Last week, I was helping at a farm. I remembered how much I loved to work with Mom in her flower shop or in the greenhouse. And wouldn’t it be spectacular to go back to school and study something related to plants?
While I write in my journals, I have to remind myself that healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means that the memories, the pain, the people who hurt me no longer control me—or my life. The wounds are finally closing. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’ll still have a scar or two. Reminders of what I lived, what I fought, and what I survived.
It’s amazing how the words of a friend can change your life. Today, I’m healing, and I’m grateful for the people who have come into my life.
Tomorrow, when things look different, I’ll take on the world and decide what I want for my future. I know in my heart that there’s still so much to do and so much to dream. Everything will be alright. If you’re on a journey like mine, remember: I’m here holding your hand and thinking of you.
Until Next Time
Chapter Twenty-Six
To: Hannah
From: Ethan
Subject: Latest articles
Not sure what I’m liking more, the pictures you’re taking and adding to each article (they’re better than your usual stock pics), or your articles.
Do you need us?
We’re all concerned about you. You sound lonely. Did you seriously quote Spearman in your article? By the way, he sent you chocolates. Full disclosure, we ate them. I assumed they’d melt before they would reach you. Zeke owes you a box of chocolates (he decided your chocolates’ fate).
Love,
E.
Hannah,
I’m here. Just say the word and I’ll fly wherever you are. If you need anything, here’s my number. Call me because you’re not alone. Remember, when this is over, you’ll be on the other side, triumphant and ready for whatever is next.
I’ll be waiting for you.
I can’t believe you quoted me. Seriously, June is going to have my balls. Well, hopefully, she won’t see this because…are you ready for it?
The babies are here (official picture attached). Vanessa, Violet, and Vaughn. They’ll be in the incubator for a few weeks. June is doing fine. We’re getting ready for the madness. I hope you don’t mind that I have a sitter for Draco and Bruno. We need to think of the logistics when we visit Colorado—and my family.
Alex
P. S. Still waiting to learn about the band.
Alex,
The triplets are so beautiful. They remind me of my brother Kieran. He was in an incubator for the first few weeks of his life. I’m sure June knows what to do but tell her to make sure that there’s someone with them 24/7. Dad’s an excellent support for preemies.
Tell her to contact him. He’s always chatting the ears off parents with preemies.
Please keep sending pictures of them. I can have Tess pick them up if you need a break to be with your family. Unless you want to take them with you to June’s home. Draco’s traveling backpack is in the hallway closet. I’ll have Ethan send you his traveling instructions.
Thank you for walking along with me while I take this journey. Even when you’re far, I feel like you’re right beside me. Your words help me understand what I can’t seem to grasp. Your questions help me reflect on my life, dissect each part, and move on.
What happened to the band?
It wasn’t just me. We were too young and unprepared for the Sinners of Seattle phenomenon. Make no mistake, it wasn’t a band, it was a phenomenon. The original plan was to be just another punk rock band. Who would pay attention to us?
It wasn’t the Deckers’ or Dad’s fame. We rose to the top on our own. At the beginning of our careers, no one knew Tuck and I had famous parents.
“Lies and Lullabies,” our first song, hit the charts within the first week. Our video hit one million views within the first day. Having Tuck as our hot, broody frontman helped a lot.
Let’s get real here, my four guys are sexy, and women eat that up. Guys wanted to be like them—some wanted to be with them. We created the perfect storm.
Imagine this: one day, you’re a broody, bored kid with too many problems. The next, you have to quit school because everyone wants an autograph from you. That’s when we began to homeschool together. Our days were filled with rehearsals, classes, schoolwork, and presentations.
From being friends, we became a family.
The pressure was too much…and we fell apart fast. My relationship with Davis didn’t help what was already happening with the band.
After rehab, I didn’t want to return to Seattle or be part of the band. The guys said that the band wasn’t a band without me.
It wasn’t all my fault. The guys weren’t in a good place either.
Things also got out of control when we had more money than common sense. The guys made a lot of mistakes. They have their own stories to tell, so don’t ask, because it’s theirs to tell. But google them, and you might find a thing or two about their crazy stunts.
Thank you again for being here with me.
Hannah
P.S. Can you tell me more about Samantha? How’s the snowboarding business treating you?
P.S. 2 You know what I’m missing? Sex. Who knew I really like to have sex?
Hannah,
We made it!
I brought the kids to Colorado. Ethan and Tucker helped me. Your dad came along to talk to June and Sterling. He’s resourceful and knows a lot about preemies.
Bruno and Draco are now staying at Jack’s since his house is equipped to pamper his two felines. So far, they like it. I’m staying with the babies during the night, along with Mom and Dad. They’re doing well. The doctor said they might release them before planned.
I’m not sure how I’m going to get out of triplet duty once they go home. I have a business to run, and my sister doesn’t get it. Hopefully, Jeannette can get time off from work. If she’s here, I’m off the hook.
Samantha?
June introduced us during an event. She said it’d be great PR to have her as my plus one in certain events. If you ever ask June about this, she’d tell you that she was very specific, plus one, not make her the one.
I thought Samantha had June’s seal of approval. With that in mind, we became a couple. What can I say, she’s beautiful, fun at times, and we moved in the same circles. I admired her perseverance. When she wanted something, she worked hard for it—and fast. According to June, she wanted my money and my contacts.
One day we’re dating, and the next, she’s suggesting we move in together. By then, I had already dated greedy, cold women and even though Samantha was lovely, June and Jeannette insisted she smelled like a gold digger.
I trust my sisters and Mom more than anyone in the world (Never tell that to June).
So, before we moved in together, I had her sign a partnership agreement. It read mostly like a prenup. In case the relationship failed, she couldn’t take my studio, any money I had made before or after we started dating or claim any assets that I acquired during our relationship.
After the accident, she left me but tried to kick me out of my studio, claiming it was her right to keep it. She wanted half of my assets (money, properties, investments, and my company). Lost the girl, but I didn’t lose what I had worked for my entire life.
Honestly, I knew we were temporary. I appreciate her for what she was. But I got caught into what we became, a power couple. I even had a ring. Did I tell you I was going to propose to her the night of the accident?
Never got to it. While I was leaving the hospital, I gifted it to one of the paramedics who rescued me. He wanted to propose to his girl.
I didn’t love her the way you should love the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, but the way she left and treated me hurt. The scar from that relationship reminds me to be careful when and if there’s ever a next time.
By the way, she’s been calling me since the charity. I guess I’m worth purs
uing since I’m walking and not in a wheelchair. Anyway, I hope you don’t mind, but I told her I have a girlfriend, you. And that my girlfriend is the jealous type.
Until next time,
Alex
P.S. If I had your phone number, we could have phone sex (just planting the seed). I miss sex, too. Maybe we can FaceTime?
P.S. 2 Attached is a sex doodle, it’s the best I can do with the limited resources you’re giving me.
P.S. 3 Are you really switching careers? Why not go back to Sinners of Seattle?
Alex,
Dad told me he was going to jump on a plane with Ethan and Tuck to visit June, her husband, and the kids. I had no idea they were going to stop in San Francisco, first, to pick you up. I feel like there’s too much happening, and I’m missing everything.
Okay, I’m glad you gave me the extended version of your relationship. June only told me Samantha was a gold digger, and she’s afraid she’d come back once she learned you’re doing fine.
You can use me as your fake girlfriend if that will keep her away. Next time I see her, I’ll have my bodyguard take care of her. (I can be mean.)
Sadie owns a chain of flower shops (Hummingbird Creations). Dad met her when she only had the original shop. I was nine. My parents had joint custody of us. We spent evenings and every other weekend with Dad. On the days I got to be with Dad, sometimes, he’d take me to the store.
He helped Sadie with some of the operation—a way of wooing her…I think.
When I was there, Sadie taught me everything she knew about flowers. Names, meaning, how to put together a bouquet. Once they married, Dad built a greenhouse, and we started a nursery. I think that’s my second favorite place in the world. If I have to start again, I’d go back to school to learn more about plants. Not sure what it’d be. It all depends on where I end up living, San Francisco or Seattle. Maybe San Diego…the possibilities are infinite.
Until next time,
Hannah
P.S. The guys ate the box of chocolates but thank you for sending them.
P.S. 2 You keep signing off with my magazine signature.
P.S. 3 No to phone sex.
Twenty-Seven
Conquer Your Fears: Don’t Stop Believing
By Hannah Bell
“Every relationship you have will stay with you in one way or another. They’ll remain in your heart, as lessons and as experiences.” A. Spearman
As humans, we learn from our mistakes. If we fall and get hurt, we make sure to walk carefully to avoid pain. The problem is when we do it so often, we end up hiding from the world to avoid getting hurt at any cost. Because if you do it, you’ll stop living.
Fear can kill you in a way that you are still around, but you remain stagnant—lifeless. The best way to battle this problem is by conquering your fears.
Talk about a tall order.
My goal is to eliminate as many fears as I can. To enjoy every second I’ve been given on this earth. There’s no more waiting for something to happen; it’s time to act. I’m going to act, enjoy, and live. One day, (I’m not saying today), I’ll use my experiences to fall madly in love. Maybe I’ll go back to doing what I love the most. I’m done wondering what life would be like if my mother had been different or if my first love had been another man.
I’m done holding myself back and being a spectator of everybody’s life. Still, I don’t know what direction I’m heading. But I’ll keep walking along my journey and enjoy every moment I’m given. Every sunrise, sunset, laugh, and breath. I’ll continue wandering and finding myself. Finding who I’m meant to be.
J. R. R. Tolkien wisely said, “Not all those who wander are lost.”
My next stop doesn’t include volunteering or anything out of the ordinary. I’m just going to a small town to enjoy the people, the food, and see the world from a different angle.
Have you discovered anything new about yourself lately?
Until Next Time
Chapter Twenty-Eight
To: Hannah
From: Ethan
Subject: Golden Boy
Do us a solid, we need an interview with him for the November issue. We’ve tried to contact his PR, but as you know, she’s on maternity leave.
Did I tell you those babies are cute?
Tucker scored a painting from Sterling Ahern for his grandparents and one for his mother. I knew someday it’d pay to know you (kidding).
Spearman isn’t answering the magazine’s calls. I don’t want to ask him directly because he’s going to bargain for your phone number. And I’ll give it to him.
How’s Halifax? We can come and visit if you want us around. We miss you.
Ethan
Tucker: Be careful with those articles. The guys think you’re ready to go back on stage.
Hannah: SS is dead.
Tucker: We’re not dead. You’re stalling.
Hannah: No.
Tucker: No doesn’t mean exactly no. It means there’s something going on.
Hannah: I’m still finding myself, don’t text me questions I can’t answer.
Tucker: Send me the lyrics.
Hannah: Leave me alone!
Tucker: You do have lyrics, don’t you? We knew it. Send them over, I’ll start working on the music.
Hannah: I’m not going back to SS.
Tucker: You’re impossible. Do you want us to drop by Halifax? We can bring our instruments.
Hannah: No, you’re going to try to persuade me.
Tucker: You can’t blame a guy for trying. Come on, babe, you know you want us to put some music to them.
Hannah: No!
Tucker: Send the lyrics, or we’ll be there this weekend.
Hannah: Fine, I’ll email them to you.
Tucker: Call or text if you need us. We love you.
Hannah: I love your kids, send me more pictures.
June: If you love them so much, you should visit them. Where are you?
Hannah: Halifax, Canada.
June: What’s going on between you and my brother? You keep quoting him.
Hannah: He’s writing me letters (I refuse to give him my number) and he has nice quotes.
June: I think he has a girlfriend.
Hannah: You think, there’s no confirmation? Are you feeling alright?
June: Dad mentioned Alex is seeing a girl, but he won’t say more. Alex just smirks when I ask. I’m too busy with these three to dig deeper. If you find out, can you text me about it?
Hannah: Talking about Alex, can you get us an interview for the sports section?
June: I’m on maternity leave.
Hannah: Just order him to do it. I’ll have my guy reach out to him and say that you granted the interview.
June: That works. Why don’t you ask him?
Hannah: I’d rather not give him a reason to ask for my phone number.
June: Are you sure there’s nothing going on between you two? I know about the kiss.
Hannah: It was just a kiss, June.
June: Was it good?
June: Eww, don’t answer that, he’s my brother. Why did I even ask?
June: I’m sleep deprived. That’s why…he has a girlfriend and he hasn’t told me yet.
Hannah: Go tend to your children, and don’t forget the interview.
Hannah,
Was that article an indirect way to tell me we’re seeing other people?
We’re not!
Also, stop quoting me. People are asking if I’m giving interviews.
I don’t do interviews.
I HATE THEM.
Which reminds me, your magazine was granted an interview. You owe me big. June showed me your text messages. By the way, I don’t have a girlfriend. Just don’t tell her, it’s amusing to see her suffer because she doesn’t know everything.
What’s my wanderer Unicorn doing during her exploration of Halifax?
I should be heading back to San Francisco with the kids. Commuting every week to check on the business has been hell.
How’s the snowboarding business going?
It pays the bills and more. I like the designing part of it. Every board and snowboard we make has a prototype before we send it to production. I’m the one who handmakes the original. It’s an art. I had no idea I like to build things from scratch until my physical therapist had me sanding wood as part of my exercises.
Until next time,
Alex
P.S. What’s your phone number?
Alex,
I rented an apartment close to the waterfront. It’s lovely this time of the year. I love the seventy-degree weather we have most of the day. According to the locals, it will stay like that for most of my stay.
I’ve been eating like a queen. There’s an Italian restaurant called Bicycle Thief, Amano, which is delicious.
If you ever visit, try to spend a weekend at Pier 21, where they set the big farmers market. I buy most of my food there. I’m going to miss living here.
This place is gorgeous.
Next week, I’m going to the vineyard. I can do apple picking and enjoy some wine. I wish June was here. I miss my wine buddy.
You build stuff or just the boards? That explains the calluses on your hands.
Why don’t you have a girlfriend?
It’s okay to see other people (we’re not seeing each other).
Still doing the playboy stunt. It gets old. I got bored and stopped sleeping around a long time ago. Maybe that’s why I miss sex. Your doodle doesn’t make sense. You’ll have to explain it to me when I get home.
Until next time,
Hannah
P.S. You’ll never get my phone number.
Dear you,
I’m intrigued by your sex life, mostly because it involves my sex life. You haven’t slept with anyone but me? Have we been going steady? Confession time, I’ve known all along. You’ve never slept with anyone in between our ‘sleepovers’.
Almost Perfect: A Frenemies to Lovers Romance Page 12