by KA Graham
Can you say man of my dreams?
Strong arms wrap around me from behind, and his warmth is calming, even more so than the energy drink currently settling in my belly. A calm I feel throughout my entire being. “Good morning, Mr. Barnes. Did you sleep well? By the sounds of your snoring, I would guess so.”
He bites my neck, and whispers in my ear. “Best sleep I've had in a long time. You're my cure for everything, Sparrow. You're stuck with me now. Forever. Snoring and all, so get used to it.”
“It’s not being stuck if I'm a willing participant.” I turn around, hugging him tightly and give him a sly smile.
“Touche, Ms. Kramer. Touche. Let’s get some food into you then take a drive. I think it's time for that talk, don't you?” He busies himself making us bagels with scrambled eggs and bacon. I could definitely get used to this. A sexy man that cooks for me? Yes, please!
We eat in silence, suddenly avoiding eye contact with one another. I'm sure we're both thinking the same thing. Today could be the day we regain our freedom with one another, or it could turn out to be the final nail in our coffins.
Dominic gets up and walks out of the kitchen, returning shortly after with what looks like a personal file folder. Grabbing my hand, he asks, “Ready, Sparrow? I have somewhere I want to take you if you're ok with that?”
“Lead the way.” I'm so confused wondering where he's taking me, and what this file has to do with us. I truly want and need answers, so I follow him to the truck, but I’m still nervous about what it could mean for our future together.
Ten minutes into our drive to who knows where, Dominic hands me the file folder. “Please, read through this. Every word. No questions asked until you've read everything. Understood?” I nod my head in agreement, opening the folder with shaky hands.
Rolling Hills State Mental Hospital
Case Number: 9629
Patient Name: Tyler Allen Barnes
Birthdate: May 5, 1984
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Observing Therapist: Dr. Raymond Silverman
Date of Admittance: August 21, 2016
Date of Release: TBD
Reason for Admittance: Suicidal, Violent behavior
Diagnosis: Depression, Severe Social Anxiety, Disorder, Bipolar, Chronic migraines
Current Medications: Xanax, Prozac, Tramadol, Maxalt, Lithium
Therapist Notes (upon admittance): Patient was found in his home holding his deceased wife in his arms. Patient’s wife was murdered by unknown suspect, still at large, in a random home invasion.
The deceased had been stabbed multiple times with a fireplace poker. Coroner’s reports confirm the deceased had passed hours before the patient returned home to find her.
Patient’s brother, Officer Dominic Henry Barnes, was first on the scene. Inconsolable, the patient lashed out violently towards Officer Barnes, needing to be restrained.
Patient is being placed under our care until further notice, committed to our facility by his brother, Officer Barnes, who is also being listed as the emergency contact and next of kin.
There are pages and pages of therapy sessions, doctors notes, statements from family and friends, and the official police report written and filed by one Officer Barnes. I'm devastated and utterly confused by so many things at this very moment. Honestly, I don't know where to begin. Dominic’s a cop? He has a brother? Oh, my God, his poor brother! I shut the folder slowly, exhaling the breath I didn't realize I was holding in.
“I'm ready to talk if you're ready to listen.” He looks at me with bated breath. I can see the worry in his eyes and it's heartbreaking.
“I’m ready, but just know that no matter what any of this means, or what you have to tell me, I love you, and I will still love you after. Okay?”
At least I hope I’m ready.
“I have somewhere I want to take you, and someone I want you to meet.” Grabbing my hand, he continues to drive, and I'm left wondering about so many things.
25
Fighting for another day, when you've lost all you believed in.
We pull up to the gates of a cemetery of all places. Far from what I was expecting. Now my thoughts are running wild, and I need to know why he's brought me here. Dominic jumps out of the truck, jogging over to my side. “Come with me, Isabella, please. I have someone I’d like you to meet.”
What the hell?
We walk a few yards up a steep hill, and it opens into a gorgeous meadow with rows of headstones as far as the eye can see. It’s one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen, in a soul-haunting way. Dominic leads me down a few rows, stopping when he gets to a specific spot. At first he doesn't say a word, so I take it upon myself to read the headstone.
Susanna Jean Barnes
June 29, 1954 - September 26, 2010
Cherished wife, caring friend, and beloved mother.
~If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane. I would walk right up to Heaven and bring you back again: Author unknown~
“Isabella, meet my mother, Susanna. Momma, meet my Isabella.” He gently lays down a bouquet of tulips and lilies I didn’t even notice he had until now. I can see the unshed tears in his eyes, and it’s almost enough to bring me to my knees. I see the overwhelming devotion he has for his mother, and it makes my whole body heat up with indescribable love for this man.
“My mother was the backbone of our family. She could do no wrong in my eyes, and she was my best friend. I took her in for what was just supposed to be her annual check-up, but it turned into our worst nightmare. She and my father tried to hide it from my brother and me for as long as they could until we started noticing the changes in her appearance and behavior. She wasn’t the social butterfly she once was. One day, while cooking, she collapsed in the kitchen. I happened to be home and learned the truth as I lifted her frail body off the floor. She had no more excuses or lies to tell, and she said the one word I despise most in this world - cancer.”
I stay silent knowing he has more to say. My heart has dropped, and I’m mourning the loss of a woman I never got the chance to know. Life’s a bitch that takes and takes until you’re a shell of who you once were. All we can do is try to mend the pieces, love the ones we have, and never forget the ones we’ve lost.
I understand his pain all too well. My parents were my best friends also.
Dominic entwines our fingers as he continues. “She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She experienced many of the usual symptoms, but somehow managed to keep them to herself for God only knows how long. During her checkup, the doctor saw that one of her ovaries was inflamed. Since she was over 50, they ran some blood tests. Her blood work came back with an unusually high white blood cell count, so the doctor recommended they do an ultrasound just to be safe. A mass was found on her ovary, so a biopsy was taken of it. The biopsy confirmed the doctor’s suspicions: she was in the final stages of ovarian cancer.
After running several other tests which included a CT scan and a PET scan, it was determined that her cancer had progressed to a point that there was very little they could do for her. She declined chemo and the many other methods of treatment they offered her. She wanted to live what life she had left with us free to do as she chose. She lasted four months. Four long, agonizing, fucking months. Don’t get me wrong, the extra time with her was a blessing, but it was also a curse. Having to watch her grow weaker, and suffer through the pain every day was torture.”
Pulling him into me, I don’t know what to do or say, so I just hold him in my arms. This man has become my life, and I’d do anything to take away the pain of his past.
Consoling him, I begin to speak, “Dominic, I’m so very sorry. I lost my parents too, and it crushed me. I thought I’d never recover. They were the only people that ever got the real me. The Isabella I didn't show anyone else. They loved me without fail, and I know your mother felt the same about you. You have her in your heart forever, and she’s with you always. I love you, fiercely, and with everyth
ing I am.”
He kisses the top of my head, an action that brings us both comfort, and then continues. “When my mother passed away, heaven turned to hell on a dime. My father began to drink, every day, all day. He eventually just gave up. On life and his sons. He up and left one day saying it was too hard for him to look at me and my brother knowing we were a part of our mother, the love that he had lost. Tyler and I were in our 20s by then, so it’s not like he was leaving helpless children, but it still hurt like a bitch all the same.”
What man could willingly leave his sons?
“Is your father still alive? If so, do you have any clue where he could be? I know he must’ve been in a terrible amount of pain after your mother passed, but to just leave his children? I don’t care what age you were, it’s just not right. I would give anything to have one more day with my parents. Anything.” I’m trying to stay strong for Dominic, but the tears I’ve been holding back, are now flowing freely.
“Don’t cry for me, Sparrow. That’s not why I’m telling you this. I just need you to know everything about me. No secrets, remember? I love you, gorgeous girl.” He wipes away the tears that have made their way down my cheeks.
“I love you more, Dominic.” We both smile and I know he feels my heart because I feel his.
“Yes, my father is still alive and kicking. Last I heard, he’s in some shithole town in Texas running a B&B. His leaving put a strain on our relationship for obvious reasons, and we’ve never regained much of the relationship we once had. He’s my father, and I will always love him, but I came to terms with him leaving a long time ago. Tyler, on the other hand, was mentally lost to us all after the day my mother passed. I’ve been trying for the last eight years to help him find his way back with no such luck. He’s refused to see me.” Dominic bows his head in defeat.
My poor Dominic.
“Can you tell me more about Tyler? About you being a cop? I must say, you surprised the hell out of me with that one. I’m not quite sure how to take it. It’s just not the Dominic I know.” It may seem a bit sacrilegious, but he pulls out a flask from his back pocket and hands it to me. I take a swig or two as he begins to speak again.
“Tyler and I were best friends growing up. After our mother passed, he reverted into himself, not wanting to be around anyone, especially me. I was a cop, busy doing my job but still trying to help him at the same time. I was the youngest in my squad, having been promoted as a Detective in the Homicide Unit. Tyler seemed to finally break free from the depression surrounding him when he met Jacinda. She saved him from his darkness, becoming the ray of sunshine he needed desperately. They married after just six months of dating, but when it’s meant to be, there’s no holding back. Four years of wedded bliss, four years of seeing my brother happy, ceased when her life was brutally taken by a monster. Tyler was working late that night, and it was a random home invasion. The sick fucker stabbed her over thirty times with a goddamn fire poker. After two years, we still aren’t any closer to finding her murderer than we were the night it happened. I blame myself to this day.”
I tip his chin, making him look directly into my eyes, “How can you blame yourself? You had no idea this was going to happen. It was a tragedy that sadly took an innocent woman’s life, but it’s not your fault.”
“I was first on the scene, and when I entered their home, I froze. Seeing my brother like that broke me. He was sitting on the floor with Jacinda in his arms, not allowing me or anyone else to touch her. In his warped reality, he was convinced she was just sleeping. He was covered in his wife’s blood, for Christ’s sake. For the second time in his life, Tyler was lost. He’s been in Rolling Hills for almost two years now. He blames me for not finding Jacinda’s murderer, and refuses to see me. I gave up my badge shortly after that. I felt that if I couldn’t protect my own family, what right did I have in protecting anyone else? I spiraled for a while, not giving a shit about anything really. I had lost everyone I loved. I was nothing and I had nothing. I started using sex as a coping mechanism, becoming a regular client at local underground sex clubs. The rougher the better, and the women were willing and able, succumbing to my every desire.”
I try to keep my composure as all the information he’s handed to me turns my mind into a mess of chaos. “Do you still go to these clubs? I mean, since you met me?”
“No, Isabella, I haven’t stepped foot inside a club in over a year. I outwore my welcome, and it lost the sense of excitement it once brought to me. I was tired of having mindless sex with women I had no emotional connection to. I wanted more. I needed more. Then, as if my prayers were being answered, you walked into my life. You saved me from myself, Sparrow.”
He has no idea how much he’s saved me too.
“The Raven on your arm, flying out of the flames? I understand now. We’re both flying toward freedom, away from the darkness of our pasts. I love you with all my broken pieces, Mr. Barnes.”
“And I love you just as much, Ms. Kramer.” We walk hand in hand out of the cemetery. Today was a day of major revelations, ones that were tragic and somehow still beautiful. Just the way life was meant to be.
26
Plans have been set in motion.
On our way back to Dominic’s, I get a text from Raelynn, which instantly sours the pleasant mood I’m in. Damn, I really wanted to have that Jason Statham movie marathon he promised me.
Raelynn: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but our good buddy, Pax, left a note on my front door for the three of us. I'm assuming that means he knows that Dominic is involved now.
Me: Fuck! We're heading your way now. Stay inside and lock the doors. Please, Rae?
Raelynn: For once, I'm listening to you. Already on it. You two drive safe.
Me: Love you, bitch!
Raelynn: Duh! How can you not? I’m fucking awesome!
Me: Yeah, yeah...
“What’s happened, Isabella?”
“Pax left a note on Raelynn’s front door. We need to get over there now. Apparently, he's serious about wanting revenge on Jackson. Now we're all caught in the crossfire.”
“Don't worry, gorgeous. I made a promise to you, and I intend on keeping it. Only for you. He won't get near you or Raelynn. I'll make fucking sure of it.”
I know you will.
“Thank you for not giving up on me. I never knew love could feel like this. I won't let some asshole bent on revenge ruin what we've finally found in each other. Besides Raelynn, you're the only other person in this world that I trust.”
“You may not like this idea, but I think we should have another chat with Jackson. You're the only person he trusts, the only one he might talk to. Maybe he can tell us more about this Pax guy. I can get us in to see him if you're up for it?”
Dominic’s right, and it may scare me to death, but it's something I have to do. For all of us. “I'll do it for us. I have some things to say that he needs to hear anyway. I've never had the chance to really tell him what his actions have done to me. The damage he’s caused physically, mentally, and emotionally. He needs to understand and take responsibility for once in his pathetic life.”
“I despise what he's done to you, Sparrow, but you're right. It needs to be done. I'll set it up. In the meantime, let's get to Raelynn and see what Pax has to say.”
Driving up to Raelynn’s, I'm thankful I don't see her waiting for us in the driveway like I suspected she would. The crazy lady with the shotgun in her lap. She actually listened for once. Miracles do occur, who'd of thought?
As we step up to the front door, it swings open. Raelynn stands there giving us a weary look. She's obviously read the letter and knows what's about to happen. “It's about time you two show your faces. Get your asses inside this house now!”
I’ve learned not to disobey Raelynn, especially when she’s angry.
“Nice to see you too, sunshine.” Dominic gives her a side hug, and she growls at him. It's become her thing lately. I think she spends too much time with Dixie. Speaking of, the lit
tle bugger is right at my heels, waiting for the treat she knows I always bring her. She's no dummy.
“Ok, Rae. We're here. Let's see what this guy has to say.” She hands me the letter and walks toward the kitchen.
“That bad, huh?”
“I think you're going to need some wine, babe. I know you all too well. Just know we're here for you, and things may seem bleak, but we have your back. I'm sure Mr. Hotpants over there has your front, too.” She winks at Dominic as she continues to the kitchen.
Little hussy!
Ms. Kramer (and friends),
There was a time when I was a simple man just trying to do right by my wife. Trying to live a life worth something. Then times got tough, I lost my job, and I started a downward spiral into heavy drinking and anger.
My wife, Macy, became distant from me. In the back of my mind, I knew she was straying from our marriage, but I had no control over myself, so how could I have any over her? I don't blame her, honestly, but I never dreamed it’d take the turn it did.
She met Jackson at some bar she began to frequent whenever we’d fight, which became an everyday thing. We'd fight, she’d walk out on me, go to the bar, and disappear. Sometimes for days on end.