flashed across her features. He couldn’t read her but itched to know. “What are you thinking?”
She broke his gaze. “Nothing.” She pulled her arms back, tugging her sleeves down and gathering the material in her hands.
He stared at her hands, backing up. “Why do you do that? Are you trying to hide something?”
A look of panic flashed through her eyes before she shook her head. She scoffed. “No.”
Oh, she totally was hiding something. And he wanted to know what. He gave her a playful smile. “What? Did you get drunk one night and get tattoos on your wrists or something?”
She shook her head even more forcefully. “Of course not.”
Before she could hide her wrists, he picked up her hand and pulled back her sleeve. But instead of a tattoo, he saw a long, white scar. The kind you would get if you tried to take your own life.
Trudy jerked her hand back and cradled it to her chest, her eyes wide.
Lane swallowed, his throat burning. What had he done? He felt like throwing up. “Crap, Trudy. I…I’m sorry.” A million things raced through his mind at once. Had Trudy tried to commit suicide? When had that happened? And what would have happened to make her feel like that was the only option? A horrible hollow feeling spread through him.
She shrunk back from him into the couch. Her expression was a mixture of horror and embarrassment. And then she sprung up from the seat and ran up the stairs.
Lane sat there for a full heartbeat before he jumped up and ran after Trudy. “Wait,” he called, but it was too late. She ran outside. He took off after her, pushing through the front door and down the sidewalk. She was almost to the end of the block when he caught up to her. “Wait, Trudy.”
He reached out and grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn around and face him. Tears streaked down her cheeks and her gaze burned through him. “How dare you!” she screamed as she jerked her arm away from him.
Lane wanted to crawl into the sewer. He not only hurt Trudy, but he’d exposed something she obviously hadn’t wanted revealed. He felt like scum. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” It was a lame thing to say, but that’s all that came to mind.
She shoved his chest. “You’re such a jerk!”
“I know I am.”
She pummeled him with her fists. “You are mean, and selfish, and such a brat…”
“Yes. I’m all that.” He pulled her to his chest to calm her down. He held her tight as she sobbed. It broke his heart to hear the pain in her cries. She had more depth than he’d first realized, and it killed him to see her hurting. Especially since he was the cause of her pain right now. “You’re right,” he said into her hair. “I’m so sorry.”
She calmed down, but he continued to hold her. A light breeze blew, and he could hear kids in the park up the street. Finally, she pulled back from him. She wiped at her face, not speaking.
“Do you want to walk to the park with me?”
She gathered up her sleeves in her hands and nodded. They were silent as they walked. He didn’t know how to fix what he’d done, but he knew they needed to talk about it. He just wasn’t sure what to say.
When they got to the park, he pointed to the bench he usually sat on. “Come. Sit with me.”
She once again nodded and joined him on the worn wood. He put his arm around her, and she laid her head on his shoulder. They watched a toddler trying to climb up the stairs of the kiddy slide, his mother right there to catch him if he fell. The kid had super blond hair, and he was wearing coveralls.
Lane pointed to him. “I had a pair of coveralls when I was about ten years old. Loved those things. I think I wore them to bed a few times, refusing to take them off and finally my mother gave in and just let me wear them.”
Trudy chuckled.
“I should get a pair. Think that would make me an outcast at school?”
“Nope. You could join the artsy group and paint a mural on the cafeteria wall.”
“Oh, no. If that’s what I’d have to do, I wouldn’t make it. They’d kick me out once they saw my stick figure drawings.”
“Art snobs.”
He laughed and hugged her tighter to him. “Yeah.”
Another stretch of silence came between them, but it was a more comfortable one. After the toddler got tired and his mother packed him into her minivan and drove away, Lane picked up Trudy’s hand and squeezed it. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
He debated what to say next. They couldn’t pretend this hadn’t happened. Finally, he said, “Want to talk about it?”
“No.” Her reply was quick and final.
He took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Look, I’m so sorry I did what I did, but I think we should talk about it.”
Trudy didn’t respond.
“Are you okay? Like, really okay now?”
“Yes,” she said, her voice almost too low to hear.
“That’s good. Because I don’t want to lose you. Not after just finding you.” Was that a sappy thing to say? Geesh, what was this, a stupid teen romance movie?
She tightened the grip on her sleeve. “I’m okay.”
He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “When did it happen?”
“In June.”
Three months ago. Dang. He didn’t know what to say. That wasn’t long ago. This was heavy. He felt severely underqualified to talk to her about it. But he was extremely happy she was talking about it at all with him, and he didn’t want that to stop. “Did you get put in the hospital?”
“Yes. For three weeks. And I’m in therapy now.”
“What about your parents?”
She stiffened for a moment, and he just let her take her time before answering. “I think they’re afraid of me,” she whispered.
Chapter 16
Trudy closed her eyes. What in the world was she doing? Spilling her guts to the big, fat faker? She should know better, but the words wouldn’t stop coming. “When it happened, my mother freaked out. Had a nervous breakdown. She was almost hospitalized right along with me. And my father. He just retreated into himself even more.”
“That’s terrible.” Lane drew little circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. She wasn’t sure if it was subconscious or if it was intentional, but it was kind of driving her crazy. His touch did that to her. Sent her heartrate into the stratosphere.
She tried to ignore the little zings of energy coming from his thumb. “I was in a really bad place when we moved. My sister had been sick for a while. I knew she wasn’t going to
come back home. And then I had to say good-bye to everyone and everything I knew. And my new school was terrible. Everyone already had friends. No one talked to me except for Gabe, and he only talked to me to taunt me and call me that horrible nickname.”
“Trudy…” Lane’s voice sounded almost strangled, and she looked up at him. Pain colored his blue eyes. “I swear, I never would have let him call you that if I had known what you were going through.”
She blinked back the tears. “That’s just it. We’re all going through crap. When is it okay to bully someone? Only when they’re not hating life so much that they’re at the brink of killing themselves?”
Lane’s face grew white, and he looked like he was going to faint or something.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” Trudy said quietly. She laid her head back on his shoulder. His slimy, scummy shoulder. She had to look like his girlfriend. She had to pull this off, so he would never again do this to another girl. He had to know how it felt to be the one on the other end of the prank.
“I’ll talk to Gabe. I’ll get him to lay off the Prudy thing.”
He wasn’t listening, was he? Couldn’t he see he was a part of all this? Couldn’t he see that his very bet with Gabe was exactly what she was talking about? She sighed. “No. Forget it. What’s done is done.”
“No. I’m serious. That nickname is done.”
“All right. Whatever.”
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder again and she snuggled into him. She hated having to pretend with him. Hated that even though she knew he was a liar and a bully, the feel of his warm skin next to hers made her heart race. Stupid body.
“You’re seeing someone, though? A therapist? How’s that going?”
“Fine.” She was done talking about it with him. He didn’t deserve what she’d said already.
“I’m glad you’re able to go talk to someone.”
“Yeah. Me too.” She sat up. “Are you ready to go back? The sun is starting to set and I’m getting a little chilly out here.” She wasn’t, but she rubbed her arms anyway.
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