by Cora Jay
20
Harika
“No… No, Ma. I haven’t found a girlfriend.”
Harika plopped down onto her couch and held her head in her hands, stifling a groan. This was a regular ritual whenever she spoke with her mother, who held out hope that she’d find a nice Pakistani boy to settle down with.
She was about the age to get married, at past thirty, and she had a successful business. So what was she waiting for, her mother would say. It was the perfect time in her life to find a man and start popping out kids.
Except that wasn’t what she wanted at all. Not the man, anyway. The kids were negotiable, after she got her business to a more stable place.
“You should look! I hear kids these days are using dating sites,” her mother said.
“I mean, I’ve tried those,” Harika said. “But…”
“You’ve only found women.” She sighed. “I know, I know. But why not look at the boys too?”
The whole thing was even more exasperating considering her mother was in an interracial marriage—her father was half-white and half-Puerto Rican. So if her own marriage had flouted all the conventional rules—she knew very well that her grandparents had wanted her to get an arranged marriage—then why couldn’t Harika? Apparently being lesbian was too much for her to accept.
“I just… I mean, they’re handsome, but—”
“Every girl wants a handsome man,” she said calmly, like she was explaining something to a child. “Well, not the lesbians. But surely you do?”
Harika wanted to scream. Her mother clearly even accepted the existence of gay people. It was hard not to, in this day and age, with so many people in all aspects of life seemingly in happy same gender relationships.
She just seemed to be in denial that her own daughter was gay.
“But I am a lesbian,” Harika said. “So I don’t want a boy.”
She could practically hear her mother frown over the phone. Instead, she harrumphed. “Maybe you should go on a couple dates, try it out.”
Harika laughed. “You know I tried that back in high school. I figured it out pretty quickly.”
“People change,” she persisted. “Maybe now that you’re older, you’ll find the right man for you. It can’t be too difficult. There are so many great men nowadays, with careers of their own. They’re independent, just like you want.”
Harika sighed. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Ma. It’s ridiculous. I’m going to live my life in a way that makes me happy, and you can either accept it or not. Didn’t you tell your parents the same thing when they tried to marry you off, before you met Dad?”
“That was a different time,” she said, and again, Harika could just see her shaking her head impatiently. “It was just such a different time. They came around as soon as I said I’d deliver them grandchildren.”
Was that what this was about? She had to know that gay people could adopt, or use surrogates. But maybe she wanted them made the old-fashioned way.
Gross.
“I’m not going to discuss it anymore, anyway,” Harika said. “Just keep an eye out in your mailbox. That’s what I called to tell you.”
“Oh!” Her tone completely shifted. “Did you send me something?”
“Maybe.”
“You did!”
“I did. Your birthday is in a week, after all.”
“Wonderful, thank you so much, Harika.”
Harika smiled, glad to have completely gotten off the topic of her love life. “I know you’re going to love it.”
“I’m sure I will. Just give some thought to the idea of finding a boy, okay? They can’t be that bad, can they? You have so many male friends, after all. What about that Bowen, who works in the clinic?”
“I can’t date an employee. Anyway, I already may have found a girl.”
Her mother grumbled. “You found another one?”
“Yeah. Her name is Ellie and she’s an artist. And I like her a lot. I’m not going to abandon her for a guy right now. She’s so sweet.”
There was a silence as her mother figured what to say.
“I can’t control you, Harika. I can only try to ensure my happiness.”
Harika laughed, scoffing at her words. “My happiness? My happiness is tied to my ability to choose why I love. And it’s women. I can’t help it.”
“Fine,” she said. “I hope this Ellie makes you happy.”
“She does.”
“Okay. Goodbye, Harika. I love you.”
“Love you too, Ma.”
When she hung up, Harika leaned back, trying to calm herself down. Every conversation with her mother was like this. Sure, it was about time for her to get married, but she wasn’t in a hurry. She was focusing on the clinic right now, which was growing.
Putting so much energy into relationships in the past hadn’t helped at all, so the best she could do was work on the areas that did give positive returns. Dating was a waste of time.
Or at least, it had been. Not when it came to Ellie. Except she’d done a stupid thing in telling her mother they were dating, when in fact, they weren’t.
On the bright side, Ellie had asked to hang out, allaying Harika’s fears about that man she’d been spotted with. Whether this would be a date or not was something Harika was uncertain about, but she wasn’t complaining. At least Ellie actually wanted to see Harika again. She wasn’t completely lying to her mother.
Maybe there was hope after all. She took out her phone again and scrolled to her messages, finding the one Ellie had sent.
Yeah, I’m free this weekend. What did you have in mind?
21
Ellie
It was good to see Bella hopping around on all four feet as if she’d never been injured. Ellie had closely inspected the wound site and found that though there was a scar, her fur covered it enough that it could barely be seen. She was truly recovered.
On impulse, she gathered her into a hug. Bella was still so full of energy that she thrashed around in her arms, squirming to get free, but she held her closely, still unnerved by the thought that Aaron would even want to take her away.
She could still remember the day they’d taken Bella home. They’d done a lot of research on dog breeds, because Ellie was the kind of person do to as much research as possible before making a decision. Aaron had gone along with it, though he was more the type to walk right into the shelter and pick out a dog.
She’d decided upon a retired racing greyhound. She liked the idea of adopting one, plus she’d read that they actually tended to be couch potatoes, despite their racing pasts. The thought of giving a racing greyhound a lovely retirement was highly appealing, so she’d taken Aaron along when she visited the representatives from the agency.
She’d been afraid they wouldn’t accept her at first, but it had all gone smoothly. Back then, she and Aaron both had steadier sources of income, and presented a better picture of a potential dog-owning home. So they’d been matched with Bella, and when they’d brought her home, she’d immediately taken to them.
Because she wasn’t a puppy, she was initially a little warier, which Ellie could understand. She’d exercised patience with her when Aaron couldn’t, and had been the primary force in training her.
It had been a great opportunity for growth, when she looked at it in retrospect. Caring for a living being was a huge responsibility, and she’d never had one like it before. She loved taking care of Bella, loved the structure she brought to her day. And when they all curled up in bed together at the end of the day, they felt like a family—more so than when it was just her and Aaron.
If Ellie had been more of a perceptive person, that would have been the first hint that something wasn’t quite right, but she ignored it, and spent more and more time training Bella, playing with her, taking her places. She was her constant companion as she worked from home, and she cherished her company.
She was perfect—the finishing touch to the life Ellie had constructed for herself.
And she
’d never quite taken to Aaron as much, possibly because Aaron was away at work for the bulk of the day, while Ellie and the dog spent almost every waking hour together.
It hadn’t surprised her when Aaron brought up his resentment that they’d been growing closer without him. Of course, Ellie was perfectly willing to work with him, understanding his frustration. It sucked to be away all day while the two of them were chilling out at home. It was one of the many reasons she’d chosen the career she had.
So she’d helped Aaron out, by giving him more opportunities to spend time with just Bella. The beach dates had been one of those opportunities.
And it had worked—somewhat. Bella warmed up to Aaron and looked forward to their outings together. She was starting to develop a relationship with her second pet parent, even though Ellie was still her clear favorite.
It had all gone downhill from there, though. Aaron and Ellie had other problems they had to deal with—problems she’d repressed and pressed down into the annals of her memory. She didn’t want to remember them. But Aaron had decided the best thing to do, instead of actually working through those problems, was to fly off to New York like a migratory bird, or rather, some kind of nomadic creature. Whether he would return or not, no one knew.
And Ellie had kept Bella. It hadn’t been that noticeable of a transition, if she was being honest, except that her mental health had improved significantly without her ex around. She’d had time to focus on herself and her career. She’d had time to figure out what she wanted in life.
She hadn’t put a lot of thought into that last part until now, though, when she’d met Harika. It was like she was sailing in a little raft down the river of life, Bella on board with her sputtering graphic design business—which had enjoyed such a strong launch that it pained her to admit that she’d arrived at a new low.
Sailing had been fine. But when she hit the rocks, she didn’t know what to do. The one thing she couldn’t do was nothing, because it wasn’t fair to the kind-hearted veterinarian.
At least she’d bothered to send the text. It was taken care of, for now. They’d meet up and see if there was any chemistry. Ellie could handle it. She could. She could embrace being a bisexual, if that was what she really was. She’d forgotten how much strength she’d needed to get over the break up, and that was what she was calling on now. She hadn’t needed it in a while.
But as for Aaron… He was simultaneously dangerous and familiar. Ellie felt comfortable with the dance they went through, with his manipulations and careful deployment of emotions. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was familiar, and when it came to relationships, that was sometimes what was most comfortable despite a person’s best interests.
She could almost see herself back together again with Aaron, in that same apartment, with Bella and all their friends, doing the same kind of work and leisure activities they always did.
There was just one problem with that scenario. Well, two.
The first was that thinking about it now made her truly wonder if she was happy back then. On paper, she should have been. She had a handsome, cool boyfriend, a sweet dog, a nice place, her own business. But she hadn’t been happy; she saw that now. She’d simply been doing what she thought she was supposed to be doing, as a twenty-something enjoying life.
The second complicating factor was her burgeoning relationship with Harika. Whether it was platonic or romantic, it was certainly special, and she loathed the idea of cutting the vet off in favor of a complacent life which didn’t bring her full satisfaction.
Because that was what she was realizing. Her life with Aaron brought complacency, and it wasn’t much different from the life she was leading before she met Harika. Harika had changed things up, shown her a different way. A way that led to authenticity.
What would life be like if Ellie could live it authentically, and what else was she hiding from herself? What dreams and hopes and goals lay dormant in her heart, just waiting for the right person or circumstance to unlock them?
She wasn’t going to find out by continuing to hang out with Aaron and his douchey wannabe New Yorker friends, anyway. She smiled wryly, knowing that they’d go gaga over tales of his exploits, since none of them had the personal impetus to move over there themselves. Aaron, to his credit, had actually done it.
This was good. Ellie was figuring stuff out. That was what your twenties were for, after all—figuring stuff out. Though, the only problem with doing that was that when you answered one question, a dozen more popped up in its place.
She sighed and lay down on the floor, placing her head on Bella’s stomach just like she used to do when they’d first adopted her. The dog wriggled a little bit, but Ellie spoke to her soothingly, telling her to calm down and be a pillow.
A dog tummy pillow—the best of the best. Warm, soft fur covered her fleshy belly, which was lean with muscle considering her slender frame. But it was still comfortable to be cuddled with a dog, and she pressed a paw against Ellie’s arm, almost like she was trying to hold her close.
Ellie lay like that for a while, the project on her computer screen forgotten, and dozed off to sleep.
22
Harika
The dog park was the perfect date—Harika was thrilled with Ellie’s choice. She hadn’t had a chance to take Betsy for a while, and they’d get to sit and chat while the dogs ran around. It was a great idea.
But now Harika knew how she had to proceed if she didn’t want to spook Ellie. She didn’t know what was up with that man she had been hanging out with, but she didn’t want to be weirdly paranoid or possessive or jealous. She just had to trust that things would work out.
And to do that, she decided to tone down the romantic pressure—another reason the dog park was a great idea. It wasn’t quite like going to dinner in a fancy restaurant and getting tipsy.
They could get to know each other as friends, and if mutual attraction developed, then so be it. They could decide what to do about it then. But Harika had to admit that lessening the pressure on Ellie made herself feel better too.
Maybe this was what she should have done with all her past lovers, the ones who had taken things too fast too quickly. They’d become emotionally involved early in the relationship, without developing a friendship first. That was something Harika had learned. A good relationship was one with a strong platonic foundation. Lovers had to be best friends first of all.
And if Ellie wanted to go slow, that was fine by her. It was what would be healthiest, anyway. She bent down to secure Betsy’s collar. “We’re going to the park, Betsy girl! And we can see if you get along better with poor Bella from now on.” She chuckled.
They set out on the path to the dog park, which was in another neighborhood entirely. The town was actually dotted with dog parks, but this was widely regarded to be the best one, partially because it was new and one of the most spacious, but also because the type of people that congregated there were, for lack of a better word, cool. Harika had often thought that she could make friends if she frequented the place, but shyness often got the better of her.
It was fun to run into former patients though. She liked to see them exuberant and robust, after initially seeing them exhausted or injured in her examination rooms. There was true pleasure to be had from seeing a patient whose life she had helped save. She didn’t like to think about it too much, for fear of becoming vain, but still… She deserved it.
She slipped Betsy into the dog park, sat on a bench, and let her rip. She started tearing off into the largest group of dogs, eager to get in on the tennis ball action. One of the other owners was chucking tennis balls along the length of the park, and Betsy ran with the pack of bigger dogs, as if she knew she would handle them.
And she could. She caught about as many balls as the Doberman and German Shepherd, parading them on the way back like she was showing off that she was good at what she did. The bigger dogs seemed pretty good-natured, so they let her do her own thing, possibly puzzled by the little fluffy, yappy do
g turning out to be so athletic.
Harika turned around to see the lock click again, and Bella walked inside, looking around curiously. Ellie smiled at Harika as Bella walked up and sniffed the vet.
“This is an awesome park,” said Ellie, looking around, amazed. She took a seat down next to Harika and unhitched Bella’s collar from her leash.
“It’s the nicest in the area,” said Harika. “I bring Betsy here all the time; the one in your neighborhood is good, but this one is a treat. Plus, she likes to challenge the big dogs here.”
Ellie laughed. “I can see that.”
The image of the Shih Tzu mix being the only one among the working breeds was hysterical. When Betsy had first pulled this off, Harika had been worried for her, but she learned not to be soon enough. She was surprisingly agile, darting around the much taller legs, and going right for the tennis ball on the ground. She had the advantage, being so small and low.
“Go on, Bella,” said Ellie softly. The greyhound looked around the unfamiliar park, then back to Ellie. “Yeah, you can do it, honey.”
She trotted toward the throng of dogs, which included Betsy, in order to join the game with the tennis balls. But she seemed uncertain of herself—her submissive nature winning over—and hung back, trotting on the edge of the group and making half-hearted attempts to join in.
“Come on, honey!” yelled Ellie, like she was a soccer parent on the sidelines.
“Go Betsy!” called Harika, though Betsy didn’t need any further encouragement. She was the feistiest dog there.
As soon as Betsy caught the ball, she tore back to the bench, proudly carrying her trophy. Bella followed her timidly, her eyes on the ball. It was clear she wanted to have a chance with it.
“Let’s give Bella a turn, shall we?” said Harika, taking the ball from Betsy’s mouth and throwing it in a direction where Bella would have the advantage.