Christmas with a Cowboy

by Brown, Carolyn

  Sighing, she opened her laptop to search for a good Realtor in the area. It was time for her to stop delaying the inevitable. She and the boys would have to move. Embrace the future, she reminded herself, but it did little to lift her spirits. So far her plan to break free from her past wasn’t exactly taking shape quite the way she’d pictured. In fact, she hadn’t even seen Tucker since he’d kissed her nearly a week ago. He’d texted her that he wasn’t able to come to the rehearsal on Sunday night because Birdie was having a procedure done, but Kenna couldn’t help wondering if he was avoiding her. Maybe he regretted the kiss. Maybe—

  “Mommy! Mommy!” Jake and Benny bounded into the room, weighed down by their backpacks and coats.

  She quickly shut her laptop and shoved the stack of bills back into her bag.

  “School’s out!” they chanted, jumping up and down in front of her desk. “You know what that means.” Jake’s eyes widened.

  “No homework for the whole two-and-a-half-week break?” she guessed.

  “Nooooo, Mom.” His face scrunched up with an irritable disappointment. “It means we get to go pick out our Christmas tree today. Remember? That’s what we always used to do on the last day of school. Well, except for last year when we were at Aunt Darcy’s house. But this year we’re home, so we can get our tree!”

  “Right. Of course.” Last year, with the end of her marriage so fresh, she’d taken the boys to California to visit her sister for Christmas. As a guest in someone else’s house, she hadn’t had to do anything, but this year clearly she would have to step up and handle all of the traditions alone.

  Her empty stomach clenched.

  Benny wandered forward. “We’re still going to get the tree, right, Mommy?” he asked in his sweet, shy tenor. “Even though Daddy’s gone we still get a tree, don’t we?” Fear hid in his baby blue eyes, and that was all Kenna ever needed to see to snap out of her own grief.

  “Of course we’re still getting a tree.” She hopped up and quickly packed her things. “We’ll leave right now. Zip up your coats. And put on your mittens and hats.” She pulled on her own coat. “We’ll have hot chocolate and maybe we can even buy a treat from the store.”

  “Yes!”

  “Woohoo!”

  The boys wrestled up their zippers and pulled on their identical knitted beanies, their faces lit with excitement.

  Kenna did her best to match their enthusiasm as they traipsed down the hall, waving to the other teachers and students who were still clearing out of the building. It felt good walking out. She needed a break. Time with the boys. Time for fun. And there was Tucker again, taking over her thoughts. That kiss had definitely been fun, not to mention hot enough to melt all this snow…

  “Come on, Mommy!” Benny clasped her hand and pulled her out the doors.

  Right. Now was not the time to think of Tucker. It was probably better that he avoid her anyway. She’d never had a fling before, and she had no idea what the rules were. Or if there even were rules. Probably not. Didn’t rules take away the fun? She decided not to obsess over it.

  Cold air bathed her face while sunlight poured down onto the pristine blanket of snow that had fallen yesterday.

  “We’re gonna get the biggest tree they have!” Jake bounced around her. “Ten times taller than me!”

  Kenna smiled. “We have to make sure it fits in our house, sweetie.” Speaking of, she had no idea how she’d carry the thing inside by herself. Or how to set it up, for that matter. That was all stuff Mike had taken care of, but this was a new day and she’d have to figure it out on her own. She would figure it out.

  After they’d piled into the car, she cranked up some Christmas carols and the three of them sang loudly and off key all the way out to the tree farm. It seemed a lot of people had the same idea they had. The parking lot was nearly full. She parked next to a big pickup truck. Much like the one Mike had driven. Jake looked up at it.

  “Mom? How’re we gonna get our tree home?”

  “Um…” She cut the engine and looked around the interior of her Jeep Grand Cherokee. “Well…I guess we’ll tie it to the top of the car.” People did that all the time, right? She didn’t need a truck. They would simply improvise.

  “Come on, you two.” She zipped her wallet into her coat pocket. “Let’s get you guys some hot chocolate.”

  The boys bounded ahead of her, singing “O Christmas Tree” all the way to the entrance.

  “Hi there!” a young female employee greeted them warmly. “I’ll bet you two would like some hot chocolate.”

  “Yes, please!” Jake said in his favorite volume: loud. Benny simply nodded.

  “Here you go.” The girl filled two small cups from the cart and stuck lids on them. “Can I get you anything?” she asked Kenna.

  “No thanks.” She quickly pulled out her wallet and paid for the drinks, and then hurried after the boys before they got lost somewhere in the maze of trees. She found them standing in the shadows of a beautiful twelve-foot blue spruce, stately and elegant with perfectly symmetrical silvery branches. Even she was powerless to overlook it.

  “This is amazing!” Benny brushed his hand over the needles. “Smell it, Mama! It smells so good!”

  Kenna walked closer and inhaled deeply. That scent was Christmas. Crisp and piney and woodsy. “It’s beautiful,” she agreed, admiring the shape. She glanced at the price. One hundred twenty-five dollars? For a tree they’d have to turn into mulch in a few short weeks? “It’s a really big tree.” And way too expensive. She glanced around. “Hey, what about this one?” She led them over to a smaller fir. “This one’s nice.”

  “That’s the one I had my eye on.”

  That deep matter-of-fact drawl gave her heart a good kick. Kenna started to look for him, but the boys got to him first.

  “Tucker!” They sprinted over to the cowboy full speed, skidding to a stop just before they knocked into him.

  Kenna, however, couldn’t move. He had on a heavy sheepskin-lined jean jacket and his cowboy hat. He looked every bit as good as he had the night he’d kissed her…and as he’d looked in her dreams since. Solid and in control.

  “We found the perfect tree,” Jake squealed.

  “It’s so big!” Benny added, not shying away like he usually did. “Come on!” He yanked on Tucker’s hand, and Kenna’s mouth fell open. Benny never reached out like that. Especially not to someone he hardly knew. While it was a sweet sight to see the cowboy holding her son’s hand, she couldn’t ward off a nagging concern. What would it mean for her boys to get attached to Tucker? It wasn’t like she could stop it. They’d see him at the rehearsals. She would just have to be careful to keep her own attachment to the man hidden so they didn’t get any ideas about the two of them being together.

  “Do you want to see the tree?” her son asked.

  “Sure.” Tucker shot her a quick smile from underneath the brim of his hat.

  Now that she knew what amazing things those lips could do, even that small quirk of his mouth was enough to turn her limbs wobbly, but she’d never let him know it. She’d show him she could keep her distance just as well as he could. “What’re you doing here?” she asked, aiming for a tone of casual surprise.

  “I’m looking for a tree. For my mom.”

  Aw. Okay. It looked like he was serious about giving Birdie the best Christmas ever.

  “Is Miss Birdie gonna be okay?” Jake cast a worried gaze up at Tucker.

  “You know what, buddy? I think she is.” The cowboy ruffled his hair. “Thanks for asking. She has to stay in the hospital a little longer. But I’m hoping she can come home for Christmas.”

  “No one should be sick for Christmas,” Benny whispered sadly.

  “Exactly,” Tucker agreed. “That’s why I have to find the best tree. Maybe it’ll help her get all better.”

  Judging from the catch in his voice, he’d do anything and everything in his power to make her better. “What’s the latest update on her condition?” Kenna asked.
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  That smile of his couldn’t hide a grim expression. “They’re still battling the inflammation in her heart. It’s kind of a waiting game right now.”

  God, the worry in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” No one should have to deal with hospitals and sickness over the holidays. Especially not someone who loved this time of year as much as Birdie.

  “That’s why I’m here.” He looked around at the trees. “I figured I should probably start looking for a tree so they’re not all gone by the time she gets out of the hospital.”

  Jake gasped the way he always did when a lightbulb went on over his head. “Let’s all look for our trees together! Can we, Mom?”

  If she said no, Tucker would likely guess why. He would know she felt awkward about their kiss. Well, not so much because of their kiss, more because of the radio silence following the kiss. But she wasn’t broken-hearted Kenna anymore. So she shrugged and smiled like it was no big deal. “Sure.” She turned to him. “Although I should warn you. We might be here another six hours. Every tree we come across is sure to be better than the last one.”

  He chuckled. “I can relate. I’ve already been here a half hour and I can’t seem to make a decision myself.” He stooped to the boys’ level. “I’ll tell you what. If you help me pick out the perfect tree for my house, I’ll help you guys out too.”

  “Deal.” Benny stuck out a hand to shake on it.

  That was all she needed to see to bring the worry bubbling back up. They clearly looked up to the man, but she couldn’t hide them away just because she was attracted to him. Somehow she’d have to downplay her feelings for Tucker and keep a friendly distance between them.

  “So what kind of tree are you looking for?” she asked. She could do this. She could keep things light and conversational.

  Tucker walked alongside her. “I think I like the firs. They’re a little more understated.”

  Which seemed like a perfect fit for him. Incredibly good-looking but not flashy.

  “We like that one!” Jake pointed out the spruce, which towered over all the others in the vicinity.

  Tucker whistled low. “That’s a beauty.”

  “An expensive beauty,” Kenna muttered so the boys wouldn’t hear.

  Tucker leaned forward to glance at the price tag. “Ouch.”

  Yeah, tell her about it. She’d never relied on a credit card, but it looked like this month she’d have to start.

  “I don’t know.” Tucker walked around the tree, looking it over thoughtfully. “It’s almost too perfect.”

  Benny and Jake followed him as though trying to see what he saw. “It is?” Jake asked, twisting his mouth with confusion.

  “Yeah.” The cowboy stood back and frowned. “I mean, it’s not unique. It has no personality.”

  Kenna hid her smile behind her mitten. He was totally talking them out of the most expensive tree on the lot so she wouldn’t have to disappoint them.

  “Look at this one, for example.” He led the boys over to a much smaller fir tree nearby. “It leans a little to the left. And some of the branches are bushy but others aren’t.” He brushed snow off the needles. “I’ll bet you this is the only tree that has this exact shape in the whole world. And it’s the only tree that’s missing this branch near the top.” Tucker shook his head like he couldn’t believe they’d found such a treasure. “This tree is one of a kind. There’s not another one like it anywhere.”

  Her boys seemed to look at the tree with a new appreciation.

  Tucker frowned. “I think I might take this one.”

  “Aww.” Jake reached his hand to one of the branches. “I kinda wanted it.”

  “Me too,” Benny echoed.

  The cowboy winked at Kenna. “Well, since I like you guys so much, I’ll let you have it.”

  “You will?” the boys asked at the exact same time.

  “Sure. Come to think of it, I might wait to buy my mom one anyway. I took some pictures of other trees on my phone. I can show her and she can help me pick one of those instead. So the tree is yours. As long as it’s okay with your mom.”

  Jake and Benny snapped their heads to look at her, their eyes wide and silently pleading.

  Oh, that man. He was good. “Of course it’s okay. I think it’s the perfect tree.” She let herself look deeply into Tucker’s eyes for a minute, only a minute, in a silent thanks. Instead of the $125, this one was an affordable $45, which wouldn’t put quite as big a dent in her credit card.

  “Did I hear that someone picked out their tree?” A farm employee walked over, carrying a large bow saw.

  “This one!” Jake all but hugged the tree. “It’s one of a kind!”

  “It sure is. Y’all ready to cut it down?” The man went to hand the saw to Tucker.

  “But our dad always did that.” Jake looked at Kenna with worry clouding his eyes. There had been so many looks exactly like that over the last year. The silent panic when one of her boys wondered, What’re we going to do? Before Kenna could answer, Tucker took the saw from the man and held it out to her.

  “Well, this time I think your mom should do the honors.”

  “Me? Really?” She’d never actually cut down the tree before.

  “Sure.” The cowboy’s expression turned playful. “Any woman who can string up Christmas lights can cut down a tree.”

  Ha. Was he just setting her up to fall into his arms again? “The lights might’ve been a disaster if I hadn’t had some backup,” she reminded him.

  “I’m more than happy to provide backup.” His eyes were intent on hers, as penetrating as they’d been right before he’d kissed her.

  For some reason when he looked at her like that, her confidence grew. It made her feel strong. She had so much to prove. To herself, to her boys, to Tucker. She wasn’t fragile and dependent. She could be bold and desirable. “I’d love to do the honors.” Kenna took the saw from Tucker with a smile.

  “Just let me know when you’ve got her down,” the farm employee said. “We’ll come and load it into your car for you.”

  “Wow, Mom,” Benny said after the man walked away. “Are you sure you know how to use that thing?”

  “Of course I know how to use it.” And even if she didn’t, she’d figure it out to prove a point. She got on her knees and crawled under the branches while Tucker stood back and assumed a supervisory position.

  She tried to remember how her butt looked in these jeans. It’d been a while since she’d cared.

  “You boys can get down and help her,” Tucker said. He did seem to be checking her out. “There’s room for all of you to hold the saw together.”

  “Yes! We get to help!” Both Benny and Jake scooted in beside her and gripped the handle of the saw next to her hands.

  “Now just bring it back and forth,” Tucker instructed, taking a knee next to them.

  Kenna strained to maneuver the blade and find a rhythm. It took more muscle than she would’ve thought, and within a few minutes, she’d broken a sweat.

  “It’s working! Look, Mom.” Jake pointed out the small wedge they’d cut into the tree trunk.

  “It sure is.” Slowly but surely. She peeked back over her shoulder at Tucker with a wry grin. “You sure you don’t want to take a turn?”

  “I think you’re doing a fine job.”

  Ha. At this rate, it might take them an hour. Her jeans were soaked—freezing her legs—but she shifted back to the trunk and started sawing away again. By the time they got the trunk cut all the way through, her forearms were cramping and the skin on her knees was raw and numb, but the tree fell over and she and the boys all jumped up whooping and high-fiving.

  “We did it! We cut that tree down all by ourselves!” Jake launched himself over to hug Benny.

  “Of course you did. You three can do anything.” Tucker reached out a hand to help her up, and she felt herself melt for him all over again.

  Chapter Six

  Well, it seemed his work was done here.

  Tucker tighte
ned the last knot on the ropes that held the tree to Kenna’s Jeep roof and stood back. “Should be secure enough.” But just in case it wasn’t, he might have to follow her home. Being the gentleman that he was, it had been hard to stand back and watch while she cut down the tree, but that was her moment with her boys. A family moment that he had no right intruding on. He hadn’t wanted Jake to feel like he was trying to step in for their dad.

  That was the exact reason he’d been avoiding Kenna, why he didn’t show up at the last rehearsal. He didn’t trust himself around her, not after that kiss. It had been a long time since he’d lost control, but within five seconds of his lips on hers, everything had spiraled. He wanted her with a hunger that drove down deep, but what did he know about meeting the needs of a woman like Kenna? What did he know about being a family man? His mom had called him out that day they’d talked in the hospital. Why won’t you let yourself get close to anyone? It hadn’t taken him long to figure out the answer. It had hit him right after he’d kissed Kenna. He’d never wanted to hurt anyone the way his father had hurt his mother. But he especially didn’t want to hurt Kenna. Like Birdie had said, he had more of his dad in him than he cared to admit. That’s why he preferred to be up front about things, but he hadn’t exactly had time to define anything with her before that kiss.

  “Thanks for your help.” It was a cruel joke that she looked even lovelier now—after the exertion of cutting down the tree, with the brisk air and the soft fading light of evening all around her.

  “You’re welcome.” He quickly turned to the boys before she or anyone else could decipher his deepening feelings for her. “That was solid work, you two.”

  “Thanks again for letting us have the tree.” Jake gave him a manly handshake. “If you need help picking out yours, you know who to ask.”

  “I sure do.” He gave Benny a wink. “I think you two are the best tree hunters I’ve ever met.”

  The boy’s grin nearly reached his ears. “We couldn’t have found it without you. Hey!” He let out a wide-eyed gasp. “You should help us decorate it!” Benny whirled to face Kenna. “Can he? Can Tucker come over for pizza and help us put all of the ornaments on the tree?”