by Cole Price
“Yes, I’ve heard. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry.” I leaned away from him, feeling his touch like acid on my skin. “Shepard, this isn’t about you. Goddess, I knew when I saw you again that you would be gentle and compassionate, and full of plans as to what we could do to save my people.”
“Then what is it about?” he asked, gently, full of compassion.
“Why is it that, in this entire terrible year, it’s only now that I’m feeling the horror of it?”
His eyes widened slightly in surprise, but he said nothing.
“Almost thirty billion batarians. Goddess, batarians are already almost extinct. I saw it all happen. I even predicted it, months ago.” My voice took on an acid tone. “But then I’ve never liked batarians. Ugly creatures. Barbaric. They keep slaves. When you told me the Reapers had hit Khar’Shan, I shook my head and I moved on. The Shadow Broker had more important things to do. Such a pity.
“The day the Reapers hit Earth, I actually saw part of it on the news, before all the channels went down. I saw them attack cities I had visited, places where people I knew lived. At least I like humans. Some of you, anyway. But I shook my head and moved on. The Shadow Broker had more important things to do. Such a pity, and I hope Shepard is all right.
“Palaven. Tuchanka. The Shadow Broker had more important things to do. Such a pity.
“And now, now the Reapers are in asari space. Now my people finally start to pay the blood price others have been paying for months. None of this should be new to me. So why is it only now that I can hardly think straight, that I can’t sleep at night or keep food down during the day? Why is it only now that the horror of it all is getting to me?”
I looked away, unable to hold his gaze another moment.
“Goddess, Shepard. Why are you still here? You should despise me. I think I’m starting to despise myself.”
“Why?” he asked mildly. “Because you’ve turned out to be a perfectly ordinary racist?”
I’m not sure what response I expected, but that was not it. I stared at him despite myself.
Shepard shook his head ruefully, eased across the few centimeters between us, and wrapped me in his arms. He was quite deliberate and inexorable about it. I couldn’t resist.
“T’Soni, there is something I’ve never liked about asari, and I’m afraid even you display it from time to time.” He chuckled, a rumble deep in his chest. “As a species, you are insufferably arrogant.”
I snorted, not sure whether to be outraged or to relax into his embrace. “Shepard!”
“Come on, you know it’s the truth.” I felt the warmth of his cheek on my crest. “Asari are so damn proud of themselves: beautiful, elegant, long-lived, cultured, wealthy, scientifically brilliant, natural biotics, the whole sexy blue package. You’ve been more or less in charge of galactic civilization since before my own people figured out how to smelt iron. In all that time, no one has ever managed to knock you off that perch. A whole species of natural aristocrats.”
“I suppose that’s true.”
“You too, T’Soni. You can’t hide it from the man who’s been in your head all this time. You like being asari. You’re proud of your people, of everything they are, everything they’ve accomplished.”
I nodded. I thought I could see where he aimed, and I resolved to listen to the end. It might be uncomfortable, but I needed to hear it.
“So there it is,” he continued. “I guess it says something good about asari, that your pride doesn’t usually lead you to be vicious or mean. I’ve met one or two asari like that. I just spent over a week with Aria, and God only knows she is like that. But by and large you like non-asari. Most of you get along fine with the rest of us, even if you do have a habit of looking down your noses at us like we’re smelly peasants. Humans with that kind of pride in their country, their religion, their social class, or their species . . . well, that way lies Cerberus, and they’re far from being the worst my people have ever come up with.”
“Hmm.” I wriggled a little in his arms, getting comfortable. “Do you remember those two asari we met at Elijah Khan’s charity party, the night we were trying to track down the construct?”
Shepard groaned. “Oh. My. God.”
“Did you want to slap those smug little smiles off their faces?”
“I will admit, I was tempted.”
“Yes. Many asari are like that. Too many.”
“Okay. But you are not like that. Most of the time.”
The momentary light mood fled. “I’m afraid I am. As you say, I try not to be vicious or mean. Although I’ve become a lot more ruthless since I met you, bad influence that you are.”
He snorted in amusement.
“Yet while batarians, humans, and turians are being murdered horribly by the billions, I manage to keep functioning. Then the Reapers finally come for my own people, and I start falling apart.”
“I think you’re over-analyzing this, T’Soni.”
“How so?”
He shrugged. “It’s natural to feel it more when people you think of as your own are suffering. Remember that hierarchy of compassion your mother used to talk about?”
“Hmm.”
“It’s easiest to feel compassion for your own family, then your friends, then your distant acquaintances, then strangers who live in the same community, then foreigners, and finally those you see as completely alien. It’s how we’re all wired as social beings. If it hits you harder when the Reapers start harvesting asari, that doesn’t make you a monster. It just makes you human.”
“Excuse me?”
“You know what I mean. It’s the same for me. I worry about everyone who’s suffering in this war, but it’s Earth that gives me nightmares. As you know.” He moved slightly, so he could look down into my face. Suddenly I found I could look back without quite as much shame. “Liara, do you remember when we first met, first started to realize we were in love?”
“Yes. You were reluctant at first to join with me. You feared what I might see in your mind.”
“Yeah. The anger, the aggression. I thought of myself as a barbarian, someone who didn’t deserve a civilized life. Someone who didn’t deserve you.” He smiled warmly. “You managed to convince me otherwise.”
“And now it’s my turn, is that it?”
“Something like that.” He became serious once more. “The urge to hatred and violence, that’s the flaw at my core, the sin I have to struggle with every day. You help me with that. I’m a better person because you are with me. Maybe some form of arrogance or pride is your flaw. It doesn’t have to cripple you. Right now we can’t afford to let it cripple you. Let me help.”
I gave up. Suddenly all the agony of guilt I had been feeling for days felt smaller. I tilted my head back and kissed him. “All right.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when this happened to you. I promise I’m not going to go away again. I’m with you until the bitter end.”
I nodded and snuggled close, even though his last words gave me an uneasy chill. “All right,” I said again.
* * *
8 June 2186, Silversun Strip, Kithoi Ward/Citadel
Shepard and I managed to steal about twelve hours away from Normandy, although we could reserve little of that time just for ourselves.
We met Jacob Taylor for drinks, the former Cerberus operative seeming dazed at his good fortune: a cause for which to fight, a wife, and a child on the way. I did penance by simply listening while Shepard and Taylor talked, taking an interest in this man I barely knew. This real human life, not an abstraction or a cold statistic.
Afterward we met Jack at the Armax Arena, where she had reserved time on the combat sim for us. I demurred, not feeling up to play-combat just then. Even so, I stood in the stands and managed to cheer, as Shepard and his friend thrashed a small army of holographic Cerberus troops. Of course, the extranet news had reported how well Jack’s students performed in support of Alliance troops. As a result, “Commander Shepard
and the Psychotic Biotic” proved a very popular team for the galactic audience. I spoke to Jack for a few minutes afterward, amazed at how happy she seemed to be, in her own cynical way. War seemed to agree with her.
Back at the Admiral’s apartment, Treeya and I sat conversing while our humans prepared dinner. James turned out a very good cook, while Shepard could at least chop vegetables and stir the pot as instructed. After a fine meal, rather than force our friends to leave, Shepard casually offered them the guest room for the night. This caused James to turn red and Treeya to stutter nervously, but they accepted the offer. I think they became intimate for the first time that evening, although Treeya has been silently reserved about it ever since, and I respect her too much to pry.
Shepard and I retired to the master bedroom for the night, where for once we did not make love before sleep. I felt much better, but I think Shepard sensed my remaining heart-sickness and chose not to complicate matters. Instead, he held me close and we talked about other things.
“You never did tell me how things went on Omega,” I murmured.
“Hmm.” Shepard’s hand moved, ghosting over my outer thigh and hip. “I got to spend a lot more time with Aria T’Loak than I ever wanted, that’s how things went.”
“Tell me about her,” I suggested. “I have dossiers piled high, but it’s remarkably hard to read her personality from a distance.”
“Hard to do up close, too.” He took a deep breath, the heat of his exhalation brushing across the back of my neck. “You know, she’s supposed to be this terrible ogre: the Pirate Queen of Omega. She’s certainly one of the most dangerous individuals I’ve ever met. But somehow I’m a lot less worried about her than I used to be.”
I waited.
“Don’t get me wrong. Aria has a very strong personality. She has a great deal of cunning. She is downright terrifying on the battlefield. If something Wrex told me is true, he once went up against her for days and managed nothing better than a draw. On Omega, she and I had one last battle in Afterlife, just before we got to Petrovsky. The two of us, none of her troops, against a whole army of elite Cerberus soldiers and those nasty adjutant creatures.”
He shivered. I could feel it all along my body.
“Once I got her free from a trap, she tore Cerberus to shreds. I’ve never seen more combat skill, more raw biotic power, and more sheer vicious killer instinct all in one package.”
“You sound as if you admire her.”
“In a twisted sort of way, yes. I can see how she got to the top in Omega. It’s a place perfectly suited for her skill set.” His hand wandered up to brush across my belly, gather me another centimeter closer. “But she has a lot of flaws too. She has no long-term strategic sense. She’s utterly impulsive, always acting on raw instinct and emotion. She jumps to conclusions and never questions her own prejudices. And she is not nearly as intelligent as she thinks she is.”
I chuckled softly. “That’s consistent with my network’s assessment of her.”
“She likes to say don’t fuck with Aria,” Shepard said. “It’s true. Mess with her directly and you’ll pull back a bloody stump where your gun hand used to be. But if you understand her, what makes her tick, you can reason with her. Manipulate her, if you have to. Petrovsky understood that, which is how he got the better of her so often.”
“It’s a good thing for Aria that she had you along, then.”
“Yeah.” His voice took on a degree of satisfaction. “She has her skill set, I have mine, and you have yours. If we ever get into a direct conflict with Omega, I’m reasonably confident of the outcome.”
“Fortunately she’s an ally for now. I see you managed to talk her into handing Petrovsky over to your custody.”
“Yes. Although not until after she had nearly strangled the man with her bare hands.” He paused. “By the way, there’s one thing that wasn’t in my report.”
“Oh?”
“When we weren’t busy fighting for our lives, Aria also spent most of the week trying to seduce me.”
After a frozen moment, I squirmed around in his arms to stare wide-eyed into his face. “You’re joking.”
“Well, you know how Aria is. She has all the feminine mystique of a chainsaw. Still, I’ve picked up a few tricks from you since we started sharing mind-space. Like reading asari intonation, facial expression, and body language. She threw interest-signals my direction at every opportunity.” He cleared his throat and took on an odd expression, half pride and half severe embarrassment. “Also, she kissed me. Quite thoroughly.”
“She didn’t.”
“She did. Right after I told her that if she didn’t let me have Petrovsky, I would kick her ass halfway to the Far Rim.”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed out loud. “Oh Goddess. That’s Aria to the life. You should be honored. You must be on the list of people that she respects.”
“Actually, I think she was curious. You may not realize it, T’Soni, but you’re on that list too. She doesn’t like you in the slightest, but she doesn’t hold you in contempt, and that puts you several steps above just about everyone else in the galaxy. I think she wonders what you and I see in each other.”
“Well.” I stretched slightly and kissed him, doing my best to push any memory of Aria T’Loak right out of his head. “That is probably something she will never comprehend.”
Chapter 42 : The Nightfall War
10 June 2186, Dholen System Space
“Two minutes to dock,” said Joker from the bridge.
I used our sensors to examine the quarian diplomatic ship as it approached. Something I saw drove me to emit a cynical chuckle.
Shepard glanced at me. “What is it, Liara?”
Rather than answer him, I touched a control. “EDI, are you seeing the same thing I am in the quarian ship’s emissions signature?”
“Since I am not sure of your referent, I cannot say. However, the ship’s signature is quite unusual. I speculate that the quarians have installed Tantalus drive technology, or something similar, to give their ship advanced stealth capabilities.”
I gave Shepard an amused glance.
Garrus stirred in his seat and rumbled a turian chuckle. “I seem to recall a certain young quarian on her Pilgimage who spent a lot of time down in the engine room on the old Normandy. Then again, after Cerberus rebuilt the ship. Looks like she took good notes.”
Normandy and the quarian ship made contact.
Before long, we heard footsteps in the corridor outside.
Not enough footsteps. Shepard frowned.
Then the door opened, and three quarians appeared. Two of them were males, no one I recognized, carrying sidearms and behaving like an honor guard. The third . . .
“Tali’Zorah vas Normandy, reporting for duty.” The little quarian paused at the top of the steps, glancing around the War Room.
“Tali!” Suddenly Shepard’s voice was as warm and enthusiastic as I had heard it in days. “It’s damn good to see you again. Although we were told to expect the full Admiralty Board.”
“I’m sorry, Shepard.” In contrast, Tali sounded weary, almost miserable. “None of the other admirals could be spared.”
“Why? What’s going on?” Shepard did a double-take. “Wait. You said other admirals?”
Tali finished stepping down, moving to lean heavily on the holo-display console with both hands. “Yes. A month ago I was appointed to my father’s seat on the Admiralty Board.”
“That’s wonderful news,” said Garrus. “You must be the youngest member of the Board in quarian history.”
“Not quite.” Tali shrugged. “The Zorah name helped. Besides, all that experience aboard Normandy finally seems to mean something in quarian politics. I’m an expert on the geth. Important, now that we’re at war with them again.”
“What?” Shepard stared at Tali in disbelief.
Tali nodded, apparently expecting his reaction. “We’re trying to take back our homeworld.”
“Good Lord, you�
��re throwing yourselves at the geth again? I was hoping for your help against the Reapers. If they aren’t defeated, your feud with the geth is irrelevant.”
“I know. I had better brief you, and then you need to decide whether Normandy will help. We’ve gotten ourselves into a mess, and there isn’t much time.”
Shepard visibly fought down a thousand questions. “All right.”
Tali worked with her omni-tool, interfacing with the War Room displays.
“It started after my father’s death,” she began. “You remember the trial, how all the different factions used it to push their own political agendas.”
Shepard and Garrus both nodded grimly. I remembered the story, had Shepard’s memories of the experience in my mind. Admiral Zaal’Koris had indicted Tali of endangering the Migrant Fleet by sending active geth components back to her father, resulting in a geth takeover of a lab ship named Alarei. During a break in the trial proceedings, Shepard and Tali discovered that Rael’Zorah had caused disaster, bypassing basic safety precautions while performing ethically questionable experiments. Shepard had suppressed the information at Tali’s request, preserving her father’s reputation, winning her acquittal through a display of courtroom rhetoric instead.
“Afterward, Admiral Xen boarded the Alarei and recovered pieces of my father’s work. She came up with a new approach. An ECM technique, something to scramble geth sensors and command-and-control signals. Kind of like shining a bright, flickering light in an organic’s eyes. It’s the best weapon we’ve developed against the geth in three hundred years.”
“Which made the potential rewards of a new war too good to pass up,” said Shepard.
“Right.” Tali shook her head ruefully. “By the time I got promoted, Admirals Gerrel and Xen had already convinced a narrow majority of the Conclave to support a war vote. Admiral Koris stood opposed, but Admiral Raan stayed neutral and the war party took the initiative. There wasn’t anything I could do. I accepted the position to try and slow down some of the worst ideas.”