by Sienna Snow
“This isn’t a good idea.” My protest sounded halfhearted even to me.
He lifted a brow. “Then I guess you better say two specific words.”
Little Bird.
His pet name for me had been a term of endearment when he’d used it, and I’d chosen it as my safeword when we’d started exploring the harder edge of the pain I liked to skate.
“Jax, please. This is only going to complicate things.”
His breath gusted over my skirt-covered pussy, and I had to resist the urge to rub my pelvis against his mouth.
“That’s the point. I want it so complicated that all you can think about is me.” He lifted the material of my skirt and ducked underneath, making me shiver as his nose nudged the damp lips of my sex. “So complicated that you can’t stand the idea of us being apart.”
I clenched the railing, wanting so desperately to feel that wicked mouth on me. Two years without his touch, without his demands, without his seduction.
My battery-operated boyfriend was no substitute for the way Jax knew precisely how to make my body sing. Hell, no man before him had known everything I needed, everything I wanted or dared to want.
He took a quick swipe with his tongue, grazing my clit and making me release the railing to grip his head. In response, Jax bit my labia. Not hard enough to hurt but to give me the warning sting telling me to put my hands back.
“Dammit.”
“The rules are the rules. You want my mouth on your cunt, then you keep your hands where I put them. Two years apart couldn’t have caused you to forget the way it was with us.”
Why couldn’t he let this be something simple, without a touch of the memories of our past?
It would be so much easier if this were just a quick fuck for old times’ sake.
“Want me to stop?”
I shook my head. “No, please. It’s been so long.”
“Then keep your hands on the railing unless I give you permission to move.”
Jax cupped my ass, drawing me closer to his mouth.
Logic said I shouldn’t do this. That it was only going to cause me problems. But Jax had been the only man to touch me during the last seven years, and I needed to feel his hands so desperately, I knew I’d regret turning him down. I could give myself this one last time to indulge in Jax and then learn to live a life without him.
“Are the rules clear?” He spoke against my sensitive clitoral nub and then followed it by blowing out a teasing breath.
My hands slid back into place and I folded my fingers around the railing. “Y-yes.”
The pulsing in my core intensified to a level I hadn't experienced in so long.
The tip of his tongue grazed the wet folds of my sex. “Fuck. You taste incredible. I have to have more.”
The next second, he pushed his shoulders between my thighs and descended on my pussy. Licking, sucking, devouring.
It was too much, too much. I screamed as an unexpected orgasm rocked through me. I gasped in air while holding the iron under my palms in a death grip.
“That’s it, love. Let me hear your pleasure.”
He held me against his mouth, working every ounce of pleasure possible from me. Then he wiped his soaked face along my inner thigh. He shifted from under my skirt, grasping the waistband, and tugged until the soft fabric pooled at my feet.
His gray eyes blazed almost black with desire as he took in my half-naked body.
God, what was I doing?
He rose, grabbed the hem of my shirt, pulled it over my head, and then clasped my waist in a familiar, possessive hold. “Yes or no?”
Why was he asking now? I was butt naked. Plus, he’d made me come harder than I’d come in years.
“Kai.” There was a rumble of impatience in his tone. “The only way I’m going to fuck you is if you say it loud and clear. I won’t let you claim it was a mistake or some bullshit after. I know you better than anyone.”
I wanted to argue but I couldn’t. He did know me—my moods and my indecisiveness when it came to what I wanted and what I should have.
I gazed into his eyes, body aching for him, knowing nothing could come of this.
“I want you to fuck me.”
“Thank God.” He lifted me into his arms as if I weighed nothing and carried me inside. “I wasn’t sure of my sanity if I had to leave here without burying myself deep in your cunt.”
I pressed my face against his chest. I was actually doing this. I was going to sleep with Jax, consequences be damned.
Jax entered my bedroom and laid me on my giant bed, staring down at me. “Of course you’d have a bed as big as the width of the room.”
I liked my space and loved the ability to roll around without worrying about falling off the other end.
“I’m still the girl I was in Vegas.”
A shadow entered his eyes. “If that were true, you wouldn’t be holding back. The woman I knew would have punched me in the face instead of running away.”
I covered his lips. “Not now, Jax. I need to feel you. I’ve missed you.”
As if my words eased the turmoil in him, he came over me, caging my body with his. He watched me as I worked the buttons of his shirt open and pushed it from his shoulders. He shrugged out of the cotton, throwing it on the floor, and returned with an arm on either side of my head.
I traced the ink on his chest and shoulders as I’d wanted to for two years. The patterns were a hodgepodge of sketches and symbols. Gliding my fingers down his chest, I found an area on his heart that had been bare the last time I saw him shirtless.
My throat burned as I read the words.
Aloha Aku No, Aloha Mai No
I’d translated those words’ meaning “I give my love to you, you give your love to me” to him countless times while we were together.
“Jax.” I couldn’t hide the emotion in my voice.
He cupped my face. “Not now. Later.”
He took my mouth, wiping out any and every thought but the way it felt to be in his arms. We kissed and explored, knowing exactly what the other enjoyed, exactly what the other needed.
When neither of us could wait any longer, Jax stepped from the bed to finish undressing and then climbed between my spread legs. His cock was thick, long, and hard, making my mouth water. He fisted it, pumping up and down, before sliding a condom on and positioning the head of his cock at the lips of my pussy.
He held my gaze and waited. For what, I hadn’t a clue.
“Jax, now.”
“Tell me, Kai. How many men am I going to have to erase from your memory?”
I reached up, gripping his forearms. “You’re asking me this now?”
“Yes. I want to know. I need to know.”
There was a vulnerability on his face I hadn’t expected, and I found myself answering, “None. I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
“Thank God.” He plunged deep, causing both of us to groan in unison.
I arched up, meeting each thrust, clawing at his shoulders.
“What about you?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the response, but I needed to know. “How many of the women on your arm have you fucked like this?”
He stopped moving, gripped my jaw. “The last woman I fucked, as you put it, was you.”
Relief washed over me, and I grasped the back of his head, pulling his lips to mine.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to be this intense.
He pushed in and out of me, working his thick, hard cock through my folds.
“Oh fuck. Harder, Jax. Oh God. Please, Jax. Harder.”
My orgasm was close. I could feel it. I needed it.
He stopped and stared down at me, grabbing my hands and pressing them to the bed.
“No. Not again. What are you doing?”
“Answer one more question and I’ll let you come.”
I tugged at my arms, but his hold on my wrists was too tight. My pussy quivered, needing the small push to go over.
/> “Why did you leave me? What did I do?”
I clenched my jaw, refusing to say anything.
He rocked against my clit, causing my muscles to clench around his cock. “Answer, and I’ll give you what you want.”
I shifted my face to look away from Jax’s stormy gray eyes, but he caught my jaw again and turned me back to him.
“You forgot me. I was the lowest priority on your list. You dropped everything for everyone but me, your parents especially. It didn’t matter how they treated me. I was tired of waiting for you to see me. To put me first.”
He shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe I actually thought that of him.
Instead of saying something to me, he lowered, kissing me with both demand and possessiveness, in the way he’d done when we’d first fallen for each other.
His thrusts resumed plunging in and out, increasing in tempo as he continued to devour my mouth. My body responded with a rush of pleasure and need. Everything ached inside.
Jax released my hands and they went immediately to his ass, urging him to give me what I’d only dreamt about for the last two years.
It was more than the feel of Jax in me and on me. It was the emotions his touch brought forth. I loved him so much that it nearly destroyed me when I knew there was no hope for us. I couldn’t let him pull me back into something I knew had no future. Deep down, I knew it was already too late.
“Oh God,” I cried out as Jax pinched my nipple.
“Pay attention to what’s happening here between us. Not to the voices in your head. We’ll talk about everything later.”
He set a hard pace, pummeling my pussy and driving me higher and higher.
“J-J-Jax.”
“Give it to me, Little Bird. Come in the way I’ve only seen in my dreams for the last two years.”
He rolled his hips again to grind against my clit, and my body immediately erupted. Arching up, I screamed Jax’s name and clamped down on his cock. He continued to thrust through my clenching and contracting vaginal walls.
My mind clouded with a pleasure I’d craved but hadn’t experienced in years.
I held in tears that I knew would burst free the moment I was alone. It was only ever like this with Jax. The intensity and the passion. It was too much. It was too consuming.
Jax’s rhythm became erratic and he bit my shoulder as he came. The pleasure-pain of the sting pushed me back up into another orgasm.
Jax gripped the back of my neck. “You’re mine, Kai. I’m never letting you run away again.”
Chapter Seven
Jax
I’d barely shifted my weight from Kai and caught my breath when I felt her stir, pulling free from my hold and sitting up.
I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back. “I don’t think so. You aren’t putting those walls up again. I meant what I said. I’m not letting you run away again.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“What don’t I know, Kai? From where I’m sitting, I lost the woman I loved because she thought I didn’t prioritize her. When all I ever did was try to protect her.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” She struggled in my hold, and I let her go. “I was always left to figure out you’d disappeared to help your family or some project for your family. It showed me I was so important that I had to spend weeks at a time wondering if you were ever coming home.”
I sat up. “Bullshit. I was working my ass off for your future.”
“And you would run home to solve your parents’ issues the minute they said jump.” She stomped toward a chair where a robe lay.
Slipping it on, she tied the belt in a huff.
“You’re angry about me seeing my parents?”
“No, I’m angry about you keeping me separate from your life involving them. You let them believe I wasn’t important enough to include in the world you’d grown up in. Your mother told me this often enough.”
“She did what?” I reached down, gathering my clothes before putting them on.
When the fuck had she been in Vegas? Fuck, it was probably during her monthly spa trips. I’d always assumed she went to Palm Springs, but now it was obvious—I was utterly wrong.
“Don’t be so shocked. She showed up in the casino at the Ida Las Vegas at least once a month on her way to visit her personal spa consultant to tell me I was your side piece. That I’d never be the woman you would marry and not to get my hopes up. You were going to marry someone from your social circle. Four years I put up with it.”
“I told her never to approach you. It was to protect you from her venom.”
“Well, it didn’t work out. And you running home to handle some crisis or another added fuel to the belief.”
“Why didn’t you talk to me? I would have cleared it up. Dammit, Kailani, I wasn’t ashamed of you, I was ashamed of them.”
Her expressive eyes widened. “Then why did you drop everything whenever they needed you?”
“Because I didn’t want their shit to pile up on our door. You were the one thing in my life that wasn’t tainted by Hollywood or my family’s elitist attitude or views.”
Her shoulders sagged, and tears glistened in her dark eyes. “It doesn’t matter, Jax.”
“The hell it doesn’t. You’ve convinced yourself I’ve done something I haven’t. I want you to give us a chance to fix this. An honest chance. I want you, and I know you want me. The past wouldn’t hurt you so much if what we had meant nothing to you.”
“I won’t make promises that I can’t keep. Fixing things sounds so simple, but nothing has ever been simple between us.”
“And what of love?”
“What about it?”
“Isn’t the love we shared worth a second chance, worth fighting for?”
She closed her eyes for a brief second. A move she’d always done when she tried to ignore the truth of a situation.
“As I said before, love was never a problem. It was everything else.”
She’d just all but admitted she still loved me. This woman was so frustrating.
I wanted to shake her. She’d shredded my heart, my soul when she left. There was no fucking way I could walk away from her again.
I cupped the back of my head. “Name what constitutes everything else?”
“Your job for one, my job for another.” She cocked a hand on her hip. “And the biggest thing of all, your family. They say jump, you say how high. It doesn’t matter the cost to you and especially to me.”
“Dammit, I explained I was protecting you from them. And you left me because of it.”
“I left you because you assumed I would always be there and couldn’t see what your disappearing acts were doing to me. You’d compartmentalized me and our relationship into a nice little box that was separate from every other aspect of your life. I was supposed to be your person, your woman. I would’ve stood by your side through everything, even your parents and their antics.”
I took a step toward her, but she raised a hand to stop me. “I’m not finished. I left because I realized I deserved more, not just from you or your family, but from me. My love for you never changed, just what I would endure to keep it.”
Tears streamed down her face, and she turned her back to me as she lifted her hand to wipe at her cheeks.
God. She truly believed I’d picked my family over her. How could she not see it was always her? What I did for my parents was to be free of them and make a path to her.
Had I fucked up that bad? Obviously, I had.
“Kai, I’m sorry. The last thing I ever wanted was for you to think you didn’t matter.”
She shook her head. “I can’t do this with you, Jax. Let’s leave it all in the past. I have a new life and a business to run. I have a wedding to orchestrate. I think it’s better if we keep things professional from this point forward and chalk this up to unfinished attraction.”
This was a hell of a lot more than something physical.
“Better f
or who?”
“For both of us. There’s no point in rehashing things we can’t change. It’s not as if we have a future. I live in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and you in Vegas. Besides, long-distance relationships never work.”
If she only knew what lengths I’d gone to in order to be near her. At this moment, though, she’d shut down and there was no convincing her how I felt about her.
I moved toward the stairs leading to the lower living area.
Just as I took the first step, I said, “Believe what you want, Kai. You’re my future, always have been and always will be. I’m not giving up, even if you have.”
Chapter Eight
Kailani
“Want to tell me what the hell is going on between you and Jax?” Lina asked as she cornered me in the larger-than-average galley kitchen of the yacht we were using to cruise around Bora Bora for the day.
I’d avoided any conversations of significance with my family, Thad, and especially Jax. My heart hadn’t gotten its footing from the moment Jax left my bungalow, and I’d let the tears and pain I’d held in for so long erupt. I couldn’t make heads or tails of what Jax had said. We’d lived the same life and interpreted everything differently.
I’d spent the better part of the night and most of this morning lost in an endless loop of the same thoughts.
Had he really fought for me with his family? Was keeping me away from his Hollywood life Jax’s way of protecting me from his mother? Had I made a mistake?
“There’s nothing to tell. Jax and I talked, and we aren’t going to see things the same. I don’t have time to sort through the mess of our past before he leaves again.”
A frown marred Lina’s perfect features. “Well, the least you could have done was end your self-imposed celibacy with the only man’s cock you’ve seen in the last seven years.”
“Are you for real right now? I tell you I had an argument with Jax, and you’re telling me to sleep with him.”
“Sleeping isn’t what I had in mind.”