“Aqua’s blessings on you for safe travels! Blessing!”
I bowed my head as I received his spell. It was perhaps the first time I’d seen the old perv act like a real priest.
Yunyun, sitting beside me, said hesitantly, “U-um…! Mr. Zesta, could I also have a blessing…?”
“Peh!”
“Hey!”
Zesta only spat on the ground. I guess he was still sore about the lightning bolt and about the fact that Yunyun had delivered the prediction that had caused him so much trouble. For the soon-to-be high priest of the entire Axis Church, he wasn’t exactly mature.
I tried to comfort Yunyun, meanwhile giving a lopsided grin to Zesta and Cecily. Cecily, obviously sorry to see me go, handed me something. It was a surprisingly heavy pouch. Some kind of farewell gift, I was sure.
“I really didn’t do much,” I objected. “I can’t accept—”
“Oh, take it. You’ll need it… Come on! Just take it. Kids don’t have to pretend they don’t want gifts!”
…Here I thought she was just a pervy lady, but at the very last moment, she did something like this. Filled with remorse, I opened the mouth of the bag and looked in. As I’d expected, it was full of slips of paper.
…They didn’t quite look like normal eris bills, though…
Curious, I took a closer look.
Confession of Faith in the Axis Church.
“Put those to work when you get to Axel!”
I flung the bag of papers at my “elder sister.”
“Everyone ready? The carriage to Axel will be departing shortly!” the man in the driver’s seat called.
Axel, the town for novice adventurers. That would be my first base of operations, the place where I could find some companions. I hoped I could get a party full of other advanced-class adventurers, people who would appreciate my talents. A group with a bold, trustworthy leader. A stiff, stalwart defender. A compassionate healer. With my brilliant intellect for strategy and ability to one-shot just about anything, I would make the perfect addition.
And so, as I dreamed of the future…
“All aboard! Carriage for Axel, leaving town!”
Thus, I set off for Axel, the city of adventurers…
INTERLUDE THEATRE: ACT IV
Lady Aqua, I’m So Happy!
I was in the kitchen at the Axis Church. I smiled as brightly as Lady Aqua while I did the dishes.
“What has come over you today, Cecily? You seem to be in such a fine mood,” Lord Zesta said, grinning as widely as I was. “Normally, your smile looks more like someone who’s gotten away with a crime, but today it’s different somehow.”
“I’m going to throw soap in your eyes, Lord Zesta… Hoo-hoo, you want to know why I’m in such a good mood? I suppose you would like to know, wouldn’t you? Oh, what to do!”
“…Eh, I’m going to go take a bath. Good luck with those dishes!”
“Lord Zesta, you can’t ask a question and then just walk away!” I grabbed the hem of his vestments as he made to leave. “…As it happens, I have a date to bathe with Megumin later.”
“Hrk?!”
My little brag stopped Lord Zesta in his tracks. He took a deep breath: “…Cecily, my dear. Are you suggesting that you and that little wizard girl are going to be in the tub together, trading banter and washing each other’s backs?”
“I sure am. This is my reward from Lady Aqua for working so hard to make life difficult for the Eris Church every day!” I declared, excited, but for some reason, Lord Zesta just smiled.
“My dear Cecily. You seem to be forgetting something! Who’s on main-spring cleaning duty today? …Ah yes, it’s you!”
“?!” That sent me into a panic.
“It is I whom the great Lady Aqua has rewarded this day! Since you have work to attend to, I will simply need to take your place…”
“That makes no sense, Lord Zesta! I swear, you’ll just get arrested! O-oh yes! Do you like gelatinous slime, Lord Zesta?! I happen to have bought a mountain of it! Grape flavor, no less…!” I pulled out the bag of slime I’d hidden in the kitchen, desperate to use it as a bribe to get him to trade cleaning shifts with me.
Lord Zesta held out a hand. “Cecily. I have a proposition.”
“A proposition? …No! You can’t mean…my luscious, well-endowed body…?!”
“You’re right, Cecily, I certainly don’t. Rather… If you want to take that bath with Megumin and— Well! You know what I’m saying, don’t you?!”
I saw the way he was quivering, and I did indeed understand. “…I see. Yes, I know! Leave it to me!”
“That’s my Cecily. I knew you were a quick study! Leave that main spring to me! I’ll clean it from top to bottom! And in exchange, you…well, you know. When it comes to Megumin… Make sure you don’t miss a single detail…”
“Of course, of course I won’t, Lord Zesta! You don’t have to say another word! Naughty ol’ Cecily is on the case! Now I’m off to the bath!” I made a gesture of thanks in his direction.
“It’s in your hands, my dear Cecily! …Oh, and one more thing. I’ve never, er, actually cleaned the main spring before. Where’s the baking soda we use to clean the bathtubs…?”
I was too excited to pay any attention to what Lord Zesta was saying, though. “Megumin, Megumin, Megumin, Megumiiiiin! Just you wait. Your big sis Cecily is coming to clean you from head to…!
“C-Cecily, the baking soda… Is this it?! Is this the right bag?!”
Lord Zesta was shouting something, but I was already rushing out of the kitchen.
I was amazed to discover that Lord Zesta liked counting tiles as much as I did. I thought I was the only one who counted the tiles while I was cleaning the baths—it made the day pass before you knew it.
I would have to be sure to tell him exactly how many tiles I had counted after I got back from the bath.
Lady Aqua, I’m so happy!
1
The carriage rattled along. “What strange people they were…,” I murmured to myself. When I looked back out the window, I could see the city of Arcanletia receding into the distance.
The Axis Church: a religious organization feared even by the Demon King. I was sure that what I had seen had been nothing more than one small part of what the Church really was. Yes, they had been very peculiar indeed, but it still stung to say good-bye to them.
I was just getting into a good funk when I felt a tug on my sleeve. It was Yunyun, sitting beside me.
I wonder if she feels the same way I do…
“What’s up, Megumin? Is there some strange thing or interesting creature out there? I want to see, too.”
So much for an upswell of emotion.
“…You can be strikingly childish, Yunyun. Here I was just feeling so melancholy…”
“Ch-childish?! Now, just a second! I’m more developed than— Huh?! Why are you sighing?!”
I ignored Yunyun as she violently shook my shoulders; I continued gazing out the window.
We were on our way to Axel, the town for novice adventurers. This oversize carriage could seat five across, so there were ten passengers in here including Yunyun and me. I had managed to claim a window seat, but…
“Hey, it’s been an hour now, right? Trade places with me!”
“I shall do no such thing. My personal perception of time tells me only ten minutes have passed, and anyway, I seem to remember that when I took the window seat, it was you who was exasperated that I was acting like a child!”
“But you make it look like so much fun gazing out the window!”
“That’s because it is fun. It isn’t often we get to travel by carriage… Oh! Lizard Runners! A pair of Lizard Runners is competing for a mate! I wonder which will win…”
“Come on—let’s trade! I want to see, too! Come onnn!”
“Oh-ho… What dear friends you seem to be,” someone said from across the way, laughing. It was a middle-aged woman with a child sitting to the other side of us. She was smili
ng in our direction. Indeed, we realized the entire carriage was grinning at us. Yunyun (maybe she was embarrassed) went red and sort of curled into herself. She quieted down, but the woman offered her some kind of baked sweet.
“Would you like one of these, sweetheart?”
“Don’t mind if I do.”
“Hey!” Yunyun exclaimed as I happily grabbed the treat she had been offered.
That seemed only to amuse the woman more. “Here, I have one for you, too.” She handed Yunyun a treat. “Since you’re both on the carriage to Axel, might I assume you plan to become adventurers?”
Unlike Yunyun, I was not the least bit embarrassed to accept this hospitality; I broke my treat in half and gave one part to Chomusuke, who had been sniffing at the food from her place on my knees. She nibbled at it, and the woman across from us gave her an attentive look.
“Yes, I plan to become an adventurer. I thought I might be able to find some companions in Axel,” I said. “By the way, Yunyun, what about you? I think you said something about training by hunting weak monsters?”
“Huh?! M-me, I… Oh, I don’t know; I’m just so worried that I’ll get in trouble and be all by myself… Maybe I do need to find some party members…”
“I should say so. Considering that we become regular, defenseless humans if we run out of magic, having boon companions is a necessity.”
“Y-yeah, you’re right! I’m glad you agree with me! So, Megumin, how about we…?”
“Having two wizards in the same party would be terrible balance. I hope I can find a party with no spell-casters at all… What’s the matter, Yunyun? You’re acting very strangely.”
“Uh, a-am not! Yeah, having both of us in the same party would be bad. You know, balance and all…” Yunyun quickly calmed herself down by taking a bite of her snack.
The woman across the way watched us with curiosity, then smiled pleasantly. “From those red eyes, I take it you two are Crimson Magic Clan? I’m sure you’ll be in high demand when you get to Axel. I hope you’ll both be blessed with fine companions.”
The woman’s words set off a storm of chatter in the carriage.
“Crimson Magic? We have two Crimson Magic Clan members in this carriage?”
“Well, at least we can expect a safe trip. Not much for us to do, I guess.”
“There aren’t even many monsters who would attack this big merchant caravan to begin with.”
Some of the people on board must have been hired bodyguards.
“Yes, be not afraid. For I am an Arch-wizard, known as the greatest genius of the Crimson Magic Clan. Even if monsters do attack us, know that you will be safe and protected!”
“Ooh!”
“That’s the Crimsons for you!”
“W-watch out, Megumin! There are guards here—just let them handle things! Your magic would do more harm than good!”
Whatever Yunyun was hissing about, I couldn’t hear her; I was too busy accepting the adulation of the other passengers.
…We rode uneventfully for a while, but then I looked up with the distinct sensation that a shadow had passed by the window. But there was nothing there…
Wait, what was that in the sky? A silhouette seemed to be following the carriage along the ground, but it gradually got smaller. I looked up, out the window, but whatever it was had already disappeared.
A bird? Or maybe a flying monster?
“Hey, Megumin, you see something interesting out there? Trade seats with me already!”
“I will not trade. As they say, the early bird gets the window seat!”
As we started arguing again, someone spoke to us.
“Would you like to have my seat, Miss?”
It was the girl traveling with the woman across the way. Yunyun, properly embarrassed to have a child show her such consideration, looked down.
…And I admit, even I realized I should demonstrate a little more self-control.
2
There was a total of ten carriages in this merchant caravan; they traveled from town to town for trade but made an extra buck by selling empty seats to passengers. As someone had remarked earlier, caravans this large usually weren’t threatened by monsters.
It was just after noon. We were taking a short break to rest the horses. The terrain between Arcanletia and Axel was apparently just one giant field. The plain extended as far as the eye could see in every direction.
Yunyun was sitting in the grass, admiring the scenery. “It’s downright idyllic… It makes it hard to believe the Demon King’s army is actually right over at the capital causing trouble…”
Other passengers were likewise situated in the field, eating their lunches or catching little naps.
“Yof beffer be carefoo…”
“Drink something, then talk.”
“Mng… You’d better be careful. Talk like that is the sort of thing that will get us attacked by monsters. Not that I would object, wanting to use my spell as I do.”
“…You’re not wrong; we do have to be careful. Make sure no monsters show up…” Yunyun looked around carefully, as if to undo the jinx she’d just called down on us.
“If all goes well, we should certainly arrive by noon tomorrow,” I said.
“Stop that! Don’t jinx us! We learned this in school, right?! And it was written in The Book of Words You Should Never Say!” Yunyun took my shoulders and shook.
“Don’t worry—we’re with such a large caravan and all. According to my calculations, the chance of a monster attack is less than 0.1 percent…”
“Stop! Do you want us to get attacked?! Let me guess: Are you saying this stuff on purpose so that you’ll have a chance to look cool in front of everyone?”
Of course I was. But, well…
“Listen, no one has ever really been attacked by monsters because they said the wrong words. Look at all the people here. Monsters aren’t stupid.”
“Fair enough, but… All this weird stuff you keep saying—”
Just stop it, okay?
I assumed that was what Yunyun was about to say. But she was interrupted by one of the bodyguard-type adventurers.
“Monsterrrrrs!” someone shouted across the plain.
“I told you! I told you not to jinx us!”
“N-now, just wait! This is not my fault! To attack us when we have all these bodyguards—those monsters must be crazy!”
Yunyun’s eyes were brimming with tears; I was taking a look around even as I argued my defense. The hired adventurers were moving to protect their employers and the other passengers. One of them noticed us.
“O great Crimson Magic Clan wizards! I hate to ask this when you’re supposed to be passengers, but there are so many monsters! Won’t you help us?!” Then the adventurer grabbed a spear from a cart.
“Did you hear that?! Yunyun, he called us great wizards!”
“Y-yeah, I heard, but so what? Why are you getting so excited?! Why is that so important to you?!”
Yunyun did not seem to at all appreciate the significance of being so respectfully addressed, but nonetheless, she pulled out her wand.
“Why, they make it sound like we are legitimate protectors! Let’s go, Yunyun: The honor of the Crimson Magic Clan rides upon this battle! We shall blow those monsters into next week!” I grabbed my staff, the one I had received from Funifura and Dodonko back in the village. The red jewel on the end flashed in the light of the sun.
We were on an open plain; there was excellent visibility all around. No matter which way the monsters came from, I would be able to wipe them out with my Explosion before they got anywhere near us.
“Pfah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! My name is Megumin! Greatest genius of the Crimson Magic Clan and wielder of Explosion! I shall grace this area with a massive new crater!”
When they heard my proud declaration, the adventurer from earlier said, “She’s a great wizard all right! Take it away, Miss!” And then, for some reason, he drove his spear into the ground. I was just wondering why he would do t
hat when the earth under the spear bubbled up.
“There’s a lot of ’em, but they’re not too tough!” the adventurer went on. “Easy pickings for the likes of you! After all…” Then the earth began to roil. “Everyone knows how weak Giant Earthworms are!”
They must have been a meter across and five meters long. Massive, carnivorous earthworms.
““?!””
Seeing them at point-blank range, Yunyun and I just about lost our nerve.
We could hear screams and shouts all around, but they seemed to be coming from terribly far away. Ahhh, my brain is trying to leak out of my ears.
“These things are soft and squishy, and they can hardly attack! Big targets, lots of hit points—just try not to get swallowed…”
Whatever the adventurer was saying, it went in one ear and out the other for me.
The worms had no eyes, yet for some reason, they were looking this way. It was enough to make all the hair on my body stand on end. One fleshy pink tip opened wide…!
That was my limit.
“Megumin, waaaaiiit! I understand how you feel! I totally, totally understand, but you can’t use that spell with this many people around! You’ll hit everyone!” Yunyun grabbed my cape and pulled as I started to intone Explosion.
“Let go of me! I am going to blow that hideous thing away! It’s looking at us! I swear it is!”
“I know! I don’t want to get near it, either, but I’ll manage something!”
As I panicked, Yunyun readied her wand and stepped forward. I could see her arms were covered in goose bumps. The Giant Earthworm seemed to react to sound and shock waves. When Yunyun started to chant a spell, it switched its attention to her.
“I-i-i-it’s coming this way! Yunyun! Yunyun!”
“Stop don’t push me for goodness’ sake stop! I’m taking care of it; just don’t use me as a shield! Fireball!!”
Despite the tears in her eyes, Yunyun managed to launch a spell! And a spell from a Crimson Magic Clan member, with our exceptional magical power, was different from that of any other wizard. Yunyun’s fireball vaporized the top half of the earthworm with a great roar.
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