by Lucy Coleman
Regards,
Arran Jamieson
There’s peace and there’s war – in between is a battleground
I read it out to Mel.
‘Does it sound a bit… curt, to you? Like he’s been talked into it? And there’s no mention, at all, of his manuscript. Perhaps Carrie re-thought that one.’
Mel raises one eyebrow and I turn the iPad around, so she can read it for herself.
‘It might have been nice if he’d said he was looking forward to working with you, or something, but then I suspect he’s a bit formal given his academic background.’
I still think there’s a dig in there when he says, ‘I’ll make sure it isn’t too onerous…’
‘Guess I have to finish packing that suitcase, after all. Oh well, maybe the chance to soak up a little sunshine will revitalise me.’
Mel starts laughing.
‘You’ll be much too busy showing Arran how to plumb the depths of his emotions.’ She grins back at me, trying her best not to laugh out loud.
‘Well, according to him there’s still going to be time for some relaxation, so I guess he won’t be needing that much help. But we digress, weren’t we talking about Ross?’
Her face falls a little. ‘I’m nervous about our first meet-up. I know on paper it seems we have a lot in common. It is nice that we both have a bit of a geeky tendency, but there has to be a catch. He’s good looking, if his photos are anything to go by, easy to talk to and has a good job. So why hasn’t someone snapped him up?’
I chew my lip, mindful of the need not to deter her in any way, but he does sound too good to be true.
‘You need to keep an open mind, Mel, and give him a chance. He’s probably thinking the same thing about you. What happened with Justin wasn’t your fault and maybe Ross will be able to empathise with that sort of situation. Or perhaps his focus has been his career; look at me, I still haven’t found the one, probably because most of the time I’m too busy to look. But eventually even the most driven of people find that loneliness is a feeling that catches you unawares. You reach a point and suddenly you see there’s something missing from your life, so you do something about it.’
She nods. ‘I guess you’re right and I’m looking for problems before we even begin. But after Justin’s behaviour I’m going to be on my guard. I wish you were going to be around, though.’
‘I’ll have my phone with me so text me as soon as you can. You’ll be fine, just relax and see what happens.’
We stand and hug goodbye; I hope this Ross isn’t hiding anything because Mel deserves a guy who will really appreciate how loyal and kind she is; from the little she’s said, they at least share some common interests.
‘Travel safe,’ she whispers, before drawing away. She looks me straight in the eye, frowning slightly. ‘And text me when you’re at the villa. Once you’re settled, I want to know every little detail.’
How ironic that here we are, both about to set out on a new adventure. One which has a dual edge to it – there is a sense of excitement, but there’s also a worrying sense of uncertainty.
7
A Busy Week and I’m on a Roll
‘Hello, Brie, I’m Heidi Hoffman. It’s so lovely to meet you. Do you mind if I record this interview as well as making a few notes as we speak?’
I was rather hoping it would be Heidi because I’ve read some of her interviews and she seems to be focused, but fair. It’s so easy for things to be taken out of context and even when the journalist is friendly, interviews can veer off at a tangent. But I’ve done so many it’s no longer daunting; what is daunting is the fact that I lead a very quiet existence and that won’t sell magazine copies. But I love my life, temporary blips aside. All I need is to find my knight in shining armour who also happens to think curling up on the sofa and watching a chick flick is a good night in. My lips start to curl up and I turn it into a welcoming smile. So far, this week has gone well, and this is the last hurdle to jump.
‘Lovely to meet you, too, Heidi. Sorry about the limited availability but I’m off to Italy tomorrow.’
‘Oh, no problem whatsoever. We’ve just received the photos that were taken yesterday at your home. That’s a beautiful cottage you have there. I’ll send you copies of the two shots we’re going to use in the article. Carrie has arranged for a free weekend pass for two people at the spa and we’re giving away a dozen copies of Loving a Stranger. So when’s the next book due out?’
I settle back in my seat, feeling comfortable and relaxed. That’s the beauty of doing an interview via Skype – although I did tidy up my desk a little. But I have no idea why I felt the need to do my hair and make-up, except that it’s all about image. I’m sure Heidi has interviewed a lot of writers and she knows the score.
‘My writing deadline for the first draft is the end of October and it’s due for release in early January.’
‘Ooh, I can’t wait. I’ve read every single one of your books. Can you give me a teaser for the article?’
I’m flattered; journalists will pamper your ego to get you to relax but she sounds like a genuine fan.
‘Well, I can’t give much away at the moment, but what I can say is that the main character is probably going to be a cage fighter.’
Heidi is scribbling away.
‘My heart is pounding as I’m writing,’ she laughs. ‘A cage fighter? Where did that idea come from?’
‘Channel hopping one night on TV. It was hard to watch actually, and yet it was compelling. Raw aggression can be scary to witness, but all I could think about was the dedication and fearless mental attitude. The other side of that has to be extreme, so Jed is quite a passionate lover. He’s just more committed to his sport and his physical needs, than he is to his emotional side.’
She stops writing and looks directly at me.
‘How real are your characters to you and do you always have a clear picture of them in your head?’
‘Definitely. Jed was inspired by the guy who did my training programme at a spa weekend recently. I admire people who take their fitness to the max. Life is too short not to give your all to whatever you choose to do.’
There’s a pause while Heidi is bent over the notebook in front of her.
‘It’s been what, a little over a year, since your split with the very talented and gorgeous Paul Turner. Are we likely to see you out and about again any time soon with another man on your arm?’
A lump rises up in my throat. Damn it! Of course, she was going to touch on that as I’ve virtually been in hiding since my personal life made the gossip columns. It doesn’t look good; it looks as if he broke my heart. He didn’t – he simply dented it. The meltdown was all my own fault.
‘When you have a demanding career, that must always come first, I’m afraid. Maintaining a successful relationship shouldn’t be all about juggling two very full diaries and trying to make the impossible happen. My commitments for the next year mean I have a series of challenging deadlines to meet but maybe after that, who knows? It might be time to ease off a little.’
‘It’s a shame it didn’t work out between the two of you. I don’t suppose there’s any chance of you getting back together?’
She must be joking.
‘Sadly, that’s a firm no, I’m afraid. I’m lucky enough to be living my dream and I realise that this is a time when I have to be focused. I’m able to do that thanks to the wonderful readers who keep me writing because they continue to buy my books. And not forgetting the amazing reviewers who spread the word, too. That’s a two way commitment. I’ve no plans to change my lifestyle drastically, in the near future. But sometimes it’s nice to reinvent yourself a little. The spa break was a little breather before a huge peak in my workload and I feel refreshed. It was nice to take some time off with my best friend, Mel, and be pampered. As for the long term future, who knows what will happen?’
Heidi studies my face for a moment.
‘Well, I’m glad to hear it’s not a knee-jerk react
ion to the dreadful trolls who hounded you. That must have been a terrible experience and all credit to you, Brie, for getting through that unscathed. You certainly look glowing, that’s why I thought maybe there was a new man in your life.’
The way she emphasised that word tells me she wanted to say thinner. Okay, lady, I’m going to stop you right there.
‘The stigma around weight is a very dangerous and potentially psychologically damaging issue. When unqualified people choose to call someone out in public, whichever end of the scale they are at, it shows an intent to invoke a reaction. Whether it sparks off a sense of shame, humiliation, or plain old anxiety, it’s thoughtless. In that situation, I think more people should consider suing to compensate for the suffering that follows, don’t you?’
That stops her in her tracks and she nods politely, so I continue.
‘I feel that the pressure these days is to be seen to have everything. The reality for most people is that is seldom the case. And you can’t engineer the timing of every aspect of your life. You work with the opportunities that come your way and when the time is right, everything else will slot into place.’
‘So, the message to our readers is to relax and let life happen?’ She sounds a tad sceptical.
‘What I’m saying is find something you love doing and work at it, rather than focusing on body issues, or peer envy. Successful people are passionate about what they do and they never give up. Work with your natural skills and take the opportunities that come your way; that’s how to turn the dream into a reality. It involves sacrifices, of course, but that’s the price to be paid.
‘I believe it’s important not to compare yourself to other people in any aspect whatsoever. Each one of us is unique within our shell and we will all, invariably, be at a different point in our lives. If a man comes into my life then fine, but I don’t need that to make me feel complete. I’m the one who makes my life what it is and while I’m happy and busy, I feel fulfilled. I think people often forget to count their blessings for what they have, instead focusing on what they don’t have.’
I hope she doesn’t twist any of that because the moment I finish speaking I realise it sounded a bit preachy. I meant it to sound humble and I hope she doesn’t see it as a red flag.
She’s writing quite intensely again.
‘This trip to Italy, is it work or pleasure and how long will you be away?’
Watch what you say, Brie.
‘A little of both. It’s a writers’ retreat so I will be running a workshop and there will be some informal sessions. It runs throughout July.’
‘Sounds interesting. What part of Italy?’
‘Lake Garda.’
‘Oh, stunning setting. Anyone else attending whom our readers might know?’
Awkward. If I don’t mention Arran and he finds out he might be offended, but then would he read a woman’s magazine?
‘I’m filling in for another author who is unable to travel. The course is run by Arran Jamieson, a very notable and successful author, documentary presenter and historian.’
Heidi’s head jerks up, her pen still in her hand.
‘Arran Jamieson? That’s quite a mix, putting the two of you together. My boyfriend reads his books. Military fiction isn’t my sort of subject matter, I’m afraid. Still, I suspect the attendees will write in a wide range of genres, so being at opposite ends of the spectrum is useful.’
Heidi is simply mirroring my own sentiments, but I can’t divulge the reason why I was drawn into this, or the fact that I don’t think it’s a good idea.
‘I was happy to help out and am really looking forward to getting some writing done while I’m there.’
I’m ready to draw this interview to a close now. I know that Carrie has given Heidi a lot of information about the spa and I sent along a couple of photos that Mel took of me on the day. Together with the book blurb and the cover of Loving a Stranger, that should give her plenty to fill two pages. I’m about to thank Heidi for her time, when she looks up at me, rather pointedly.
‘Once the attacks began to wane, you did a very good job of keeping your personal life out of the press, Brie. That must have put enormous pressure on you, though. Does the chance of being recognised ever make you withdraw, simply because that’s the easiest option?’
I don’t like the word withdraw thrown in there quite casually. It’s a subtle dig implying I was hiding myself away. Which is exactly what I’ve been doing.
I suppose it was the shock factor that turned it into a big deal so quickly. No one ever expected me to date a rock star, as my escorts at parties and functions are usually colleagues from the publishing industry. Whenever I do TV or radio interviews I always steer away from talking about my private life and focus on my writing career. Over the years, reporters have accepted that as a given. Up until I began dating Paul I was very much in the swing of socialising in literary circles, which I’d been doing for a number of years. I chose companions who didn’t mind seeing their photo staring back at them online or in a gossip magazine, and my personal life was very private indeed. But Heidi has done her homework on me and it’s useless to pretend that I haven’t had a low profile since Paul. Who wants to go to a party when there’s one burning question on everyone’s lips? The problem with seeking publicity is that you can’t choose to gloss over a question simply because it doesn’t suit you to answer it.
‘No. I’ve been working on another book project which is very close to my heart, in addition to my contractual obligations. In one respect, my personal life has had to take a back seat for a while. If the project sees the light of day, then it will have been worth the sacrifice.’
Heidi looks interested and I jump in quickly to avoid a new line of questioning.
‘If it comes off, then I’ll make sure you will be the first to know. You can be the one to break the news!’
She looks delighted and I hope I’ve diverted a potential disaster here. Give a journalist a glimmer of getting a first and it will colour what they choose to put in print. Upsetting me might mean losing out on a potential coup.
‘Wow! Thank you, Brie. I hope it goes well, then. And thanks for an amazing interview. Our readers will be fascinated at this insight into the daily life of a writer who really turns up the heat and has us drooling over a steady succession of ripped guys. I do hope your workload eases off soon, so you can get back to grabbing some fun again.’
I nod and smile. ‘Me too, Heidi. All work and no play is sometimes the price we have to pay for following a dream. Hopefully it will soon be time to party again!’
As a writer your life is out there because that’s what self-promotion is all about, but sometimes you are required to get a little creative. Anyway, I’m sure I’ll be attending a party at some point in the future, even if it’s just another book launch extravaganza organised by my publisher.
8
Jetting Off to the Sun
While I’m killing time at Gatwick airport, Dean, my lovely photographer friend, has sent through some proofs for me to select a new photo for my press pack and jacket covers.
There are four and I click on the first one; it opens, and I scroll across them all quickly to see if one jumps out, but I can’t decide. I know Carrie will love them, but I’m still adjusting to the new me. Which is a bit of a thrill actually, and very empowering. I look slightly edgy with this new hairstyle and the expression on my face is one of a strong and determined woman. Which I am, but I look a little aloof. A sort of don’t mess with me vibe going on there. Admittedly, on the day of the shoot, last Tuesday, I was feeling a little concerned about the upcoming interview with Heidi. My self-defence mechanism is to draw on that mask, my game face as it were. But in truth, any one of the shots will work so I forward them on to Carrie to make the final decision.
It’s time to saunter past the bookshop and see if I can pick up one of Arran’s novels. As I trawl along the shelves, I see there are three of his books in stock and I choose his latest title, Men of Stee
l. Of course, I can’t walk away without doing a little book spotting of my own. I’m delighted to discover that Loving a Stranger, which has been out for nearly three months now, is number two in the ‘Top Fifty’ display. On an adjacent shelf I find three of my other titles amongst a line-up with a ‘What’s hot’ banner above it. Hmm… not bad, Brie.
It never gets stale, seeing my books on the shelf in bookshops, or getting a new review. And yes, discounting the trolls, the bad ones do hurt. The worst I’ve received so far was just the one word ‘Rubbish!’ The exclamation mark wasn’t necessary, I reflected, while my heart silently wept. I was so upset that later in the day I revisited it and clicked on the reviewer’s name. I discovered that Ms Booklover had only posted the one review to date, which sort of made a double joke out of choosing that ID as she certainly didn’t love my book! So, what did that mean? She tried one book, which happened to be mine, and it put her off reading for life? It served to teach me a lesson which was that some opinions are more valuable than others. Sitting there, a lonely one star among hundreds of four and five star reviews – many by serious book reviewers – it was obviously some poor, angry soul venting. Maybe she happened to download my book when she was having a really bad day and the story hit a raw nerve. Or maybe she has a lot of aliases and gets a kick out of being a rain cloud to spoil someone’s day. Or maybe she compared her man to my hunky hero and felt life had cheated her, deciding there and then never to read a book again. I’ll never know for sure.
But it is hard to develop a thick skin, which is what you need to do as an author in order to survive and keep writing. Accepting that not everyone is going to love your work is as tough as someone telling you that your baby is ugly. It’s the price you pay for being in this game. You make yourself a sitting target with no right of reply because everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Especially if they’ve paid good money for something they don’t enjoy. After all, the ninety-nine pence could have been spent on a chocolate bar, guaranteed to give a satisfying sugar hit every time!