by D Gourlay
It can’t just be about Lizzie, it seemed like we sorted that pretty quickly. I have tried to talk to her about it, and tried to ask her what was wrong that night, but she just won’t talk to me.
She had been so worried for the last few weeks about the divorce, and I’d assumed that once she got it, we could move on and start to plan our wedding, our life together.
Something heavy feels like it whacks me straight in the chest at the sudden fear that maybe she doesn’t want to marry me at all. Maybe she is having second thoughts but doesn’t know how to tell me.
I can feel my heart starting to race in my chest, and it takes a couple of deep breaths to calm myself.
She loves you.
Yes. Of course she does, there has to be something else going on. I just wish she would fucking talk to me about it. Without even thinking, I slam my laptop screen down hard enough that I’m sure it’s probably cracked. But I can’t bring myself to care.
This feeling of being kept in the dark, of things not being in my control. I hate it, I always have and I will never get used to it.
I hear the distinctive buzz of my phone on my desk and quickly grab it. The disappointment at seeing Susan’s name on the screen is fierce.
“What?” I shout down the phone at her, immediately feeling slightly guilty.
“Well, good afternoon to you Tad, I’m well, thanks so much for asking.” The level of sarcasm in her voice is enough to shove any remorse deep down and only wind me up further.
“Did you call for a reason Suze?” I snap back.
“Jesus, what is the matter with you?” She shouts down the phone at me.
“Look Suze, it may have escaped your notice, but I’m not in the fucking mood for this. If it’s important, tell me, if not, I will see you on Monday.”
She is silent for a second too long, and I start to feel like a complete tool.
“You’re needed in the office. Now.” And with that she hangs up.
I let the phone drop from my hand, onto the desk and cover my face with my hands.
I take a few steadying breaths and start to collect my things. It occurs to me as I’m looking for keys and a wallet that seems to have grown legs and disappeared, that something must be wrong in the office. As much as weekends used to be spent holed up behind my desk at work, Suze knows now that weekends are mine, and I’m only to be called in for an emergency.
A loud groan escapes my lips as I find myself wondering what the fuck has gone wrong now.
“What the hell took you so long?” The lift doors open and Suze is waiting for me, coffee in one hand, and a stack of papers clutched to her chest in the other.
“Traffic. Suze I-”
“-I don’t want to hear it.” She interrupts. “We have more important things to be worrying about right now than your frankly disgusting attitude.” If I wasn’t feeling bad enough for my earlier outburst, then I certainly am now.
“Okay, what’s happened?”
I have to half run towards my office to catch up with her.
“It would seem we need to have another little conversation with idiot employees about opening strange looking files from people they don’t know.” She slams the papers down on my desk and sits down, waiting for me to sit behind my computer opposite her. I sit and pick up the papers, the words Trojan and ransomware are among the first I see and I groan out loud.
“Oh you’ve got to be- Do we know what’s been taken yet?” I sigh as I pull my fingers through my hair.
“The I.T guys are working on it now, but it’s not looking promising at all Tad.” Her tone softens, and I look up and see worry behind those little red glasses.
“What is it?” I ask, unsure if I really want to know the answer to that.
“It’s looking quite likely that the virus has been lurking around for quite some time. I’m paraphrasing here because quite frankly I hadn’t the foggiest idea what I.T were talking about. But it seems that as well as client and customer information for a couple of our own companies, including banking information I’m afraid; they seem to have got something else.” I can feel the colour draining from my face. I would have thought that having private and banking information stolen from people who are supposed to be able to trust us with it would be the worst thing out of this. But clearly not from the look on Suze’s face.
“What?” I ask, definitely not wanting to know the answer this time.
“Some quite, uh, personal information, of yours.” She says quietly, and I close my eyes and wait for what I now know is coming. “It was all kept locked away in files on my computer, away from prying eyes, but just in case they were ever needed. But it would appear that these files have been taken.”
“The NDA’s.” It’s not a question, but Suze confirms for me what I already know. “Fuck.”
“Thaddeus, listen to me, I only thought that keeping them on a computer was better than having files locked away that could easily be lost, or stolen. I had no idea that it was just as easy, if not easier, to steal something form a computer. I am sorry. So sorry.”
The words just aren’t sinking in. It was her idea to get them to sign NDA’s in the first place. I’d never even thought about it, and I thought it was smart. But now…
“FUCK!” I shout as I stand abruptly and walk from my desk to the window.
“Tad, I-”
“No, Suze. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I’m so fucking stupid!” I turn and kick my desk, furious at myself. The sharp stab of pain in my foot is nothing compared to the way my stomach is churning.
“Is there anything I can do?” She asks quietly.
“Just get the legal team here.”
“They’re on their way.” With that she stands and leaves my office, closing the door behind her.
Without realising I’ve even moved, I find myself in front of the shelf containing a hidden bottle of whiskey. Tempting as it is to drink straight from the bottle, I pour myself a large glass, telling myself it’s easier to hide a glass than a bottle when the lawyers turn up.
“We will need to issue a statement to the press, and of course let all of our clients and customers know that there has been a breech. They will need to change passwords et cetera. But as the data was taken randomly, and the vast majority of it is encrypted, there isn’t really much anyone would be able to do with it. Stop looking so worried Mr Turner.” The head of the legal team, Thane Matthews, has been part of the company for almost as long as it’s been established. And he knows what he is talking about, that I have total trust in.
“There’s something else.” I say and Thane’s smile drops slightly. I only managed to have one unhelpful glass of whiskey before he turned up, and I know I’m not going to get through this without at least one more. I walk over to the shelf, pull out the bottle and an extra glass, bringing it all back over to my desk. Thane’s smile has disappeared now and a look of concern is crossing his face as I am pouring us both a drink.
“Mr Turner, thank you but I don’t drink while I am working.”
I ignore him and push the glass of amber liquid in his direction anyway. “You may well need it.”
His brow knits together in either concern or confusion and I pick up my glass and tip the contents down my throat in one go.
“Some personal files have been taken from Susan’s computer. Things that I didn’t know were even on her computer, so they won’t be encrypted, or password protected.” I pour myself another drink and push his closer to him. “Trust me, this will be needed.” I take a deep breath and try to speak, but I have no idea where to even begin. I surmise the beginning is probably best. “So, after my father died, I hit a bit of a rough patch. I needed certain, things, and I wasn’t entirely sure how to go about getting them. So, I started sleeping with prostitutes.” Thane’s mouth momentarily opens as if he is going to speak, but he obviously thinks better of it and closes it again.
“When I started the company, Susan overheard a conversation talking about, uh, what I was doing and
pulled me into her office. Told me how detrimental it would be for a company starting up to have headlines in the paper that the owner of said company was paying to fuck random women. For fuck sake, please drink the whiskey so this doesn’t feel quite so fucking awkward on my part, will you?” Without a word Thane picks up the glass, drains it and then pushes it towards me, silently asking for another.
“So Susan contacted a lawyer, made me give a list of names, and somehow found all the woman and had them sign non-disclosure agreements, so they wouldn’t be able to go to the press.”
“Mr Turner, I completely understand your problem-”
“Unfortunately, I’m not quite finished.” I push the full glass back to him and finish my third, fourth? I’ve totally lost count. “A couple of years ago, one of the women turned up here unannounced. With a baby.” I risk a glance through my hands which are currently covering my face, and see Thane emptying his glass. “This woman told me that the baby was mine. Said that she wasn’t after money, she just wanted her child to know who her father was. She said that she wouldn’t say a word of how the boy was conceived, just that he needed a dad.”
I have to stop as I can feel pure shame radiating up my neck and on to my cheeks as I speak. “Instead,” I almost whisper, “I offered her a million pounds to walk out of the door and never contact me again.” I lower my hands from my face only to top up two empty glasses, not daring to look at the disgust that is no doubt radiating from Thane.
“I knew you would do this.” Susan’s voice startles me so much I almost drop the bottle.
“How long have you been there!” I shout accusingly at her.
“That’s not the point. I knew you would paint yourself as the bad guy in all of this. That’s not quite how the story ended was it Thaddeus?” She stomps her way over to the desk, and stands, hands on hips staring at me.
“Well no, but that’s not how anyone else would see it! The rest is inconsequential. As far as I was concerned, I was sending the mother of my child, my son, away. Paying them off so I didn’t have to bother with either of them!”
“The fact that boy was not yours, and that woman was just trying to get money from you, is very much consequential.” She hisses at me.
“But I didn’t know that when I was writing her a cheque and pushing them both out of this office!” I stand and shout.
“What you did or did not know is totally irrelevant at this point. What we have to do now is damage control. And the facts show that she came in here, parading a baby in front of you, lying to you that he was your son, when there was never a doubt who that child’s father was. The only reason she was here at that time was that her house was about to be repossessed.”
An uncomfortable silence fills the room, broken only by the sound of my phone vibrating from somewhere within my desk.
Thane clears his throat. “Mr Turner, most of these attacks are totally random, and are only looking for data that can be used for financial gain. A personal file on a desktop will quite possibly be overlooked. Speaking as a lawyer, I would recommend that we sit on this for now. There is no need to do anything about this, unless it’s made clear that we need to make a move. Nobody would see those files and immediately take them to the press. They would make contact and ask for money, and that is the point where we throw our weight behind this and catch the bastards.”
“But-”
“And as someone who has known you for many years now, I would advise that you don’t worry too much about this. I am a lawyer and I have seen many, many NDA’s on my desk, which make yours look extremely tame. You’re a good man Thaddeus, and I know you will have had your reasons for what you did.”
I go to speak again, but it’s clear he hasn’t finished talking yet.
“I will go and update the rest of the team, with only what they need to know. Then I’ll sort out a press release and an e-mail to all customers with advice.”
He stands, offers a small smile and mutters goodbyes to myself and Susan before leaving.
Rachel
This day could not have gone worse. I’ve been sat at home, unable to stop thinking about that prison, and that man. Those things he said. I keep hearing them repeating over and over in my head. I’d hoped to come home and find Tad waiting for me so I could come clean, apologise for being such an idiot for going in the first place, and for not telling him, then try to put it all behind me and forget about the crazed man who will very soon be nothing to me.
But he isn’t here. Nobody is here. Ami is with Mum and Dad, and this is not the kind of thing I really want to be burdening Celine with right now.
So by the time I hear keys in the front door, it takes a second to realise that I haven’t moved since I got in, hours ago, and I’m now sitting in the dark.
Suddenly the lights turn on above me and I’m momentarily blinded as I stand up and turn to look at Tad.
“Where have you been?” I ask quietly. Something in his face tells me his is pissed off and I start to panic he knows where I was this morning.
“Could ask you the same thing.” He sneers as he walks over to the sofa.
Shit.
“Sorry, I, uh-” and I want to tell him the truth. I want to explain why I thought it would be a good idea to lie to him and go to visit my psychotic soon to be but not quite yet ex-husband. But he looks pissed off enough, and if he doesn’t know then I don’t want to make it worse. “-had some things I needed to do this morning and I left my phone here.” Not a lie, just an omission of truth.
Yes, because that’s so much better.
“What’s wrong?” I ask tentatively as I slide slightly closer to him on the sofa.
He sighs, long and hard and his fingers push through his somewhat disheveled hair, as if he is thinking over what to say. “I had to go into the office. There’s been a security breach, and a load of our customers’ personal information has been stolen.” He looks like he wants to say something else, but stops himself.
“Shit Tad, is it serious?” He closes his eyes and leans back in the chair.
“It’s not great, but the legal team say that they probably won’t be able to do much, if anything with what was stolen. So it’s just a case of letting everyone know to change their passwords and that sort of thing. Of course we are going to get blasted in the papers because of this, and no doubt we will lose customers. But I’ve been advised just to wait and see what happens.” He almost hisses the words like they have insulted him. But I get it. Tad is not a wait and see kind of guy. He is very much a take the bull by the horns and remain in complete control, kind of guy, so this must be hard for him.
“I’m sorry.” I offer as I lean into him, not quite knowing what else I can say. “Drink?” I ask and look up in to the swirling blue of his eyes. They catch mine and he shakes his head.
“What time will Ami be home?” He asks as a hand starts to sneak its way up my back.
“Not for a couple of hours. Why?” The sudden pull of my hair towards him answers my question as warm lips crash into my own and I’m sent spiraling. His kiss seems to wash away the surreal start to my day, and erase the insane words that I had to hear. The guilt of lying to him is still hovering somewhere, until a second hand creeps its way onto my backside and pulls me on top of his lap, where something hot and hard pushes all thoughts from my mind.
Suddenly all I want, all I need is him. Right now. And the feeling seems to be mutual. There is none of his usual control, none of his playfulness, just need, need for me, and that thought alone sends my hands flying to his belt in a rush to feel him.
His hands slide expertly to the bottom of my top, and he pulls it up and over my head, our lips only separating for the briefest moment. I’m grateful when his determined hands push mine out of the way as he removes his belt and undoes his trousers. I’m so caught up in the heat of how much we both need this that I can’t seem to concentrate on anything but his tongue, gloriously flicking at my own, and the way he is gently sucking on my bottom lip.
&
nbsp; I manage to unclip my bra and slide it over my arms. As soon as Tad notices my naked top half he pushes me back slightly, and leans forward, his lips exploring the soft flesh until I feel a sharp pain as he bites down on my nipple. It sends a surge through me, and I need him, now. I stand up so fast I almost fly backwards, but he catches me and holds my arms steady as I pull my jeans down. As I look up, he is hurriedly pulling his trousers down and only manages to kick one leg out before pulling me on top of him. My lips rush to find his as his hand searches in between us, positioning his cock for me to slowly slide down on.
Fuck it feels amazing, I stop kissing him, I think I even stop breathing as my insides are momentarily stretched almost uncomfortably to accommodate him. The next thing I feel is both hands on my hips, dragging me up and slamming me down with such force it should be painful. But it’s not. It’s – It’s… There are no words.
He thrusts up with every pull downwards and with each movement I can feel myself start to fall apart. I force myself to look at him, head thrown back, biting his bottom lip, face screwed up as if he is concentrating on every movement he makes. He opens his eyes and catches me staring at him, his lip curls upwards in a devious grin and one of his hands slowly moves from my hip, gently brushing his fingers over me until he reaches my clit.
“Oh fuck… Tad…” I catch sight of his eyes, and his determined smile before I’m throwing my head back as the world starts to melt away. The waves start building in my stomach and they flood into every single part of me, stronger than I have ever felt before. Whether it’s the fact we have gone from sitting to fucking so quickly or the intensity of how much we both needed each other I don’t know. But I don’t think I have ever come like this before. My insides are gripping Tad with every fierce surge, and rather than feeling like they are slowing down, they just keep going and going. Somewhere in the distance I hear Tad moan and say my name, and it just seems to spur me on more.
I throw myself forwards and my lips seem to instinctively find his. I can feel myself shaking as his thrusts start to die down and, finally, so does my orgasm.