Ryan leaned toward me, everything flexing and bumped his shoulder against mine, flirtatiously. “What kind of games?” he whispered, his eyes on my lips.
Ryan is an amazing kisser, but as much as I wanted to kiss him I needed to get to know him a bit, it was starting to feel weird how little we actually knew about each other. “All kinds. Board games, card games, video games, sports games. He always tried to have every game represented and if somebody mentioned a game he didn’t have, he’d make sure it was there the next month.”
Ryan’s gaze turned toward the window. “How is that even possible? Where would you even store all those games?”
“Kind of all over, actually. Pretty much every room in the house had a dedicated drawer or cupboard for games.”
“Huh,” he turned back to me, with his brow deeply furrowed. “A few years ago my parents took us to this party thing that was kind of like that. The guy was some kind of software developer, but his house was way bigger than this one.”
I twisted toward him, smiling. “Was it in Cedarville?”
“Yeah,” he answered slowly.
“It had to be Erik’s. Small world, huh? I wonder if we saw each other and didn’t even know it?” Ryan looked uncomfortable, like wildly, unnaturally, he was beginning to sweat, uncomfortable. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” He stood, abruptly. “Okay, maybe not. Gimme a sec.” He disappeared into his bathroom. A few minutes later he reemerged looking uneasy, maybe sick? Probably sick.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. No. I mean, I will be, I just uh… maybe we can pick this up some other time? I’m just kind of… blah, right now.”
“Okay.” I took the hint and grabbed my bag. “I hope you get feeling better soon.”
“Yeah… I just… I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Ryan. No worries.”
・❀・❀・❀・
The next day, during math Ryan slipped me a note asking me to meet him by the bleachers after school. So I did.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” I smiled when I saw him.
He smiled, but it didn’t stick, like maybe he wasn’t feeling better. “Can I walk you to your car? There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Sure.”
We started toward my car. We made it to my car. Ryan hadn’t uttered a word. “This is me,” I pointed at my car.
“Cool. Cool,” Ryan nodded, looking around the mostly empty parking lot.
“You wanted to talk about something?” I reminded him.
He cleared his throat and squared his shoulders. “We can’t… see each other any more.”
“Why not?”
“Because, I’m…” he shook his head and shifted his weight. “Because I have a girlfriend.”
What? I mean…. WHAT!? And that’s probably what I should have said, but instead I said, “Since when?”
And he said, “Since… I don’t know, a couple years.”
“Wow.” I felt numb, But just behind the numb I could feel all the emotions. Betrayal, loss, anger, sadness, disappointment, they were all there, like figures in a fog, and as soon as the haze shifted, I knew I’d be feeling them all. But I didn’t want him to see them. It felt too much like giving him control over me and that was never going to happen. “I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that you cheat,” I said, trying as best I could to sound indifferent.
“I know it doesn’t mean much, but I’m sorry. Besides,” his tone hardened, “You’re friends with Adria, right? Isn’t that kind of your thing?”
“What?” I was so confused. And then I started to piece some things together. I was still confused but I was pretty sure I’d figured out what he was badly trying to imply. “I’m friends with Adria. I’m not one of her lovers. And even if I were what difference would that make? I have no idea what you’re trying to insinuate here, all I know is that I don’t want to hear any more of anything you have to say. I have a pretty strict cheating policy: I don’t do it, and I don’t tolerate those who do, so if you could kindly fuck off, that would be great.”
He hesitated, his entire person tense, obviously fighting some kind of inner battle, but that was his problem, no way was I going to make it mine. I had plenty of my own garbage boiling just below the surface to deal with. Half a minute later, he turned and left. I wasn’t directly watching him, but I could see him as he strutted across the parking lot, hopped into his car and drove away, angry and recklessly fast.
I sat down on the bumper of the truck parked across from me and put my feet up on the bumper of my car. “What an asshole,” I sighed, as the cloud of gloom encompassed me and all the emotions began to pummel. How could I have been so stupid? So misled? So trusting? Did having a loser father like ‘The Kyle’ teach me nothing?
“You okay” The voice was familiar, and also the absolute last person I wanted to talk to right now.
I mean, why was he even here right now? “Dominic?” I lifted my head from my hands. It was the worst thing I could have done. The sight of him, the Dominic I wish I could run to and tell my woes to, caught in the facade of the Dominic I went to school with and all his fucking pretenses, felt like an arrow to the heart. “Why are you here?”
“Gym,” he pointed over his shoulder toward the gym. “And…” he pointed toward me. “That’s my truck.”
Of course it fucking was. “Oh.” I stood. “Sorry.”
“It’s all good,” he reassured.
I needed to go to work, but I wasn’t really in a state to drive, I needed to clear my head first, so I gave him a nod and walked away. I didn’t have a direction in mind, but I ended up at the bleachers. A few minutes later Dominic was standing in front of me. I hadn’t been crying, but if I didn’t get a freaking second, I might start. I took a deep breath, reigning in my angst. “Why are you following me?”
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“Peachy.”
He looked doubtful.
“Look, Dominic,” I set my hands on my cheeks, mostly because they were cold. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but I know you don’t like me, so you pretending to be nice to me right now, is just a little too much bullshit for one day.”
Dominic sat down next to me. “It’s not that I don’t like you. I just…Look, I really do have someone else, okay.”
“Yeah,” I shook my head, “So I’ve heard. You should bring her to prom!” I gasped. “God damn I fucking hate high school,” I said to no one in particular.
“Can I give you some advice?”
I shook my head, threw my arms up in the air, and said, “Why not?”
“Stop going after guys on the team.”
“What?” I squeaked.
“That’s my advice; stop going after guys on the team.”
“Yeah. I got that part. But that’s not what happened. I didn’t go after Ryan, he hit on me. And the moment it looked like I wanted more than a make-out buddy he told me he had a girlfriend.”
“C’mon , everybody knows Ryan and Alexa are together. They have been for years. Are you sure that’s how it went down?”
“Are you kidding me right now? I didn’t know. How would I have known? It’s not like that was covered in orientation.”
“I’m just saying, I’m in the same class, you know. You approached him.”
“To ask him about extra credit, he is the TA, you know.”
“Are you sure that’s all you guys talked about?”
“He offered to tutor me. Why is it so hard for you to believe me?”
“You went after me too, remember?”
A deep inner rage was beginning to boil within. I’ve never been a violent person by nature, but I could be hella mean if properly motivated. I pried my phone out of my pocket. This was about to be the moment I crushed Dominic Weedon, by revealing my true identity and… I held my phone up between us, trying to decide if I should text him, or just hand him my phone.
M
y hands were shaking.
I didn’t want to do this.
I didn’t want to ruin us. What I wanted was for Dominic to put his arms around me, pull me close and tell me everything was going to be all right because he was here now and he’d never let anything bad happen to me. The thought was so utterly desperate and revolting I literally felt nauseated by it.
I stood, put my phone back into my pocket, looked him dead in the eye and said, “Fuck you, Dominic.” And then I left.
And he followed.
“Kathy, wait!”
I stopped. Abruptly and turned back to him. “You think my name is Kathy?”
At least he looked awkwardly uncomfortable as he said, “It’s not?”
“Un-fucking-believable.” I turned and kept walking.
He kept following.
Granted we were headed in the direction of our cars but that was not an acceptable excuse. At least, not in this moment it wasn’t.
And especially not after he called out, “Is it Kerrie?”
I turned around and held up my unicorn keychain that I was currently squishing in a death grip and said, “If you think I won’t pepper spray the fuck out of your ass, think again. Stop following me!”
He took a step back, and I practically ran to my car — parked just across from his — and drove away, angry, and recklessly too fast. Theme of the day, I guess.
・❀・❀・❀・
I got a text from him about 10 minutes later.
DW: I think I fucked up.
No shit. You think? I didn’t respond, and not just because I was driving.
A few minutes later I got another text, also from him. I put my phone in the glove box and drove to the studio. Alaina could tell something was off the moment I arrived. I told her I was feeling sick and asked if she wouldn’t mind covering my class. I was more enraged than sick but it was kind of making me nauseous.
Alaina was thrilled to sub for me. She’s been trying to get her own class for a while now. Subbing for me was a perfect way to show she could handle the chaos that can be a room of six to eight year olds.
I sat in my car for a while, ruminating, calming as best I could, then I drove home. I debated leaving my phone in the glove box, but didn’t. The text from Dominic said:
DW: I could really use some advice right now. Call me when you can.
Yeah. That wasn’t going to happen. There was also a text from Julian.
JR: Alaina is doing great. How are you?
KR: I’m okay. I just got an extra dose of high school drama and I needed a breather.
JR: It’s only six and a half more months; you can do that. Loves you.
KR: Yeah, I can do that. Loves you too.
I didn’t text Dominic back that day. Or the next, which was Friday. There was a dance at school that night. Kayley and Kimber freaking lost it when I told them I didn’t want to go. So of course I had to tell them why. “Because high school is a disaster.”
I told them what happened with Ryan. They didn’t know he had a girlfriend either, and Kayley had heard they’d broken up.
“I don’t know. I don’t really care. I’m just kind of over it. I’ll go to the next dance. I’m just going to sit this one out and get caught up on schoolwork.”
I didn’t actually have homework, but I did have a couple of teachers who didn’t care if I worked ahead, so that’s what I was doing. Until about 20 minutes after the dance started when I got a text from Kayley:
KayE: OMG, Dominic Weedon just askd me if u were here! WTF?
KF: Weird. I didn’t think dances were his thing.
KayE: Ikr!? I asked him why he wantd 2 talk to u & he said he’d been rude and wanted to apologize. WHAT DID HE DO!?
KayE: AND WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US!????!!?!?!!
And then I got a text from Dominic:
DW: Yep. I definitely fucked up. Please call me or text me. I’m kind of freaking out.
¡Estúpido drama adolescente!
Okay, I pushed my Spanish book away, so I guess the continuing high school drama is going to be my night.
I texted Dominic first:
KF: Why are you freaking out?
And then Kayley
KF: He kind of saw the aftermath of Ryan telling me he had a girlfriend and told me I should stop trying to date guys on the team. I told him that Ryan had gone after me, he didn’t believe me, I told him to fuck off and threatened to pepper spray him.
Kayley sent back a wall of laughing emoji.
KF: He probably just wants to make sure I’m not still mad enough to key his truck or something.
KayE: Do u want me 2 key his truck?
KF: No! I want you to have fun at the dance, and stop texting me so I can study.
KayE: Kan do Katie-did!
Dominic had texted back, but I hadn’t read it. Pretty sure I was done with Kayley I switched over to Dominic, which was a long wall of text.
DW: There’s this girl who was crushing on me pretty hard at the beginning of the year, I turned her down. Then she starts crushing on this other guy, he probably strung her along too, he’s kind of a D-bag, but eventually he tells her he has a girlfriend and she’s pretty upset about it. Enough that she’s sitting on my bumper crying about it. Pretty sure she didn’t know it was my truck, but I don’t know. We were parked across from each other. Her feet were on her bumper. Anyway, I told her she should just stop going after guys on the team, she tells me that’s not what happened, I called BS, she got super pissed, and threatened to pepper spray me, got in her car and drove off. I realized, as mad as she was, I probably fucked up. The more I thought about it the more sure I was so I figured I should try and apologize so I came to the dance tonight but she’s not here. Talked to her cousin, she said she just didn’t feel like coming. So now I know I fucked up, because she always comes to these things, so now I’m really worried about her. I mean, what if she kills herself or something!?
Woah. That escalated quickly.
KF: Why would she kill herself?
DW: Because high school is bullshit, and she was really upset and I just made things worse. You didn’t see her. She was really upset and really pissed.
KF: She’s not going to kill herself, Dominic, she just needs some space.
DW: So you’re saying I shouldn’t apologize?
KF: No, you definitely should. You crossed a line.
I had to ask.
KF: Why was it so hard for you to believe she was telling the truth?
DW: Fuck, I don’t know. Because girls lie.
KF: So do boys.
DW: I know. And the more I think about it the worse I feel. This other guy, he’s always bragging about some hot piece of ass he hooked up with, and all the virgin’s he’s deflowered and shit. Everybody always thought he was talking shit, because seriously, who does that? But what if he wasn’t?
KF: Then you just called his latest victim a liar.
DW: Fuck. I hate myself so much right now.
Yeah. Join the club.
KF: I’m sure there’s something more productive you could be doing with your anger right now.
DW: Every time I try and do something nice, I fuck it up.
“You were trying to be nice!?” I said out loud as I stared at my phone while my brain contemplated what Dominic being mean would look like. It probably involved flames shooting out of his fingertips or something.
KF: Then try again.
DW: It’s not that easy.
Yeah, probably not, but I was at least talking to him, he had that going for him, even if he didn’t know it.
KF: Yes it is.
KF: It may take some time, and maybe you’ll get it wrong again. Maybe you’ll get it wrong a lot. Just keep trying, learn from your mistakes, get better.
DW: Thanks, Kat.
I stared at my phone for a long time, not sure what to text back. Not really wanting to text back. Eventually I sent:
KF: Goodnight.
DW: Goodnight.
Chapter 15
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The following Monday was ridiculously cold. It was also the start of the Thanksgiving week, so it was a super short week. It was Monday, Tuesday and a half day Wednesday that was an assembly showing a movie. So, basically, Wednesday was a ‘why bother’ day, I didn’t plan on attending.
Dominic was waiting for me in the parking lot. “Katie!” He sounded so relieved to see me. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
I was trying my damndest not to be pissy and mean, but I was surprisingly still upset, so my hand just automatically went to my hip, like I couldn’t have stopped it if I wanted to, like it was a reflex. “Quick question before I decide if I’m going to stop and listen to you or just keep on walking; Did someone tell you my name was Katie, or did you remember?”
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