by Lucy Coleman
My heart begins to skip in my chest.
‘Yes, probably less than an hour’s drive away. Of course you can come and stay with me. I can pay you back for your hospitality while I’ve been here.’
He chuckles. ‘This isn’t exactly a holiday, Brie, and I really owe you a lot considering everything you’ve done for me. But I would love to take you up on that offer. It’s one thing less to worry about but only if you are sure I wouldn’t be putting you out.’
I run my hand up and down his forearm, tiny droplets of water flicking up in the air reflect the pool lights like little prisms. ‘I told you, I have a guest room doing nothing at all and you are very welcome to use it at any time. If any of your other work happens to be within easy driving distance, then feel free to come and stay for as long as you want.’
Arran pushes against the side of the pool, does a couple of strokes and swims back to face me, treading water. He rubs his hands over his face before replying.
‘I can’t ever recall asking anyone to do me a favour before. It’s hard enough for me to acknowledge I’m in a hole, let alone turn to someone for help. It feels wrong, if I’m being honest, but with you it’s different. I don’t feel you’re judging me, or even pitying me. You are the definition of a Good Samaritan, Brie, do you know that?’
He leans in to brush his lips against my cheek and the sudden movement sends a few splashes up into the air, several landing on my face. I laugh, wiping them away as he tries to kiss me a second time.
‘You’re special, Brie. And just knowing we’ll be seeing each other again after this…’ He stops to look around for a moment and I realise he’s battling with feelings that are alien to him. ‘Well, it would have been a terrible shame to just say goodbye, have a nice life, wouldn’t it?’
I think that’s probably about as romantic as he’s going to get for now but it’s a start.
‘I don’t think I could have done that, anyway,’ I answer with total honesty.
Suddenly I’m kissing him with a fierceness that leaves him in no doubt at all that I don’t intend to sleep alone tonight.
24
My Keyboard is Smoking Hot
It’s just after four in the morning when I creep out onto the balcony and begin typing. With the image of Jordan in my mind, Bella begins to infiltrate Jed’s head and his heart in a way that no other woman has ever done before. Physically she dominates him, knowing he’s powerless to resist her and mentally he can’t handle that loss of control.
His life is about routine, rising above the pain and being fearless – conquering every problem that stands in the way of victory. As he begins to let her in, he can see the dread she feels before each match. It becomes increasingly difficult to cope with the growing sense of confusion within him. His life centres around the space within the four walls of that cage and the triumph of leaving it as a winner. Without that, what is he?
‘Hey, how long have you been out here?’ Arran saunters out, rubbing his eyes and stretching his arms before he looks down and realises he’s naked. ‘Oh, erm… is it too early to fetch you a cup of coffee?’ He looks back at the bedside clock, which shows it’s just coming up to six.
‘Coffee would be great. I’m on a roll at the moment, and I don’t want to stop until I run out of words.’
Arran looks convincingly apologetic. ‘Of course. Don’t let me disturb you.’
I have no idea how long he’s gone but he very quietly creeps up to place the coffee next to me and backs away with me hardly noticing. He does lean in to give me a kiss on the cheek, but it takes a mere second before he’s gone again. It feels so good to have the words pouring out of me so fast that my fingers can barely keep up. This really is the old me and I find myself laughing, then sighing as the scene develops on the screen in front of me.
I’m so grateful to Jordan because he helped me to understand the dilemma and in a way, I can compare him to Arran. Both are men who, albeit for different reasons, find it easy to rationalise everything they do on a professional level. Every decision made has a consequence and that’s acceptable because they weigh up the gain versus the cost. But suddenly when things become personal they venture onto unfamiliar territory. Emotions complicate matters. Even more so, because these are feelings they’ve been trained, or brought up, to perceive as a weakness.
This morning it’s been difficult making myself stop to pace around when my tracker warns me I’ve been inactive for too long. Three hours fly by and eventually I have to drag myself away to shower and get dressed. It’s the group’s last breakfast together and it would be wrong of me to miss it. I do feel a little sad to be saying goodbye and, admittedly, a little anxious at the thought of the six strangers who will be arriving late this afternoon. But the euphoria of being back in my writing zone has left me on a high, safe in the knowledge that the story is speeding along, and nothing can stop me now.
It’s a pity it takes a week for everyone to feel the ease, comfort and level of friendship that abounds over our last breakfast together. I half wonder if the writing retreats would benefit from an extended stay of maybe ten, or fourteen, days. Imagine how much more interactive the sessions might be, but it’s down to cost in terms of time and money, I suppose.
Waving everyone off and then walking back into the villa hand in hand with Arran, I feel full of optimism. Just the knowledge that we will be seeing each other again after spending this time together in his villa, adds to the growing sense of excitement. Okay, the reason behind it is work orientated, but he wanted me to know that he isn’t used to relying on other people. And yet he already feels comfortable enough to reach out to me. A warm glow begins to work its way from the pit of my stomach into my chest.
I realise Arran has drawn me towards the bottom of the staircase. We stand facing each other and he catches my hands, looking at me with a serious expression on his face.
‘You have almost seven hours until our new guests arrive. Go write.’
I open my mouth to stop him going any further, but he shakes his head.
‘I’m not going to be a distraction. I’ll be in the study and Elisabetta will be here soon with a friend to give the house a good blitz between them. So we both need to keep out of their way.’
I let the sides of my mouth droop, sulkily.
‘I’ll organise a picnic lunch in the garden if you’re good.’ He grins at me and I find myself giggling.
‘Okay, that’s a deal.’
It’s hard to turn and walk away from him but once Elisabetta arrives we would have to be on our guard, anyway. Arran is right, and I climb the stairs slowly and with a real sense of reluctance. Before I reach the top step though, Bella’s voice is already inside my head. She thinks she can change Jed Jackman and grab that elusive happy ever after, but it’s never that simple, is it? The layers of conflict are beginning to build.
*
I snuggle closer to Arran, my body still tingling as if every nerve ending is alive and on fire. I know it’s going to be a while before sleep will allow my brain to shut down.
He groans softly as he shifts position to wrap himself around me and it’s the sound of a man who is still coming down from a high. We’re both a little breathless as our skin touches once more.
‘I’m shattered.’ His softly spoken words are diffused by my hair, but I heard what he said.
‘I’m not surprised.’ My words are full of innuendo. ‘What you need is a good night’s sleep for a change.’
He groans again but this time it’s edged with tiredness.
‘Do you think the new group will gel?’ I can’t believe he’s worrying about that now.
‘Yes, of course they will. Frank will be the joker of the group and he’s harmless enough. I think the two ladies will mix, rather than sticking together because they are two very different characters. So, this isn’t going to end up being a four-two split, which is a good thing.’
I pull myself up, digging my elbow into the bed and letting my cheek rest on my hand as
I gaze down at Arran.
‘Did you realise you touched my arm several times during the introductions? It threw me a little. I think it’s best we keep things strictly professional in front of the guests, don’t you? Or are you bored of creeping around in the early hours of the morning?’
Even in the semi-gloom I can see he’s thinking about it. Instinctively he runs his tongue over his bottom lip, which makes my own mouth twitch.
‘Oh. I didn’t realise. Sorry, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. But you’re right, it’s probably best we watch what we do and say, so I will try my best to be more careful in future. I had a difficult situation the year before last when two of the guests had a bit too much to drink and slept together. Unfortunately, the lady concerned was married and had come along with her best friend. It was an absolute nightmare situation. The next day he claimed he was drunk and made an open apology to everyone because the atmosphere was so dire. So I guess keeping up appearances is the right thing to do but it’s going to be hard. See how you’ve snuck up on me and tied me in knots! I can’t even control my actions any more.’
It’s weird hearing him joking about how close we’ve become. But when I think back just one week to welcoming the first group, I was well outside my comfort zone. Arran had simply introduced me before getting the group to introduce themselves. I felt like a guest and the odd one out, someone lurking in the middle. Last night Arran and I were a team, often dipping in and out of each other’s conversations to share our expertise with the newcomers.
‘I hope everyone will assume we’ve worked together quite a bit and that we’re just good friends. It shouldn’t be a problem. I know I’m doing the Tuesday morning session but I’m happy to join in on any of the others if you’d like some company.’
Arran begins to trail his fingers up and down my forearm.
‘You’re quite something, Brie. Normally I find the first evening quite stressful but tonight, for the first time I can remember, I felt quite relaxed. Just knowing you have my back means a lot.’
There’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask him and now seems as good a time as any.
‘I can imagine you would work very well alongside Kathy Porter. There isn’t anything that would flummox her, and she has a wealth of experience. Did Kathy help out with any of the other sessions?’
Arran’s eyes are closed now but he’s only resting them because his voice, whilst low, is fully alert.
‘Not really but she loves to organise group discussions. Kathy is quite formal in her approach and her preparation. But in the evenings, she often kicks off an ad hoc session by throwing out a question and getting people to talk about their experiences. I think last week’s group were a lot more relaxed together and I’ve come to see that even informal sessions can curtail the general social side of the week. It’s something I’ll take note of from now on. It will be interesting to see if the same approach works this time around.
‘I put this group together because one of their main objectives for the week was obtaining feedback, as they are all writing their first manuscripts. I would like to fit in at least two extra sessions to achieve this and maybe we could split the group into two for those?’
‘Sounds good to me. I know I was tied up a lot last week, for good reason as we both know, but this coming week will be different. Until people settle in, it’s hard for one person to make sure everyone is included in the conversation. At least with two of us it will be easier to manage and the quicker they bond the more productive it will be.’
Arran’s eyes flick open.
‘I can’t even begin to think of next year without you here. Maybe I’m having too much fun with you around.’
I give him a gentle punch on his arm.
‘Oh, so I’m fun, am I?’
‘I keep doing it, don’t I? Putting my foot in it. You are fun to be around, but you’ve been a great listener and I value your professional advice, too. You also make a great tutor and I’d like to think that’s something you will want to pursue in the future. And besides, I love having you here.’
His eyes are closing, involuntarily this time. His breathing begins to deepen, so I lie down, snuggling into him once more. It feels so good to be here, like this, with Arran. Obviously, he feels the same way but what if when we meet up back in the UK things feel different? Could this be a result of the stunning scenery, the charm of the Italian sunshine and one of the most beautiful lakes in the world?
And as for next year… Kathy will be expecting to pick back up where she left off and I won’t be needed. There’s nothing I can do about that, other than to be grateful that I’m here now.
I watch Arran’s face as he sinks deeper and deeper into sleep, a peaceful expression taking over. Falling asleep in your lover’s arms makes you feel safe and… wanted. It’s a wonderful feeling, like none other. Have I finally found my Jude Law?
This evening I saw an alternative side to Arran, maybe because the new group have a different dynamic going on; it was a little daunting to begin with. Four of the guests know each other very well and are part of the same critiquing group, so meet up regularly. That leaves the other two having to integrate and at first it looked like it was going to be quite a barrier. But as the evening went on Arran managed to find areas of common ground to draw everyone together.
I forgot that Arran has personal contact with each of the attendees well in advance of their arrival. It’s clear he spends a great deal of time trying to get the mix right. I will admit I’m impressed. Finding two people to make up the numbers can’t have been easy but, cleverly, he chose two individuals whose personalities are strong enough that they can hold their own.
Both will bring their own experiences to the group as a whole, giving an insight into specific areas of the publishing process. One is a full time copyeditor and the other designs book covers and marketing materials. Immediately after the introductions were made a myriad of questions were directed their way and I could see Arran settling back in his seat. There was a measure of satisfaction displayed in his body language and I reflected upon the fact that he is such a complex character. There’s so much going on inside that head of his and I’ve only scratched the surface when it comes to getting to know him.
And now Arran’s breathing has turned into a gentle snore, his eyelids moving as he’s drawn into some dream or other. I wish I could switch off my brain and I wonder if I should get up and write. I love lying here next to him though, and it is with reluctance I roll away from him to ease my legs gently over the side of the bed.
I pull on a strappy cotton top with matching shorts, then grab my phone and tip toe out onto the balcony. As soon as I open the laptop I see there’s a DM on Facebook and it’s from Mel. It was sent just twenty minutes ago.
Only me! Another fabulous evening out with Ross. We went to visit Mum and Dad. He’s the first boyfriend of mine that they’ve ever taken to immediately. How ironic is that? Perhaps I should listen to them more often! But then there is nothing at all about this guy to dislike. Oh, Brie – I can’t wait until you are back, and I can introduce him to you. If he gets your seal of approval too, then it’s a done deal as far as I’m concerned!
How are the new group shaping up?
It’s funny but I’m thinking the same thing. I can’t imagine Mel wouldn’t like Arran, but it will be nice when we can all get together. And that could be sometime next month.
I’m sure I’ll be as impressed by Ross as you are. It’s good to hear that things are going so well. Arran is coming over to the UK mid August and will be staying with me for a while. Perhaps we can all go out as a foursome? Won’t that be something? I’m wondering what my parents will think of Arran – Dad can be a bit of a challenge at times. He took an instant dislike to Paul, which puzzled me at the time. I think maybe he’d checked him out online but hadn’t the heart to warn me off. Do we ever listen anyway?
The new group are going to be demanding, I think. They are very enthused and have already
asked what felt like a million questions tonight. Arran was buzzing, so it’s all good here. And I’m writing. And liking the way the words are coming together ha ha! Speak soon.
She’s probably in bed now and won’t pick this up until the morning. I miss spending time with Mel. I can tell her anything and she instantly seems to sense what I’m thinking by just looking at me. I know she’s a little uneasy about my situation here with Arran, but no more so than I am about Ross – at least until I meet him. He’d better be the real deal because if he isn’t he’ll have me to answer to; Mel and I are as close as sisters and I’m no pushover.
25
Life is Full of Unexpected Highs… and Lows
By Wednesday morning Arran is beginning to look a little edgy. It’s been an intense couple of days as everyone was keen to begin the extra critiquing sessions on Sunday morning. After a very productive few hours, it was going so well that, after breaking for a leisurely lunch, we split back up into two groups again to work through the afternoon. I was a little worried about Arran, as there really was no break for him.
However, Sunday evening was a real surprise as when this lot let their hair down, they really know how to do it in style. By two in the morning Arran and I were both shattered and we left them to it, wondering whether anybody would have the energy to turn up at 9 a.m. for the first of the official workshops. But they did, Arran confirmed. Although he did say there was a constant flow of trips to the kitchen for coffee.
Meal times are very jolly, anyway, and when Arran doesn’t need me I spend the time out on my balcony writing. But after breakfast today my first job is to ring Carrie, as it’s obvious Arran is stressing because she hasn’t been in touch yet. I did tell him it was too soon. These things take time. Obviously, she can’t tell me anything, but she promises to get an update and phone him sometime today. She asks how the writing is going and I’m delighted to confirm I’m now way ahead of target and Carrie sounds not just happy, but delighted.