Seeing an opening for more friendly conversation, she walked up to the steps to join him. “How is your mom anyway?”
“She’s better.” He leaned over and set the box on the floor, flashing that muscular part of his lower back again. “Still on antibiotics, and there’s still some inflammation, but the doctors are happy with her progress.” He wouldn’t look at Kenna directly.
Did she really annoy him that much?
“That’s great.” Kenna tried to shake off the awkwardness crowding the air between them. She was likeable, damn it. Why wouldn’t he look at her like he’d looked at her when he brought up the whole petition thing the night Birdie had reintroduced them? “So this should be fun,” she said, trying again. “Working on the set. Hammering stuff, and…” Well, she didn’t know exactly what else it took to build a stable.
Tucker finally turned to face her fully. “Look, I can handle the set by myself. It’s fine. Really. I don’t need help if you have somewhere else to be.”
Ha. Didn’t he know what she’d been through over the last year? “Somewhere else?”
“Yeah.” He knelt and started to organize the lumber by size. “It’s two weeks before Christmas. I’m sure things must be pretty busy for you right now. There are a million holiday parties in town.”
Kenna studied him. “Are you saying I should have something better to do on a Friday night?” So he really did think she was pathetic.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Why aren’t you at the parties?” she asked, crossing her arms for good measure. He had a lot of friends in town. Surely he was invited to the same parties she was.
It seemed Tucker McGrath had nothing to say to that.
“Come on.” She moved to stand where he had to look at her. “You know my dirty little secret. How my husband screwed over me and a whole lot of other people. Why not make me feel better about myself and tell me why you’re avoiding all of the festive fun?”
Tucker seemed to size her up. For some reason she couldn’t hold his gaze without her heart twirling.
“I’m not big on Christmas.” He stood. “That’s no secret. I’m sure you’ve heard people call me Scrooge. I’ve done my best to avoid the holiday for a long time.” His mouth pulled into a focused frown, but sadness hid underneath it.
That glimpse of emotion drew her in. Maybe because she could relate. “Why have you avoided it for so long?” It was none of her business but she wanted to understand, to see past the Scrooge people believed him to be.
Tucker slipped past her, marched down the steps, and retrieved a shopping bag full of nails. “My dad walked out right before Christmas,” he said matter-of-factly. “When I was seventeen. Haven’t celebrated since.”
“Oh.” She hadn’t realized Mr. McGrath had left during the holidays. Wow. So he hadn’t celebrated Christmas for fifteen years? “But your mom loves Christmas.”
“I said I haven’t celebrated. She always has.” He stuck a pencil behind his ear. “She usually volunteers somewhere. But I’ve always made sure I had plenty of work so I could avoid the holiday altogether.”
Two years ago, she might not have understood that, but this year…well if it weren’t for Jake and Benny, she’d definitely be avoiding Christmas. “It’s hard to celebrate when it feels like someone is missing.” When your family looked a certain way but suddenly everything was different.
Tucker stopped moving and looked at her. For the first time that evening, he gazed directly into her eyes. An awareness flickered across his face, something that looked suspiciously similar to interest. But if that’s what it was, why was he being so distant?
“Is that how it feels for you?” he asked. “Like someone’s missing?”
Was he asking if she still loved her ex-husband? She supposed the question made sense. But over the last year, she’d been able to let go of her feelings for Mike. She didn’t love him anymore, but somehow that hadn’t made her life easier. “It’s more like a dream is gone. I don’t miss Mike, but I miss the feeling of having my family complete.” Afraid she’d shared too much, Kenna tried to smile. “What about you? Do you still miss your dad?”
“No.” That distant expression took over his face again. “I figure I’m better off without him.”
Kenna watched him lug a two-by-four to the stage. If that were true, why had he avoided Christmas for so long? The question made her more desperate than ever to save this Christmas for her own children. Would that be their story someday? Would they simply close themselves off to feeling anything? My dad went to prison the year I turned six. Haven’t celebrated since.
They needed to celebrate. Even if she didn’t feel like it. Even if she didn’t have the money. They needed something to believe in. Even when she was grasping to find hope. “Why did your dad walk out?” she asked quietly.
“Mom got diagnosed with lupus.” Tucker hauled more lumber to the edge of the stage. Was it just her or had his movements grown tense? “He couldn’t deal. Funny, I never realized how much he sucked at dealing with things until then. He never wanted to face up to anything real or hard. He wanted easy. Laughs. A good time all the time.” A cold bitterness made the words sound strained.
“That must’ve been so hard for your family.” For Birdie and his younger sister. Jade had been a few years behind Kenna in school. “I heard your sister moved away a while back.” Kenna tried to get a look at his face but he kept dodging her.
“She took off for Nashville. She’s hoping to make a name for herself on the music scene.”
Watching him work, Kenna caught another glimpse of emotion beneath his gruff exterior. “So your dad left, and your sister left, but you stayed for your mom.”
“I belong here,” he said simply. “I love my job and I’ve got good friends.”
She smiled and waited for him to finish. There was more to his story. More behind why he’d stayed in Topaz Falls.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he grumbled. “Like I’m some hero. There are plenty of other things I could tell you that aren’t so heroic.”
Be that as it may, as a mother of two young boys, she couldn’t help but admire him for staying to look after his mom. “So you and your mom never do anything for Christmas?”
“Not until this year.” Even when he wore a grimace, the man’s face still had that classic handsome charm. “After what she’s been through, I figured it was time to stop avoiding it, so I promised to bring back all of our traditions, and I’ll take care of everything. Hopefully then she’ll get the rest she needs.”
So he was definitely still worried about his mom, and she couldn’t blame him. Seeing Birdie collapse had been one of the scariest moments of Kenna’s life. She couldn’t imagine what it had done to him. “We could always work on the set another time. If you’d rather be with Birdie at the hospital.”
“I was just there. She told me I was driving her crazy. Said she needed some peace and quiet.” He slung a tool belt around his waist. “So what about you? Why aren’t you going to the parties?”
“Are you kidding? No one wants me to come.” Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Her book club friends had planned a party for Sunday and they’d told her she didn’t have a choice but to come. “And the boys are out Christmas shopping with Mateo and Everly. Sometimes I think they’d love to move in with those two if I’d let them.” Not that it bothered her. It actually meant a lot that they had somewhere to go. More people who loved them. That’s what had gotten her through the last year. “So I literally have nothing but this to do tonight.”
Something in his expression changed…softened maybe? He actually looked at her for more than a quick second. “Then I guess we’d better get to work,” he said, walking over to hand her a hammer.
She held the wooden handle tight, looking forward to pounding in a few nails. “Sounds good to me.”
The minutes rushed by as Kenna helped him cut particleboard and nail two-by-fours together—mainly holding this piece here and that piece there. While they w
orked, Tucker seemed to relax. They chatted about his travels with the Cortez brothers on the circuit and about how crazy the kids in her classes got this time of year as the excitement for Christmas built. It was all so normal—the chatting, the focused work. It almost felt like the most normal thing she’d done since her life had imploded. It very well might have been the easiest conversation she’d had with anyone besides her book club friends.
By the time they’d finished building the frame for the stable, it felt like hardly any time had passed at all.
“Wow.” Kenna stood back to admire their work. Well, Tucker’s work really. She’d been more of an assistant, but it had felt good to contribute something. And her hammering skills had come a long way. “That looks amazing.” Instead of a stable painted on plywood, they had a real structure. “The kids are going to love this. Especially with the lights.” Birdie was right—that would totally brighten everything up.
“Let’s go ahead and hang them.” Tucker went back to the box of lights and wound the string around his arm. “I’ll go grab the ladder.” He disappeared and came back carrying a stepladder, which he positioned near one of the stable’s posts. “Why don’t you go up and I’ll hand you the lights and the staple gun?”
“Me?” Tucker had quite the sense of humor. “You may not know this, but I’m quite the klutz.” The last time she’d climbed a ladder to change a lightbulb, she’d accidentally missed a rung and ended up with a sprained wrist.
“You can handle it.” He held the base of the ladder with both hands. “I’ll keep it steady for you.”
The words held a challenge, and she was done backing down. “Okay, fine.” She could do this. How hard could it be to stand on a ladder and staple in a string of lights?
The first few steps up the ladder were unsteady in her heeled boots, but then she found her balance and climbed a little higher.
“Here’s the first string of lights.” He passed it up to her, keeping the ladder stable with his other hand. “Let me know when you’re ready for the staple gun.”
“Give me a minute.” She really had to take her other hand off the ladder too? Her knees weren’t exactly holding steady with this man watching her so closely.
“Easy. Just move slow.” He held up the staple gun with a grin that did nothing to reinforce her balance.
Slowly, she pulled her hand away from the ladder, tightened every muscle in her legs, and took the staple gun out of his hand.
“Careful. Just hold the wire against the wood and staple it into place,” he instructed.
Easy for him to say, standing on the ground. Wobbling, she raised her hand to press the wire against the wood and popped a staple into place. “I did it! I—”
When she whirled to look triumphantly at Tucker, her balance failed and she pitched backward, dropping the gun and flailing to grab on to the ladder again. She couldn’t get a good grip before it swayed sideways.
Everything seemed to slow when she fell. Her hands grasped at the ladder but it tipped one way and she tipped the other. Just as it crashed to the floor, she thudded against Tucker’s solid body and he caught her in his arms.
He seemed nearly as stunned as she was. “You okay?”
“I think so,” she managed, but her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. And not just from the fall, either. His arms were strong around her and the collar of his shirt smelled like cedar.
“You sure?” Tucker gently eased her feet to the ground and stood her upright, holding her a second longer.
Whoa. Her knees teetered like she was still standing on the ladder.
“I mean, you look fine.” His eyes trailed down her body again. “Good. You look really good.”
“I’m just surprised.” Nothing surprised her more than Tucker McGrath, than the sudden softness smoothing out his normally gruff voice, than the intensity heating his eyes.
“Me too.” Instead of stepping back, he eased even closer, his gaze intent on her lips.
A silent yes resounded through her, pinging in her pulse points and settling deep in her chest.
He took his time getting there, easing into her as though giving her space to refuse him. She couldn’t. The anticipation boiled up and she found it hard to be still, to wait. A kiss. Oh God, a kiss. It had been a long, lonely year and somehow even the promise of a kiss rekindled a yearning for a connection, for a physical touch. She hadn’t realized how much she needed it until right now. She needed to know it was possible to still feel something.
Tucker slipped his hand around her lower back, watching her eyes while he pulled her to him. She didn’t even try to disguise her impatience. Don’t wait. Don’t stop. Don’t think.
Seeming to get the message, Tucker lowered his lips to hers. His mouth tasted minty. He pulled her in closer, teasing her mouth open wider with his lips and then his tongue. Desire rushed in hot and fast, spreading into every dark, cold crevice of her heart. She angled her head to get closer to him, to fully kiss him back, and Tucker scooped his hands under her butt, bringing her up against his body. She kissed him harder, cupping his jaw, making sure he stayed there, that he kept kissing her because it was like waking up, like sunshine streaming right into her, everything warm and hopeful. “I didn’t think you liked me much,” she gasped when he pulled back.
“That’s not it,” he uttered in a tortured growl. “The problem is I like you too much.”
“What—”
Somewhere a door banged open.
“Mommy!”
“Oh God!” She broke out of Tucker’s arms just as Benny burst into the auditorium. He stopped cold, and for a second she was sure he somehow knew what she and Tucker had been doing, but when she blinked everything into a clear focus, she realized he was staring at the new stable.
Jake came bounding in next and had the same reaction. “Wow! What is that? Where did you get it?”
“We built it,” Tucker said, offering no hint that his heart raced the same way hers still did. “But it’s not done,” he told the boys. “We still have to hang the lights. Want to help?”
“Yes! We want to help!” they shouted, racing down the aisle. Tucker gave her a small private grin—because they’d kissed! And it was a hot kiss. A Let’s get rid of these clothes kiss. A kiss that had completely stolen her ability to move or think clearly. A kiss that had made her forget she’d told Everly to drop the boys off at the town hall after they were done shopping.
“Man those boys are fast!” Everly hurried into the room but slowed when she caught sight of Kenna’s face. She immediately looked over to where Tucker stood showing the boys the strings of lights. “Um. Did we interrupt something?”
Something, yes. But Kenna had no idea what. What the hell had just happened? She cleared her throat. “Everly, can you help me find some of the props in the storage room?” she asked loud enough for Tucker and the boys to hear. Without waiting for an answer, she linked their arms together and dragged Everly out of the auditorium and all the way down the hall, not saying one word until they were safely closed into the tiny room. “Tucker kissed me,” she blurted.
“Yeah, baby.” Everly pulled over a kid-sized stool and plopped down. “Give me details. I want to hear everything.”
“I fell off the ladder and he caught me.” Kenna paced, trying to make sure she hadn’t dreamt it up. “And then when our eyes met, there was this moment.” She hadn’t imagined it, had she? How Tucker’s face had changed when he looked at her?
“And?” her friend pestered, tugging on her sweater.
“Then he kissed me.” In the most slow, surrendering way. “And I told him I thought he didn’t like me, and he said…” She paused, trying to get the words right. “‘The problem is I like you too much.’ What do you think that means?”
“Who cares what it means?” Everly leaned forward and took Kenna’s shoulders in her hands. “Tucker McGrath kissed you. He’s obviously attracted to you. Did you kiss him back? Did you like it?”
“It was…�
� Scorching…powerful…breathtaking…For some reason she couldn’t describe it. “It’s ridiculous. I’m a mom. I have two kids.” Which also meant she had responsibilities, things she needed to focus on, especially with Christmas right around the corner.
“So?” Everly cast her a stern glare. “Does that mean you can’t have a little fun? It’s not like Tucker’s going to want to get serious.”
Everyone in town knew Tucker wasn’t the settling down type. For some reason, that bothered her more than it should. “Of course I’m not opposed to fun. I’m fun. Well, I used to be fun…”
“Then what’s the problem?” her friend demanded. “Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you’re exempt from having a little fun. You’re also a single woman. Which means you and Tucker can do some kissing. And maybe some other stuff. You can hang out with him. Have a good time. A secret Christmas fling would be great for you. It’s like taking a baby step to opening yourself back up, to enjoy life again.”
The speech struck a chord that had already been humming back to life deep inside of her. “You know what? You’re right. It would be good for me.” A Christmas fling sounded like the perfect way to take back her life.
Chapter Five
There had been a time when the last day of the fall semester had Kenna humming Christmas carols and making lists of last-minute gifts to buy along with items she’d need at the grocery store for baking Christmas cookies and their special Christmas morning brunch. Instead, she sat at her desk in her music room flipping through a pile of bills she’d been avoiding for far too long.
There was the bill for the boys’ last visit to the dentist. Looking at that, she had no idea why she even bothered with insurance. They seemed to cover less and less. Then there was the heating bill—also astronomically high due to the early start to winter. If those two weren’t bad enough, she’d also forgotten the car insurance was due along with the balance for the urgent care visit when Jake had come down with a severe case of strep throat—on a weekend, of course. She didn’t have to total everything up to know there wasn’t enough in any of her accounts to cover it all.
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