by Vale, Silas
"It's getting worse, you know." She nodded towards his head. He solemnly agreed. That voice… He knew he should know it. But he couldn't put a finger on whose it was.
"You and Aisling will be escorted back to your room for the night. It's nearly sundown, and you need the rest. I've convinced Kristen to allow you to stay unhindered until the morning."
It was a kind thing to do.
"Here you go." She said, unlocking his restraints. As soon as she did so, two guards came in with guns pointed at him. He held his hands up, and was unceremoniously pushed outside.
Where he came face to face with Aisling.
"Shaun!" Ais looked up at him, and after a moment tears welled up in her eyes. She stood up and reached out to hug him tightly, burying her face in his chest.
"You scared the shit out of me." She whimpered, giving him a tight squeeze before slowly releasing him. "I… Come on. We should go." She sniffled and rubbed her eyes, taking his hands to lead him out into the snow and towards the motel.
"You- you need to rest." She shook her head, interlacing their fingers as she trudged through the snow. "And nobody here really wants us around, so I mean…"
The voice…
It had been Aisling's.
Shaun tensed, but took her hand. He loved this girl. He really did. How had he forgotten what her voice sounded like? How had he forgotten the sweet tones, the caring vibe she gave off?
"Yeah. I'd rather rest with you." His voice was warm, and his smile seemed genuine. There was nothing wrong with his surface persona, and yet underneath his skin, everything was in turmoil.
The guards left them at the door of their room, which Shaun opened. Their packs had been left in the truck, which saddened him. There were, however, new clothes in the drawers. He smiled at Aisling. "Why don't you go take a shower; I'm going to lay down. Come get me when you're done."
The smile that tugged at his lips was real.
"I- okay." She sighed and nodded, giving his hand a tight squeeze. She turned towards him and stood up on her tippy-toes to kiss him sweetly, spending a moment to take him in. The softness of his lips, the warmth of his skin, his scent, and all the wonderful things she had grown to love about him in such little time.
She pulled away after a second, her hands on his shoulders. "You’d better fucking listen to me." She moved a hand and gently poked his chest. "I love you, okay? More than you will ever be able to comprehend." She moved her hands up to cup his cheeks. "I'll only be five minutes okay? Get settled in, and then we can have the best fucking snooze of our lives."
As Aisling closed the door, and Shaun heard the water begin to pour from the faucet, he looked around the room. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion; nothing was as it should be. His mind felt fuzzy, and he knew the feeling wouldn't go away. He had forgotten Aisling's voice. He didn't have much time left until he began forgetting more important things.
Her name. Her touch. Her kiss.
He was tired. Oh so tired. Tired of the world that had dealt him a hand of dirt. He missed the people he had lost, and he couldn't do anything about it. With steady hands and a trembling heart, he pulled three things from three various places.
A pen, from the desk drawer closest to him.
A piece of paper, from the basket that laid on the bedside table.
And the pistol from his belt, which the guards had given back when they’d arrived at the room.
With the pen and the paper, Shaun wrote down the following words.
My dearest Aisling,
I can't understand what you must have felt when you heard the sound of a gunshot in your room. I can't understand what you're feeling as you read this letter. But I can understand loss. And I know it hurts.
I love you. You know that, right? These last few days have been the most amazing ones of my life. I wouldn’t have spent them with anyone else. You are the missing piece to my soul. You are what I needed, in this life of hell.
Even in the apocalypse, you made me laugh. You made me smile. You made me the happiest man alive. This day would have come a lot sooner if it hadn't been for you. And I promise, if I could hold it off any longer, I would. For you. But I can't.
I forgot your voice today. Do you know how jarring that was? I'm in love with you, and yet I couldn't even remember what you sounded like. I can't do it. I can't manage that. It was hard, telling you about the demon in my brain. And now, this will be infinitely harder; accepting that the demon has beaten me.
I can't apologize enough for this. I can't say how sorry I am, I can't show you the tears running down my face as I write this. I can't show you my shaking hands. I can't tell you just how cold my soul is, how lonely I already feel. You're the only one that has ever made me feel like this; has made me feel like I belong to someone.
And I do; I belong to you, Aisling Grace. More than to the earth, to the stars, to the planets, I belong to you.
I'm sorry I couldn't do this. I’m so, so sorry.
Please, live safe for me. When we made love… I know you are aware that we weren’t safe.
So perhaps our child will grow within you. And if you decide to keep them… I know you will be an amazing mother.
It was a wonderful night, my love; I do hope our child grows up to be as strong and courageous as their mother. Because growing up to be like their father would be the most unfortunate thing in the world.
Be strong. Be safe. Be mine. I will wait for you.
Always.
~Shaun
Gunshots are not uncommon during the apocalypse.
But this one. This gunshot, was the most piercing, wailing gunshot of them all.
And afterwards, silence.
But silence is the most powerful scream.
Like before, Aisling's blood ran cold.
She yanked open the shower curtain, managing just enough time to wrap herself up in a towel before she flung the bathroom door open. Her heart was racing, and she quickly turned into the living room-
no…
She fell to her knees with a wail, her heart shattering into pieces as she managed just enough strength to stumble to her feet and move to his broken body with a sob. The world was a blur around her, as if she was moving in slow motion. She held his body in her arms, and with trembling hands reached out for the note.
Her mind barely processed the words on the page, and she let it flutter to the floor as she buried her face in his chest and wailed.
She couldn't remember when someone had opened the door, and she could barely remember someone with brown hair pulling her away from his slowly cooling corpse, despite her kicking and screaming in protest.
The next few days were a blur. The silence was overwhelming, and the ache in her heart just wouldn't go away. She spent most of the days alone, in a different building from the motel. Curled up.
Hands on her stomach.
But the pain wouldn't fade away for many months, and even then, it never truly went away. Why would it? She would never be able to hear him, see him, smell him, taste him.
The light had gone out in her life.