by Paige Dearth
Joon nodded. She felt comforted with her hand firmly grasped in Ragtop’s.
Ragtop stopped on the sidewalk and crouched to Joon’s level. “See that Dumpster over there?” she said, pointing to the alley opening. “That’s where we’re gonna find us some good breakfast. Go on and climb on the side. Get us something good.”
Joon didn’t hesitate; she walked over to the Dumpster with Ragtop looking on. The child climbed up the side and hung over the top, pushing boxes and paper around, searching for food.
Ragtop stared at her. “Now all of a sudden you know how to find food in the trash.”
Joon nodded. “Most times, it’s the only way I get to eat anything at Aron’s. I dig through the trash when no one is looking.”
“You’re gonna be just fine, kid. Now, tell me what’s on the breakfast menu this morning.”
Joon grabbed a half-eaten bagel close to the top of the trash. She handed it to Ragtop.
“What else ya see?” the woman said.
Joon reached farther across and plucked an apple that was missing one bite and handed it over. Then she saw half a donut on the other side of the Dumpster. Getting down, Joon walked to the other side and grabbed the donut, smiling as she handed it to Ragtop, then dug deeper through the trash layers, in search for more.
“No, Joon. You can’t do that,” Ragtop said.
Joon froze, concerned that she was in trouble. “Do what?”
“You always gotta take food from the top. Once ya start digging lower, that’s when you get yourself food that’s too old and contaminated.”
Joon gave her a perplexed look.
“What I mean is that the food below could be bad, ya know, nibbled on by rats and such. That could make you real sick,” Ragtop explained.
Joon was still confused. “But I always dug through the trash at Aron’s and never got sick.”
“Yeah, well, that’s ’cause it was a trash can in the house. Out here, we gotta share with animals and bugs. You see what I’m sayin’?”
Joon jumped down from the Dumpster. “I guess so. Is it because they got cooties? Aron says I have cooties.”
“Yeah.” Ragtop scratched at the bandana on her head. “Except these are real cooties. The cooties that bring disease from rats and bugs in real dirty places, like the sewer. The cooties that crazy woman talked about you havin’…they’re not real.”
The girl smiled. “Okay, so where to next?” She was determined to do whatever Ragtop said. She wanted to stay with the woman.
“Let’s take a walk down to the park, see what’s goin’ on today.”
As the two walked toward their destination, they ate the food that Joon had pulled from the garbage, and Joon took in her surroundings. There were all kinds of people. At a corner, waiting to cross the street, Joon watched as a mother in a red dress held her daughter’s hand and spoke to her child. Joon edged closer so she could hear them.
“So, after school, daddy is going to take you to your ballet class. Then, I’ll come and meet the two of you, and we’re going out to dinner,” the mother said.
“Yay!” the little girl, who was much younger than Joon, replied. “I love when Daddy picks me up from school.”
The mom leaned down and kissed her daughter on the forehead, and as the light turned green, they walked to the other side, hand in hand, seemingly worriless.
“I hope someday I can be happy like that little girl,” Joon said.
Ragtop looked over at the mother and daughter. “Happiness is about bein’ grateful for all you got…even if it ain’t much. The thing you gotta remember is most of the people who ain’t got nothin’ act the way human beings are supposed to act. We learn to be grateful for things that don’t really matter to folks with jobs and money. For instance, take this food ya got us. You’re grateful we ate this morning, right?”
“Yeah, that donut was really good,” Joon said.
“That’s what I’m sayin’. People who are grateful for what they got and not lookin’ at what they ain’t got are the happiest people on earth. Remember that,” Ragtop said.
It had been many years since a mother figure had talked to Joon about anything with meaning. The child felt as though her life were just beginning.
Chapter Eleven
On Joon’s first day living on the streets, she learned how to scavenge food from Dumpsters and made two new friends. Ragtop begged for money, and with it, they each had a hot dog from a street vendor for dinner. When they finished eating, Ragtop stood from the bench they had been sitting on.
“Well, it was a good day.”
Joon looked up at her. This was the moment she had dreaded. She nodded and tried to give Ragtop a genuine smile. “Thanks for letting me stay with you.” She took a deep breath and asked, “Where do you think I should go to sleep tonight?”
Ragtop cocked her hip to the side and studied the child. “Baby, do you think I’m gonna throw you away or something?”
Joon met Ragtop’s gaze. Her shoulders lifted to her ears. She turned her eyes away from the woman and felt heat spread over her neck and face. “I…I don’t know.”
“Let me tell you somethin’. You’re just a little girl. Ain’t no grown woman with an ounce of brains in her head gonna throw you to the wolves. I guess you ain’t learned nothing from that selfish bitch ya lived with, and that’s okay. But you need to understand that I don’t do that. Now listen, I ain’t got no idea if I can help ya, but I’m sure as hell gonna try. You’ll stay with me until we can figure out what to do.”
“Really?” Joon said, jumping to her feet and wrapping her arms around the woman’s waist.
Ragtop hadn’t felt genuine gratitude from another human in a long time, and she slowly wrapped her arms around the girl, and the two stood joined as a mother and daughter would.
“We best get going,” Ragtop finally said. “I wanna get back to our cement palace early to make sure you know how to get there. We can’t be together every minute of every day, so I’m gonna teach ya how to find your way back.”
On the way to the underpass, Ragtop pointed out the landmarks so Joon could remember the route.
“You any good in school?” Ragtop asked, as they walked.
“Yeah. I always get A’s and B’s. Mostly A’s though. Aron says I’m stupid, so I work really hard to do well in school. I thought if I got good grades, she would think I’m smart. But whenever I brought home good report cards, she said that I got good grades ’cause I cheated.” Joon looked up at Ragtop and put her hand over heart. “I swear I don’t cheat. I told Aron, but she never believed me. She got real mad and slapped me in the face ’cause I talked back to her.”
“Well, I believe you.” Ragtop tapped her chin with her index finger. “Ya know, I got a friend, lives over on the other side of Broad Street. Her name is Ginger. She used to be a school teacher, but she got laid off ’bout three years ago. She ain’t got no family and didn’t have nothin’ to fall back on. Anyway, all she does is read. She’s always at the library getting books. Maybe I can see if she’ll teach ya for a while. You’re just a baby, and someday I expect ya to get off the streets, and you ain’t gonna do that if ya stop learning.”
“Wow. I would love that,” Joon said. “Do you think she would teach me?”
“Don’t know. Can’t hurt to ask though. I’ll take a walk over there tomorrow and see if she’d be willing.”
“What am I gonna do tomorrow?” Joon said, wringing her hands together.
“You’re gonna go out and get yourself acquainted with your surroundings. Like I said, kid, we can’t be together all the time. It just ain’t possible. I’m an adult, and sometimes I gotta go out and do grown-up things,” Ragtop explained.
“Like what?” Joon asked.
“Like things you don’t know about yet. Let’s just leave it at that,” Ragtop stated firmly.
Joon didn’t want to press the issue, afraid Ragtop would make her leave their place under the bridge.
When they arrived at the underpass, Joon
set herself up on the concrete and pulled the wool blanket over her. With fall upon them, the days were getting shorter, and the cooler evenings too. Joon shivered under the blanket as Ragtop took inventory of their food. The woman looked over at the girl and saw her small body shaking.
“You cold, baby?”
“Yeah. It’s okay though. I was always cold in the basement, so I’m used to it.”
Ragtop’s stomach flopped at the visual she got of Joon sleeping on a dirt floor. She knew homeless people slept in undesirable places, but sleeping on benches or a slab of concrete was a choice that didn’t take away their freedom. The thought of the child being kept in darkness like a dog chained to a tree made her insides crawl. The older woman pulled a sweatshirt out of a bag on the ledge. “Here, let’s put this on ya. That T-shirt ain’t enough.”
Joon sat up and slid the large sweatshirt over her head. It went down to Joon’s knees, warming most of her body.
“Thanks. This feels really nice,” Joon said, sliding back under the wool blanket.
Ragtop waited for more than an hour after Joon fell asleep to sneak away. When she did, she walked down the alley and stooped in front of Thatch.
“What’s goin’ on?” Thatch asked.
“I need to go out and make some money. This child, she needs more than I got. I need you to keep an eye out that nobody bothers her. Ya understand?” she said, pointing to the half-full bottle of cheap whiskey he was holding.
“Aw, come on now. Why do I gotta be the babysitter?”
“Because the child ain’t got nobody. That’s why. Ain’t gonna kill you not to drink for a couple of hours,” Ragtop scolded.
Thatch shoved the bottle into the canvas bag that held his belongings. “Okay, fine. But hurry the fuck up.”
Ragtop shook her head at the man.
He sat up straighter against the wall. “I don’t know who you’re shaking your head at. I know what you’re gonna go do now, and I don’t like it. Remember how I found ya. I want ya to be real careful. Ya ain’t done that in a long time.”
“I know. But this time I ain’t all fucked up on drugs. I’m gonna go out, take care of business, make some money to buy that child some warmer clothes, and that’s it.”
“Uh-huh. Ya remember what I just said. Once ya got real money in your hands, ya might be tempted to go buy some dope. I want ya to be aware ’cause bad habits come back on ya real fast,” Thatch warned.
“I got this, old man,” Ragtop said. She continued down the alley and onto the main street. I’ll sell my services to some dudes and I’ll head right back, she told herself.
Chapter Twelve
When Joon woke on the second morning, Ragtop was sipping on a cup of hot coffee. Joon stretched and shook her arms to bring them back to life. She wrapped herself in the wool blanket and sat down beside Ragtop, their feet dangling over the ledge.
“Good morning, Joon,” Ragtop said. Her eyelids were heavy as she fought off sleep after being up all night.
“Good morning.” Joon eyed the cup of steaming liquid and her stomach growled.
Ragtop produced a cup for Joon. “Mine’s coffee, but I got you hot chocolate,” she said, handing the Styrofoam cup to her.
Joon took the cup and pulled the lid off gently. The chocolatey smell filled her nose and awakened her senses. She breathed the scent in harder and then took a sip. The liquid slid down her throat and warmed her empty belly. She glanced at Ragtop. “Thank you. This is the best drink I ever had in my whole life.”
The woman nodded. “I bought ya a couple of things this morning. By the way, you’re kinda a late sleeper. You’re gonna need to get moving earlier than eleven if ya wanna get yourself breakfast.”
“I never slept much at Aron’s house. I feel safe sleeping now ’cause I know you’re here.”
Ragtop considered her answer for a moment, not wanting to frighten the child by letting her know she had been away all night. “That’s good. But here’s the thing, Joon—we need to work on you being okay when you’re by yourself. I ain’t going nowhere soon, but we never know what life will hand us. Look at you, for instance. I bet you never thought you’d be livin’ out on the streets with some black woman ya don’t even know, and I never thought I’d be trying to help some little white kid neither, but that’s the way things go sometimes. You understand?”
“Yeah, just like you never thought I knew how to get food out of the Dumpster. Like that, right?”
“Yep, that’s what I’m saying. My point is that you’re a strong, little force and you got through some really fucked-up shit on your own. I mean, you were just a damn baby when that witch got her hands on you. Hell, you’re still a baby.” Ragtop pushed her fingers through the dreadlocks and scratched her scalp. “I figure we was meant to meet for a reason. I ain’t got no idea what the reason is yet, but I guess we’ll find out in time. So for the time being, until we figure out something better for you, we’ll take care of each other.”
Ragtop grabbed a small shopping bag from the Salvation Army and handed it to Joon. She pulled out two pairs of jeans, one sweater, three pairs of socks, and a very used winter jacket. Joon looked at all the goodies, and her heart almost burst in her chest. She threw her arms around Ragtop’s neck. “Thank you,” she cried.
The woman returned the hug. “No problem, kid.” As her eyes welled up, she turned her head so Joon wouldn’t notice. She wanted to set an example for the child of a strong female figure. Since quitting drugs, she’d tried to be known on the streets as a woman of strength and compassion. Now, with Joon in her care, she could prove to herself that her parents were wrong about her. Ragtop wanted to make people’s lives better, not destroy them, as her mother had said.
“Wait. I got one more thing for you, Joon.”
Joon watched as Ragtop reached into the front pocket of her jeans.
She pulled her hand out and put her fist in front of Joon. “Close your eyes and hold out your hand,” Ragtop said.
Joon complied. She felt the woman lay something soft in her palm.
“Go ahead. Open your eyes,” Ragtop said.
Joon looked down at the bandana in her hand and smiled. “Wow. Will you put it on for me?”
“You like it?”
“I love it. Now I can look just like you.”
Ragtop laughed. “It’s gonna take a little more than a bandana for you to look like me. I’d say it would take a damn miracle.”
Joon didn’t get the joke but smiled anyway. Ragtop tied the bandana around Joon’s head the same way her own was tied. “There,” she said. “Now if anyone asks, you just say you’re with Ragtop.”
Joon jumped from the ledge and ran down toward the alley, where Thatch was usually slumped. She looked at her reflection in a window that was boarded up from the inside. Joon smiled at her own image and ran back to the underpass.
“This is so cool. I look like you. Maybe people will think you’re my mom. Wouldn’t that be great?” Joon gushed, excited.
Ragtop beamed with happiness. “Not likely, but that’s okay, honey. If you’re gonna dream, then you may as well dream big.”
Joon leaned into the woman. “You’re the best person I’ve met since my mom and dad died,” the child said.
“Yeah, yeah. After a week with me, ya might change your mind,” Ragtop said.
“No. I’ll never change my mind.” It had been a long time since Joon wasn’t afraid and worried about her well-being, and now, she had such a strong sense of safety with Ragtop. She looked up at the woman who appeared so strong and sure of everything. Joon couldn’t see beyond the present—living with Aron had taught her how to survive day to day. She hadn’t been taught to think about the future, and in this case, she didn’t want to either. She liked her new friend and wasn’t about to give her up so easily.
“Honey, you don’t even know me that well. Listen, ya can’t trust too easy out here on the streets. You’ll get eaten alive. Do ya understand?”
Joon shrugged and shook her h
ead.
Ragtop drew in a deep breath and released it. “When you’re living on the streets and you ain’t got no doors or windows to keep the bad people out, you gotta be on your toes.” The woman put her hand on Joon’s stomach. “When you meet people or somebody talks to ya and you get a bad feeling here in the pit of your belly, ya get away from those people as quick as you can. You understand now?”
Joon was thoughtful. “Yeah, when the lady brought me to Aron’s house, my belly felt like it had bugs in it. I was little, but I remember that I didn’t want to live with Aron. I wanted to leave with the lady who brought me there, but she made me stay. Do you mean that feeling?”
Ragtop, still deeply disturbed by Joon’s situation, lost her cool. “Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. Too bad that no-good whore-bag left ya to stay with that punk-ass bitch. I’m tellin’ you, if I ever met that woman, Aron, I’ll be forced to kick the shit outta her. I’d fuck her up real good!”
“You curse a lot,” Joon pointed out.
“Yeah, I know. I can’t help it. Makes me feel better,” Ragtop admitted. “You know what else makes me feel better?”
Joon shook her head.
“Food! Child, don’t ya ever get so hungry that you wanna chew your arm off?”
Joon shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I learned how to be hungry. That’s how Aron raised me. I can go for a long time without food…not that I want to,” Joon added quickly.
“All right, well, let’s get us something to eat. Then, I’m gonna teach you how to beg, so you can earn some money,” Ragtop said.
“Can I get in trouble begging?”
“No, but if anybody asks you how old you are, just run as fast as ya can. Otherwise, they might call the cops, and they’ll take you back to that asshole—or it could be a pimp, trying to turn ya out on the streets.”
“What’s a pimp?” Joon asked, suddenly feeling surrounded by danger.
“People that get you to have sex with men and take all of the money. You know what sex is?”
“Yeah. I learned about sex in school. When Deen put his fingers inside me, I knew he wanted to have sex with me,” Joon said.