by Sarah Piper
“I’m fine. Just getting a little lost in these old books.” I rest my hand on the most recent one I’ve been reading—a particularly dense tome with gilded pages and a cream-colored leather cover, cracked and peeling. There’s no author name, and the contents are all hand-written.
“Journey Through the Void of Mist and Spirit.” Professor Phaines peers at the title over the top of his glasses. “I don’t think I’ve read it. What do you make of it?”
“Still trying to work that out,” I say. “None of the pages seem to be missing, but it reads as if half the contents were either removed at some point, or never written at all.”
“But you say there are no pages missing?”
“It doesn’t look like it. They’re numbered consecutively, and the binding looks intact. But on each individual page, the sentences themselves seem unfinished. Like someone had a thought, and just gave up halfway.”
I shake my head. You’d think I’d be used to that style by now—Mom’s grimoire is the same way. Most of her spells sound half-baked, and her journal entries are just as confusing. I wonder if she was inspired by this book—some hot minimalist trend in spellbooks.
I laugh at the thought. “All part of the mystery, right? Part of the fun of cracking the code.”
“Indeed, Stevie.” He smiles at me, his eyes twinkling. “The more time you spend with these books, with your mother’s prophecies, the more comfortable you’ll become at understanding their meanings. Every witch and mage develops their own personal language—you will too, in time. Maybe someday a couple of eager researchers will be sitting in these very chairs, reading over your prophecies.”
“If that’s the case, I hope they don’t scare easily.”
Professor Phaines chuckles, but then his eyes turn serious. “Any more progress on connecting the Dark Arcana legends with your mother’s work? With the larger threats?”
“Not yet,” I tell him. I might have a different answer if Kirin were around to help, but that ship has clearly sailed, and I’m on my own. “I’m still trying to connect all the dots. And there are a lot of dots.”
“As many as the stars in the sky.” He taps the book, meeting my gaze across the table once more. “Stevie, I want you to know that I’m here for you if you need help. Especially with Kirin otherwise occupied, you can lean on me anytime.”
I return his kind smile. “I know. And I appreciate that. But you have your own research, too.”
“We all need each other, Stevie. Community, family— that’s how we survive. Especially witches and mages.”
“And candy-sneakers.” I wink, then take a deep breath, deciding to take him up on his offer.
Besides, it’s not like anyone else has been particularly forthcoming on this matter.
Looking at you, Dr. Devane.
“Professor Phaines, have you ever heard of something called the Book of Shadow and Mists?”
“Oh, yes,” he says, his brow furrowing, transforming his face from wise old grandpa to serious professor in an instant. “It’s part of the deeper legends of the Dark Arcana. It’s said that the Book of Shadow and Mists will unlock the arcane spells protecting the sacred objects, thereby making their secret location known.”
I bite my lower lip, trying to remember what Kirin and I had learned about that spell. “Kirin and I read something a little different.”
“That’s to be expected. The legends all differ, which is part of the reason the truth is so hard to pin down. What did you read?”
“Well, it didn’t mention the Book of Shadow and Mists by name, so I didn’t even think about it at the time. But in terms of the spell itself… It sounded like whoever had the objects in his possession already—along with something called the blood of the world—could then use an arcane spell to somehow claim magick for himself. Basically, to take control. But the version you mentioned makes it sound like you’d need the spell first, in order to find the objects.”
“Yes, that was always my understanding of the legend. But like I said, there are often many, many versions, passed on through generations and translated with many twists and turns along the way.”
“Do you think they’re talking about the same spell?”
“I do,” he says thoughtfully. “There are enough similarities in the story to suggest it could be one in the same.”
“Something to consider, I guess.” I make a note to ask Kirin about it later, but then cross it out, and make a note to myself instead.
“Tell me, Stevie,” Professor Phaines says. “Where did you read about the Book of Shadow and Mists, if not in the research you found with Kirin? The old scribes were notoriously superstitious—it’s rarely ever mentioned in the accounts by name. I only know about it from oral tradition—in fact, I’m working on my own transcription as part of my research, but it’s slow and painstaking, as you might imagine.”
“If it’s anything like this job, I understand, and you have my sympathies.”
“It’s a labor of love,” he says. “Well, and now one of urgency, perhaps, if your visions are any indication.”
I take a breath to tell him where I’d first heard the term, but then change my mind. I’m not sure why exactly, but I don’t want him to think I’m basing my scholarly research off the rantings of a dream visit from my dead mother. My so-called visions about the apocalypse are crazy enough.
As with so many things lately, I need more information first.
“I’m not sure,” I hedge. “I must’ve come across it in my research, or maybe in my mother’s notes. At the time I guess I just figured it was another name for a witch’s grimoire—like a book of shadows. But now that I’m getting more comfortable with the Tarot symbols, I’m starting to go back through everything again with a fine-toothed comb, see if there are any details Kirin and I missed the first time.”
“An excellent scientific approach,” he says confidently. Then, checking his phone, “Oh! I’m afraid I’ve got another matter to attend to. Headmistress Trello is quite demanding—don’t tell her I said that.”
“All of your secrets are safe with me,” I say.
Professor Phaines chuckles, then rises from his chair, bending across the table to place a kind hand on mine. “Great work, Stevie. Keep digging, keep questioning, keep exercising that beautiful, magickal mind of yours. We are making excellent progress.”
“Thank you—I agree. And if I come across the reference to the Book of Shadow and Mists again, I’ll be sure to let you know.”
“Yes, I’d be interested in hearing if there’s any connection to your mother’s readings. Regardless, if you have any other questions, don’t hesitate to ask me.”
Questions? I almost laugh.
Where the hell has Kirin been, and why is he avoiding me? Why did he make me feel literal sparks and lightning, only to disappear on me like that?
“Will do,” I say with another forced smile, watching him leave.
Wiped out from all the brainpower—not to mention the obsessing about Kirin—I pack up my notes for the day and head home, hoping to catch Isla and Nat for an early dinner.
Whatever happened between me and Kirin in the library that night—whatever sparks kindled between us this summer at Kettle Black—I have to let that go. He doesn’t want that with me, and I never should’ve let things go as far as they did.
With this in mind, and a newfound appreciation for the rules of my heart I so blatantly disregarded, I take all of my previous feelings for Kirin, fold them into a little stack, and stick them in the very bottom drawer of my mind, a dusty old book of myths and legends better left forgotten.
Forty-Four
BAZ
I can’t get her out of my head. Not ideal, circumstances being what they are.
I wish I could tell her as much. Wish I could wrap her up in my arms, kiss her until she can’t see straight.
I wish we could finish what we started out on the rocks that day, before Emory showed up and blew my life to shit.
Well, not
my whole life. But the Stevie part of my life, which I was just starting to enjoy.
Now Carly’s got me locked into this bullshit deal with her parents…
And there she is. Walking down the path toward Flame and Fury, probably meeting up with Ani. At least she can still count on him, which is more than I can say for the rest of us fucking degenerates.
Brotherhood, my ass. She’s one of us. We should be sticking together.
“Baz?”
Fuck, she saw me. No use trying to play it off now.
I step out of the shadows, give her a smile. Shove my hands into my pockets to keep myself from touching her.
“Hey,” I say, real fucking smooth-talker. I try to maintain eye contact, try to feign polite disinterest, but she’s wearing tight black leather pants that hug her delicious curves, and a silky low-cut number with sequins on it that’s basically a death trap for my eyes.
One look, and I’m about to fall in headfirst.
“What are you up to tonight?” I ask, because if I don’t say something inane, I might just say something real, and then we’ll all be up a river of shit.
“I’m supposed to meet those guys for karaoke. Ani and them,” she says, but her heart’s not in it. I can see it in her eyes, staring up at me with the same deep well of desire I feel in mine.
Talk me out of it, she seems to be saying. Give me a reason to bail.
“I thought you couldn’t sing,” I say.
“How’d you hear that?”
“You told me the first day we met.”
“Oh, right. I’m surprised you remembered.”
“I remember everything about you, Little Bird.”
She’s smiling now, a soft blush creeping into her cheeks. But then it fades, and she frowns like she just got a whiff of something unpleasant.
Fucking Kirin.
Fucking me.
“Where have you been, anyway?” she asks. “I haven’t seen you outside of class much. We haven’t… hung out.”
“Yeah. Just… busy.”
Disappointment flashes in her eyes. Maybe a little hurt.
Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part. Not because I want to hurt her, but because it would mean she thought of me. Wanted to hang out.
So I’m standing there with my dick in my hand, trying to figure out one decent thing to say to the woman, one thing that isn’t fuck all this shit, just come back to my room with me and we’ll start over, when out of nowhere she grabs the front of my jacket.
“If you don’t tell me to stop right now,” she says, “I’m going to kiss you.”
And I’m looking down into those eyes, the deep well of them, and remembering the taste of her creamy skin, the feel of her nipple on my tongue, and I’m so hard for her I’m about to lose it right here.
Fuck it.
I lean in close to meet her. Her breath hitches. My heart’s doing double time.
My lips brush against hers for the briefest instant, fucking bliss, and then there’s a dark shadow looming over us both, and I look up to find Carly.
She rolls her eyes at me, then comes around and grabs my arm, putting on her innocent face.
“Oh, hey, Stevie. You look… available.” Then she looks up at me and goes, “Come on, Baz! We have reservations, remember?”
I feel Stevie’s sigh, the weight of her frustration settling over my shoulders as she waits for me to send Carly away, or make some pithy comment.
But Carly’s got her arm around me, holding me close, and this time, there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
A deal is a deal.
If her parents weren’t so powerful, and mine weren’t so deplorable…
Wishes and dreams. Ashes and dust.
But we can’t choose the families we’re born into any more than we can choose our magickal affinities. Sometimes you hit the lotto. Other times you hit rock bottom.
Your only choice is to figure out what to do from there. Both can be opportunities, both can be death sentences.
Right now, I’m still trying to decide where I fall.
“Have fun at karaoke,” I tell her, holding her gaze for just a little too long. “Maybe we’ll see you there later.”
She’s holding my gaze, too. And when Carly turns around, I stay focused on Stevie, just one more second.
“I kind of hate you sometimes,” she whispers.
“I know.” I offer a sad smile. “I kind of hate me, too.”
Forty-Five
ANSEL
“So you hate Baz, but you also kind of like him? And you like Kirin, but he’s driving you crazy?”
“Exactly.” Stevie passes me the carton of veggie lo mein. “See, this is why you’re so perfect, Ani. You get it. You don’t try to overcomplicate things. You don’t make excuses. You don’t think with your dick.”
“No, my dick has much better things to do.”
We’ve just hiked to the top of the Cauldron of Flame and Fury for a Saturday picnic, and now we’re sitting on a blanket on the rim with a breathtaking view of the canyon below, the pool of red water at the bottom sparkling in the sunlight.
Everything about the day is pretty much bang-on perfect—I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than run around outside with a cute girl who laughs at my corny jokes and kicks my ass all the way up the trail.
Except for maybe run around outside with a cute girl who isn’t obsessing over my best friends.
Not that I blame her. Kirin and Baz… hell, if I swung that way, they’d be tops on my list too.
But right now, I kind of want to toss both their asses into this canyon for the mind games they’re playing with Stevie.
And I hate violence of any sort, so that’s definitely saying something.
“Sorry I was such a downer at karaoke last night,” she says, probably for the fifth time today. “I really did want to sing I Will Survive with you, I just didn’t want that jerkface to think I was singing about him.”
“I told you, stop worrying about it. One day, when you least expect it, I’ll spring a new song on you, and you won’t be able to say no. I’m thinking… rap.”
“I won’t let you down. Make your ears bleed, maybe, but I won’t bail out on you.”
I open up the beef and broccoli, let her have the first few bites.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she says, passing it back to me. “Okay, I have this personal rule. I don’t get romantically involved with anyone I really like.”
“Um. Okay, that makes basically no sense, but hey—you do you, boo.”
“I’m just risk-averse with stuff like that—relationships or whatever. Which makes Baz the perfect candidate, because there’s no way I could possibly like him, unlike Kirin, who I can’t seem to stop liking, no matter how hard I try. But with Baz, I knew right from the first time I met him. I thought, hey, here’s a guy you definitely don’t want to get involved with. Except now I think I kind of do. And also, still with the Kirin obsessing…” She lies back on the blanket and covers her face with her hands. “What is wrong with me?”
“Wait. Slow down.” My head is spinning, and it’s not from the exertion of the hike or the overdose on Chinese food. “First of all, perfect candidate for what? You just said you don’t do involvements.”
“For… you know. Non-involvements.”
“Friends with benefits,” I clarify. “Fuck buddies, booty calls, midnight marauders.”
“Thanks, walking sex thesaurus.”
I set aside the food and lie down next to her. “Serious question: How does one declare his candidacy for something like that, anyway? Is there a nomination process? An early vote? Can I get on the ballot?”
“Ani!” She smacks me on the arm, her laughter swirling around me like a warm bath. I swear, being near her makes me want to write poems about birds or run barefoot through a field of flowers.
Completely mental.
“My Tarot cards keep telling me to run far, far away. Like, every time I ask lately, I
draw the standard He’s Just Not Into You starter pack. Ten of Swords, Three of Swords, Eight of Cups, The Tower. If Professor Nakata ever reads my journal…” She does a mock shudder. “I don’t think I’ve written so much emo word vomit since high school. Early high school. And I’m still completely torn.”
“Over Kirin and Baz?”
“Told you I’m crazy. What should I do, Ani?” She turns over on her hip, facing me, looking at me like I’m the wise older brother with all the answers.
It’s a kick in the balls, to be honest. That look says it all. I’m in the big-brother zone, which is even worse than the friend zone, because at least friends have a chance at evolving into something else. Big brother? Nowhere to go from there.
“Stevie, first of all, you’re not crazy. Maybe you should just… I don’t know. Date both of them? Why does it have to be a big drama?”
“What? That’s so shady! You guys are all basically best friends. And even if they were total strangers… no. I can’t sneak around like that.”
“I’m not saying you should sneak around. I’m saying—brace yourself, super cutting-edge concept here—talk to them about your feelings and see what happens from there. Maybe you can come up with a casual arrangement. They might surprise you.”
Why am I encouraging this? I should tell her to listen to her cards, run far away from both of them. And me. And Cass.
But the truth is, she’s always going to come back. The five of us are bonded, whether she knows it or not.
“Ani, if you think any guy would be okay with sharing—even casually—you’re even more optimistic than I thought. Which is something I totally love about you, so don’t go changin’ or anything. But seriously.”
Which I totally love about you…
Okay, I’m an idiot. I know it. I can feel the idiotness rising up inside, consuming me whole, yet I’m powerless to stop it.