by Sarah Noffke
Sophia nodded. And the best way to do that is to get them dates? There’s obviously no flaws in this plan.
None at all. Lunis cleared his throat again. Okay, here we go. Here’s a bio for one of the girls. Hi. Female dragonette looking for a boyfriend. I’m a self-starter seeking a smoking hot hunk. Reptilian blood is a must. Some call me cold-blooded, but I say it like it is. I love gerbils. They’re delicious. Looking for my Jim Halpert. Swipe right and let’s Netflix and chill ASAP.
I don’t even know where to start, Sophia said dryly. How are the dragonettes going to get these dates if they aren’t on the app?
I’ll work with the developer to get the app going. It’s specifically for dragons, Lunis explained. It still has some bugs, which is why it timed out. Once it’s ready, all the dragonettes will be on it, and they’ll be out of my horns once more.
A dating app for dragons, Sophia flatly stated while watching as Evan turned and made another large arc with Angus close on his heels.
Yeah, I’m calling it Cinder. Or maybe Flaming Opportunity. Or Hot Flyers. Oh and how about—
Sort of in the middle of something, Sophia interrupted. Let’s do this later.
Fine, Lunis said with a sigh. Oh, and good luck with Angus. He’s a cutie. I bet he smells horrible though.
Sophia nodded. I’m about to find out, she informed him as the Highland cow approached.
Evan did a much better job of getting Angus close this time. The dragonrider nearly brushed against the boulder as he sped past. The cow wasn’t that close, but it was near enough.
Sophia sucked in a breath, leapt off the stone, and flew through the air as Angus sped by, her hands reaching for his back.
Chapter Thirty-Four
The beast reacted immediately and bucked, trying to throw Sophia off. She clenched her arms around Angus’ neck and held on for dear life with her head buried in its long hair. The Highland cow did smell awful.
With the new complication, Angus stopped chasing Evan and finally gave him a break. Instead, the animal kicked its back feet high into the air and made Sophia feel like a rodeo clown as she held on tightly and took the worst ride of her life.
“How’s it going now?” Evan called to her through his laughter. “Can you bring Angus this way? Or that way?”
Sophia chanced a glance in the other dragonrider’s direction, not appreciating that he casually stood by the stone pillar and watched her and the cow with great amusement. “If I survive this, I’m going to murder you!” Sophia yelled between Angus’ attempts to throw her off.
Evan shook his head. “That’s premeditated. I have a witness too. Tiff, you heard that right?”
“Don’t talk to me!” the mortal complained. “Keep that thing away.”
“I’ve got you, darling,” Evan said smugly.
Sophia had twisted her fingers into the Highland cow’s long hair, which made it difficult to locate the key around its neck. “He’s got nothing,” she called, then nearly had the wind knocked out of her as Angus’ reared on its back legs and almost fell on its spine. That would no doubt crush Sophia.
She twisted to the side, and although she was close to the cow’s hooves, it gave her a glimpse of the key. As fast as she could manage, she grabbed for the object and yanked it off the beast’s neck.
How about Chi-Harmony for a name for the dating app? Lunis asked in Sophia’s head.
You’re second on my premeditative list of murders, Sophia threatened.
So you don’t like the name. Lunis sounded defeated. Well, there’s also Winged Partners, Embers to Eternity, or Firebreathers. Like any of those?
Go away, Sophia yelled in her head.
Fine, I’ll go back to the drawing board. The name has to be perfect.
With the key pressed tightly into her palm, Sophia pushed up a little to try and decide how to dismount the monster. She needed to leap as far from Angus as possible and hope that it didn’t trample her right after.
The biggest problem was that taking the key from around the cow’s neck had further enraged it, and Angus was bucking even more erratically than before.
“I don’t think Angus is happy with you,” Evan observed casually. “I think you should get off his back.”
“Thanks,” Sophia said through clenched teeth. She was going to have whiplash after this experience. And she was never, ever going to a rodeo, but she would definitely eat a ton of steak after this.
When Angus bucked the next time, he nearly knocked Sophia loose and made one of her hands come off its neck. She tensed, whipped sideways, and saw the cow’s underside.
This couldn’t go on much longer.
“That looks uncomfortable.” Evan still stood by but didn’t appear nervous about her predicament.
“It’s not the best place I’ve ever been,” Sophia managed to say.
With the ground coming into view a lot more often from her current position, Sophia decided it was time to make her move. She pressed her boots into the Highland cow’s back and worked to get them as much underneath her as possible. When Angus reared the next time, she waited until he thundered toward the ground again before she sprang off in the opposite direction.
Hopefully, she’d get points for the length of her dive, although her form and grace would lose her marks in the technical challenge. Sophia rolled head over feet but didn’t allow herself a moment of respite. Instead, she jumped to her feet and sprinted in the opposite direction of Angus, in case the beast planned to exact its revenge and get its key back.
When she glanced over her shoulder, Sophia was relieved to see that without her on its back, the Highland cow had decided to retreat and sped off the way it had come.
Finally allowing the exhaustion to take over, Sophia sank to her knees and rolled over on her back, not caring that the ground was soaked as her heart raced wildly.
Chapter Thirty-Five
The blue skies overhead sought to calm Sophia as her breath made her chest rise and fall dramatically.
How about, Lunis began in her head in a sing-song voice, Sparks for the name of the dragon dating app? Or Loot Finder? Dragon Hearts? Scales Meeting?
I’m fine, Sophia replied. Thanks for asking.
Good, then don’t interrupt unless you’re bleeding, and maybe not even then, Lunis scolded.
I think I’m bleeding internally, Sophia joked, then rolled over on all fours and willed herself to get up.
You’ll survive. Oh, and I like the names Heart Strings and Smoldering Hearts.
I feel like this whole endeavor is a waste of your time and my brain cells. Sophia continued to rest on her hands and knees.
Tell me if this bio sounds good for that sassy red dragonette who talks in her sleep, Lunis requested, obviously ignoring Sophia. He cleared his throat. I’m not at all down to Earth. High maintenance should be my middle name, although I don’t have a first one yet since I haven’t magnetized to a rider so far and probably won’t because I’m the ultimate worst. I’m the kind of gal who will call you in the middle of the night, crying about something that happened in high school. Oh, and I loathe bicycles, sunsets, the beach, and parks, and pretty much anything that brings joy to others. And Christmas. I can’t stand Christmas.
Sophia sighed as her breath finally returned. I think the bio needs to be tweaked a little.
Yeah, you’re right. I cut the part about how she always has dirt under her claws and hates to travel, and never, ever leaves the cold confines of my humble dwelling. Think I should add it back?
I think you should work on your bio, Sophia replied. I simply must hear how you describe yourself.
Already on it. I only need to put the finishing touches on it, and it will be ready for your listening pleasure. Quick question, do I hyphenate super-star-genius-extraordinaire-suave-gift-to-all?
You tell me, genius, Sophia fired back as she pushed up to her feet, sniffed her cloak, and realized she smelled like Angus now. She grimaced from the odor.
Evan shot her a knowing e
xpression. “If you think you smell bad, you should see how you look.”
“Thanks.” Sophia pushed her hair out of her face and looked around for Tiffannee. “Dr. Freud, you can come out now. The beast is gone.”
“I slew it in your honor,” Evan lied.
“He ran faster than I’ve ever seen him move,” Sophia corrected.
“Like a track star, you mean,” Evan argued.
The mortal peered around the boulder, her face white and her eyes scared. “I-I-Is it really gone?”
“Yes, darling,” Evan said thoughtfully, his voice sensitive. He turned and plucked the key Sophia held from her hand. “I got the key to that door while Pink Princess napped.”
She pretended to yawn. “You know how I do things in the face of danger.”
“She lies down,” Evan remarked, then nodded and pointed at Sophia’s backside. “You’re as muddy as a pig that rolled around in slop.”
Sophia nodded and felt the cold press into her back. She took the key back from Evan and strode over to the stone pillar. The small metal instrument fit perfectly into the lock on the door and turned cleanly. She grabbed the door knob, rotated it to the left, and tugged.
Nothing happened.
She turned the handle to the right and yanked.
Again the door set in the stone didn’t budge.
Sophia stood back and studied it, wondering what she missed.
“Did you make me run around with a Highland cow for nothing?” Evan sidled up next to her.
“I believe you, Mr. Coward, did that out of your self-preservation.” Sophia chewed on her lip and thought. She was about to try the door again when something happened.
Light spilled through the crack around the door from the other side and illuminated the frame.
Chapter Thirty-Six
“Stand back, my love.” Evan put out a protective hand to encourage Tiffannee to back away from the glowing door. With his other hand, he nudged Sophia forward. “The Pink Princess who got us into this mess will take it from here.”
Sophia rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about. I bet I can open the door now.”
Before she had a chance, the knob on the door turned, and the stone structure opened outwardly, making the bright light spill onto the hill where they stood.
All three of them sheltered their faces from the blinding light that was suddenly accompanied by a high-pitched piercing sound. It was so loud that it hurt Sophia’s ears, but thankfully it went away when the door slammed shut again and took the bright light with it.
Sophia pulled her hands away from her eyes to find that a man had stepped through the door. He wore a blue and green tartan kilt, a white lace-up shirt, high socks, and hiking boots.
Very humbly the man, who wasn’t old and wasn’t young and carried a great sense of dignity about him, bowed his head as he placed his hand on his chest. “Blathers at your assistance. I will be your gillie, assisting you in your travels. What is it that you seek?”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
“Awesome, I hoped for a shot of whisky,” Evan cut in before Sophia could speak. “Do you know where we can find some in these parts? I hear that for those who know where to look, they can find a bottle stashed all over the Highlands.”
Blathers opened his mouth to reply, but Sophia interrupted as she stepped around Evan. “What we really need to find is a very special thistle. Only a married couple can pick it, and it has special magical properties.”
“Then we need some whisky,” Evan added and pressed into Sophia as if trying to bully her.
She rolled her eyes. “You’ll get your whisky once you pick the thistle.”
Evan pointed at her with his thumb as he glanced at Blathers. “Thistle be the death of me, am I right?”
The gillie offered a sturdy smile. “I can help you to find the Glenlivet Thistle,” Blathers began in a thick Scottish accent that made Hiker sound clear-spoken. “There will only be one on the hill where it’s found, and you’ll only have one chance to pick it. Are you the married couple?” He motioned to Sophia and Evan.
They both laughed in reply.
“Heck nah,” Evan answered. “I don’t take sass from my woman.”
“Nor does his woman want to be with him,” Sophia teased and indicated Tiffannee, who stood behind them, wide-eyed. “This is Evan’s wife, who married him totally out of obligation and can’t wait to be rid of him.”
Blathers nodded fondly. “Yes, that sounds like my very own union.”
Tiffannee looked around the large pillar as if expecting it to be bigger now. “You came out of that rock…”
“Where I came from is no matter,” Blathers stated and bowed slightly. “A gillie’s job is to lead the way and assist. When that’s done, I’ll retire once more.”
“Thanks.” Sophia smiled. “Is the Glenlivet Thistle far?”
Blathers looked out at the rolling hill, his hands pressed behind his back, and chest puffed out. “It is both far and close. It will be easy to get to and also an arduous trek. Finding it quickly will depend on those in our party because every journey is more about who you’re with than where you’re going.”
“Oh, dear.” Evan sighed. “Thistle be fun.”
“How many more thistle jokes are you going to make?” Sophia asked him dryly.
“I’m going to make all of them,” Evan stated. “All the jokes.”
Tiffannee bolted forward, suddenly appearing to be in a hurry. “Can you take us to this thistle pronto? I have a marriage to annul.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
“You know, being married to you isn’t a piece of cake either,” Evan said grumpily, his usual jokester evaporating after having to deal with Tiffannee’s attitude. One could only endure so much negativity, Sophia reasoned. “You never greet me with a smile and a bow in your hair when I come home from a stressful day at work.”
“We don’t live together,” Tiffannee flatly replied.
“There’s problem numero uno,” Evan shot back. “A good wife would live with her husband, have a glass of whisky in hand when he returns from saving the world and offer to take off his boots and relax him after a weary day.”
The mortal gave Sophia an annoyed expression. “How much longer can he keep up this charade?”
“From my experience,” she began with a laugh, “indefinitely.”
Blathers suddenly halted and looked around with a discerning expression.
“Are we close?” Sophia asked.
He shook his head. “It’s hard to tell. However, we’re approaching some animals that might be of concern and provide a challenge or two.”
“It’s not a Highland cow, is it?” Sophia searched the area for Angus.
“I don’t think so.” Blathers offered her a thoughtful expression. “You were right not to hurt the cow. The goal is always to get the key to release me.”
“Told you,” Sophia bragged to Evan.
“Excuse me for resorting to violence when a horned beast is chasing me,” Evan stated.
“Is it something dangerous? What could it be?” Tiffannee asked the gillie. Fear made her voice quiver.
Blathers drew in a breath. “I really can’t say yet. We’ll have to continue and stay vigilant.”
Evan rubbed his hands together eagerly. “A wild haggis is in our midst, isn’t it?”
Sophia refrained from laughing, especially when Tiffannee’s eyes widened.
“A what?” the mortal asked. “Are they dangerous? What do they look like?”
Evan’s face went deathly slack. “The elusive haggis have rarely been seen by others. They have teeth and move quickly and make an awful ruckus when they attack their prey.”
Dr. Freud slid closer to Blathers, nearly shaking from fear. “Maybe we should turn back.”
Blathers didn’t appear amused by the prank, but he wasn’t going to spoil it for Evan. He simply shook his head. “We continue. Whatever is out there already has our scent a
nd would be after us either way.”
Tiffannee shook with fear as they strode down the slope of a hill, the open area not showing signs of any animals. There was a pond in the distance that appeared quite placid, but Sophia knew from experience that didn’t mean anything. That could change very quickly if a huge sea monster sprang from it and tried to attack them.
Even in Scotland that was supposed to be devoid of deadly creatures like big cats, wolves, and snakes, there was always some magical, dangerous animal stalking Sophia. Like the Highland cow for instance, which were usually known for being passive and peaceful. It would, of course, be Sophia who found the one deranged bovine who tried to mow her and Evan down.
More potential names for the dating app, Lunis stated in Sophia’s head.
She nearly laughed from the surprise interruption. I’m sort of trying to stay vigilant since some dangerous creature is stalking us.
I’ll help you keep an eye out, Lunis offered. In the meantime, let me run the options by you for the name. It needs to be punchy.
That’s sort of how I’m feeling about your face right now, Sophia teased. It makes me want to be punchy.
Hah-hah, Lunis said with zero inflection. Okay, how about these for names? Flying Dates? Winged Love? Horn-chi-halo? Or Bump-and-Thump Dragon Style?
Nope, nope, nope, and double nope, Sophia replied.
As they approached the pond, Sophia caught sight of a flock of swans on the edge of the still waters, pecking around in the low grass for seeds and bugs. She tensed at the sight of them.
“Oh, aren’t they lovely,” Tiffannee said in a sing-song voice and pointed at them.
Surprise sprang to the mortal’s face when the gillie halted and put out a protective arm to hold her back. “Proceed with caution. We have to pass those swans.”
Tiffannee laughed, which attracted the attention of all the swans who hadn’t yet noticed them. All their necks swooped up into the air at once like synchronized swimmers, and their beady eyes landed on the group. “They’re swans. These can’t be the dangerous animals you sensed.”