by Flite, Nora
My friend smiled at me so affectionately it scattered my heart into pieces. “And what if I do? Do you really believe that would change our friendship?”
Grinding my knuckles on my forehead, I laughed sourly. “I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.”
“Tell me what Ben did to you, Maya. I'm here to listen. I promise that nothing you tell me will change how much I care about you.”
“I'm so tired of promises,” I mumbled. When I spoke next, I kept my head down, my hair cascading over my face. “Ben broke up with me because I asked him to do something he didn't want to. I guess I thought, since we'd dated so long, he wouldn't freak out. I'd seen him peeing with the door open, for gods sake.” My hand tensed on the beer bottle, knuckles bone white. “It was my 25th birthday. We were a little drunk, just a buzz, really, to give me courage. I came out of the bathroom wearing this school girl outfit. Pigtails and all.”
“Then,” I said, speaking quietly so only she could hear, and barely that, “I asked him to pretend he was a police officer who'd found me skipping school. I'd even bought a damn uniform for him, a badge, to help him get into character.” I shivered, feeling as vulnerable now as I had then.
“What did he do?” Aubrey asked gently.
Covering my eyes, I grit my teeth. “He asked if I was joking. I didn't know what to say, I guess my silence was my answer. He asked me if that had happened to me... had a cop ever arrested me and done that... I was stunned! I told him of course not, it was just a little fantasy I wanted to act out! We'd had a pretty vanilla sex life. I wanted to indulge my kinkier side.
“He looked so disgusted. He demanded to know what else I was hiding. What I really expected from him.” My face was on fire. I remembered opening my laptop, feeling this combination of pressure to be honest with Ben and a need to explain myself. If I just showed him, surely he'd understand and accept me. Together we scrolled through my secret stash of porn... Japanese hentai... fanfiction... every dirty fantasy I had was laid bare.
Gathering myself, I said, “After some more talking, he threw the police outfit on the floor, yelling like a madman. I told myself he was just drunker than I'd thought, that he wasn't understanding what I was asking. Then he called me a whore.”
Aubrey let out a strained groan. “Jesus.”
“He was ranting so loud his voice went raw. He said I was a perverted tramp, that I should be ashamed of what I was asking him. He called me every name in the book. Slut, bimbo, depraved... everyone in the building heard. That was why I moved out so fast.”
“What a bastard! Who kink-shames their girlfriend? If I'd know, I would have kicked his ass. I definitely wouldn't have let him keep being friends with everyone!” She focused on me with fresh confusion. “Why didn't you think you could tell me about this?”
“It was too embarrassing. He made me hate myself, Aubrey. I wanted to crawl into the ground and die. I thought he was right, that I was disgusting. Undeserving of love.”
Her palm slapped the bar top so hard it sounded like a whip-crack. I jumped—the bartender looked over at us warily. “You're nothing like that!”
“It's how I felt.”
“All this time, I was polite to Ben because you both acted like the breakup was mutual.”
“It was, in a way.”
“You should have said something, Maya. I can't believe you made yourself act normal around him whenever he showed up to things people invited him to. If we'd known, if I'd known, I would have cut him out for your sake.” Her voice wavered. “I let you crash on my couch, fed you ice cream, and thought I was doing enough, but you were still beating yourself up inside. Fuck, I was so oblivious. I didn't protect you at all.”
“Whoa, hey, it's okay!” Grabbing her shoulder, I gave her a little push and pull. “Please don't beat yourself up. I handled everything in my own way. You know how I am, acting tough, keeping things civil. I feel relieved that I told you and you're not running away from me, screaming.”
“Maya, is that why Conner and you...”
“No,” I said quickly. “Our breakup had nothing to do with that.”
“Okay, then why?”
Was my beer empty already? I pushed the bottle side to side between my hands on the bar. “I found out that he wasn't who I thought he was. How much do you know about the RingMe app?”
“Wired had a huge article about it last month, lots of women singing its blessings. I actually debated signing up.”
“Here's the thing. Conner invented the app.”
“Um, he what now?”
“Exactly,” I sighed. “That's the career he refused to tell me about. He's a programmer, and a really good one, apparently.”
“Why didn't he tell you about that? You'd think he'd brag a bit.”
My poor bottom lip was getting chewed to hell. “It's not just that he made it. If it was only that, I'd be a little mad he hid it from me, but we'd still be together. This is a little hard to explain.”
“Try me.”
“When you sign up for RingMe, you fill in a bunch of data about yourself. Private stuff that the app uses to match you with people who are supposed to be perfect for you. But Conner went around his own coding and forced our profiles to connect. And,” I went on, my anger bubbling up as I relived the night in his apartment, “I'm pretty sure he went through all the personal things I put in my profile. All my preferences, beliefs, likes, dislikes... he had to have seen it all. He wasn't perfect for me, he was tailoring our interactions from the beginning. Nothing was real.”
“That's super creepy,” she agreed, crossing her arms. “He orchestrated your relationship like he had a field guide.”
I was nodding along, but my rage had already faded. I wanted so badly to be angry at Conner. Anger was better than regret.
“This is a heavy mood. Here, this should cheer you up.” She dipped her hand into her purse, holding out a blue and white cardboard CD case to me. “For you.”
“Oh my god, is that... Aubrey!” I took the signed Cynthia CD, flipping it back and forth in amazement. “Thank you so much!
“You mentioned liking her music, thought you'd appreciate that. She's nice, by the way. Down to Earth.”
That made me smile. “Glad to hear it. Seriously, thank you.”
My best friend swung one leg over the other, her foot moving like a dog's wagging tail. Something was still bugging her. I waited, knowing she'd blurt it out when she couldn't bottle it up any longer. “So...” she said, “if you and him are over, what are you going to do about the fake marriage? Your mom was relying on it.”
“That doesn't matter anymore. Turns out her and my aunt were wrong about the inheritance. Pappy was never going to take anything away, he's had the same will since the start. I don't need to marry anyone, fake or otherwise.”
“That's great!” Aubrey lifted her bottle to tap it on mine. “Cheers to dumping a jerk and insuring your mom's future without committing fraud to do it. Everything worked out.”
My smile was fragile as a bird's egg. “Yeah. Everything worked out.”
Chapter 20
Sick Like You
I REFUSED TO DEBASE myself by texting Conner.
But... I was okay with opening the RingMe app and doing a little reconnaissance on him. Since we'd messaged on it before, I knew I'd be able to see when he'd last logged in. I wasn't sure what that would tell me, but I was itching with an irrational desire to have some insight into what he was doing.
Don't get involved, I warned myself. Remember how he tricked you.
Of course I wouldn't get involved.
This wasn't engaging him. Just... looking.
Looking was okay.
I frowned in confusion, scrolling through my chat box with mounting unease. His messages were gone. His profile was gone.
Conner had vanished.
Flopping onto my couch, I held my phone over my head and just stared. Did he delete his account? I wondered. My insides were rolling around like snakes fighting for the
ir lives. I could text him and check in.
No.
That was pointless.
As much as I wanted to talk to Conner, I had to remind myself he'd hidden so much from me. If you call him, you can ask him why.
Dammit! I had to stop this wishful thinking. This was the same toxic rationalizing that had kept me making excuses for Ben. I was done letting people use me. Reasons didn't matter.
My stomach growled, and I pounced, happy to have a new task to focus on. I ordered delivery while scrolling through Netflix to find something brain-numbing to watch.
I was halfway through a second episode of Cake Disasters when someone knocked on my apartment door. “Yes,” I cheered, doing a happy dance, hips shimmying as I hurried to twist the doorknob. “Pad thai, here I come.”
I opened my door, but it wasn't the delivery driver standing in my hallway. Ben had one hand in the pocket of his denim, his other fist curled around the knotted top of a plastic bag with a paper receipt stapled to it.
“What timing, hm?” he asked. “I was walking through the lobby when the driver came to the front desk, asking for you. You know your elevator is out of order? He was relieved I was willing to tip him and carry the food up all those stairs so he could handle his other deliveries. Mark off two good deeds for me today, Karma.”
I took far too long to speak. “Ben? Why the hell are you here?”
“To talk to you.” Lifting the carton, he swung it lightly. “There's enough in here to share. Let's sit and have a meal.”
“No, no! You need to leave.”
“Or what? You'll call your big bull of a man on me?” Looking around my apartment, he chuckled. “I don't remember you ever being this messy, or this...” He wrinkled his nose as he studied my sweat pants and baggy tee shirt. “Are you in pajamas? It's 4 pm, Maya.”
“Get out. Now.”
Ignoring me, he stepped in and shut the door with his foot. “Why are you acting like this, I just want to talk.”
“Last time you tried, I made it clear I didn't want to waste my time.”
“Laser tag. Yeah. I also recall you were engaged then, but now...” He stared at my hand. “No ring.”
“That's none of your business.”
“Maya, let's stop with the charade.” He set the bag of food on the table by my couch, walking further inside. My heart was racing nervously. “You won. You made me jealous.”
“Are you kidding?” I laughed in honest surprise. “I wasn't trying to make you jealous!”
“Oh, come on.” He faced me, arms held out, hands moving as he emphasized his words. I didn't like how close he was getting. Or how my phone was sitting on the couch out of reach. “Maybe you can fool others, but not me. I know you, you'd never marry a guy you only met a month ago.”
My eyes flew open. “No, Conner and I have been dating for way longer, I just didn't tell anyone until he proposed.”
“Bullshit,” he snorted. “I was there the night you met him at that shitty hotel.”
Tension increased around my ribs to the point I thought they'd start to crack. The only way he could know about the hotel was... “Oh my god. The night I lost my ID. You found it and brought it to my office. Were you stalking me, Ben?”
“No!” He actually looked insulted. “I saw you leaving your work. Truth be told, I meant to ask you out for dinner, but you were in such a hurry to leave. I know you're a workaholic, it was strange to see you rushing off somewhere. Made me curious, so I followed.”
“That's stalking!”
Ben shook his head sadly. “Whatever. I was trying to find an excuse to bump into you so I could bring up the stuff your mom was going through. She'd told me about it at the grocery store, just spilled her guts out of the blue. She doesn't know why we broke up, does she?”
Angry, humiliated heat rushed like a river under my skin. “You didn't tell her, did you?”
“Give me some credit. But the more she went on about the money from her father, the more I thought I'd been hasty. Must be a lot of money in his estate to make her so panicked.”
Another wave of unease settled in my belly. “You took her suggestion to marry me seriously?”
“I thought you'd be ecstatic when I strolled into your office. You can't deny you have feelings for me, Maya. Plus, we'd all benefit from that inheritance.”
My hackles were up. I judged the distance between him and my front door. “You have the wrong idea about all of this. My mom is getting her money. No one has to do anything, that includes me. Please, just go home, Ben.”
He wasn't listening. “I saw your license fall out of your pocket when you paid for your taxi cab. For a brief moment, I actually imagined walking into that bar and handing it over like a hero. It would have been so romantic. Then we'd get a drink and have some fun makeup sex.” Ben's frown yanked low at the corners. “Then he showed up. That big fucking brute. I knew you were into weird shit, Maya, but hiring some Khal Drogo stand in just to get railed, that's—”
“Shut up!” I growled. “God, you have no right to tell me who I can or can't see. You broke up with me, Ben! We were done months ago, and we still are.”
“We don't have to be.” There was an oily slickness in his voice as he backed me against my kitchen counter. “That night on your birthday, I said awful things. I was freaked out by what you wanted me to do. But I judged you too quick. I also judged myself just as fast.”
My eyes darted side to side. I was blocked in.
He said, “When I picked up your phone, I saw the messages on your screen. The one you'd sent about your panties... how he should keep them... and I got hard. I got excited.”
“Ben, stop, this isn't what I want to hear.”
“You denied me lunch that day but that was for the best, I was so turned on I had to go straight home. I couldn't focus! I remembered you and that school girl outfit, I jerked myself off while imagining that night with you... if I'd done what you wanted instead of breaking us up.” His tongue slid over his lips as my heart beat faster. “I googled BDSM. I can give you what you want. Let me show you.”
“Get away from me!”
He chuckled darkly. “Playing tough. I know all about that. You say no, but you mean yes.”
“No, Ben, I mean no!” I slammed my palms against his chest hard enough that he stumbled back. His eyes widened, then ever so slowly, he began to sneer.
All the muscles in my thighs bunched; I bolted to the left, his hands caught in my hair, making me shriek. “Bad girl, I'll have to punish you.” He pressed his body against mine, his erection rock hard through his pants on my belly. I was nauseous, gasping for air. “You want it nasty, hm? You want me to make you scream, well fine. You've got it, Maya. I'll prove I'm the man for you.”
There was only one man for me.
Conner's face gave me strength—I braced myself, then jammed my knee forward. Ben coughed; I'd missed his groin by an inch, but his grip on my hair vanished, giving me the chance to push him away. “Don't touch me, you bastard!” I yelled. “I wasn't playing hard to get! I want you gone from my life for good!”
He loomed over me. How could he not understand what I was saying? Why was there nothing in his face but feral lust? No, more than that, I realized with horror. I'd never seen such pure loathing.
“You want me to leave you alone?” he growled, advancing on me, blocking me from the door. “I'm here, exposing myself to you, and you have the balls to reject me? You don't get to do that, Maya. Not after messing me up. I can't get the dirty images out of my head. I want to make you scream... beg... I want to see your tears on your cheeks. I love that idea. I love you.”
“That's not love,” I said. With no where to go, I kept backing up into my kitchen. “You have no idea what it's like to love someone.”
“You bitch,” he laughed. “You think it's okay to fuck with my mind then walk away? I'm sick like you, now.”
“I'm not sick!”
“You are. And you'll never find anyone who's a better match t
han me.”
My lower lip trembled as I held my head high. “If you're the best match for me in this world, I'd rather die alone.”
White-hot fury came to life in his glare. I don't know if he wanted to hurt me, or catch me, or if he was acting on impulse... I just knew his shoulder was flying at my face. I fell backwards, my shoulder connecting with something hard. The shatter of glass, then the rush of water, horrified me.
“Ariel!” I gasped, scurrying on hands and knees through the puddle on my kitchen floor. Glass shards cut my palms but I didn't care, I had to get my fish and make sure she was okay. I had to keep her safe.
Hands snatched at me. “Get up, I'm not done with you,” Ben snarled.
“Let go, let go let go let go of me!”
I screamed at the top of my lungs—a long, ear-splitting screech that went on and on until Ben was pale from fear. Once, he'd shouted insults for the world to hear. It was my turn to yell. My turn to warn everyone that there was a monster living among them.
“Shut up!” Ben hissed, clapping his palm on my mouth, wrestling me from the wet tiles. In my ears I heard the pathetic flapping of my fish as she struggled to stay alive.
My front door banged open so violently it bounced off the rubber stopper. Like a vengeful angel from a dream, Conner appeared, his fingers crushing the edge of the door, catching it before it bounced back into his face.
Ben's grip went still on me. He was gaping at Conner, his hold on me slipping. “Mmmf!” I sobbed behind his fingers, imploring Conner with tears falling down my cheeks.
He took half a second to take in the scene before he rushed at Ben at full speed. Before my ex could utter a sound, Conner wrapped his fists in his shirt and yanked him off of me, off the floor, into the air. “Get the fuck away from her!” When he roared, I saw every single one of his teeth; he was an apex predator about to shred its prey.
I backpedaled across my kitchen floor, wanting to get as far from Ben as possible. Even if Conner had control of the situation... I needed distance.
“Dude, let go of me!” Ben demanded. He tried to get a hold on Conner but the bigger man lifted my ex higher off the ground, his sturdy arms flexing, veins bulging. Ben had to weigh at least 180, but Conner handled him like he was a paper bag.