by Blair Young
It didn’t make any sense to me to think that they would both be bullying us for their own reasons, and I was sure that the two of them had teamed up somehow. But, with Damon on my side, I also had a feeling things were going to change, at least a little, for the better.
And I wasn’t entirely wrong.
It didn’t surprise me when Chad wasn’t in school the next day. At first, no one thought anything of it. It was only those who were close to Damon who knew about his underground fighting, and none of the other kids seemed to think that other students in school were involved.
But, when Chad missed three days in a row, it wasn’t long before the gossip tree got started.
Abby was right. Now that the kids had something else for them to obsess over, I was becoming old news. I still heard my name mentioned every now and then, but, for the most part, it was all about Chad and Damon and what must have happened between the two of them.
To my knowledge, only few people in the school really knew what happened that night between me and Chad. I had only told a few trusted people, and I had a feeling none of them would rat me out to the rest of the class. Then again, if the teachers were to find out, there was little doubt in my mind Chad would have found himself in a world of hurt.
It didn’t matter how much money he had. He had crossed the wrong line, and it could have gotten him in serious trouble if I had pressed charges. There was a part of me that wished that I had done more than I did, but I also got the impression Damon had given him the lesson he deserved.
Even when he did make it back to class, there was no doubt in my mind he was going to have fallen in popularity. After all, he had his ass kicked by another kid in school, and one a lot of the other students really respected.
When word got out, he was going to have to deal with the consequences of that whether he liked it or not. And, if on the off chance he was trying to get with Molly, she was going to have to deal with the fact she wasn’t dating the most popular guy in school any longer.
But, I didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with that. I didn’t care who Molly dated, and I didn’t care what she did with her life. But, what I did care about was the fact that she had tortured me for so long, and now that she was losing her grip on the rest of the class, I wanted to call her out on it.
I felt a little annoyed with the fact Damon was so protective of me these days. But, at the same time, there was something safe about it. I knew no one was going to mess with me after what happened with Chad. Woman or not. Of course, Damon was a gentleman when it came to the other girls in school, even with the ones he didn’t like.
He might ridicule and take my side, but he wasn’t going to do anything to them physically. But as far as the other guys went, all bets were off. He didn’t care if they met him in the ring or if he had to take them himself outside, he would stand up for me.
And the rest of the school knew it.
There was still the one girl in particular who needed to hear from me, however, and that was my former best friend. I was sick of carrying around the fact that she had betrayed me. It wasn’t just what she did to me when we were in high school, it was the fact that she had been my friend – or I thought she had been my friend for years, only to find out it was all a lie.
I had told her so many things about myself that I never shared with anyone else, and I had thought she would keep them all to herself. I thought she was the kind of girl I could trust. I did trust her.
With far too much.
And it had all come back to haunt me in more ways than one. I couldn’t help but wonder how much of what I was dealing with today had to do with what she did to me then, and what if I had gone through with the suicide? The thought sent shivers down my spine and made me sick to my stomach.
I had to talk to her. I knew it might not go well, and I knew it might turn us into even bigger enemies than before, but I didn’t care about that anymore. All I cared about was getting the admission out of her directly, and an explanation, and that’s what I decided to do.
It didn’t happen right away. I knew if Abby could catch her in the locker room to overhear the things that she did, then it was only a matter of time before I did the same thing.
I just had to wait and watch, learn her schedule and find out when she would best be alone. With what happened over the past couple of months, it was clear she wasn’t flagged with her posse anymore, and I was going to take full advantage of that.
My moment came the fourth day after the fight. Molly was in the gym after P.E. grabbing a few things she forgot in the bleachers, and that was when I took the chance to dive in and confront her about all that she did to me over the years.
“What the heck is your problem?” I snapped.
“Excuse me?” she shot back.
“Don’t play dumb with me. You are the one who has done nothing but torture me for years and I didn’t do a thing to you! How dare you write those things on my locker in the sixth grade? How dare you pretend to be my friend when you were the one who was doing all those things to me? How dare you post those pictures of me around the school?” I took a deep breath, fighting the lump in my throat.
I wasn’t going to cry. She had put me through enough pain, she had seen me cry enough, I wasn’t going to cry. But, I was going to get the rest of my speech out. She was going to hear the rest of it, and she was going to answer to what she did.
“How dare you tell me I should kill myself? And to do it all from the phone of the person I wanted most in the world? Do you realize how close I came to actually doing it? Of course you do! I told you so! Then you promised that we would stay friends after I got transferred to another school, and we see how long that lasted!” I snapped.
Molly opened her mouth to speak, but then she closed it again, clearly trying to find the right words to say. I knew she was going to deflect, and I was right.
“You were the one who was always gushing about Damon and how much you wanted to be with him. You only ever talked about him and how great he was and how you would do anything to be his!” she argued.
“And that made you so mad you wanted me dead?” I snapped.
“I was in love with him, too!” she shot back before she had the chance to stop herself. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, I could see she didn’t mean to say them out loud.
They were true, there was no arguing that in the expression in her face, but she likely never wanted me to know that truth. “I figured if I got you out of the way, then I would have a shot with him.”
“You never thought that the two of us could compete without one of us being dead?” I asked in disbelief. “We were kids, and you were going to kill me over a crush on a boy?”
“I didn’t do anything to kill you. I ran you out of the school is what I did,” she said with a shrug.
“So you admit to doing all of it? I know that you did. I know that you left that note in my locker, too. You’ve been relentless in trying to get me out of the picture. Don’t you think if he wanted you then he would have actually gone for you?” I asked.
“Oh please, don’t act like you don’t know he thought you were cute from the beginning. You were the one he invited over to the house, weren’t you? You were the one he was always talking about. I’m not going to sit here and act like I didn’t notice that the two of you were practically sweethearts since kindergarten!” she shot back.
“We didn’t even know each other then,” I crossed my arms. “It wasn’t until he was eight years old that he started coming to our school.”
“And you fell head over heels immediately,” Molly shook her head. “You didn’t give anyone else a chance, and I got sick of it. Do you really think if I were to sit you down and tell you how much I was in love with him that you would have cared at all? No, you were too selfish, thinking only of you and what you wanted out of life.”
“I was the selfish one?” I gasped. “You were the one who did nothing but humiliate me for years. If you only knew how long the e
ffects of what you did to me lasted. I had to go to another school. I had to go to therapy. I’m still in therapy thanks to what you did to me. If you had your way, I would be dead even!”
She shook her head. “I’m sure you would have figured out some way to avoid that and still get Damon.”
“I don’t want Damon!” I announced. “If I did, I would be with him.”
“So that kiss was just what? For the sake of it? Since when are you that kind of girl?” she asked. “And then the two of you had sex? That was just for fun, too, right? It didn’t mean anything even though you beat me up over it?”
“You don’t know a thing about what’s going on in my life,” I said with a shake of my head. “You don’t know a thing about me, and I’m starting to wonder if you ever did.”
“Well,” Molly said as she finished grabbing her things and slinging them over her shoulder. “I can tell you one thing, for sure. You never did know a thing about me, either.”
“That’s for sure,” I said as she pushed past me and headed for the door. I was so angry, I wanted to hit her all over again. But, I didn’t want to be that person. I didn’t want to get in trouble and I didn’t want to get suspended, but I wished there was a way I could have recorded her admitting to all she had done to me over the years.
And why she had done it. I could have guessed, of course, but when she said it to my face, it hit me like a blow to the stomach.
But, there was another thought that was running through the back of my mind, and I wondered if it was just because of the conversation that I’d had with Molly, or if there was something else going on inside me, but for the first time in my life I didn’t feel any confusion when it came to the idea of being with Damon.
I didn’t know how it would work, and I didn’t know if it would be possible to make it happen, but I did know that I wanted more than just having casual sex with him. There was something far deeper, and Molly’s words really hit home for me.
There had to be something more – something that she saw even when we were just kids. And, considering what he had done for me with Chad, I could tell that there was still something deeper there. Something that I wanted to explore.
But there was Susan, and there was the fact we were both graduating and didn’t know where life was going to take us after that happened. And there was still all the drama that was going on in my life. There were so many things that threatened to keep us apart, I wasn’t sure what the next step would be.
All I knew was that I wanted him, and I didn’t want to risk losing him again. He was right there for my taking, he had made that clear from almost the day that I moved in with them.
All I had to do was reach out and take it.
Chapter 18 – Two Weeks Later
Sutton
I was convinced the confrontation I had with Molly was going to reignite the bullying I’d been facing at school, so I was rather shocked when nothing came of it. Molly seemed to avoid me more than ever, in fact, and I found that to be refreshing.
Chad, too, when he finally came back to class hardly looked at me or Damon for that matter. I kept a close eye on the two of them to see if there was any sort of tension, but they seemed to have worked things out, and neither of them wanted anything to do with the other.
Though I thought it would be strange at first, I could see how the two could just part ways. They really didn’t run with the same social groups most of the time, and with Peter wrapped up in his new relationship, he wasn’t hanging around either of them.
I still felt bad for Abby having to watch that take place on a nearly daily basis, but she insisted that it didn’t bother her. She didn’t want a whirlwind relationship to define her in that way, and she made it clear that was all she ever had with Peter.
I still tried to be there for her as much as possible, and I was sure to tell her how things had gone with Molly. Abby promised she would keep an ear out in case Molly was planning something elaborate – which was something we could both definitely see her doing.
Perhaps she didn’t want to waste her time on the petty things she used to do anymore. Maybe she was going to do something big that would really bring me down. Though at this point, I had no idea what that might be, I did want to be ready for it in the event it did happen.
On the other hand, she might not want to do anything now that I had told her I had no interest in Damon, and except for the day when he and I had walked into school hand-in-hand, there was no sign of him and I being an item.
Even at home things had changed slightly. I felt strange knowing within myself that I wanted to be with him as more than just roommates, but I knew I couldn’t act on it. Not with Susan watching us like a hawk.
Ever since that talk she and I had, she had been careful to keep an eye on both of us, often telling us how proud she was of our schoolwork and how much we were going to make of our lives if we kept pushing in that direction. She never talked about her personal life with either of us unless she was making plans with someone, and we were still confused over this person she was dating.
But, all of that had to be let go for the most part. I had my own life to focus on, and with all the different counseling sessions Susan had scheduled for me, I was busier than I cared to be.
“Don’t you think once a week is plenty?” I asked when she told me I was going to go three times.
“I’m just worried about you. I mean, you go through so much at school, and you’ve been through so much already. I’m hoping you find someone you can open up to – you know, about everything,” she said.
“I don’t really want to open up to someone about everything if you know what I mean,” I told her.
“Well, I think you’re going to like the new therapist. Her name is Leslie Bones, and she’s the same woman I went to see a while back,” Susan said.
“You went to see a therapist?” I asked in surprise. “For what?”
“We all go through a lot of trouble in life, and some of us need the extra support,” Susan said. “This one is really good at getting you to open up about how you feel about things that happened to you before. Things you really don’t want to talk to anyone about, and you can rest assured she’s not going to share anything you say with anyone.”
“I thought that was the rule with all therapists,” I said.
“I know and it is, but I can tell you have trust issues, and I have a feeling that part of those issues come from the fact that you’ve had your secrets spread about more than you care to have them spread,” Susan replied with a nod. “So will you go to Leslie, for me?”
I thought about it for a second. I really didn’t want to go to another therapist, but there was something about the idea that Susan had gone to this one that made me feel better, as though this one did know what she was talking about. I sighed.
“If it will make you happy, then I’ll give her a shot, but does that mean I can get rid of one of the others?” I asked. “I really don’t like talking to all these people about all these things.”
“If you will go and you decide you like her, then I will let you get rid of both of the others,” Susan promised. “You can just talk to Leslie and see what she has to say. I’m sure she would be happy to see you twice a week if we feel that’s necessary.”
“I’m sure it won’t be,” I told her. Susan gave me a warm smile in the rearview mirror and I sighed, doing my best to ignore her.
“You never know what’s going to happen when you find the person you can really open up to and be yourself around, and I think Leslie is one of those people. It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through or what you’re going through, she understands and she doesn’t judge,” Susan said.
“You make it sound like I’m on drugs,” I told her as I rolled my eyes. She laughed.
“You aren’t, and I hope we never get to that point. That’s the other thing I really like about Leslie. She’s not going to throw another prescription at you to try to make you feel better when you don’t feel good i
nside.”
“Oh boy,” I replied.
I sat back in the chair and looked out the window, wishing that I didn’t have to go to yet another therapist. But, Susan insisted that I go to as many as I could until I found the right one, and that had to be the one she approved of. I tried to tell her more than once that she wasn’t the one who should be picking out my therapist, but it didn’t help.
She was convinced we would know the right one when I started acting like I felt better. Little did she know after all the trauma that I had gone through in life, there was little chance I was going to feel better, and I didn’t care who I had to talk to to prove that to her.
I could go on tv and talk to some famous host for all I cared. I wasn’t going to feel better after being bullied and facing the reality that my parents were murdered. I still wanted the answers to that, and I wanted the bullying to stop.
Sitting in a chair and talking about my feelings with a stranger for an hour wasn’t going to end any of that. She might tell me how to deal with the feelings that I had, but it wasn’t going to change the fact that my parents were dead and I had to go back to a school where the kids were mean to me.
And I didn’t even want to get into the fact I had a crush on my childhood bully, who I also lived with and who my foster mom forbade me from seeing. There were so many things going on in my brain, I didn’t see how going to a new therapist would possibly make a difference in my life.
But, a promise was a promise, and if I could at least pretend to like this one, then I could maybe get rid of some of the others who were driving me crazy. All I wanted was to cut down on the counseling sessions and live a much more normal life.
But, for now, it certainly didn’t seem like that was going to happen.
Not when Susan was in charge of my schedule anyway.
“I think that this was a very productive session,” Leslie said after the hour slowly ticked by. “I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share some of those things with me, and I hope you will want to meet with me again in the future.”