by HK Savage
Ch. 8
The next few weeks passed in a blur. As September moved into October, I studied hard for my classes which were fascinating but way more challenging than high school had been. I worked in the library three to four times a week and as the classes were picking up, so was the reorganizing of the shelves. I gained a new appreciation for moms who followed their children around all day picking up after them even though the children knew full well how to clean up their own messes but chose not to.
Whenever I wasn’t working or studying, I practiced my shielding. It was proving to be a lot harder than I first thought, but it was coming along. I had gotten myself to where I still felt people, but I could dull the buzzing down to white noise, almost losing it in the background. Touching, as predicted, was still too much. Last week I had “accidentally” brushed against Heidi’s arm when pushing a rolling cart. I felt the jolt race up my arm like I’d been electrocuted, fortunately I’d still been in motion and going the opposite way so there hadn’t been any giveaways. So far my coworkers thought I was private but not weird, it was an improvement.
Today I was on my way to work and was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn’t see the slight figure standing outside the front doors until I started to open the door and his hand took the handle from my grasp.
“Excuse me,” I startled looking over my left shoulder to see Stephen standing next to me, now taking the door. I should have known, no one else could sneak up on me, shielding practice or no. “Hey, what are you doing here?” His book suggestion, the first bit of guidance I had received on the subject had endeared him to me. The smile on my lips was heartfelt.
“How’s your homework going?” He asked as he smiled back and we stepped inside together.
“Fine, thanks for the heads up on the book. It isn’t easy, but overall it’s going pretty well.” He was easy to talk to. And even though if anyone overheard what we were talking about we would probably both be certified as nutballs, I found his presence calming. Peace was the word that popped into my mind when I looked over at him.
Stephen shifted nervously as he stopped just inside the doors, forcing me to stop with him. “Do you remember the day we met?” I paused as I thought I saw a brief shadow cross behind his eyes.
“Of course, you were fighting with your sister.” I’d thought about that incident often as I found myself thinking about Stephen these last few weeks. He’d been so self-assured every other time I had seen him, but that first impression stuck with me, seemingly out of character from what I thought I knew of him otherwise.
Stephen gave a short laugh. “Yeah, my sister. Well, she was worried about something that could be a problem for all of us. Anyway, we have this, ah, thing we are working on and I would like it if you could come and meet with some friends of ours since we are all going to be together tonight for this other thing anyway. I think that we could help you with your gift.”
I felt the smile fading from my lips. “Is this what your interest in me has been about? Am I supposed to be some sort of entertainment? Party tricks aren’t my thing. I’m not going to do that no matter what books you show me.” The disappointment stung. I had hoped that I was making a friend and had met a kindred spirit who could give me some ideas on how to handle my “gift” as he called it. He seemed happy, I had entertained brief visions of having some of that for myself. Now it looked like he was just cultivating me for some sort of freak show. My heart sank.
Stephen put up his hands to as if he were going to grab my arms. “Don’t touch me!” I lowered my voice seeing we had drawn the attention of the front counter folks and some of the students in the main entry. Now I was going to make a scene. Oh wonderful, just the kind of impression I wanted to give my co-workers. I hoped Henry was nowhere nearby to witness this.
He put his hands down immediately jamming them in his pockets. Then, so softly that I had to strain to hear, he tried to mollify me. “Look Claire, I respect your gift. I recognized your talent right when I first met you. That’s why I pointed you to the book I did. You have to have a specific skillset to be able to manage that on your own. Now that you’ve had some time to work on it, I just thought maybe you could use some help to move your shielding to the next level. I know you don’t know me very well. I’m willing to tell you anything you want, but please trust me when I say that I can teach you what you need to know.” He lowered his head, bringing our eyes very close. “Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to touch someone without being terrified what you were going to pick up?” He didn’t try to embarrass me yet I could still feel my neck heating up at having my weaknesses so exposed to him.
I moved beyond the knee jerk reaction and considered his offer. He did seem sincere. He really hadn’t given me any other indication that he wanted to take advantage of my curse, or “gift.” He had helped me to get the best control over myself that I’d ever had and he was promising more. Maybe I owed him a little trust instead of jumping to conclusions.
Deciding to give him a chance, I looked directly at him, hoping to appear sure of myself. “Okay, I’ll go but I have to work until close tonight.”
“We’re going to meet at my sister’s house off campus. She lives over by Selby and Dale in St. Paul.”
That was a rough part of town and too far to walk even if I wouldn’t be raped and killed on the way there. “I don’t have a car; I guess I could take a cab.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll pick you up here after work. When are you done? Ten?”
“10:15 I’m usually walking out. If you wait outside here, I can meet you.”
He grinned and looked genuinely relieved to have me on board. “It’s a date! See you at quarter after.” And he turned to leave, cocking his head and half turning to look somewhere behind me.
“It is not a date,” I was quick to blurt out.
Attention drawn back to me with only a moment’s delay, he was confused for a second before he burst out laughing. “It’s just an expression.”
As he walked away from me and I headed over to sign in, I had something new to worry about. Had I missed the signs? Did Stephen have a crush on me? I hoped not. Dating was not my thing. I had actually never been on a date, but considering how my few friends felt when dating and worrying, I couldn’t imagine wanting to go through that. It would be nice to have someone close who I could talk to and share things with, but I couldn’t see how it would work with my “gift.” I saw no way of keeping a man’s feelings off of me in a relationship or intimate situation. There wouldn’t be any sort of line between where I ended and he started. It would never work. That and things could get out of hand pretty fast if he were to get it in his mind that he wanted to get physical. His wants would become my own pretty fast and we’d be over the line in a heartbeat. Maybe Stephen could help me in that department as well. If he didn’t want to be “that guy” that is.
Fantastic, I thought coming back to the problem at hand. I was going to have to part ways with my only real friend I had made here, unless I could clearly define the boundary before any real damage was done. There was so much to mull over; my shift was over before I realized it. As the lights went out and we locked up, I started to feel my stomach jumping with nerves.
I had decided that I would tell Stephen I had a boyfriend at home. That had worked for another girl I heard talking in French class a few weeks ago. She had a study partner that wanted to do more than study and she didn’t want to lose him if she hurt his feelings, so she lied about having a boyfriend. It sounded like it turned out all right. Maybe it would work for me too.
“Hey,” came a bright voice from just outside the doors as I was locking up. Ben had already gone past since I had the keys. I jumped, nearly dropping them. Ben and I both had missed him? That is a feat considering all of the glass in that entranceway.
“Hey Stephen.” My voice sounded tight. Kicking myself mentally, I tried to breathe de
eply and calm down. Turning as I pocketed the keys, I waved to Ben, who had turned and was watching us curiously until he waved back and resumed his path to the parking lot.
Even though I was nervous about letting Stephen down easy, I couldn’t help but smile and feel real warmth toward him. Walking easily my way, he looked so sweet when he smiled. He seemed like one of those few people who were genuinely happy. At the moment his shaggy hair hung over the top of one eye, taking years away and again I felt that protective tug. A long sleeved grey t-shirt with some Abercrombie graphics on it and faded jeans that hung over the backs of his black Converse completed Stephen’s wardrobe for the evening. It was a casual look that worked for him. Again I was struck by his ease with himself. I would have thought a guy his size and stature would have tons of identity issues, but he didn’t give that impression at all. I wondered for about the millionth time what could have had him so worried that first time I saw him when he was arguing with his sister. It must be something very bad, maybe his parents were sick or something. It had never occurred to me to ask. Social niceties were beyond me and I felt terrible. But before I could try to make up for it by asking at this late juncture, Stephen took over.
“Are you ready to meet the clan?” He fell in step beside me, our shoulders almost touching. I could feel the heat coming off of him. It felt good on this brisk fall night.
“You know, I was talking to my boyfriend and he said to thank you for driving me. It’s really nice of you considering how late it is.” I smiled stiffly at him.
Stephen turned his face toward me, a quizzical look in his eyes. “Boyfriend? Really?”
“Yeah, didn’t I tell you about him? We’ve been together for a while. It’s pretty solid.” Boy, I hoped that didn’t sound as fake to Stephen as it did to me.
“That’s funny. You don’t strike me as the boyfriend type.”
“What do you mean, ‘boyfriend type’?” Offended? Oh yeah. I know I’m no super hot long legged gorgeous underwear model, but I could catch someone if I tried. Couldn’t I? The reality was I had never tried and with my reputation, no one dared pursue me. My questionable self-esteem took another hit. Maybe all this worry was for naught and even Stephen couldn’t think of me that way.
He snorted lightly and smiled again as he looked straight ahead. “I just remembered the way you looked when Tara shoved you into me and you thought you were going to land on top of me. You were terrified. I figured you had never been that close to one of my fair sex before.”
“I didn’t know you! I’ve touched plenty of guys before you. Wait, that’s not what I meant.” My neck heated up.
“Relax Claire, you and I are friends and that is all I am interested in. You don’t have to tell me anything more about your romances, torrid as I am sure they all are.” He was having a good laugh at my expense yet I couldn’t help but smile in spite of myself. He was interested in being my friend after all and there would be no awkwardness. Yay me, my first friend! Like a kindergartner, my joy knew no shame.
We got to the street and the lights shone on a small red car parked on the curb. I looked over at Stephen and he had the key fob in his hand. Pushing the button, I saw the lights flash as he nodded, “Yep, our chariot for the evening.”
We got closer and I saw that it was a newer Toyota coupe, one he could put the top down on in warmer months. “Nice car, is it yours?” I didn’t know if Stephen came from money or what but Augsburg was a private college and I had never heard him mention a job or anything and this car was pretty decent for our age group.
“Yeah, it’s been in the family for a while.” Why did he always smile like he had some secret I wasn’t in on? It sort of irked me while at the same time drew me in.
We rode the short distance in relative silence. I spent some time looking at his cd’s. “What no ipod? Aren’t these a bit old fashioned these days?” I joked shaking a Depeche Mode cd at him.
He laughed again, that nice easy chuckle that immediately put me at ease, “I like the feel of them. They are supposed to be this whole packaged experience the artist has planned out for you. The MP3’s are so sterile and machine like. Where is the connection to the artist through the cover art and the bonus hidden tracks?”
My return grin was genuine as I realized how much I really liked him. We had an easy time teasing each other and had so much in common. That and, his control over himself allowed me to let down my guard just a little bit and not fear being lost to his emotions. It was a relief to have that for the first time in my life and the realization took me aback. Tears sprang to my eyes.
“Are you all right, Claire?” He was concerned. Uh oh, he was observant too.
“Yeah, just thinking.” I blinked the tears back in before any could spill over.
“Are you sad about the rise of the evil MP3’s? I certainly didn’t mean to upset you with my lament over technology,” he kidded.
“No, I think I can handle the decline of my cd’s.” Here they came again, prickling the backs of my eyelids. I blinked hard for a minute. It was while my eyes were closed that the word safe just popped into my head and calm washed over me. When I opened my eyes, they were dry and I was back to feeling contented as I often did while I was with him. My mind was so peculiar lately, it must be all of this messing with my ability I was doing. It was shifting things around. I intended to ask him about it later when I knew I wouldn’t be a mess doing it.