by Brisa Starr
We’re on our fourth game of UNO with Sally and my dad. We devoured our pizzas an hour ago, and we’ve been laughing and heckling each other ever since. I can’t believe I never considered Sally as a just friend for my dad. It’s great to see them having fun and spending time together. It makes me realize he’s not alone. Though I know he still needs me here.
After two more games, I toss my cards into the center of the table and stretch my arms up to the ceiling. “That’s it for me guys.” That’s Luke’s cue, too. We push our chairs back and stand up.
“That was fun,” Sally says, and she nudges my dad with her elbow. He smiles back at her. They start talking about the café, enjoying their own little world, and a sense of peace takes root in me.
Yes, this is going in the right direction.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Dad,” I say as I grab my purse and head toward the front door with Luke.
Luke says his goodbyes to them, too. “That was a lot of fun. See you guys soon.”
I open the door and hear my dad telling Sally that he was about to start a new series on Netflix and wondered if she’d seen it.
“No, but I heard it’s fabulous! I’d love to watch it!” Sally says.
“Let’s start it tonight,” he says, and they walk into the living room with their decaf coffees and the cheesecake she brought for dessert.
I sigh, and I feel like a weight has been gradually lifting off of me. Everything in my life is amazing right now. I never knew happiness could be like this. I have the sexiest, dreamiest man in my life. He drives me wild in bed and makes me feel like I’m walking on air. I laugh, because I gave him my heart back when I was thirteen years old.
The future is still unclear, but I’ve done a good job of ignoring that, putting it out of my mind, and enjoying what I have right now. In the moment. Trusting life.
We walk across the street to his house. It’s our last night with his mom staying over at Maggie’s, and that means it’s our last night of privacy. Everything’s going so well for his mom and Maggie, that I don’t know how long he’ll be here in Arizona. I expect at least a couple more weeks. We’ve not spoken of it. I sigh at the thought, but it’s no use worrying about it tonight. It would just wreck my mood.
We let Blitz outside to go to the bathroom, and we stand in the doorway watching him. Luke has his arm around my shoulders, and we’re like a normal couple. It’s been fun playing house. A nice, fuzzy feeling. Funny, I don’t know what to call us because he’s leaving town soon. We’ve said nothing about being boyfriend and girlfriend yet. No talk of exclusivity, but we both just assume it. Well, I guess his talk in the bedroom is pretty specific about us belonging to each other. I love it. We certainly act like a couple in every regard, except the label.
Or a future.
I don’t know, I guess we’re just making it up as we go.
He looks at me, a smirk on his sexy mouth. “How about another game of Uno?” he asks.
“You can’t be serious. More UNO?” I ask, my eyes going wide. I was hoping we’d head straight upstairs and have more mind-altering sex.
“Not just any game of UNO,” he teases. “Strip UNO.” He flashes his eyebrows at me.
“Now there’s an idea!”
It’s the middle of the day, and I don’t have another patient for a couple of hours. I need to walk into town to pick up a few things for my dad at the health food store. I ordered a few special supplements, and they’ve arrived. I like giving the local stores my business when possible, instead of always ordering online.
Before I head out, I need to text Reese and update her on everything. I grab my phone and sit down in my chair, leaning back and kicking my feet up on my desk.
Me: Hey girl, I have news.
Reese: Fill me in!
Me: Well, Luke and I are... well, I don’t know what we are, but we’re something.
Reese: Are you sleeping together?
Me: Yesssssssss. And can I just say, it is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life? He even shaved me!!!!!
Reese: Oh my god, no way! Does it itch?
Me: Um. Not yet. Is that a thing?
Reese: I guess you’ll find out. ;)
Me: Great LOL
Reese: I’m glad you’re having fun. Finally! You deserve it!
Me: Thanks. I’m floating on Cloud 9 and I don’t want to come down. Ever.
Reese: Awwwww that’s awesome. Yay!
Reese: How’s your dad doing?
Me: Super! He’s more active and more social. He’s making friends. He’s feeling great. I don’t even remember the last time he had that “lost” look on his face.
Reese: That is the best news ever! Maybe even better than the fact that you’re getting laid. ;)
Me: I know, right?
Reese: So, what will happen with him? Luke, I mean.
Me: I don’t know. I’m not even thinking about it.
Reese: Yeah. I hear ya.
Me: Alright, well, I gotta run to the store. I’ll need you to come down in a couple weeks when Luke leaves. I’ll be desperate for a girls’ night out. Or maybe a shoulder to cry on.
Reese: You got it!
I toss my phone into my purse and tell Kurt I’m headed out for a bit.
I step out the front door, and I wish my job allowed me to wear shorts and a tank top because it feels like an oven outside. I love Arizona though, and being up in Prescott, where the elevation is over five thousand feet, gives us four gorgeous seasons. It can get hot in the summer, but not nearly as bad as it gets down in Phoenix.
I walk along the sidewalk, passing various cute boutiques, restaurants, and coffee shops on my way to the health food store. I come to my favorite Italian restaurant, and I make a mental note that Luke and I should come here for dinner one night.
I stop to check the hours posted on the window, and I see him in there. Luke! Inside the restaurant!
Eating lunch.
With another woman!
Oh my god.
I move back, out of view from the restaurant. Did he see me? Who is she? I move my head back around the corner to get a better look.
He’s having lunch with a gorgeous young woman with long blonde hair, who’s wearing bright red lipstick and a tight white blouse, unbuttoned way too far for a business lunch. As though he would even have clients in Prescott, Arizona. She leans over the table and — holy shit! — she’s flirting with him! Giving him ample options to gawk at her overflowing, gigantic breasts!
Ugh! She reaches out and puts her hand on his! And he lets her!
Oh. My. God. The air whooshes out of my lungs, and I stagger backwards a few steps, confusion roiling through me as waves of shock and sadness engulf me.
I walk again, gulping air, dazed. I knew everything was too good to be true. I knew I wasn’t good enough for him. My chin trembles, and a dull ache cuts through my throat. That woman was beautiful and sexy, and I’m... just me. I look down at my scrubs, and how they’re the most unflattering thing you could wear.
I should have known this would happen. What was I thinking? It’s not like we ever said we were in a relationship. I guess I just never thought we needed to clarify that, if we were sleeping together.
It figures. The people in my life leave me. And he was always gonna leave, too. I knew it — he didn’t hide the fact. I just chose not to think about it.
Like a fool.
I make my way to the health food store and get my dad’s new supplements, my head in a fog. I have to walk by the restaurant on my way back to the clinic, and — I can’t resist — I peek in the window. Their table is empty, so they’re done with lunch. I wonder if they’re in his car, kissing.
It’s a sucker punch to my gut, and it obliterates my heart.
I glance around the town square at the parking places in front of the stores and restaurants, and that’s when I see his car. I step over to the sidewalk, mostly concealed behind a lamp post, and I see her give him a hug. He’s hugging her back. It knocks the
oxygen out of my lungs.
Well, I guess that answers my questions.
I was so stupid.
I go back to work and finish the rest of my day in a haze. I’m a wreck, crushed with disappointment.
On my drive home, I’m sitting at a stoplight in a daze, and I look at myself in the rearview mirror. I knew we should’ve just stayed friends. But I just had to touch him, and my passion outranked my better judgment.
But this was bound to happen at some point — him leaving. There’s no reason to get more upset now, in spite of the betrayal. I’ll just have to deal with our separating sooner than later.
I go home and make my dad dinner. I don’t have any appetite, so I tell him I just want to go upstairs and read for the night.
He’s concerned and asks, “Do you plan on seeing Luke tonight?”
“No.”
I climb the stairs, and my body feels three times heavier than normal. I don’t even bother taking off my scrubs. I just crawl into bed.
My phone buzzes, and I see it’s Luke. What the hell does he want?
I open up the messaging app.
Luke: Hey. How’s my angel? How was your day?
Me: Fine.
Luke: I missed you today.
My heart flutters in angst at his words. How could he miss me if he’s already seeing someone else? Jealousy creeps through my veins like poison. It’s not like me, and it feels toxic. More proof that this all needs to end.
Me: Sorry, but I’m busy.
Luke: Are you OK?
Me: Yes.
Luke: Talk to you later.
I put my phone down. I can’t deal with him right now. I open my book and try to get lost in romance.
Bad idea — it just makes everything hurt more. It’s times like this I wish my mom were around, somebody I could cry on and ask for advice. A mother figure. And then that makes me want to cry, too.
I could talk to my dad, but then I’d worry him, and I don’t want to do that. I keep staring at the ceiling, replaying the night with Luke in my office in my head, and then our sleepover at his house, when he shaved me. All the conversations we had, the runs we took, how he opened up to me, how I opened up to him. I let out a long, inaudible sigh of dejection, and I sob.
I reach down and pick up Honey off the floor, hoping she’ll let me snuggle her. I put her on my lap and scratch behind her ears, bribing her. It works. She purrs and snuggles into me. I go back to thinking about Luke, missing him already.
An hour goes by, and my phone buzzes. I see it’s Luke texting again.
Luke: Everything better now?
Me: No.
Luke: What’s going on? Anything I can do to help?
I might as well get this over with.
Me: I don’t want to do this anymore, Luke.
Luke: What are you talking about?
Me: Us. This. It’s not working.
Luke: What the fuck are you talking about?
Me: You’re leaving anyway, I’m not doing this anymore. I can’t be with you.
He doesn’t answer, even after a couple minutes, and I wonder if my breaking it off was what he wanted, because he’s not even fighting it. Figures.
I hear my dad yelling for me from downstairs.
What does he want now? I throw the covers off me, and they land on Honey. “Sorry girl.” I swing my legs off the bed and trudge to my door, yanking it open.
“Yes, Dad?” I yell.
“Luke’s here!”
Shit. That’s why he didn’t write back. Shit. Shit. Shit. I don’t want to see him.
“Tell him I’m not well!” I yell down.
“Bullshit!” Luke yells, and two seconds later, he’s bounding up the stairs, three at a time, almost crashing into me when he lands at the top and sees my red, mascara-stained eyes.
“What the fuck is wrong?” he roars, grabbing my shoulders. “Ash, what is it?!”
I look at his face, and he’s terrified. He’s panicked and his breathing is harsh.
“I saw you at lunch today, with another woman.” Tears stream down my face, and I turn away from him, unable to look him in in the eye, and I storm back to my bedroom. He follows on my heels.
“Oh, thank god!” he says and shuts my bedroom door behind us.
I whirl around. “What do you mean, ‘thank god?’”
“That’s the problem? You saw me at lunch with Sara? Did you think I was screwing around? Please tell me you don’t think I was screwing around.” He paces my bedroom like a caged tiger.
“I don’t know what to think,” I say and throw up my hands. “We never said anything about being exclusive, and well, we had sex. I figured you got what you wanted, and you’re moving on to the next one.”
“What?!” he bellows. “I cannot believe you. I cannot believe that after everything I’ve shared with you, you would even think I am not head-over-heels crazy about you.”
“Then who is she?”
“She was ju…”
I interrupt him. “It doesn’t matter, Luke,” I wave my hand, dismissing him. “You’re leaving. You live in California, and I live here. I can barely handle going through my workday, knowing I won’t see you until night. How am I going to handle you living in another state?” Tears sting my eyes. “This won’t work. We might as well just end it.”
He swoops in and grabs my shoulders, shaking me. “Don’t talk like that. I don’t know what we’ll do, but I’ve been trying to figure things out. I’m determined to. At the beginning, I didn’t say anything about it yet because I was still getting to know you. But somewhere along the way, I fell hard for you, and I’m trying to piece things together and figure out what to do.”
My eyes are shocked wide, and I step back.
“Look,” he says, “That woman you saw me with? Sara? She’s a new client. Her dad just died, and he left her his estate. She needs help with her finances.”
“It looked like she needs help with more than that,” I spit. “I saw her put her hand on yours, and you didn’t pull back. I saw everything.”
He paces again, and I sit down on the edge of my bed, picking at my cuticles, trying to distract myself. The more I think about her, the angrier I get. Harlot!
“She was just upset about her dad. That’s all.”
“Well, it didn’t seem that way to me.” I say scornfully, and throwing my shoulders back, I add, “If that’s how you are with all your female clients, then I’m glad we’re ending it.”
“We’re not ending it!” he roars, and his eyes are wild with pain and anger.
“We might as well!” I yell back, unblinking. “What’s the point?”
He rakes his hands through that beautiful hair of his and says, “I don’t know, but we’re not ending it. You and I have too much. I’m not letting you go.”
He comes over to me and holds my chin up. “I’m sorry that you saw that, and I’m sorry that it upset you. But I’ve been drumming up business here, as part of my plan. I’ve been thinking about things. Considering all my options, here in Prescott.”
I jerk my chin out of his grasp and he winces. I grab a pillow and put it on my lap like a security blanket.
“I was not cheating on you. I would never cheat on you. I’m sorry I didn’t pull my hand away right away. I should have, but it happened so fast, I didn’t expect it. She’s just a client and nothing else.”
He sits down on the edge of the bed next to me. Honey betrays me and sits on his lap. Stupid cat. He grabs my hand. “Please don’t end this. Please don’t cut me out of your life right now. I’ve never known happiness like I do with you. I need you to hang in there with me.” His voice shakes, and my head empties, with no clear direction for me to take.
He leans in, and I realize I’m powerless against his words, his handsome face, my feelings for him, the heat coming off his body. He cups my head, and I let him kiss me. I want him to. I need him to. I died a small death today, and I need to be revived. We fall back on my bed, and he keeps kissing me, giving me
what I need. Sustenance.
His eyes grip mine like a lifeline. “Everything is fine, right?” he asks.
I sigh, feeling as fragile as a butterfly’s wing. “Yeah. I think. Maybe I overreacted… with your pending departure weighing on me. Maybe I freaked out. I don’t know.”
He kisses my cheek and holds me close. “You’re not allowed to shut me out, Ash. That’s not how we work. You got questions or fears or issues? You talk to me. That’s what couples do.”
Couples? He’s right. We’re a couple.
“OK,” I whisper.
He kisses me once more and strokes his fingers down my back as he lets out an audible exhale. “Shit, I better go. My mom is back, and I don’t want her to be alone tonight until I know how she’s holding up.”
He stands up and pulls me up to him, wrapping his arms around me. “Are we OK?” he asks again, hope filling his beautiful green eyes.
“Yeah.” I hug him back and inhale his intoxicating scent.
But deep down, I know this was just a sample of what I must face in a couple weeks.
“Ash, I’m not letting you go. Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.”