All I Want

by Jill Shalvis

  On the other hand, Kel was also a man. And as he’d already told Zoe, all men were horndog assholes, even the good ones.

  “Is that a problem?” Zoe asked in his silence.

  “Of course not.”

  She stared at him for a beat and then nodded. “Okay, then,” she said, and backed away. “Good. See you later.”

  Parker lasted five minutes before he called Kel.

  “Was just going to call you,” the sheriff said before Parker could speak.

  “She’s her own woman,” Parker said. “She can go out with whoever she wants.” There. He’d said it. Now he just had to believe it.

  There was a long pause from Kel.

  Hell. “That’s not why you were going to call me,” Parker said, rubbing the sudden ache between his eyeballs.

  “Nope. But if we’re talking about Zoe, hell yeah, she’s her own woman. Did you really think I was calling you to ask permission to date her? And more importantly, why would I call you to ask permission to date her?”

  “No reason.”

  It was Kel’s turn to go silent. Then: “You’re a shitty liar.”

  No, he was an excellent liar. Kel just happened to be a damn good silence interpreter. “Let’s stick to business,” Parker suggested.

  “Sure. Right after you tell me what’s going on with you and Zoe.”

  “At the moment?” Parker asked wryly. “Very little.”

  “Okay, then, what do you want to be going on with you and Zoe?”

  How the hell did Parker explain that when he didn’t even know himself?

  “Speak now or forever hold your peace,” Kel warned.

  “I’m just staying here while I’m in town.”

  “Tell me something I don’t know,” Kel suggested.

  “I want her to find the right guy,” Parker said. “She deserves that.”

  Kel was quiet a moment. “Why do I suddenly have the feeling that the right guy is going back to D.C. soon?”

  “I can’t stay,” Parker said.

  “Can’t? Or won’t?”

  Shit. This discussion was so far out of his league. “You wanted to talk about the case,” he said tightly.

  “So won’t then,” Kel said evenly. “That’s going to cost you the woman, you know that, right?”

  “The case,” Parker repeated firmly. “Anything new on the case?”

  “Actually, yeah,” Kel said. “Hang on.” A door shut and then Kel was back, all business. “I got a call earlier from my ATF buddy, the one who’d originally told me about the possible militia connection.”

  “And?”

  “And that’s been confirmed. So has FBI and Homeland Security interest. The worry now is that with so many agencies involved, someone’s going to spook them.”

  “How is Carver involved?”

  “Apparently he grew up with some of them but has been gone for a long time,” Kel said. “He’s donated plenty of money to their cause to ensure their loyalty, but he’s still not fully trusted by the general membership. And the rumor is that he’s not trusted for a good reason—that he’s going to give them up.”

  Parker already knew some of this but it corroborated with what Sharon was worried about, and none of it was good news. In fact, it was the opposite of good news. A spooked militia meant that they’d move, and if they moved, that meant so would Carver. He could vanish again and everyone would lose.

  A half hour after Zoe went off to work, Parker got a text from her.

  I flew Tripp Carver and two others to Coeur d’Alene and back six weeks ago. He paid cash. The next day I picked up two men in Coeur d’Alene and flew them back to Sunshine and Carver paid for that flight as well. Devon has flown him twice since then, same route.

  Parker stared at the text. He wasn’t surprised. The Sunshine Airport was the only small airport for five hundred miles. It saw a lot of traffic for its size.

  Not much scared him, but the Butcher having been so close to Zoe? That scared him to the bone. He told himself that Carver had no way of knowing Parker was here in Sunshine or his relationship with a woman that Carver had paid as a pilot.

  Zoe was in no danger from Carver.

  But he still hated it.

  The next night Zoe stood in her bedroom in her bra and panties staring at her closet, confused. Something was different and it wasn’t the two wild kittens rolling across her floor.

  Then she realized what it was. For months, the lightbulb in the closet had been burned out. She’d replaced it twice but it still never worked.

  It was working now.

  Her throat tightened a little, which was ridiculous. So he’d fixed it for good, so what?

  Except . . . she’d known the man just over a week and yet she felt like he knew her better than anyone else ever had.

  But there’d be no crying over the spilled milk. He’d made his feelings clear. He wanted her. But only in the moment. Period.

  It was true that disappointment had been sitting like a slug in her gut ever since, but she had to move past that right now. Even if when she’d gotten home last night from work they’d talked about Carver and she knew Parker was far more worried about her than he’d let on. She’d promised not to fly the guy again and to let Parker know if she saw him or any of his men at the airport.

  But for now, Kel would be here in five minutes and she had other problems. She’d tried on everything she owned. Not because she was worried about pleasing him. Kel was a great guy: smart, kind, funny, good looking . . . But it wasn’t the sheriff she was thinking of while staring into her closet.

  Nope. She wanted to pick something to wear so that when she paraded down the stairs and out the front door past Parker, his jaw dropped to the floor.

  And not in a she’s off to bingo way.

  She pulled on her little black dress. She’d bought it on a whim last year after she’d had the flu and lost five pounds in one weekend. She had some really great high-heeled strappy booties to go with it, too. By the time she’d shoved herself into everything, it took her a moment to recognize the woman in the mirror.

  “What do you think?” she asked her audience.

  The kitties just kept attacking each other. Oreo, square in the middle of the bed, lifted his head and smiled sleepily at her, his tail thumping on the blankets.

  “Nice, but you like everything,” she said, and snapped a selfie, texting it to Darcy with: too much?

  Darcy immediately responded with a phone call. When Zoe answered, all she heard was a wolf whistle.

  Zoe let out a low laugh. “Yeah?”

  “Oh yeah. So did you finally decide to jump Parker’s bones?”

  Butterflies erupted in Zoe’s stomach. “No,” she said, hopefully more firmly than she felt. “Tonight’s my date with Kel.”

  There was a beat of silence.

  “What the hell does that mean?” Zoe asked.

  “I didn’t say anything,” Darcy said.

  “Your silence spoke volumes. You’re the one who suggested this date with Kel.”

  “Yes, and don’t get me wrong, Kel’s a hottie, but . . .”

  “But what?” Zoe asked.

  “Well, my money was on Parker,” Darcy said. “What happened?”

  “My closet light is fixed,” Zoe said.

  “Huh?”

  Zoe shook her head. “Never mind.”

  “You two have all that very serious chemistry.”

  They did. They had so much chemistry that he melted Zoe’s bones whenever they were in the same room and sometimes even when they weren’t. “He’s not an option for a viable relationship,” she said.

  Darcy was silent again. “We’re talking about a date, Zoe, and if you’re very lucky, also some great sex—not a marriage proposal.”

  “You don’t understand,” Zoe said.

  “What is it I don’t understand? That women have needs? The fact that you’re trying to get yourself a life? That you finally realized you need stuff for your own outside of me and Wyatt? I love
that, Zoe. For so long, for too long, you let Wyatt’s and my life come ahead of yours. It’s your time, babe, and you’re looking the part tonight. Just . . .”

  “What?”

  “Pick the right man, is all.”

  Zoe’s butterflies took flight again. “Like you just said, Darce, it’s just a date.”

  “Well, that’s how I’d look at it, but you’re not wired like I am. Follow your heart, Zoe.”

  The doorbell rang. Zoe stilled. “My heart’s confused,” she whispered.

  “No, your heart is never confused. It’s just rusty from lack of use.”

  “Dammit,” Zoe said. “When did you become the smarter sister?”

  “Always have been,” Darcy said smugly. “But it’s good to finally be recognized.”

  Zoe disconnected and ran down the stairs. Or, more accurately, did her best to hustle down the stairs without breaking her ankles in her heels. She crossed the empty living room—so much for the showstopping entrance she’d imagined—and stood there, heart pounding.

  She didn’t want to do this, not with Kel . . . “What is wrong with me?” she asked the door.

  “You going to open it, or just talk to it?” Parker asked from just behind her.

  She froze. Did he like the view? Not sure she wanted to know, she turned and faced him, expecting to see a smug, wry smile on his face.

  No smile. And his eyes . . . She swallowed. They were dark, nearly black, and so hot she nearly caught on fire.

  Yeah, he liked the view.

  He was in a pair of cargo pants and a faded T-shirt that fit him like a second skin.

  She liked her view, too.

  “You look . . .” He shook his head. “Amazing.”

  “So not like I’m going to bingo, right?”

  Eyes still flaming, he gave a slow head shake. “Amazing,” he repeated.

  She liked that he didn’t sound surprised. She also liked the low, husky quality in his voice, as if he couldn’t help but be bowled over by her. “Thanks,” she whispered.

  And then because they were just staring stupidly at each other, she turned back to the door, drew a deep breath, and whispered to the wood, “Iwanttocancel.”

  “What?”

  She dropped her head to the door and thunked it a few times. She wanted to cancel. She should’ve cancelled—

  The bell rang again and she straightened up and shook her head, trying to clear her mind. No. This was what she wanted. And maybe some of that had become cloudy in her mind because of the very hot, very annoying man behind her, but since when did she plan her life around a man? She’d wanted this date. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t going to be the hot, annoying guy. He’d had his chance.

  Now this was hers.

  Nineteen

  Holding her breath, determined to make the best of the evening, Zoe pasted a smile on her face and opened the door to . . .

  Kaylie.

  The little girl stood there looking up at Zoe with her huge eyes. “Can I play with the kitties?” she asked hopefully. “My mama said if it’s okay with you, I could bring them back to my house for one hour on accounta I cleaned my room real good. So can I?”

  Parker went up the stairs and reappeared with the two kittens, riding shotgun on each of his shoulders.

  Kaylie laughed and clapped with delight.

  Parker carefully handed them over, and then he and Zoe watched as she carried her precious cargo to her house and vanished inside.

  Zoe looked at her empty driveway. “Parker?”

  “Yeah?”

  She heard the huskiness in his voice and would bet her last dollar he was staring at her ass. Good. “What time is it?”

  “Quarter after seven.”

  “What the hell?” she said. “Am I wearing a sign that says Hi, stand me up?”

  “Maybe he called or texted you,” Parker said.

  “No, I have my phone right here . . .” She pulled the phone from the small cross-body bag she’d thrown on before coming downstairs and stared at the missed call and unread text from Kel. “Well, crap.” She accessed the text.

  Zoe, I’m sorry, one of my deputies called in sick and I have to go out on a call. I tried to catch you on your cell. I’ll try again later. Rain check?

  It must have come in when she’d been on the phone with Darcy and hadn’t noticed it. She blew out a sigh, pivoted on her heels, and headed straight for the kitchen. Her laptop wasn’t there, but Parker’s was and she flipped it open.

  Of course, he followed.

  “By all means,” he said. “Go ahead and help yourself.”

  She tried to access the browser but was thwarted by a pop-up window asking for the password. “This night sucks,” she said.

  She felt more than saw Parker lean over her. His scent came to her: warm, sexy man. The inside of both his arms brushed the outside of hers as he reached around her and entered in his password.

  “Thanks,” she whispered, determined to keep her shit together. Because if she let out one single tear she would—

  “What happened to Kel?”

  “Got a call,” she said. “One that was far more interesting than a date with me.”

  “Zoe,” he said quietly. “You know if he’s on call and something comes in, he has to take it.”

  She craned her neck and sent him her best bitch look. “You’re defending him?”

  “Yes. No,” he quickly corrected.

  She started typing.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “I wore my best undies tonight in the hopes of finally getting . . .” She paused. “You know.”

  A sound that might have been a groan escaped him. “Shit, Zoe, you turn me upside down when it comes to this shit.”

  She turned him upside down? That was rich coming from him. “What, you don’t think I should be trying to get a life for myself?” she asked.

  “Babe, you have a life. You have a brother and sister you love, you’ve got a job that you’re amazing at, you have Oreo who thinks the sun rises and sets at your feet, and you have—”

  “What?” she whispered, turning to look at him.

  His green fathomless eyes leveled her. “And you have a roommate who thinks you’re the smartest and sexiest woman he’s ever met.”