by Olivia Myers
I smile. “Don’t worry. I barely remember any of it myself.”
We hurry into the store, for which Evan apparently has a key. I have to admit it’s kind of spooky at night with only the low glow of a neon blue sign inside the glass case beneath the register. Upstairs, another light filters from between the curtains, letting us know where Phil waits. Evan takes my elbow and guides me up the winding steps.
The lights is dim in the Occult section, but we keep going until we reach Phil’s secret room. Sure enough he’s waiting inside, shuffling some tarot cards on the table.
He doesn’t glance up, but smiles warmly when we enter. “That was fast. I hope I didn’t interrupt your evening.”
He begins laying out the cards in a complex pattern and frowning at them.
“No trouble. Evan was with me anyway, so I hope you don’t mind me bringing him.”
“Not at all. Actually it makes things much easier. I need to talk to both of you. But you first, darlin’.”
Evan swishes through the curtains without a goodbye, leaving me with Phil. I clear my throat and take a seat at the small table.
“That didn’t take long. But you two were practically made for each other.”
“Oh. Evan and me? No. I mean yeah, but.” I sigh.
“Don’t worry. I’m glad. It’ll make things easier in the long run. You’re invested. Now. What kinds of questions have been floating around that pretty little head of yours?”
Is it that I know Evan’s secretly working against him, or is he really acting creepier? So hard to tell what’s real and what’s my imagination.
“I don’t know. You said you could teach me how to do that thing you did with the would-be rapist. Where you put new thoughts in his head? That seems pretty handy.”
“Would you like to start with that?” He grins, setting the last of the cards down.
I can’t help but shudder at seeing an image of a skeleton riding a horse. Death is written in large letters across the bottom.
He glances down at it. “It means change is coming. Now give me your hand.”
I set my palm over his. His skin feels unexpectedly rough. “But this wouldn’t work on me, right?” I ask, with a bit of flighty laughter. “I mean, you’re not going to plant something in my mind, right?”
Phil laughs softly with me. “Why would I do that?”
“Wait.” All laughter is gone now. “You can? But I’m psychic too.”
And he’s old. Aren’t his powers fading at all? I wonder.
“I’m special,” he says. “I am stronger than most, probably because I’ve been focusing on learning and mastering my abilities for years now. So when it comes to newbies like you, yes I can read and manipulate you. I’m sorry to say that, but you’ll learn how to block me eventually.”
I fight the urge to remove my hand. I don’t want him to think I don’t trust him though.
“So the first thing you do,” Phil says, closing his fingers around my hand, firm, but not harshly. “Is use the flow of psychic energy carried in the person’s blood to connect your own psychic stream.”
“Huh?” I ask. “I think you better back up.”
He smiles again. “Close your eyes. Picture it. See the blood flowing through you. Then me. See the energy flowing with it.” I listen to his deep melodic voice and soon I see it, yellow wispy trails flowing through my arm and chest and my head. Phil’s look white – almost silver.
“I see it!” I say.
“Good. Now connect them.”
I focus on my yellow stream and it flows toward his silvery one. When they touch I gasp and almost pull away. But Phil holds on to me. “Don’t worry. It won’t feel that way when you do it to a normal. It’s just me. But if I do it to you…”
His silvery mist flows out quickly to encompass my wrist, then flows up my arm and over my head. I gasp, opening my eyes. Everything is foggy like there’s a film over my head. I try to tug my hand loose, but it’s cemented in his grasp and doesn’t budge.
“What’s happening?” I ask.
“You’re going to stop talking now,” Phil says easily, his eyes sympathetic.
I won’t talk. I decide. Wait. Did I decide that? Oh God. Help. Evan, help!
“You like Evan. He’s good in bed. Nice.”
I flush as Phil continues speaking low.
“Didn’t you hear me say it, Cassie? You have to learn to pay better attention if you’re going to work for me. I said I can hear newbies like you. And you said, Evan is secretly working against me. You want to tell me everything.”
I do want to tell Phil. It will be a relief. “He’s with another group that calls itself The Rebels. They’re for giving people autonomy and letting them make decisions. Not intervening until it’s time to give consequences for actual behaviors.”
My eyes grow wide but I can’t get rid of that veil of fuzz that’s enveloped me. Why did I tell him? I promised I wouldn’t!
“You want to work with me. You want to do whatever I tell you is right,” Phil says, stroking the length of the inside of my arm as he speaks. A strange and uncomfortable tingle grows there and travels all over my body.
I want to work for Phil. He’ll teach me the right way to be a psychic.
Phil says some more, but I just love the sound and vibration of his voice. It doesn’t matter what it is. It’s right. I should listen.
Evan is evil in disguise. I must kill him when he sleeps so he can’t hurt Phil. I won’t let on or remember that I’m going to do it either, until it’s time. Then I will devote all my time to learning with Phil and the Eye. He trusts me. I am special to him. I’ve been working with him since he found me at age six. My parents tried to kill me because of my powers. Phil saved me.
I stand up, dizzy, and Phil rises to hug me goodbye.
When I leave, Evan stands there and I shiver, hugging myself. He gives me a funny look and goes in to talk to Phil for just a few minutes.
Evan drives me home, but I ask him if he’ll take me to his place so I can avoid Sara and Tristan. He smiles and takes my hand as he drives the other direction.
His apartment is just as small as mine, and it’s filled with trash and dirty dishes.
“Don’t you clean?” I ask.
“Too busy,” he says, brushing everything off the couch and starting up the gas fire. It’s nice and cozy.
“Let me go get something,” Evan says after we make out for a few minutes on the couch. He comes back holding some silken rope. My eyes widen.
“Um, I’m not really into the whole bondage thing,” I say.
“Trust me?” he asks and comes to sit next to me on the couch.
I think about this for a moment. Something nags at me, but I push it aside. “I do. You’re the only one who gets what it’s like being me.” I hold out my wrists.
Evan takes his time, tying my hands and then my ankles together. He runs his hands along my body and sucks on my fingers and then toes as he tests the knots. I have to admit it’s kind of hot.
“You better let me do this to you next,” I say, lying back. He leans over me and holds the ropes binding my wrists.
“Forgive me, Cassie, but I had to do this so we could talk without you trying to murder me.”
“What?” I try to sit up, but he holds me down. Panic overtakes me and I wriggle against him. I can’t believe I just sat here like an idiot while he tied me up.
“Settle down. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t think I could if I wanted to.”
I stop struggling, but I can’t control my breathing. “What are you going to do to me?”
“How did you become connected to Phil?” he asks.
“What? He found me. When I was six. Don’t you already know that?” I struggle some more.
Evan lets out an exasperated breath and sits beside me. “This is going to be a long night. I found you, Cassie. Remember? I approached you in the Union cafeteria. I told you that you were pregnant.”
“Well, yeah, but Phil had alread
y found me.”
“Does that even make sense? Does it make sense that he also found me when I was a child? My God. I don’t know who I really am. Of course he didn’t. How could I join the movement against him if he had?”
“You’re against him? Help!” I start screaming, but Evan quickly puts a hand over my mouth.
“Shh. I don’t want to have to gag you, Cassie. Listen to me. Just answer my question. Does it make sense?”
I struggle to think straight, but everything feels fuzzy. “No. I guess not.”
“Good.” Evan drops his shoulders in relief. “Remember what Phil did to the guy following Vicki?” he prompts.
“Yes. It was awesome,” I say. Phil is awesome.
Evan shakes his head slightly. “He did the same thing to you.”
“What? That’s ridiculous. Phil would never do that. He’s teaching me. I’m the one he trusts most.”
“How do you feel about me?” Evan asks, his voice cracking.
“I…I don’t know. I really like you. I might even. I think maybe I...”
“Love me? Because I think maybe I’m falling for you too.”
My mouth dries up. I nod.
“You’re going to try to kill me in my sleep. He told you to forget about it all until the time is right. The time is right.” He looks deep in my eyes.
Everything floods into my head. He’s a traitor. Evan’s a traitor and must die. Phil is my mentor. I have to protect him.
“You want to kill me now?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say. But I’m confused.
“To protect Phil?”
“Yes.”
“How long have you known him?”
“Since I was six.”
“How many weeks?”
“One.”
“Does that make sense?”
The world spins and I feel sick. I thought I was past most of my morning sickness. Since when would I want to kill someone, anyway? Especially someone I loved?
“What do we do?” I ask. “And how did you know?”
His hand finds my stomach and gently rubs. The baby inside flutters again. “Your son told me. He’s quite helpful, this kid.”
My baby?
“He’s worried about mommy, he said. The man made her feel funny. Told her funny things. He repeated them to me.”
My eyes tear up.
“What do we do?” I ask again.
“I already called The Rebels. They’re sending someone now to help.”
“I told him everything,” I say. It hurts but now I remember it’s true.
“You couldn’t help it,” Evan says, brushing back the hair from my forehead. “But this means we have to leave town. The Rebels will get someone else in place.”
“Actually we found the perfect person.” A woman’s voice startles me and I once again strain against the ropes.
Evan scrambles to his feet. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
The woman smiles. She’s tall and sexy with skin so dark it almost blends in with her long black braids. “I’m sorry you had to be detained, Cassie. We didn’t want you to kill Evan before he had a chance to talk to you. My name is Suza. I am one of The Rebels.”
“I’d shake your hand, but I can’t.” I hold up my bound wrists.
“Let her out.”
Evan unties me quickly, which causes me to wonder how often he ties up women in his apartment. But for now, I have to focus.
“Is your impulse to kill Evan gone?” Suza asks, sitting on the other side of the couch.
“The one Phil put there? Yes. My own? Not so much.”
She smiles again. “We have an opportunity here. With your permission, I can teach you tonight how to block your thoughts from Phil. How to give him just enough information. It’s not difficult, but it takes understanding of the mechanics. You can then go in and tell him you’ve succeeded in your task.”
“You can’t kill Evan!” I jump up, making myself dizzy. Evan grins at me from the ground where he sits on an oversized pillow near the mess he threw on the ground.
“We will make it look like you succeeded. Not actually kill anyone,” Suza explains calmly. “He’ll have to hide out for a bit. But I have a safe house not too far from here. You can visit when we’re sure you aren’t being tailed. What do you say?”
“This is awfully fast,” I say, my head still spinning slightly.
Evan takes my hand and runs his thumb over my fingers. “It’s your chance to do what you always wanted. Be a superhero. I know it isn’t what you had in mind. It’s your decision.”
“We can give you both the money to retire somewhere far away if you say no,” Suza agrees.
“So I put myself and my unborn child in danger to help catch a psycho or run away rich with a hot guy?” I ask.
“When you put it that way.” Suza laughs.
“What does Jackson want?” I ask Evan.
“Is that his name now?” he asks, setting a hand on my stomach again.
I nod.
“He likes the name,” he says. “And he says Mommy should be happy.” He winks.
“Then I guess I’m doing it,” I say. “Let the lessons begin, because I plan to stop an asshole psychic.”
“That’s my girl.”
“Do you trust me?” Suza asks.
I look to Evan. He trusts her. I touch my bulging stomach. I can’t sense Jackson’s thoughts, but I can sense his approval. I nod at Suza. “Yes, I trust you.”
She gestures toward Evan’s kitchen table. It’s covered in papers and books on psychic abilities, and he clears it off for us.
“I’m going to teach you how to block and manipulate your own thoughts, and how to do the same thing to others.”
“That sounds like a lot to learn.”
“It is,” she says, and smiles. “But we need to act fast if we’re going to catch Phil. He’s going to sense something isn’t right as soon as he sees you, so it’ll take everything you have to keep him from figuring out what the real trouble is.”
We work together for hours and talk over the plan for tomorrow, until I’m thoroughly exhausted.
“She needs to rest,” Evan says.
Suza shakes her head. “She needs to work harder and get stronger.”
“She’ll be no use to us if she’s too tired to guard her own thoughts.”
“Um, hello,” I say, “she’s right here. And I’m tired and cranky, and I think Evan’s right.”
“I’m sorry,” Suza says. “I should have asked you. This kind of work is exhausting. Go ahead and rest. Evan?”
“I’ll watch over her,” he says. “Sleep now, Cassie.”
***
When I wake up in the morning, Evan is motionless beside me. His chest is covered in a sticky redness, and I hold a knife in my hand covered in the same goo. I know it isn’t really blood—this was part of our plan—but I can’t help the horror I feel at the sight of him.
Choking back bile, I rise from the bed. I wish I could rouse him, see his smile and make sure he’s alive. But that would ruin the illusion, and today will be all about illusions. Instead, I kiss his brow and smooth some of his sandy hair from his temple.
Then I shower off some of the red, blood-like liquid, and dress myself in an old shirt of Evan’s.
I’m shaking by the time I reach the door to Phantom Phil’s Quirky Books and Doodads. Inside, Phil is waiting for me. I try not to shudder, and I press one hand protectively to comfort little Jackson.
Phil’s at the front of the bookstore. “Cassie? Are you all right?”
“Phil…I’m so confused. I don’t know what’s happened, and I don’t know why—”
“It’s okay, shh,” he says. He puts what he probably thinks is a comforting arm over my shoulders, but it takes every power I have not to shrug it off in disgust.
“Phil, Evan was so awful. I killed him to protect you, to protect us. But…I don’t know why, and I’m confused about my childhood. When did you find me?”
He lea
ds me up the stairs and into the room with the pentagram and the eye. There, he helps me sit in a comfortable chair, and he sits next to me. “Poor Cassie,” he says. “I can help you figure things out. Will you let me make a connection with you? It’ll help ease your fears. You can trust me, you know.”
“I know, Phil.” I lean into him as if he were a father figure, or a favorite uncle. It feels so wrong, but I won’t allow myself to shift away.
He touches my hand gently, and I see faint silver trails of psychic energy gathering around his fingers. My own faint yellow energy wisps respond, twining with his, and I feed him the images of Evan, motionless in the bed, covered in blood. I feed him the image of the knife in my hand, and the red liquid swirling down the shower drain. I feed him my distress and my fear.
He takes it in, and our energy wisps twine together even stronger. As soon as he initiates the bond to manipulate my psychic consciousness, I lock down onto him. Baby Jackson’s powers, combined with mine, make me stronger than Phil ever could have imagined. Instead of allowing Phil to manipulate my consciousness, I manipulate his.
I make him think he’s a little boy, dependent on his mother. I make him believe that I am his mother.
“Your favorite babysitter, Suza, will take you to the toy store now, Philip,” I say in a soothing tone.
“Yes. Yes, Mama, please!” His voice sounds younger, and less cynical and controlling. I almost feel sorry for him, until I remember he tried to make me kill Evan.
He follows me eagerly downstairs. “I can’t wait to see Suza again. What does she look like?”
“She’s very pretty. And she loves spending time with you almost as much as I do!” I feed him images of Suza’s dark hair and kind smile.
She’s waiting at the door, along with Evan. Phil stares at Evan in confusion. He recognizes Evan, but his childlike mind won’t allow him to even entertain the thought that he’d mentored Evan before trying to have him killed.
“It’s okay,” Suza says. “Evan’s a friend of ours.”
“Oh, okay,” Phil says.
Suza leads him away, and he reaches out to hold her hand. It’s a tragic image, and I lean into Evan’s strong chest, letting him hold me.
“Are you okay?” Evan asks.
“What’s going to happen to Phil? He’s just a little kid now…”