All That Matters

by Sadie Rose

  "You were gone over two years and during that time there were so many reports and TV shows and talk shows about you. You were pretty much a household name Ava. Everyone had heard about Little Ava Silvers, The Princess of Texas disappearing without a trace. Sometimes we would get reports that you had been found. And the media and reporters would show up all over again. Of course, they all proved false, then one day I came home from school and mom wasn't home. After Dad died Mom stayed home more. I think she blamed herself for being gone so much. She still advocated for you, but she did it from home. God, Ava Mom was like a ghost. It was awful seeing her like that. I can't even describe what it was like, but it hurt to even look at her" I try to picture my beautiful, strong mother how Anson describes her. It's too awful and I push the image away.

  "Genny said her and May was gone and would be back in a day or two. No explanation, no details. Just they were gone. I'll be honest, I was scared. I didn't know what it meant or what could have happened. Part of me thought they had found your body, part of me thought maybe Mom had finally lost it and was hospitalized, I even worried maybe she was dead too." Anson is shaking all over. "But mom called a couple of hours later." He swallows hard a few times and opens his mouth, but no words come out. It takes him several tries before he goes on. "She said, 'Ava's alive Anson! Ava's alive!" We all break down crying again. Loud sobs fill the room. I can feel Anson's relief and anguish, I think Erica and Mason feel it too.

  Erica and I both wrap our arms around Anson as he openly sobs. Silent sobs that rack his whole body for several seconds. Mason's arms circle my waist from behind me with his head pressed against my shoulder and I feel his tears on my neck. The four of us are still wrapped around each other when Anson says

  "You have no idea how I felt Ava. Oh my God! I can't even describe it. I fell to my knees crying holding the phone to my chest." We break apart a little and settle back into our places but each of us still touching the person beside us, not wanting the connection broken. "I didn't find out later that you were nearly dead, in critical condition. The media frenzy started back up. Worse than ever, your picture was all over the news again. It was a miracle, that's what everyone called it. You were found November 20th. In time to be home for Christmas, everyone said. In reality you didn't come home until February.

  They didn't let me visit you right away, but I saw your picture on the news and Mom sent pics too. It was almost two weeks after you were found before Mom let me come visit. What happened at the game tonight, it happened then after you were found? And again later, during the trial of your kidnappers." I whip my head up to look at Anson.

  "They were caught?' I ask quietly. Anson nods

  "Ya, I wasn't allowed to watch the trial or news coverage about it, but it was big news, Ava. One of the biggest news stories in years. So many TV mini-series and documentaries were made about it." I shake my head

  "Let's not talk about that Ok Anson?" He nods. I'm crying again. "I wish they didn't make movies about it." I cry. "I don't want people seeing that." I don't know why but it seems too horrible people seeing and hearing and KNOWING what was done to me. "Did you watch the shows, Anson?" I ask. He shakes his head

  "I couldn't bear to; it was too awful. I caught snatches of reports here and there. I know some of the details of the case, but I always turned it off, I didn't want to know and plus Mom forbid me from watching." I'm still sobbing. "But so many did! Probably the whole town, the whole world!" I think of some of the worse things and the idea that people know what happened to me makes me sick. I feel acid rising in my throat and jump up and run into Mason's bathroom Erica's right behind me. I hear Mason yell "FUCK!" I barely make it to the toilet before I vomit everything in my stomach up. Erica holds my hair back and rubs my back. I sit on the floor sobbing for a few minutes before she gets up and pulls me up. I wash my face and rinse my mouth out, but I can't meet her eyes.

  When I get back into Mason’s room Anson looks guilty.

  "Sorry Ava. I shouldn't have told you that" I shake my head. I'm so embarrassed, so humiliated I can't even look at anyone.

  "I wanted to know," I say shakily. Sitting back beside Mason and Erica, she wraps her arm around me. No one speaks for a long time until I cover my face with my hands "I'm so embarrassed" I whisper.

  "What? Why?" Mason asks, genuinely confused. I just shake my head.

  "You don't have anything to be embarrassed about" Erica says. She sounds confused too.

  "You don't know" I whisper "You haven't seen any of it right?" She shakes her head.

  "It doesn't matter though, Ava. You were a victim" she says. I can tell they don't get it. I don't even know if I should try to explain.

  The four of us just sit there not talking until finally, I whisper

  "But it's so private you know? like being stripped naked for the whole world to see? Like the worst, scariest things that ever happened to you just watched and seen by millions of people. That's so awful" a shudder rips through my body so hard my teeth chatter. "If you saw the room I was kept in" I sob. "If you saw what they did" tears stream down my face. "Some of it was so humiliating" I cry, thinking of being treated like a baby, bathed, diapered. I groan. "I don't want people seeing that. Knowing that!" I think of the filthy room where we were kept. "We lived like animals, filthy and hungry and gross!" Mason rubs my back. "It was like a prison, only one toilet in the middle of the room with no privacy, we never got baths, mice crawled on me!" I feel my body shaking with sobs, but I can't seem to stop the words.

  "You survived Ava. That's what matters." Mason tells me quietly. "You survived, you lived" He repeats. I wipe my face and look at Erica then Anson and finally Mason.

  "But do you get it?" I whisper.

  "Why you don't want people knowing?" Erica asks. I nod.

  "Ya, it's pretty personal." Anson says. Mason whispers

  "Everyone knowing all your secrets, all your fears." Erica nods her head and says

  "The worst moments of your life played out for the whole world to see." I wipe my eyes and nod.

  "We get it Ava. It's pretty awful" Mason says softly.

  "But it doesn't change anything you know." Anson tells me "Not the way we see you." He whispers.

  "Or the way we love you" Erica agrees.

  It's several minutes before anyone speaks and then Anson makes a horrible prediction.

  "It's good that you know now though Ava. Because like it or not, tonight is just the beginning and it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better.

  Chapter 39

  Mason

  It's a long time before everyone leaves my room tonight. Erica leaves first saying she's going to take a shower and go to bed. She hugs Ava before she leaves and not long after Erica leaves Anson gets up and asks if Ava's ok? She hasn't really spoken since our talk, none of have. I think we are just too overwhelmed.

  "Do you wish I hadn't told you?" he asks.

  "No, you were right I needed to know" Ava answers.

  "Ya, but maybe tonight wasn't the best night?" He shrugs and looks guilty and sad. "I love you Avie" He hugs her and leaves. His shoulders are slouched his head down, even I feel bad for the guy. And finally, it's just me and Ava.

  "I need a shower" Ava whispers. Her voice sounds so different, it's flat, devoid of any emotion.

  "Ok, you sure you're alright baby?" Her eyes look dead and faraway. I'm honestly a little bit worried. I'm considering whether or not I should get Kate? But then she snuggles close to me

  "It's gonna sound stupid ok? I'm scared, I don't know why, but just talking about them scared me and I feel vulnerable, and I don't know, clingy and weird." I hug her tight

  "Baby I think that's pretty fucking normal, my God! We have gone through some fucking heavy shit tonight." I try to reassure her.

  "I want to ask you something but I'm afraid you will think it's weird," she says quietly.

  "You can ask me anything baby and I'd never think it's weird." I pull her chin up so she's looking at me "Don't you kno
w Ava?" I ask her. She frowns and shakes her head.

  "Know what?" I kiss her lips softly.

  "Don't you know that I love you? I've loved you from the first moment I saw you." I tell her because it's fucking true and I can't believe she doesn't know it. Her eyes widen and she looks genuinely surprised, which kinda worries me. Haven't I shown her? Didn't I make it obvious? I kick myself because I'm a fucking ass, I should have told her sooner.

  "You're mine Ava, and nothing you could ever ask that would seem weird to me." She smiles up at me

  "Tell me again" she says. I leaned down and kiss her again.

  "Greedy girl. You are mine; I love you Ava." she nuzzles into me and kisses my chin.

  "Will you sit in my bathroom with me so I can take a shower?" she asks, blushing.

  "I'm scared to be alone" I kiss her head.

  "You bet baby, come on."

  I sit with my back to Ava while she showers. I try not to even think of her wet and naked a few feet away. After her shower, she goes into her closet and comes out wearing pink and black wonder woman pajamas, her hair is wet and hanging down her back, her face is scrubbed clean of any makeup, she looks about 12 years old, but so fucking adorable. I grin at her.

  "What?" She asks grinning back.

  "You look so cute" I answer as she walks over to me. She rolls her eyes at me.

  "Goofy" she laughs.

  "I need a shower too," I tell her.

  "Do you wanna sit in here while I take one." She nods shyly.

  "Can I?" I laugh

  "Sure baby, I need clothes though you wanna go with me to get them, or wait here?" She shakes her head quickly.

  "I'll go with you." She says glancing around as though she expects to see monsters lurking in the corners. I fucking hate whoever did this to her, the asshole who took her and scared her this way. We hurry back to my room and I consider suggesting I shower in here, but I sense that Ava wants to be in her own room tonight. Once we are back in her bathroom, she sits on the counter facing away from me and gives her kitten a bottle. I grin watching her, that cat is nearly full grown now but she still treats it like a baby. I dry off and get dressed. Ava looks so tired, she has had such a long day, I don't see how she's still awake. I wrap my arms around her from behind and kiss her shoulder.

  "Let's brush our teeth ok?" I tell her. After we brush our teeth Ava says

  "Will you sleep up here with me tonight, Mason?" I'm not even surprised she asked, I expected it.

  "Yep you bet baby." So, she takes her cat and we walk into her bedroom, on the way, she picks up a stuffed bunny rabbit that I laugh to see has pajamas that are matching hers on.

  "Will it bother you if I leave a lamp on?" Ava asks yawning,

  "I'm so tired you could probably leave all the lights on and it would bother me" I answer truthfully. She turns a lamp on the nightstand on and we climb in her bed and snuggle under the thick covers. Ava lays facing me with her bunny in her arms and her kitten climbs up to lay on the pillow beside her neck.

  "Thank you, Mason” she whispers as her eyes drift shut. Then she opens them wide. "I love you too, you know." I can't even contain the cocky grins that spreads across my face. I kiss her mouth cuz it's so pretty and pink.

  "I know" I answer. She laughs at me and shakes her head. When I look back down at her she's fast asleep with her thumb tucked in between her lips. I laugh again as she starts snoring softly.

  Chapter 40

  Mason

  The next day I wake up to Ava in my arms. I bury my nose against her neck and inhale the sweetness that is her. She's so fucking beautiful with her wild curls spread out over her pillows, her lashes resting on her perfect ivory cheeks. Her lips are slightly parted as she breathes softly. I swear I could wake up next to her every day of my life and be happy. I get a lot of people would say that I'm too young to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with Ava. They would say that seventeen, even seventeen almost eighteen, years on earth isn't long enough to find your soulmate but I don't give a fuck. I know that I'll never love anyone the way that I love her. I felt it from the moment I saw her and laying here beside her just makes me even more certain than ever that we belong together. She opens her eyes and smiles up at me. I suppose it'd be creepy to wake up to someone watching you sleep but if Ava is creeped out, she doesn't show it. She kisses my chin, then my cheek, then my nose. She starts laughing and covering my face in quick, light kisses. I laugh too, nuzzling my nose against her neck and up to her ears. Giving her little, playful kisses too. then I pull out the big guns and start tickling her. Ava is so freaking ticklish, it's adorable. She howls with laughter, kicking her feet back and forth and trying to roll away from me. I follow her all over the bed tickling and laughing until we are both panting.

  "Say Mason is king!" I demand, just to make her laugh harder. She shakes her head no.

  "Say it!" I demand. "No way!" she shrieks. God, she has a beautiful laugh. "Fine! I'm not stopping then" I give the evilest laugh I can which isn't easy cuz I'm laughing so hard too.

  "Ok, ok" she pants "Mason is king! Mason is King!"

  I immediately stop tickling her and kiss her lips. We lay there panting and laughing until we catch our breath. The sound of Ava's giggles just does something to me.

  "I'm gonna go get dressed," She announces, hopping out of bed. She kisses me again before walking off. I try not to stare at her cute little ass in those thin pajama pants but it's not fucking easy.

  While she's dressing, I grab my phone and scroll through my messages, I had to mute it last night because my friends were blowing it up.

  Mason man! You're on the news!

  Hey, Mason wtf is going on there?

  Fuck who's the blond chick you’re with?

  And dozens and dozens more. It's about the same today. I don't answer any of them. I flip over to Facebook and that's even worse. I can't believe what I see! Nearly every post is about Ava, it's all anyone is talking about. It's not just that people talking either, there are pics and videos too. I guess we expected people to talk and post stuff, but this is a lot worse than I thought it'd be. A bunch of it is from last night but there's a lot from when Ava went missing too. There are pictures of her as an eight-year-old little girl. One, in particular, catches my eye. It's SO Ava! Her hair is long and curly, curly, hanging down her back. She's laughing up at the camera. There's just something about it that gets to me. Maybe it's because she looks so innocent and happy. I'm really drawn to her eyes in the picture. There's none of the fear and shadows that seem to hide in her eyes now. I stare at the picture for a few minutes before scrolling down. There are pictures of a farmhouse that catches my eye and I assume it's the one she was found in. I see a few pictures of other little girls too. I guess they are the other victims.

  Then I stop at a picture that I swear I've seen before. It looks so familiar to me; I wonder if I've seen it in a magazine or on TV before? It's of a big cop carrying this little girl wrapped in a pink blanket. The girl looks dead. Her hair is matted and dirty, so dirty that the color is almost unrecognizable but strips of white-blond seem to peek through the dirt. It takes me a few minutes to realize this must be a picture of Ava after she was rescued. All the air leaves my body as I stare at the picture. My chest feels tight as I stare down at my phone. Her head is cradled against his chest, her eyes shut. You would think that she's asleep except for the gauntness of her face, it's terrifying in its hollowness. A leg dangles out of the pink blanket and it's so thin that it looks like a skeleton.

  My eyes are drawn to the cop’s face. He looks like he's in agony, there are tears are streaming down his face and his lips are twisted into a painful frown. His eyes are what really draw you in though, they are just so full of pain. The picture is just so fucking vivid. And I swear I've seen it before. I feel tears burning my eyes and I toss my phone on my bed. I can't bear to look at anymore. My hands are shaking, fuck I can't get myself under control. Part of me is so damn pissed off, but the other part of me wants to run
into the bathroom and grab Ava and tell her I love her again. I have this crazy thought that I want to lock her away and keep her here, in this room, with me until all this shit is over. Keep her from having to face what’s going outside, by the time Ava gets back I'm a little more under control. We head down to my room so I can change clothes. Ava's still in a good mood. I almost wonder if she even remembers about last night. I'm quiet, too quiet. Ava notices and asks.

  "What’s the matter Mason?" She's holding my hand and swings it lightly in between us. She smiles sweetly up at me.

  "Nothing baby, just thinking" I answer. When we get to my room, I don't even bother going into the bathroom to change. I strip off my shirt and pull a clean one on and yank my sweats down and step into some black jeans. I eye Ava the whole time. I'm on edge and I feel weird. I don't want to let Ava out of my sight. I even brush my teeth in the doorway watching her. Finally, she rolls her eyes at me.

  "I'm fine Mason. You don't have to watch me 24/7" She laughs. I duck into the bathroom spit and come back.

  "Maybe I want to? You are pretty cute" I tease her.

  "Why are you acting all weird?" she laughs, skipping over to me. I walk over to the sink trying to buy some time, but she just leans in the doorway, watching me. I rinse my mouth out watching her in the mirror. Finally, I turn around and face her. I lean against the counter crossing my arms.

  "I was scrolling through Facebook and you're all over the media" I say softly, watching her face closely. She scrunches her nose up.

  "Is it bad?" she asks.

  "I didn't look long, but ya, it seems pretty bad" I answer her honestly, because no matter what, no matter how much I want to protect her, I've also promised to always be honest with her and there is no way in hell I'm breaking that promise. After a few minutes, she shrugs.

  "Anson did warn us," she says. I nod. "Mason?"

  "Ya baby?" I answer.

  "Could you try not to watch any of it? Please?" She sounds a little tearful and a lot embarrassed. I walk over to her.