by Lynn Lorenz
Estaban twisted his lips like he’d tasted a lemon. “It’s okay, Phillip. Tell him the real reason.” He leaned closer. “He’s going to find out anyway. Best be from you and not Flynn.”
Phillip exhaled. He put his hands on the table, palms flat down on the linen tablecloth on either side of his plate. “Okay. He fired me for being gay. Said it wouldn’t look good for the company brand.”
“Gay?” Smith sat back like he’d been slapped. “You’re gay? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“One. You never asked. Don’t ask, don’t tell, right? Figured if I did my job, what did it matter? And two. It’s really none of your business.”
Wow. Estaban had never been prouder of Phillip.
Smith sat there, an odd expression on his face. “Phillip, I—” He shut his mouth and ran his hand through his hair. Then he exhaled and looked Phillip in the eye. “You’re right. It shouldn’t matter. And it’s none of my business. Did any customers see this…scene?”
“No, sir. Just Jimmy, me, Estaban and Flynn were there.”
Smith nodded. “Okay. You want your job back?” He sounded very determined.
Phillip gazed down at his hands for a moment, then back up at Smith. “No, sir. I’m working as a ranch hand at the Weston ranch, the Double T. It’s sort of my dream job. In a way, I should thank Flynn for firing me. If he hadn’t I might never have gotten this job.” Phillip extended his hand to Smith. “But I appreciate your offer, although I don’t rightly understand it.”
Smith shook it. “What’s not to understand?”
“Well, all Flynn kept saying was Smith’s was a Christian business and that meant no gays. Not sure how that’s Christian, but…” He shrugged.
Smith growled. “That dumb sonofabitch. We are a Christian shop. And that means being Christ-like. Showing everyone kindness, love and mercy. I’ll have to explain that to Carl when I drop in to check on the shop.” He glanced over at Estaban. “I hope he never made you feel…as if you don’t belong there.”
Estaban held up his hand. “No. He knows I’m legal because he knows my family. And he knows I’m the best mechanic around.” Was this the right time to warn Smith about Flynn’s shady business practices or to tell Smith he was gay too?
But Flynn had said he’d stop, so maybe he should give the man the benefit of the doubt. And what Phillip had said before, it was none of Smith’s business he was gay. He let both go without comment.
“Well, I hope you’ll forgive me for intruding on your dinner. I hope I’ll see you around, Phillip. I remember the day you walked in off the street, soaking wet and looking for a job.” He smiled. “You did a fine job. If you ever need a reference, just ask.”
“Thank you, sir. Flynn offered me one too, but right now, I’m set up fine.” Phillip nodded as Smith stood.
“Good night, fellers.” Smith dipped his head and went back to his table. His wife smiled at Estaban and Phillip as he took his seat across from her. No doubt, he’d explain what they’d talked about, and it didn’t bother Estaban if he did.
He turned his gaze to Phillip. “Well, you about finished? Do you want dessert?”
Phillip patted his mouth with his napkin, then folded it and placed it on the table. “I’m done. Dessert, yes. Here, no.” His eyes twinkled and the corner of his mouth rose in a sly smile.
Damn, but the man set Estaban’s heart pounding and his dick filling. But he had to control it. Standing up in the middle of the restaurant, sporting a hard-on, just wasn’t done. At least, not in Spring Lake.
“Great. Let me get the waiter and pay the bill.” He signaled their waiter for the check, making that writing in the air motion.
“Remember, next time, I’m paying.” Phillip chuckled. “But I might need you to pick me up and drive, if you don’t mind. I don’t plan on buying a truck anytime soon. I’d like to save up my money, build a nest egg, you know? I’ve never had a bank account or a savings account.”
“I understand. Most of my money goes to supporting my mom.” He looked down. “You know, I live with her.” He cleared his throat. “It’s not like I can’t get my own place, but she’s alone, and she’s always been a housewife and she’s almost sixty. Slim pickings for any sort of job. I maintain the house, pay the mortgage and the bills. Eventually, the house will be mine.” He frowned, then smiled. “But I hope that’s a long way off.”
“I hope so too.” Phillip reached out and patted his hand. “And I don’t think any less of you because you’re thirty and still living at home.”
“Thirty?” Estaban snorted. “Try thirty-four. I’m at least ten years older than you.”
“I don’t care.” Phillip shrugged. “As long as you don’t mind I’m only twenty-three.”
Estaban groaned. “Eleven years older.”
“But I got a load of experience under my belt. Been on my own since I was sixteen. I’ve lived a lot of life since then. Some good, some not so good.”
The waiter returned and handed Estaban the bill. He checked it, paid it in cash, leaving a nice tip, not too showy, and handed it back. The waiter disappeared.
“Come on. I can’t wait for that dessert.” Estaban stood and Phillip did too. He led the way as Phillip followed him through the tables to the front door and outside.
The wind blew a gust of cold air. “Man, the temperature really dropped since we’ve been inside.” He pulled his jacket up around his neck.
Phillip did the same. They were too full to dash to the car, so they did more of a fast walk to it. Estaban hit the remote, unlocked the doors and they dove inside.
“Brrr.” Phillip rubbed his hands together and shuddered. “Damn Texas weather.”
Estaban turned to face him. “I know a spot where we can indulge in some dessert.” He turned on the truck, backed out and drove through the parking lot. He reached Main Street and turned back toward the ranch. “And if we don’t take too long, I can get you home by ten.” He winked as he drove.
“Sounds…delicious.” Phillip licked his lips and Estaban about groaned as his dick stiffened. His jeans did not have enough room to accommodate his shaft. Not the way Phillip turned him on.
“I’m thinking we’re both going to like it.” Estaban winked back.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Phillip took a few sly glances at Estaban and wanted to pinch himself. He couldn’t believe it. He was in Estaban’s truck and they were going someplace to be alone.
His heart beat faster and his cock matched its enthusiasm for what was about to happen. A bead of sweat trickled down his back and it wasn’t from the truck’s heater.
He was going to do something tonight with the man he’d been crushing on for months. He tossed it back and forth in his head—go all the way? Just a blow job? Making out?
Estaban had looked hungry and hot when he’d started the truck, giving Phillip a sexy wink. Phillip had nearly died.
What he’d said was right. He had lived a life filled with ups and downs, but not with relationships. Hell, he’d never even kissed a guy until he was nineteen. They’d met at a bar and he couldn’t deny any longer the pull he felt for men. It’d just been some kissing and groping in the back hall leading to the restrooms.
Phillip had influenced the guy to go away when he’d tried to force Phillip on his knees to give him a blow job. The guy had gotten a funny expression on his face, stopped and said, “I got to leave.” Phillip had run out of there so fast he’d almost knocked people over.
But now he was twenty-three. He’d done just about everything, except go all the way. The big A. Anal. He swallowed hard. He’d learned to give blow jobs, hand jobs and rub off on a guy, but getting it in the ass? That scared him. To go that far meant a boatload of trust. And Phillip didn’t trust anyone. If you couldn’t trust your mother, who could you trust? No one.
At least, until he’d met Estaban. But did he trust him enough to lose his virginity to him? Estaban was older, surely more experienced in sexual techniques. What would he think of his blow
-job skills?
Would he laugh when he found out he hadn’t had full-on sex yet?
Phillip’s cheeks flamed hot at that thought. He’d just die if Estaban laughed or teased him. Just curl up into a ball and die.
What if Estaban tried to just go for it? What if he got hurt? A trip to the emergency room would kill him. How would he ever explain it to Rush?
Maybe before they went too far, he should mention his inexperience.
But time was up. Estaban pulled off the road, then he backed the truck about a hundred feet down a dark road. He put it in park and turned off the lights.
“No one bothers coming out here.” He waved his arm. “It’s part of an abandoned farm, but it’s got a great view of the night sky.”
Phillip leaned down to see out of the windshield. “I guess so.” All he could see was the half-moon and stars hanging above a rolling pasture of tall grass.
Estaban reached behind the seat and pulled out a large bundle of fabric. “Come on. Let’s get in the truck bed and look up at the sky. Maybe spot some shooting stars?”
“Are you nuts? It’s cold as fuck out there.” Phillip shivered at just the idea of getting out of the now warm cabin.
“That’s what this is for.” He patted the bundle. “We’ll get wrapped up in this sleeping bag and our body heat will keep us cozy. Come on.” He opened the door and the overhead light went on, shining down on Phillip.
“What the hell.” Phillip threw his door open and hopped out. Before he knew it, he and Estaban climbed into the bed. Estaban hurriedly stretched out the sleeping bag.
“Go on. Lay down. I’ll get it zipped up, then get in.”
“We won’t fit.” Phillip stomped his feet to keep the circulation going.
“It’s a two-man bag. We’ll fit.”
Phillip wiggled into it and waited as Estaban fussed with the zipper. “Come on, man. I’m freezing my nuts off!” He laughed as Estaban cursed at it.
Finally, the zipper moved and he worked it almost all the way around. Then he got in and scooted close to Phillip. The heat from his body wrapped around him.
He reached for Estaban, pulled him in tight and inhaled his scent. God, nothing finer than man and that citrusy-woodsy aftershave.
Estaban rolled back into his hold. He faced Estaban, staring into those bottomless dark brown eyes.
“Hi.” He couldn’t think of anything better to say? What a dope!
“Hi.” Estaban smiled. “I want to kiss you. Is that okay?”
Phillip exhaled. “Yes, thank fuck. That would be excellent because I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time.”
Estaban carded his fingers through Phillip’s hair then cupped the back of his head and pulled him in. Phillip kept eye contact until Estaban’s face blurred in the darkness, then he closed his eyes.
Estaban kissed him, soft and sweet. Phillip’s heart near about broke at all the things that kiss told him. He reached out and buried his fingers in Estaban’s shirt, pulling him even closer as he opened his mouth, telling him he wanted more. Deeper.
Estaban lapped at him, driving Phillip’s arousal even higher. He wanted to get lost in these kisses, to never come up for air.
And damn if Estaban didn’t just keep kissing him, taking it deep, then backing off, then driving him nuts with bites and sucking and always, always going back to tenderness.
“I’ve wanted you for months, Phillip. You’re the bright spot in my life. Just these last few days without you at work have made me…lonely.” He shrugged. “I know we never really did much talking about stuff, but it was having you there. Seeing you smile at me. Does that sound lame?”
“No. Not lame.” He shook his head. “Same here. The worst part about being fired was not seeing you.” He braced his forehead against Estaban’s. “It’s weird, but I’m so glad I got fired. If I hadn’t there’s no telling how long we’d have kept mooning at each other. Flynn did us a favor.”
Estaban smiled. “I guess so. And I’ll be okay, long as I can keep seeing you. I want more, Phillip. I’m not sure if you’re ready, but I’m looking for something long term. I want a life with someone.”
“I might be young, but I want the same thing. I’m tired of running, moving from place to place, no roots, no one who cares if I stay or leave. I want friends. A real boyfriend, not a hook-up.” Phillip kissed him. “I think I want you.”
Estaban leaned back and howled into the air like a wolf. Phillip laughed and joined in. They howled like crazy coyotes at the half-moon in the sky. Somewhere in the distance, a pair of coyotes howled back.
They snickered and dove deeper under the sleeping bag. Phillip wrapped his arms around Estaban’s neck. Estaban grabbed Phillip’s ass and hauled him up and on top of him. Phillip stared down into deep brown eyes smiling up at him.
Estaban arched into Phillip, letting him know how much he turned him on. Oh, yes. That hardness pressed against his shaft. They rutted against each other until Phillip thought he’d come in his jeans.
And all the time, Estaban kissed him, dragged his tongue down Phillip’s throat to bite where shoulder met neck, then licked back up to devour his lips and plunder his mouth.
His cock jerked each time Estaban’s slid across it. Man, he wanted more. But he didn’t want to rush things. He still wasn’t sure if he could go all the way, or if Estaban wanted that also.
Phillip backed off to stare into Estaban’s eyes. “Hey, I need to talk to you about…stuff.”
“Sure. You can tell me anything.” Estaban squeezed his ass and Phillip couldn’t resist thrusting against him.
“Well, I’ve tried a few things, you know, sexual things over the years. I’m not an innocent.”
“Sure. I understand that. And you know I’ve been with my share of men.”
Phillip nodded. “But have you had any relationships? Because I haven’t. Lots of hook-ups.”
Estaban rolled Phillip off and to the side, then turned to face him. “Yes to the hook-ups, of course. It’s practically a way of life for a gay man.” He paused, licked his lips and exhaled. “As for relationships…once. When I was younger than you. I fell for an older guy. He wasn’t good for me.”
“What happened?”
“He wasn’t who I thought he was.” He shrugged. “I’m all young and idealistic and thinking this is a worthy man. He’s handsome, honest and truthful. Only I found out he was anything but honorable or truthful.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. But I learned, you don’t give your heart away to someone unless you really know them. Know the kind of person he is, deep down inside.” He thumped his chest with his fist. “That’s why I want to take our time, get to really know each other. My mom, she always told us, find someone who has the same beliefs as you. They can be opposite in a lot of things, but someone’s beliefs, that tells you what kind of person you should look for.”
“What kind of person are you looking for?” Phillip probably shouldn’t have asked because he didn’t think he would be the same as Estaban’s answer. How could he ever measure up? And as far as beliefs, he wasn’t sure he knew what he believed.
Estaban put his arms under his head and gazed up at the stars. “I want a man who doesn’t keep secrets from me. Someone I can tell my secrets to and who’ll love me despite them. I want a man with moral fiber, someone with honor, who’d never do anything wrong if he could help it. I want a good man. He doesn’t have to be gorgeous or ripped or anything. Nice looking is fine, if he’s the right man deep inside, you know?”
Phillip’s stomach clenched. Well, fuck. The man Estaban described wasn’t him, not even remotely. He’d done some bad stuff when he was a kid and teen. Used his power to con and steal from people. Would it matter he’d done it under duress from his mom? Probably not to Estaban. And definitely not to the cops.
No, he’d be locked up so fast his head would spin as the jail door slammed shut.
Phillip gazed up at the stars, blinking back tears. A shooting star str
eaked across the sky, burning out before it came close to earth. Beautiful. Just like Estaban. But he wasn’t the man for him. How could Estaban trust him? How could he confess his sins and expect redemption or forgiveness? Estaban was sure to always wonder if he’d used his power, from everything from what movie to watch to…falling in love with him.
He fell far short of the kind of man Estaban wanted—demanded—deserved—to spend his life with here in Spring Lake.
“What kind of man do you want?” Estaban nudged him with his elbow. “I shared mine, now you tell about your ‘dream’ boyfriend. What kind of man do you see yourself with?”
Phillip swallowed down his emotions and tried to think of something to tell Estaban. Just when he began to give up, he blurted out, “Someone kind and loving and…forgiving.”
“Forgiving?” Estaban scrunched up his face. “What could you possibly have done to need forgiveness?”
Phillip hadn’t wanted to go there, but if he wasn’t who Estaban wanted, then better to know now and end this—no matter how hurt his heart would be if they broke up now. Once he fell in love, the heartbreak would be ten times worse.
“I don’t think it really matters because I’m not the kind of man you want. Maybe we should just forget about this.”
“What are you talking about?” Estaban touched his hand. “Look, how about you tell me a little bit about yourself, let me decide for myself if I want to end this before it’s even started?”
“Can’t you just take my word for it?” Phillip groaned and tried to turn away, but Estaban stopped him.
“No. I want you to talk to me. Tell me. You know, I think I’m a pretty forgiving kind of guy.” He gave Phillip a smile.
“Fine.” Phillip huffed. “You know I left home when I was about sixteen, right?” Estaban nodded. “I never knew my dad. He didn’t stay around long enough after I was born. At least that’s what my mom told me. So, my mom…she was a grifter—I guess that’s the best way to say it. I don’t know how we survived when I was a kid.”
“Hey, not everyone has a perfect family, you know. My dad died years ago, so I understand about being raised by a single mom. We have that in common.”