by Jon Chaisson
*
Caren woke up with a stiff neck and the sound of a car alarm going off outside. It had grown dark; she guessed it to be some time in the early to mid-evening hours. Disoriented and surprisingly ravenous, she stared up at the ceiling in an attempt to get her bearings. A blanket partially covered her body, keeping her warm. She must have slept at least seven hours, uninterrupted…that was a personal record. The haze of fatigue still clouded her senses and she lay there for a good few minutes, trying to adjust to her surroundings again. Physically, she felt so out of it, it bordered on embarrassing to her duty as an agent for the ARU. Mentally, however...
Mentally, she felt perfectly fine. Alert. Centered. And that surprised the hell out of her.
Immediately she thought of Denni. Food could wait—she wanted to see her sister first. Craning her neck, she could just about read the clock in the hallway. Indeed, it was close to nine in the evening. She expected her to be in her bedroom, finishing homework or reading. With some effort, she unwrapped herself from the blanket and pushed herself up. Slowly she made her way down the long hallway to the rear bedrooms, her bare feet making no noise on the carpet. Denni's door was closed, but she could see a dim light from just under it and muted beats of purepop music wafting through.
She rapped softly on the door. “Den?”
“Yeah,” Denni mumbled, her voice laced with annoyance.
“Can I come in?”
There was a pause; the sound of music stopping and Denni's grumbling. “Door's unlocked.”
Caren bit her tongue. Her sister had every right to be angry with her, and let it go. She pushed the door open. Denni was sitting on her bed, tapping distractedly on her school tablet, scrolling through a text. She was quite diligent with homework for a kid her age, which made Caren proud. She never had to hover over her sister like most parents. It was a small comfort that she could trust her judgment in her absence.
“Hey,” Caren said, attempting a smile.
“Hey,” she responded flatly.
Neither spoke for a few moments, instead testing each other's boundaries. Denni looked at her, not entirely with a cold stare, but not exactly a warm one either. She understood Caren's job, though, even at her young age. She understood that she wasn't mad at Caren directly, but at what Caren's job took from her. She also understood the danger Caren placed herself in almost every day. The longer she was away from her, the more anger she focused on her sister's job. That alone gave Caren even more incentive to change all that, starting now. She’d do her damnedest to be there for Denni, no matter what it took. She crossed the room and sat down next to her on the bed. “Told you I'd come back to you,” she offered, taking the girl's hand. She didn't pull away, and Caren breathed a sigh of relief. She smiled inwardly, knowing that deep inside, her sister would understand.
“Huh.”
“Listen,” she said, both hands grasping Denni's now. “I know I missed seeing you today. Tell you the truth, I can't promise I'll be there every time you need me to be there--as much as I hate to say that, Denni, I can't lie to you. But I'm trying, sis. Goddess knows I'm trying.”
Denni's eyes met hers. Softened. She had forgiven her. “I know,” Denni said. “Thanks.” She reached over and gave her big sister a tight hug. “I just get worried sometimes. Thanks for calling this morning.”
“I’m glad,” she said, smiling. She pulled away from the embrace and faced her. “So what did I miss today?”
Denni beamed. She never talked much of what happened during the day when she came home from school, but always jumped at the chance whenever Caren asked. It was often talk about schoolwork, the local boys she swore she didn't like but flirted with anyway, and what she had done during lunch period with her best friend Amna. Caren listened with rapt attention, asking questions and laughing along with the jokes, enjoying this time, treasuring it.
For now, for a little while, it seemed as if everything had gone right again. Caren felt at ease with herself and with Denni. The awakening ritual, while still on her mind, was not first and foremost. She had done as much as possible workwise and let it rest. Poe could handle it if anything came up. Right now she had her sister, and that was all that mattered.
Later on, after she had wolfed down leftovers and Denni had gone to sleep, Caren finally retired to her own room. Still distressingly out of order, it was nonetheless her sanctuary. Without changing out of her shirt and sweats, she climbed into her bed and closed her eyes. Sleep would come eventually, but for the first time in ages, her insomnia had not been caused by stress or nagging thoughts about her job. Instead, her thoughts were of the dream she'd had earlier. Only now did she let herself remember it in full detail, after she had made peace with her sister.
Anando...?
She searched her mind for that name and came up with nothing, yet a faint hint of recognition had been tapped. She had to have met him somewhere, at some time. Try as she might, she could go no further than that, but it was a start. And given that it had not been an adverse recognition, she accepted it and let it go for the night. Glancing sideways at her bedside clock, she saw that it had not hit midnight yet, and reveled in that fact. She turned over, buried herself under the sheets, and closed her eyes.