I had to take calming breaths.
I was an outsider.
I wasn’t wanted here.
All I was doing was interfering with this picture-perfect family.
Emilie was their mother, not me.
Tears came to my eyes, and I blinked. Slapping them from my cheeks, I ran down the steps to the entryway.
“I’ve got to go! So sorry, I just got a call, and I have to head back east!” I called out.
Shirley Temple came into the entry at a jog.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I need to go. Tell Owen goodbye for me, okay?” I turned my back to her and looked into the parlor at the kids, blinking tears from my eyes.
Jackson continued to play, but Rebecca stood, nearing me.
“You have to go?” She asked. “Jack’s sorry,” she looked back to her brother, “Jack, come hug your mother goodbye!”
My daughter wrapped her arms around me and squeezed emotionlessly, then pushed her brother toward me.
“Hug her Jack,” she told him between clenched teeth in a whisper.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to baby,” I said.
He stood there in wide-eyed silence before saying, “Goodbye Ms. Sarah.” As if I were a stranger.
I tried to smile but couldn’t. “Call me mama, Jackson. I’m your mom.” My cheek twitched.
I reached out to touch his hair, but he moved away from me.
“Goodbye, Sarah. Thank you for the presents.” My daughter was so grown up. She had a forced smile and was trying to be a good hostess.
I wanted to smile back at her, but I couldn’t get my face to do it.
“Goodbye baby.”
I had to leave. This had been a mistake.
Instead of trying to make everyone feel better, this visit had only been awkward and uncomfortable.
Where were the kids I’d dreamt of? The little ones that would run up and hug my legs and kiss my face? The kids that would want to be with me?
They weren’t in that house.
They aren’t your kids anymore, my inner voice told me.
My throat felt like it was closing and my eyes were full of unshed tears.
Making it to my car, I got in and started up the engine, driving toward the gate.
I shouldn’t have gone. This was a mess. What was Aurev thinking?
Chapter Thirty-One
A little over a week later Owen hadn’t called, and neither had I. I poured myself into work, reading through more of Amy’s research. Test results were starting to come back for her various samples that I’d found in Johannesburg.
She was brilliant, reckless and old fashioned. But her notes would keep me busy for a long time. I’d already come up with a few possible treatments for OVC and started writing a paper based on her research.
Her methods were… shady, but she’d gotten a lot of things right that had taken us at Chronos a long time to figure out with modern scientific equipment.
While reading her work, I found myself smiling. I missed her. We’d been together every day.
I shook my head at some other outlandish hypothesis she had.
Laying back in my hotel bed, I gazed up at the ceiling listening to Nine-Inch-Nails on my headphones and feeling very sorry for myself.
When I wasn’t working or reading or moving, my mind went to dark places.
My cell phone vibrated, digging around in the sheets, I answered.
Hazel’s voice sounded on the other end. “The trial date has been set, and Karsten’s changed his mind and has asked me to represent him at his trial. Aurev’s given me permission to take one of the company jets with everyone from Chronos who’s been summoned.”
I gulped in air. “So, there’s a chance I could go to Denmark?” Chills ran through my body.
“Maybe. I’ve begun work already. This is a tough case, and I don’t want to get your hopes up. There are two charges now. Unlawful creation and abandonment.”
Neither of us spoke for several seconds while her words sank in. I slouched into the headboard of my hotel bed, my mind whirling.
“What if Emilie tells them it wasn’t him?” I asked.
“She thinks he is and he’s unwilling to deny it. There’s no reason she would lie…”
I cut her off, “I could talk to her…”
“NO! Absolutely not.” A sigh came through the line. “Look, I know this looks bad, but it’s not set in stone. I have a lot of evidence to show the jury, and if you get involved, you could actually hurt the case.”
“Fine,” I told her curtly.
In my mind, a plan was beginning to take shape.
As soon as Hazel ended the call, I pulled on a dark long-sleeved t-shirt and put my black baseball hat on over my ponytail. It was too risky to take my car, so I began to run. I could run faster than cars could drive along these gravel backroads, so I made good time, staying near the tree line.
Stopping along the back perimeter of the estate, I began to climb the tall iron fence.
“Fu…!” The spikes on the top were sharpened and silver plated. “Son of a…!” I cursed under my breath, using a fingernail to scratch at the small points of blood that grew on my palm.
Keeping my feet light, each step barely made a sound on the pine needle covered ground. I kept my senses alert for any other people nearby.
I was alone.
When the lights of the house began to peek through the trees, I slowed my pace until I could observe the building. Looking at my watch, it read 1:34 am.
The large mansion looked like a sleeping giant set against the deep blue of the night sky and the dark hulking shapes of the surrounding mountains.
Luck was with me because Emilie sat on the roof outside of the third story window on a flat ledge.
“Emilie,” my whisper seemed to be lost to the wind. Nevertheless, she looked in my direction.
Uh oh. Across the meadow, a Chronos guard turned in my direction also.
Gazing upward, Emilie had vanished, and the soldier was headed my way. He’d hear me if I moved, so I crouched, hoping to evade his detection.
Taking in slow breaths, I focused on calming myself in hopes that the guard wouldn’t hear my heartbeat above the noises of the surrounding forest.
Heavy footsteps thudded to my left and stopped.
I squeezed my eyes closed, listening.
A small animal, probably a squirrel, darted around me and ran across the open field between here and the house. The tall grass had been mowed, and my eyes followed the critter as it weaved and ducked to the other side of the meadow.
The guard’s flashlight swung around, following the animal, and he began to walk away slowly.
When his shadowed form disappeared around the side of the house, I crept out from behind the tree and toward the hulking structure.
The wooden stairs of the front porch creaked beneath my weight. Fearing discovery, I entered in the code from six years ago. When the light shone green, I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
Owen hadn’t changed the code to the front door? Shrugging, I pulled it open and ran straight into a warm body.
“Ooof,” I said, startled until realizing the body belonged to Emilie.
Her hands covered her heart. “Sarah! You scared me.” She whispered. “What are you doing here? I can’t let you see the kids right now.”
I shook my head, “I’m not here to see them. I’m here to talk to you.”
She led me to the parlor and pulled the massive sliding doors closed behind us. Her arms were crossed, as she looked up at me.
Motioning to the sofa, where all the toys had been, I said, “Can we sit?”
Her lips formed a tight line. “Fine, but I don’t trust you. You’re making Owen’s life miserable and shaking the kids up.”
“You asked if there was anything you could do to help Karsten? Well, he needs your help.” She sat primly on the edge of the antique couch, expression curious but defensive. “Have you heard about the trial?”
I asked.
Her eyes squeezed closed. “We shouldn’t be talking about that.”
I licked my lips. “They’re going to murder him. Execute him.”
Her lips parted, and she sucked in a breath. “I want to help and I will as much as I can, but there’s nothing I can do.”
“You need to tell them that he’s not your maker.”
“I…I can’t lie. I’m sorry, I want to help, but I can’t.”
My own eyes fluttered with several blinks of indignation. “He isn’t your maker. He’s taking the blame for something he didn’t do.” Sighing, I narrowed my eyes. “Tell me everything you remember about your attacker.”
Examining her palm, she took a deep breath. “He was tall, blond hair. Strong. His eyes, I just remember staring into his eyes.”
“What color were they?”
“I don’t know, blue? It was dark.”
Righteous anger reared up inside me, and I leaned forward gazing into her soul. “So his eyes were the same?”
Emilie’s face crumpled, “Of course. Why?”
I ran my hands over my face, “Well, Sten’s eyes are different. One eye is brown, and one is blue. This little detail could make all the difference.” Nodding, I bit my lip, drawing blood. “You said your attacker had blue eyes?”
“I don’t know,” the whisper escaped her little heart shaped mouth. “I don’t remember. I’m not sure. I thought they were blue, but it was so dark.”
“Then lie. Your uncertainty should not be the cause of his death.”
Tears began to flow down her cheeks. Was she seriously crying right now? Reaching forward, I took her moist hand firmly in mine.
“He is protecting someone else. Do you understand me? He didn’t do it. It doesn’t matter that you’re not sure, you need to say that you are.” I squeezed to emphasize my point. Snaking a tissue from the box, I held it out to her. “You said your attacker had blue eyes, tell them that.”
“I can’t lie in court.”
Biting my lip and steepling my fingers, I said. “What if I stay away, leave you and Owen and the kids alone? I’ll only see them on your terms.” My heart felt like a stone in my chest, tears prickled at the back of my eyes. I continued, “I’m busy with my work. With me gone, the four of you can have a family.” I’ll protect my kids by staying away.
“You would do this?” She asked, “Why?”
The lump was there in my throat, but I forced myself to talk around it. “Because I love Karsten, and the kids are better off with you…”
Wiping her eyes, she sniffed.
“Is it a deal then?”
She nodded.
“You can’t tell Owen,” I told her sternly.
Her lips twisted, “I can’t lie to him.”
“Don’t involve him.” I studied her, my eyebrows arched. “He could ruin everything. You know how black and white he is.”
Thoughts raced across her face, but I knew I’d gotten through to her when she swallowed and looked up at me, nodding.
“You’ll stay in New York?”
It was my turn to nod, my heart turning to stone. This was for the best, I told myself, let them have what I never had—a regular family. The backs of my eyes prickled and I forced my breathing to be even.
What was I doing?
The longer I tried to hold onto them, the more difficult and more dangerous their lives would be. They would have good, stable parents. A mother who wasn’t married to her work.
We stood solemnly and shook on our bargain.
“Thank you, Sarah.” She said. “I know this must be hard for you.”
I smiled a bitter smile. “I’m counting on you.”
I didn’t need her pity.
Not taking a backward glance, I left and walked back to my hotel.
Misery swamped me, and I let my tears fall.
I had done the right thing.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Trenton, New Jersey
Sitting in my living room, dwelling on Emilie, Owen, and Karsten, was making me stir-crazy.
Was she going to keep her word? Would she say anything to Owen?
If Owen knew about our deal... What would he do? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t like the odds.
Looking mournfully at my TV, I’d never missed having cable until now. Picking out a random DVD, I inserted it and made my way to the kitchen.
Opening up the fridge, I chewed the inside of my cheek. There were a few old boxes of takeout, some condiments and a bottle of white wine that Sten had bought.
Sliding the bottle out, I popped the top before taking a long drink. I gathered the leftovers and tossed them into the trash.
Fingering my locket unconsciously with my left hand, I drank the wine with the other.
I never thought I’d be alone like this.
My house was so quiet and clean. As a child, I dreamt of a suburban home with grass to mow and a husband who smiled at me and slapped my butt with a cheeky grin.
There’d be children playing in the yard, and their toys and child debris would litter the house. I’d step on a lego and cry out, then laugh.
Not like the house I’d had with Owen. It had been a museum and still was. I hadn’t been surprised to see the toys cleaned up from the parlor.
My chest clenched and my eyes pricked.
Owen and I had never been right for each other. Like water and fire. Why hadn’t I seen that before? But I loved my kids; they were the bright spot in my life, even if I wouldn’t be there. I’d know they were safe and cared for.
Throwing myself into the couch, I finished the bottle.
Not even a goddamn buzz.
Just then, I heard a human heartbeat outside near the street.
Ba-dum, Ba-dum.
I stood and twitched the fabric of the curtain to the side. An elderly man walking his dog had just passed by.
Slipping into my shoes, I began to turn the knob when I froze.
I wasn’t that person anymore. I wasn’t going to find some poor fool and drink them dry. I’d only get a glimpse of ecstasy before I’d have to stop.
Besides, I wasn’t thirsty.
With “The Princess Bride” playing in the background, I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes.
I must’ve fallen asleep because before I knew it, persistent pounding came from my front door.
Moving the attached curtain on the small window in the top of my door, I snorted.
Hazel stood there, poised to knock again, one large 30’s style victory curl lying to the left of her forehead.
“I’m here!” I called as I unbolted the locks and whipped open the door.
“You were asleep?” She asked me, “You never sleep.”
I blinked. “What time is it? What’s going on?” Then I looked her over. “You’re in New Jersey, you hate New Jersey.” A deadly weight squeezed my heart, and I fell onto the bench next to the door. “What’s happened? Is Karsten okay?”
“Yes, he’s fine. That’s why I came over though. We’re flying out today, and I need to bring him a suit. Also, shoes, socks, that sort of thing.” She continued on, “You weren’t on the original manifest, but I added you.”
I blinked and began to tie my robe closed instead of keeping it clasped together with one hand. “Wait, what? When’s the trial?”
“You need to pack, as it is, we’ll be late, but they won’t take off without us. The plane was sent to Durango to pick up Owen and Emilie last night, it’s probably sitting on the tarmac again right now.”
She motioned to the bedroom, and I lead the way, pulling out my small rolling suitcase before tossing my clothes into its open maw.
Hazel chipped in and began to tidily roll and fold my items, placing them neatly inside. She then sifted through Karsten’s side of the closet, pulling out his only suit and tucking it into a garment bag.
When we were done, our gazes met. She was oddly quiet.
Several different emotions rippled across my friend’s porcelain complexion.
“What’s wrong, why are you acting so weird?” I asked.
“Alright. Well, being your friend and someone who has known you a very long time…” Her eyes darted to mine, her brow furrowed. “I’m worried about you. If he’s found guilty…” She shook her head.
I laughed. “God, Hazel, I thought you were going to tell me something terrible.” Then, with all seriousness, my gaze sought hers. “I’ll be okay. Karsten will be okay.” I hoped.
Everything hinged on Emilie. Had she kept her mouth shut or flapped her gums to Owen? I wouldn’t know until the trial, but I was hopeful.
Karsten’s life depended on her, and she knew it.
Hazel shook her head, concern coloring her features. “I’ve always been honest with you. The odds don’t look good for him. I need to know that you understand that.”
I couldn’t listen to her right now. I refused to believe that. I had an ace up my sleeve.
Throwing a few more items in the bag, I placed Amy’s laptop and my own into the top compartment where they’d be safe.
The “Property of Chronos Corp” label stood out on my laptop, and I ran my fingers over the embossed sticker.
Hazel stood by the door, her hand on the knob. “Talk to me, Sarah.”
I tried to talk around the lump in my throat. “I love you, Hazel, but you don’t need to worry about me.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, then bit her lip. “Aurev doesn’t want you to go.”
“Well, he’ll be disappointed.”
“It’s your choice.” Her mouth tightened, and she tapped the garment bag with her nails. When I gave her a brief nod, she let out a breath. “Okay, thought so. I’m glad I didn’t waste my time.”
“You thought I wouldn’t come with you?”
Her laugh broke the still silence of the quiet early morning, her eyes roving over the room. “I knew you’d want to go, even though Aurev tries to micromanage everything. You’d think he’d never been in love before…” She trailed off before leading the way out of the house to her waiting town car.
As a native New Yorker, Hazel didn’t drive.
I slid into the back seat with her and gazed out my window, my finger notched around the chain of my locket.
Shades of Red Page 40