by Shouji Gatou
“So, here’s the plan, fumo,” Moffle said. “If Seiya gives his permission, I’ll make up a shift chart with the available cast. That’s going to change our May schedule, so I’ll need your answer soon, fumo.”
“Right,” Seiya decided. “Let’s give it a try, then.”
For the first day, Seiya’s stand-in was Isuzu. After all, she was already a student at Amagi High School, and she knew Seiya there. That made her a safe choice to test out the concept.
Even so, Isuzu thought as she passed through the school gate that morning, It is a strange feeling... To go to school looking like Kanie-kun, whom I see every day... She stared at herself in the glass door of the entryway. Her reflection was clearly that of Kanie Seiya.
The Gulley Suit that the Mogute clan had made the night before really was a perfect replica. It was a magic item, so it didn’t even matter that her height and physique were different from his; her sight line had even increased to match Seiya’s greater height.
Ah, this isn’t good. I’m standing pigeon-toed. She tried standing with feet shoulder-width apart and parallel, but that wasn’t right, either. That wasn’t the kind of man he was; he was elegant, simultaneously manly and graceful...
It’s difficult... Perhaps she had to fix her posture. Shoulders front, back straight. Always look down at others, like you’re better than they are...
But that was only part of being Kanie Seiya; in truth, he could often be seen brooding over difficult questions, as well. Eyes downward, brows knitted, like you’re perpetually annoyed about something... Yes, that should do it...
Even so, it seemed a bit off. This wasn’t quite how he appeared when she looked at him. He was a bit kinder, more gentle—no, perhaps she was overthinking it. Although I do think he acts a bit different when he’s talking to me...
“Kanie-senpai?” A sudden voice from behind caused Isuzu to start. It was Chujo Shiina, the girl who had performed at the live show on the first day of Golden Week. She had done them a great service on that day, but since she was just a part-time worker, nobody had told her about the stand-in plan.
“Oh... m-morning, Chujo-san.” Ah, she’d already messed up.
“Wh-What?”
“I mean, Chujo. Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?” She tried to recover, but Shiina remained confused.
“Um... it’s pretty cloudy, actually...” In fact, it was starting to drizzle. The weather was gross and overcast.
“Well, never mind that,” Isuzu said. “What did you want?”
“I saw you fidgeting around,” said Shiina, “so I got worried, that’s all. Are you okay?”
“Of course I am. There is nothing at all—er, that is to say, I’m fine.”
“Ahh.”
Isuzu took a deep breath, then righted her posture in front of Shiina. “At any rate, look at me. What do you think?”
“Huh? I don’t know what to say,” Shiina said. “You look like you, Kanie-senpai.”
“I see. Good to hear it.” Satisfied, she cleared her throat. To be honest, speaking like Seiya made her feel a bit like a Takurazuka performer. It was unsettling, but she assured herself that it was the right thing to do.
“I guess if anything, you seem to be in a pretty good mood,” Shiina was saying.
“...Do I?”
“Yes. Normally, you just ignore me.”
“D-Do I?”
“...You do. But, so, um... I-I’m happy that you... didn’t today.” Shiina stopped talking then, and ran quickly to her shoe cupboard. Was it just Isuzu’s imagination that her cheeks seemed a bit red?
Kanie-kun. How do you usually interact with this girl? Shaking herself out of her stupor, Isuzu headed for her own class’s shoe cupboards. ...Rather, for Seiya’s class’s shoe cupboards. She opened the door marked “Kanie,” and... inside were Seiya’s slippers and an envelope.
“......” Actually, to just call it an envelope wouldn’t be quite accurate; it was a pale pink and sealed with a blue heart-shaped sticker.
Oh dear. She couldn’t let anyone else see this—it was like finding a bomb. Isuzu stuffed the letter into her bag, then headed for the classroom as if nothing had happened. She was trying so hard to act casual that she didn’t even think twice about putting on Seiya’s slippers.
It was a rather old-fashioned love letter:
I’ve loved you since first year.
I don’t care what anyone says. I know you’re a good person. Even though we’re in different classes, I’m always watching you from afar.
I can see the loneliness in your eyes sometimes.
When I see it, I can’t help but stare.
I feel like you’re always looking at something just over the horizon.
You probably think this is stupid, but I’m actually very serious.
I want to stand by your side and help you to achieve your goals.
I’m sorry. I know this is strange.
But if it’s all right with you, I want to tell you how I feel.
I’ll be waiting for you behind the gym after class.
As she read through the letter secretly in class, Isuzu thought: Behind the gym, in this day and age? Is this a trap by some 70s delinquent gang?
Just what did this person hope to achieve by writing an anonymous letter? How did she expect it not to be ignored out of hand? The love letter was handwritten, clearly by a woman. Isuzu would have preferred it if it had been a prank, but the writing seemed unfortunately sincere.
Still, this letter... She found it strangely annoying. The way the writer was acting as if she understood Kanie Seiya... The arrogance of it. The presumption. The sense of “I’m the only one who understands your true worth.”
Of course, you had to have a certain amount of gall to ask a worthless man like Kanie-kun out on a date. The feeling of stumbling upon a rare and valuable curio in an old pawn shop was one Isuzu could understand... but it was the writer’s certainty that stuck in her craw.
Liking him because he was “a good person?” This woman’s ideas about romance were far too simplistic. Not that this was a problem for teenagers, usually... but it nagged at her. Because it was all superficial, wasn’t it? He was a handsome man, and therefore, this girl had convinced herself that he was something he wasn’t.
Well, you’ve missed the mark, Isuzu thought. That smug handsome face of Kanie-kun’s is the most hateful part of him. It isn’t where his true appeal lies. Of course, you couldn’t possibly understand—She caught herself, then. Ah, no, no. Why am I feeling such animosity towards this woman? I need to approach this with a neutral mindset. Now... what should I do?
It would be simple enough to take a picture of the love letter, send it to Kanie Seiya, and wait for instruction. After all, she was his secretary, and that would fall under her duties to report, contact, and advise. Even so...
Maybe she should wait to report to him after meeting the girl and ascertaining her intentions? Would bothering him with unnecessary trouble not be the true failure in her duty as secretary? Yes, she told herself, it absolutely would. At any rate, she decided, I won’t report it just yet.
After class, she was met behind the gym by a very attractive girl. She was in second year, like Isuzu, with alluring eyes and hair that hung just past her shoulders, beautifully slender legs, and attractive curves. Isuzu didn’t know her name, but she had seen her in the halls several times before.
“Ah... Kanie-kun,” the girl said hesitantly. “I’m Tsuchida Kanae from class one. I’m sorry for giving you that letter out of the blue like that. I’ve been worrying myself sick about it all day...”
“Ah, it’s no issue,” Isuzu, dressed in her Seiya costume, responded noncommittally. She felt a bit guilty, but she reassured herself that she was just doing her job.
“...I thought that maybe I should just forget the whole thing and run away,” Kanae confessed. “B-But I realized I couldn’t do that. It would be too irresponsible.”
“I see...” Maybe she should pretend to be a bit mo
re nervous? But she couldn’t do it. She felt utterly indifferent. It was taking everything she had to keep from saying “Oh, whatever.”
Isuzu had once seen a segment on a variety show called Grilling Cheating Husbands! The Wives and the Mistresses Have it Out! The mistresses would try to turn the blame on the wives by saying things like “He’s lonely!” and the thing the wife always said in response was, “Oh, whatever.”
Isuzu wanted to employ that same “Oh, whatever” right now. She was also feeling annoyed at Seiya, even though he had done nothing wrong.
Attracting a woman like this... Kanie-kun, perhaps you should watch yourself more carefully? Isuzu thought critically. No, stop that, stop it... I am his secretary. I need to be cool, composed, and impartial.
“And?” she asked the girl neutrally.
“I’m sorry!” The girl, Tsuchida Kanae, bowed at a 90 degree angle. “I meant to put it into Kimura-kun’s cupboard in class five, but I accidentally slipped it into yours in class four... I really am sorry!”
“Eh?”
“So, um... that letter, it... it wasn’t meant for you. I really am... um... very sorry...”
Isuzu just stood there for a moment, stunned, then finally straightened up. “Er... you mean to say that you didn’t come here to ask me out?”
“That’s right. I’m v-very sorry...” Tsuchida Kanae looked up again, her eyes filled with tears. She was rather charming, Isuzu had to admit. She began to feel sorry for her. “Y-You’re mad, right? I figured you would be. I really... I really wanted to apologize...”
“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” All of Isuzu’s anxieties washed away. She felt utterly cleansed.
“Eh?” Tsuchida Kanae was bewildered.
“Mistakes happen,” Isuzu clarified. “You sent the letter anonymously, so you could have just run away. It’s admirable that you came to apologize instead. I’m impressed.” She found herself speaking ‘Kanie Seiya’ with strange fluency, even though imitating him had felt strangely unsettling, previously.
“Y-You forgive me?”
“Of course I do,” Isuzu affirmed. “Tsuchida Kanae, you are an honest person.”
“Ah...” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “Thank you so much! I... I... I was so afraid that you would yell at me... I’m... I’m glad I put the letter in the wrong box.”
“...? Ahh. Well... it’s fine. Anyway... I hope things go well with the other man. I’ll be cheering for you, all right?”
“Yes. No. Yes,” the girl fretted. “No. ...Oh, what should I do...?”
“...?” Isuzu didn’t know what to say. Tsuchida Kanae’s behavior had taken an odd turn, and her choice of words was strange.
The girl’s fear was gone, but now she seemed flushed—was it Isuzu’s imagination that her body language was a bit coquettish? “Are you all right?”
“Ah, yes! I’m fine!” Kanae gushed. “Well... g-goodbye! See you later!”
“Ah, sure.”
Tsuchida Kanae bowed deeply and then ran off. Isuzu muttered to herself as she watched her run away. “...‘Later’?”
That night, Isuzu stopped by the park’s rooftop garden, where she found Latifah and Seiya talking with teacups in hand. The mood between them was a tranquil one.
Seiya had emailed her earlier to tell her that thanks to her filling in, he’d been able to sleep until late morning for the first time in a long time. Normally he was busy even on weekends and holidays because of the park, so he hadn’t gotten a proper night’s sleep in a while.
Perhaps because of that, there was none of the usual annoyance in his face. Or maybe he was always this way in front of Princess Latifah?
“Oh, Isuzu-san.” Latifah had been giggling, but spoke up when she noticed Isuzu’s presence. She could tell people apart just from the sound of their feet on the flagstones.
“Your Highness,” Isuzu greeted her.
“Kanie-sama is such a very funny person. Listen to this... When he eats shortcake, he tries to keep the strawberry balanced on top for as long as he can!”
She looked and saw Seiya shaving away at his shortcake, taking great pains to keep the large strawberry on top from falling. It looked like a boulder balanced precariously on top of a spire.
“Hmm...” he pondered. “Is it that strange?”
“Oh, it is!” Latifah laughed.
“Maybe it is.” His manner was rather playful; it was a side of him that Isuzu rarely saw.
Isuzu spoke, trying to keep from sounding too depressed. “I am glad to hear it, Your Highness. ...Kanie-kun, a moment?”
“If it’s about school, you can talk about it here,” he told her. “Have a cup of tea with us.”
“Yes. I made some for you too, Isuzu-san.” Latifah smiled brightly as she poured the tea.
“Right. In that case...”
She sat down, took the cup of tea from Latifah, and then summarized the day’s events: the people she had talked to, the contents of her conversations, and various minor events she had made sure to commit to memory. She didn’t tell him about the love letter, though. It didn’t seem worth talking about... and besides, it was already dealt with.
“Hmm. It sounds like things went smoothly,” Seiya said, sounding satisfied. “I have to say, since it was a Macaron/Tiramii idea, I’d been keeping expectations low... But it sounds like this might really work.”
“Yes,” Isuzu affirmed. “Your complete lack of friends will be our saving grace.”
“Grr...”
Latifah quickly interrupted. “I-It does sound as though it might work! Of course, it would be preferable if you could attend school yourself, but...”
“There’s no need to worry, Your Highness,” Isuzu said reassuringly. “His presence at school could not be more insignificant.”
“Quit sniping at me!” Seiya snapped.
“Indeed, Isuzu-san, you should be more careful with your words,” Latifah rebuked her gently. “You should perhaps rephrase it as ‘Nobody will care if Kanie-sama is not in school.’”
“That’s not actually any better...” His objection to Latifah was much more gentle.
Isuzu found it a bit unfair, but she changed the subject without showing her resentment. “...Macaron will be your stand-in tomorrow, so I’ll make my report to him now. Excuse me.”
“High school, eh? That takes me back, ron,” Macaron whispered, gazing into the distance. Isuzu had just given him her report about serving as Seiya’s stand-in. “I got up to so much dumb stuff back then, ron. You know Lubba-Dubba Melody High School in Maple Land? That low-class school for losers?”
“I believe I’ve heard of it,” she responded politely. “It has frequent problems with violence, doesn’t it?” Isuzu knew Lubba-Dubba Melody High because it had been the next district over from her own school, the Royal Guard Cadet Corps. She’d heard things had calmed down there recently (relatively speaking) but back in the day it had, apparently, been quite a hellscape.
LubDub High, a school full of roughnecks all waiting for their next brawl... It was infamous enough that there was a delinquent manga based off of it—it was called Roar, LubDub High! and it was popular all throughout Maple Land.
“I went there, ron. Well, got expelled from it, actually...”
“...I see.”
“I sort of picked a fight with another school,” he explained. “Look, I’d tried to keep things from getting to that point, but they kept going after my underclassmen... even sent one to the hospital. As the head of the crew, they didn’t leave me much choice. I found me a steel pipe and went off to dish out some punishment. But I was by myself, so things got pretty hairy, ron.”
“Ahh...”
“By the end, a few of my pals showed up and had my back, so we managed to do what we needed to... but the school found out and I got expelled. On my last day, all the guys came out to see me off, in tears. They were stupid as hell, but they were good guys at heart, ron. I wonder what they’re up to now...”
An old man’s stories ab
out “my wild past.” There was no more annoying subject for a young woman to listen to. While Isuzu’s eyes glazed over, Macaron told a few more war stories.
“Anyway, I think it’s good to let a little of the wicked out during your youth, ron. Though I guess you wouldn’t understand that, eh, Isuzu-chan?”
“I am incapable of caring less,” she responded.
“I see.” Macaron shrugged, not looking particularly hurt. “After my expulsion, I didn’t have much choice but to join the army, ron. Now, boot camp came with its own set of experiences. There was this one time when...”
“Enough. Just try not to cause any problems tomorrow,” Isuzu cut him off, then began preparing to head home.
The next morning, Macaron put on the Gulley Body Suit (Upgraded) to take Kanie’s appearance, then headed for Amagi High school. It was a weekday and, as it happened, there weren’t any large groups coming in that week. That meant business at Macaron’s attraction would be slow enough that another cast member could put on a costume and fill in for him.
It’s just an ordinary high school in the mortal world, he told himself. No delinquent eat-or-be-eaten here. He could probably just keep his head down and relax the day away.
Macaron arrived at school a little early. Then after ditching his bag in the classroom, he went out into the halls, hoping to get a smoke in before class started. He pulled a Marlboro from his pocket and wandered around, looking for a smoking area. The students he passed shot him icy glances.
He tried addressing a random boy. “Hey. Where’s the smoking area?”
“Um, we’re in school... and you’re too young to smoke... Look, just leave me out of it, okay?” the boy said, before rushing away.