by L A Cotton
“It doesn’t change anything. I still refuse to give you my blessing, but I am grateful that you were there.”
I wanted to hate the man sitting in front of me. Part of me did, for what he’d done to my family, for keeping Cara from me, but I also understood his position. He wanted to protect Cara from the world he lived in. Our world. And he was prepared to do whatever it took—even if she hated him for it. That was something we could agree on because her life was everything.
Because she was better.
Better than her father, better than me. Cara deserved so much better.
“And now, it’s time for you to tell me what you know. You have my word, Braiden. After all of this is done, I’ll see to it that you have a chance to start over.”
“I don’t have anything yet.” I looked him straight in the eye and said, “But I can get it for you.”
My hand hovered on Cara’s door. All night I’d wrestled with what I was going to do when morning arrived. The coward in me wanted to walk away; to leave without saying goodbye, but I was trying to be better. To be the guy she believed I could be, so I knocked and waited. I heard her shuffle to the door and then it opened and she was staring up at me with complete devastation. I opened my arms and caught her as she collapsed against me.
“Shh,” I said over the thick lump in my throat. “I’ve got you.”
But that was the problem, wasn’t it? I didn’t have her—I couldn’t. O’Connor was offering me a one-time deal; a fresh start that didn’t include his daughter. And for as much as I wanted to take her with me—to haul her over my shoulder and make a break for it—part of me wondered if he was right. Could I really give her the life she deserved? We could move away—leave behind the memories of this place, Forest Grove, even Chastity Falls—but the sins of my past would still be there living inside me. I had to live with the things I’d done, the knowledge that I’d almost killed someone, every day of my life. She loved me now, but what if one day the truth of who I was became too much?
What if it destroyed us?
I couldn’t live with that—do that to her—which was why this was the better alternative. It felt wrong and hurt like a motherfucker now, but one day, I would be a distant memory in Cara’s mind.
The door closed behind us as I carried her to the bed and sat down with her cradled in my lap. “Whe-when do you leave?” Cara pulled away from my shoulder and met my eyes.
“Now.”
“Now? No, no, there isn’t enough time. It’s not enough time,” she cried burying her head in my chest.
“Hey, hey.” My fingers drifted under her chin, tilting her head back. “Everything’s going to be okay. This, us, it wasn’t meant to last. I wasn’t ever meant to be in Forest Grove at the stadium. Our paths were never supposed to cross.”
Hurt clouded her eyes and I realized I was fucking everything up again. I was shit at this kind of thing, but I had to say something to take that look off her face—to reassure her that this was the right thing. I swallowed hard.
“Cara O’Connor, you are stubborn and annoying and that bubble gum habit you have is fucking disgusting, but I wouldn’t change a single moment with you. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly, I’ll remember every second I spent with you. You taught me how to love.” I leaned down to touch my nose to hers, breathing her in, imprinting the moment on my mind … my soul … my newly beating heart. “I will never forget you, but I want you to live your life. Go back to college, learn art, meet guys, travel, make mistakes, bring home a guy that your father can’t stand, but most of all, love. Promise me.”
Tears spilled out of her eyes as she clutched my hoodie. “I- I can’t, Braiden, what you’re asking … I- I’m not sure I-”
“Shh.” I ducked and captured her lips. “You have to. Goodbye, Cara.”
My tongue swept into her mouth, and I only hoped that the feel of my lips moving against hers told her everything I wanted to say and didn’t have time to. She was it for me. Maybe one day, I’d find someone, meet a girl and settle down, but Cara O’Connor would always be the girl who taught me how to love.
Untangling Cara from my body, I placed her down on the bed beside me and ran my eyes over her one last time. I wanted to remember everything, every curve, her smile, the way she narrowed her eyes when she was pissed, and how her hair grazed her shoulders every time she moved.
Slowly, I stood and started backing out of the room. Cara wrapped her arms around her knees and followed me with her swollen, tear-stained eyes. I felt the door come up behind me and reached back to grab the handle. She was right; there wasn’t enough time. This couldn’t be it. But it was. This was it. I was going to turn the handle, walk out of her room … and out of her life.
Forever.
After reuniting me with my cell and handing me an envelope of bills, O’Connor had given me the keys to one of the cars locked up in the double garage adjoining the house. I had a long ride ahead of me, and a bucket load of regrets to dwell on. Of all people to wave me off, Annie O’Connor had slipped out of the house and appeared in the garage to say goodbye. I saw the regret in her eyes and wondered if she wished things could have been different for her daughter and the guy she loved.
Loved.
It was something I wouldn’t ever have a chance to get used to, the idea that someone like Cara could possibly love someone like me. But I had to put her out of my mind and focus on the task ahead.
When I’d turned on my cell phone, the notifications went crazy with eight days’ worth of messages. Briony and Luke had left voicemail after voicemail. Even Jack Doyle had called a couple of times. O’Connor had asked me what I planned to do, but I told him it didn’t matter. I would get the job done, and that was all he needed to be concerned about.
Actually, I had no fucking clue what I was going to do when I rolled into Astoria, but one thing was crystal clear; I was done being anyone’s puppet. Although hatred still burned deep for O’Connor and he’d manipulated me with the truth, he’d still been the one to give it to me. He had been the one to reveal details of my life and the lies it was built upon. Not Briony or Jack Doyle—the man who claimed to be a great friend to my family—no, it was the man who once wanted me dead.
Fueled by anger and frustration and hurt, three hours and one-hundred-and-eighty miles passed by in a blur, and before I had time to formulate a solid plan, I saw the signs for Astoria. I exited the highway a couple of miles out and pulled into a motel to rent a room and dump the car. Briony and Luke needed to believe I’d been dealing with my own shit. If they so much as got a scent of my time with O’Connor, I was toast.
The room wasn’t much to look at, but it had hot water and a mini bar, so I took a shower to work out the kinks in my neck and arms from the drive, and then grabbed a beer and laid out on the bed. My mind was a fucking mess. A swamp of what-ifs and could-have-beens.
Jackson.
Cara.
My father.
Cara.
O’Connor.
Cara.
Everything came back to her. The pain in my chest sucked the wind right out of me every time I let myself think about her. About what she was doing right now. Was she okay? Did she hate me?
Did she understand?
My cell vibrated and I retrieved it from the small table next to the bed.
“Hello.”
“God, Braiden. You gave me a fucking heart attack. When Luke said you’d called, I almost cried. And I never fucking cry. Where are you? He said you’re coming back? Soon? God, tell me everything.”
I sank back into the thin motel issue pillows and took a swig of beer before answering. “Calm down, B. I’m okay. Like I told you, I needed time.”
“Time? Braiden, it’s been days. We’ve been going out of our damn minds.”
“I had stuff I needed to do. I went back.”
“Went back wh … wait, you mean you went home?”
Home. Something pulsed through me, but I shut it down. Chastity Falls was no longer my
home. Deep down, it hadn’t been for some time.
“Yeah. I needed to see it. Be there. I can’t explain it, but it was something I needed to do. Alone.”
“Well, yeah.” My sister’s voice softened. “I get that, but geez, you could have given us a heads-up.”
“I’m sorry, okay. It hit me pretty hard. I left, hit a couple of towns, got trashed, hooked up with so-”
“Okay, okay, spare me the details. But you’re back, for real? You’re coming back?”
I propped the beer bottle between my legs and dragged my hand over my head. The lies were coming too easily. Is it supposed to be this easy? “Yeah, I’m back. I just checked into a room for the night. I need a shower and some shuteye, but I should arrive in town tomorrow. Okay?”
“Okay? Of course, it’s okay. It’s what we’ve all been waiting for.” I heard the relief in her voice, and it made my chest constrict. I had made my choice, and it was one I was sticking to, but she was still family.
“Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow.” I ended the call and threw the cell phone onto the bed beside me.
I thought prison changed me, and it did in many ways. But tomorrow was different. Tomorrow wouldn’t just change everything; it would end everything.
Tomorrow, Braiden Donohue disappeared forever.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Cara
The door opened, but I didn’t turn over to see who was there.
I didn’t care.
“Baby,” Mom said softly, and I felt her perch on the bed behind me. “You can’t stay locked up in here all day.” When I didn’t respond, she reached over and laid a hand on my arm. “Cara, you could have told me about Jason. I would have listened, and I would have done something. God, I can’t believe we trusted him and he-” She gulped and I found her hand to squeeze it.
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“Cara, look at me.”
I rolled onto my back and stared up at her with puffy eyes.
“What Jason tried to do to you, well, just the thought of it breaks my heart, but the fact you thought you couldn’t come to us … to me, with it kills me. I am your mother, baby. I would have listened.”
Couldn’t she see that I didn’t care about Jason or what he’d done? I only cared that Braiden had gone. He had left me.
“He’s gone,” I whispered, a new gush of tears falling.
Mom pulled her legs up and lay down beside me, wrapping me in her arms. “Shh, baby. Everything will be okay. Shh.”
Anger burned through me. All my life I’d been coddled and wrapped up in an untouchable bubble. Even Forest Grove came with the Jason-stipulation. My parents kept saying it was for my own protection, that they were acting in my best interests, but nothing about this situation felt right.
Braiden was the first guy I risked letting in—not that I had a choice when it came to his haunted blue eyes. I hadn’t planned to fall in love with him; I didn’t even know that much about him, for Christ’s sake, but none of that mattered because his soul spoke to mine. I’d known it that first time he visited the stadium.
How was I just supposed to turn my back on that?
I couldn’t.
But he had left me. He hadn’t fought for us. He’d just taken Daddy’s offer and then he was gone.
He. Was. Gone.
After spending most of the day moping in my bedroom, I finally left its comfort and went for a jog. I was due back in classes tomorrow, but I didn’t feel ready. Not when everything that had happened over the last five days consumed my head. All I’d wanted was my independence, and to a certain degree, I’d found that in Forest Grove. Sure, Jason was a regular pain in my butt, but I’d had friends, ran track, attended classes, and partied with the rest of Pacific students. I was my own person.
Meeting Braiden changed all that.
I was still me, but I felt … different. Maybe it was a silly crush. I’d never been in love before, so how would I know anything? But if it was only lust, why did my heart hurt so much? And why, every time I closed my eyes, did I see his face? His eyes.
He was a part of me.
The house came into view as I jogged out of the dense woods around the perimeter of the grounds. A lone figure stood in front of the annex staring out in my direction. I couldn’t make out my father’s face, but I knew it was him. The rigid stance, the gray suit. He was watching me. And I hoped he felt even an ounce of the pain and hurt I did.
It crossed my mind to cut across the yard to avoid talking to him, but I’d never backed down from him before. I wasn’t about to start now.
“Cara,” he said as I slowed my pace. “I’d hoped we could talk?”
I glared at him. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“No, I guess you don’t, but I have plenty to say to you. Please?”
I wanted to tell him to go to hell, but something about the way he asked permission caught me off guard, and I found myself saying, “Okay, but I need water first.”
“I’ll have Miranda bring us drinks to the den.”
“Great,” I said sarcasm dripping from my voice as I brushed past him and stormed into the house like a petulant child. But he brought this side out in me with his condescending bullshit.
When I entered the den, I made myself comfortable in an old leather armchair and waited. No doubt, he was going to chastise me for keeping the whole thing with Jason quiet. And I didn’t even want to imagine what he would have to say about Braiden. But I would grin and bear it all because it was just the way we worked. He spoke, I listened, and then I hated him a little bit more.
Miranda breezed into the room flashing me one of her warm smiles. “I added a little mint and a dash of lime.” She placed the tray down and met my eyes. “Smile, Cara honey, whatever it is the Lord will answer your prayers.”
I needed more than the Lord. I needed a miracle.
“Thank you, Miranda. That will be all.” My father appeared in the doorway and adjusted his silk tie before taking the chair opposite me. Miranda closed the door leaving us alone and we drank our water in thick silence. Neither of us willing to break eye contact.
The seconds ticked by and I remained still, focused on the man who refused to recognize I was no longer a child—that I no longer needed to be protected. That I could make my own decisions.
“This is not a conversation I ever thought we’d be having.” My father leaned forward and clasped his hands in front of him.
“And exactly why is that, Daddy?” I said in a sickly sweet tone. “Because you never thought I’d fall in love? Or perhaps you just never thought I had it in me to love an ex-con?”
He shifted on his seat clearly uncomfortable with my harsh words. Well, good. I wanted him to squirm. “You mistake my meaning, Cara. I am referring to what happened with Jason.”
“Oh.” The single word fell from my mouth. I hadn’t expected this.
“You seem surprised?”
“That you want to talk about your beloved and trusted Jason? About how the guy you favored over your own daughter tried to rape her? Surprised doesn’t even begin to describe what I am feeling.” Heat colored my cheeks and I took another sip of water trying to calm the rage building.
“I guess I deserve that.”
“Pfft,” I muttered both confused and unnerved by the turn this conversation had taken. Authoritative father, I could tolerate. At least, I knew where I stood. But this version of my father threw me for a loop. He seemed so weary. So unsure.
So remorseful.
“Jason has always shown me nothing but loyalty and support. You were friends, were you not? In high school? At college?”
“Well, yeah, I guess, but only because you made it so difficult for me to form friendships with anyone outside of the family or your associates. People didn’t want to befriend the girl with Frankie O’Connor for a father.”
Something passed over his face but was quickly replaced with his usual mask. “And for that, I’m sorry. But I can’t help who I am, Cara. What I do
. This is the life I was born into as it is the life you were born into. Is it really that bad? To be my daughter?”
I looked in right in the eyes as I said, “It hasn’t always been easy.”
“No, no, it hasn’t. But I am your father, Cara, and I have always acted in what I considered to be your best interest.”
“And Braiden?”
“Is not the right guy for you.”
“How? How can you possibly know who is the right guy for me? Aren’t I supposed to decide that for myself?”
My father’s eyes softened a fraction, and he sighed. “Sweetheart, I know because I was Braiden Donohue. Back when I met your mother, I was that self-assured, untouchable guy who thought he had the world at his feet. I did whatever I wanted with little consequence. I hurt people, stabbed them in the back, if it meant getting to where I needed to be. You deserve so much better.”
Tears built behind my eyes, but I would not cry. The man in front of me didn’t deserve my tears. He had taught me that crying showed weakness, and I would not be weak. Not here. Not now.
“Braiden has changed. He served out his time. He’s different. You tried to have him killed, Daddy. Killed! You expect my understanding and forgiveness for that but can’t find it in yourself to try to understand Braiden. To try to see that he is changed. He wants to be better. He can be better.”
My father stared at me like he no longer recognized me. It wasn’t the first time I’d gone head to head with him over something, but maybe it was the fact I refused to fall in line or maybe, just maybe, he was starting to understand how deep my feelings for Braiden ran.
I should have known better.
“Cara, what’s done is done. Braiden is gone. You need to forget about him and focus on college. On your future. I didn’t ask you in here to talk about Donohue,” he said detaching himself from everything I’d just said. “I brought you in here to apologize for not being there when you needed me. I will never forgive myself for what happened, but know that Jason will never harm you again. He will never set foot in this house again. As far as I’m concerned, Jason Delaney is dead to this family.”