“A best friend has your back when you need it most.”
Squeezing the charm tightly in her hand, she fought back tears. I really could use you now, Phoebe.
Staying in her tent all day wasn’t going to help anyone. She’d come here to continue what they’d started, and that’s exactly what she was going to do. If Rafe wanted to watch, then he could. Let him report back. There won’t be anything for him to say.
As she gathered her things, she tucked her small gun deep into the sleeping bag and rolled it up tight. She slipped a small piece of paper underneath the strap. That might seem extreme, but she needed to know if anyone messed with it.
Once she was comfortable knowing exactly where everything was, she made her way from her tent down toward the river to fill her canteen. The distance was much farther than what the last camp had been, and she found herself continually looking over her shoulder. No matter how many times she told herself this was different and nothing was going to happen, her body was tense, and with each step her feet felt heavier than the last. Just a few more yards and then you can run back to the camp if you want. Just keep moving.
Finally, she made it to the river. Bending down, she filled her canteen as quickly as she could and headed back to the camp. On her way, she was met by the same little girl as the day before. “What are you doing here?” Deanna haltingly asked her in broken Morieran.
“You look sad,” she replied.
Deanne didn’t know how a child so small seemed to be able to sense her needs so easily. Was it that obvious to everyone else? She hoped not; that would show her weakness and make her vulnerable. That was the last thing she needed. Not only would the other members of the Literacy Corps group regret letting her join them, but the people they were trying to help wouldn’t trust her. If that was the case, she might as well pack up and return home now.
Kneeling down so she was eye level with the girl, she explained the best she could. “I was thinking of a friend of mine and how much she would have loved being here.”
The girl smiled. “Why didn’t she come too?”
Oh, now that story is really going to make me sad. Deanna needed to think of the good things not the bad. “Would you like to hear about my friend?”
The girl nodded and plopped onto the ground, waiting. Deanne sat down on the grass beside her. She had no idea what to say, but once the words started coming she grew more comfortable with the language and found she couldn’t stop. They must’ve sat there for almost an hour. She told her about going to school together and staying up all night laughing.
“Don’t you want to be with her now?” the girl asked.
Deanna forced a smile and said, “You always want to be with your friends. But sometimes you can’t be, and you go and meet new friends.”
“You mean like me? Can I be your friend?”
She was so touched by this child. Deanna didn’t want to make close connections ever again, but this sweet girl was somehow penetrating the wall she’d built. “What is your name?”
“Shadoa.”
“That’s a very pretty name.”
“It means joy.”
Deanna knew her parents had named her appropriately. “My name is . . . Alice.” Lying is not the way to start a friendship, but I’m not the type of person she wants as a friend anyway.
“What does it mean?”
Deanna had no idea. When she chose it, all she wanted was something simple to remember.
“Noble,” Rafe’s voice said from behind them.
Can you stop that already? She didn’t know how long he’d been standing there. Had he heard her talking about Phoebe? At least I didn’t say anything bad. Not that there is anything bad to say about Phoebe.
“What’s noble?” Deanna asked. Surely not me.
“Alice means noble. That’s what she asked, right?”
Deanna knew he’d been there long enough to overhear that part of their conversation. Right now she didn’t care about that. She was more surprised he understood the language. “I didn’t know you speak Morese.”
“I don’t. But I understand it.”
It was hard not to believe him because he did seem to know what they had been talking about. But as far as she was concerned, this was another red flag. Nothing was as it seemed with him, and she was positive his understanding their language was no different.
“Shadoa, I have to go back to camp, and I’m sure you need to go home.” It was something she’d never get used to. Small children wondering back and forth from the river without supervision always made her heart stop. But she wasn’t here to tell anyone how they were supposed to raise their family. She was only here to help educate. Something that won’t matter if Shadoa’s not around long enough to use it.
Shadoa leaped off the ground and ran up the other path, one that led away from the camp, leaving her alone with Rafe. He stretched out a hand to her. Deanna wanted to brush it away, but she didn’t want him to know she didn’t trust him. So placing her hand in his, she let him pull her upright.
He was so strong that she practically flew off the ground and into his arms, causing her to drop her canteen to the ground. The cap must not have been on tight because the water began to pour out. “Damn.”
“Would you like me to refill it for you?” Rafe offered.
His tone wasn’t as harsh as it always had been. If anything he was being . . . nice. If she didn’t know better, she might be grateful and let him do it. But Deanna had the advantage, because she remembered Phoebe said if Rafe wasn’t so busy being a bad ass, he’d make one hell of an actor. And I guess Moreira is your stage, and I’m supposed to be your audience. No, thank you.
She put the cap back on and shook it. “Seems like I have plenty, but thank you. I should get back to the camp.”
“I was heading there myself.”
“You were? Why?”
Rafe grinned down at her and said, “I’m here to volunteer.”
Deanna almost burst out laughing, but she found she was pretty good at acting as well. “Really. How wonderful. I’m sure they can use someone with your . . . talents. What are they again?”
“Questioning my credentials? I don’t believe I’ve questioned yours.”
Very good, Rafe. Deflect, so you don’t have to answer. “You’re right. Sorry. We’re glad to have you. Now if you don’t mind, I have some children waiting for me to try to read to them.”
Deanna didn’t wait for him as she sprinted back to the camp. If he was following, he wasn’t in any rush. That didn’t mean she couldn’t feel his eyes on her every move. Don’t worry, Rafe. I’m watching you just as much.
Once she was back at the camp, she made a quick stop at her tent. With Rafe around again she needed to make sure he hadn’t stopped by and found her only defense. Rushing over to her sleeping bag, she found the paper exactly as she’d left it. As she was exiting the tent again, she slammed right into him. Rafe caught her by her forearms, steadying her.
“You seem to be . . . distracted. Is everything okay?”
He knew damn well it wasn’t. How could it be when he kept appearing out of nowhere? She knew it was no coincidence. But so far she’d been playing by his rules. Trying to avoid him wasn’t working, so it was time for things to change. Rafe expected her to run and hide, but that wasn’t happening anymore. Not from him at least. She might not know everything about him, but she knew he was Phoebe’s brother, and she had trusted him. There had to be some common ground they could meet on. There was only one way to find out. It was time to call him out on it. Or at least take back some control, if that is even possible. “I thought you said you wanted to talk to me yesterday. What about?”
Rafe looked down at her and said, “It can wait.”
Deanna shook her head and said, “I’m not sure about that. Why don’t you tell me what you’re honestly doing here, Rafe?”
He looked around. “Let’s talk about this in your tent.”
“I’m not sure that would look . . .
appropriate.” It was hard enough to fit in to a new group; rumors of fraternization between two volunteers would not help at all.
“Do you want to know or not?”
He is really good at this game. She pulled away from him and went back inside the tent. Whatever he had to say, it better be worth the ridicule she’d face later. Deanna stood on one side, trying to keep as much distance between them as possible. No matter what she thought of him, there was no denying he had an intense effect on her, both emotionally as well as physically.
Crossing her arms, she asked, “Why are you here?”
Deanna fully expected to be given a long, less than believable excuse. If there were a couch, she’d have made herself comfortable. Instead, all she could do was stand and wait for what bullshit was about to come her way.
“I’m here to watch you.”
Rafe’s words almost blew her away. She couldn’t believe he’d admitted it. That didn’t change the facts. He was here spying on her, and she hated it. Hated him for it. Why can’t everyone leave me alone?
She wanted someone she could trust with all her heart again. She wanted her best friend back. That was never going to happen, and it both angered and hurt her soul. If anyone should understand her pain, it should be Rafe. Instead, he was here bringing her more.
“You can go back and tell them I haven’t ever and will never say anything. All I want is to live my life. Can you please let me do that?” Deanna hadn’t expected tears to burst from her eyes, but they were flowing uncontrollably and were as ineffective as her plea. Rafe stood there watching her cry with a puzzled expression. She wanted to slap that look off his face. “I don’t want you here. Can’t you see that?”
“Why are you here?” Rafe asked.
Deanna sniffed and wiped her cheeks. He wanted her to say it, but there wasn’t much she could tell him. She’d give him what was in her heart. “I’m here because I promised my friend.”
“Are you sure this is what your friend would want?”
She would like to think that best friends knew each other better than siblings. They’d shared things about themselves they’d promised to take to the grave. Even now, Deanna couldn’t bring herself to divulge anything.
“I know she would.”
“I don’t think so.”
Deanna didn’t want to get into an argument over Phoebe, especially not with her brother. That wasn’t any way to keep her memory alive. Phoebe was a strong, confident woman, but she had a heart of gold. Treating her brother with anything other than respect wouldn’t be right. It was time to tell him who she was.
“Rafe, there’s something I need to tell you. My name is not Alice and my friend is . . . was your sister, Phoebe.” Deanna waited and watched for the blow to hit him, but his expression didn’t change. Had he not heard her correctly? “Do you know what I’m trying to tell you?” It was possible he was in shock from the news or even from the simple mention of Phoebe’s name. He’d been sent to watch her, and probably never expected the lies to lead him so close to home. His own family.
“Phoebe wouldn’t want you here. Hell, she wouldn’t want anyone in this hellhole,” Rafe growled when he finally spoke.
Deanna could understand why he felt that way. What he didn’t know was she also should have those same feelings but didn’t. “Rafe, your sister loved what she was doing and—”
“The price was her life. I know that. Now tell me why you’re here.”
She hadn’t expected him to be so angry. Relieved or compassionate, but angry? No. Deanna approached him and placed a hand on his forearm, trying to comfort him. When her fingers made contact with his flesh, she felt him tense and pull away. Softly she said, “Rafe, I know what you’re feeling.”
“Do you?”
She nodded. “Yes, I do. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her. That’s why I’m here.”
“You make no sense, do you know that?”
She knew nothing had made sense in years, so why should this? “If you’ll hear me out, maybe it will. My name is not Alice. I’m Deanna Glenn. I was here in Moreira when they, I mean when Phoebe was killed.”
She so badly wanted to tell him what else she knew. How the men were killed, but the women were taken and killed later. The world believed otherwise, and she could never share that, even with Rafe. And that they could’ve been saved if anyone would’ve answered my cries for help. But that was the problem. She’d reached out and told them they’d been attacked. They’d said help was on the way, yet it never came. Not until every single one of them had been killed. All except me.
“I know. That’s why I have no fucking clue what you’re doing here or what your involvement in all that was.”
Her eyes widened. There was no way she’d heard that correctly. Had he just pointed a finger at her? Why not? I pointed mine at him. She knew her mind was a clutter of irrational thoughts right now. She needed facts from him, and yet she wasn’t able to give him any in return. He had a right to question her motives. Hell, I question them myself sometimes. Deanna knew it would be a difficult conversation, but it had played out so differently in her mind. Her emotions were running high, and she needed to gain control of them. Not for him and not for her. For Phoebe.
In what she hoped sounded cool, calm, and collected she replied, “Phoebe was my best friend. We promised to make a difference in this world. When she said she was joining the Literacy Corps, there was no doubt I’d follow her wherever she went. At first this place was all we’d hoped it would be. The locals were so kind and open to us. The days flew by, and we could see changes happening. Mothers were learning to read so they could read to their children.” Deanna’s heart was racing as the memories flooded back. “Every day the women and children walked miles to come to us. It was . . . amazing to witness. Phoebe and I would stay up half the night talking about what the next day’s lesson would be. But in a heartbeat . . .” She swallowed and tried to hold not only her composure but her tongue as well. “In a heartbeat it was all gone.”
He looked directly into her eyes. “I know all that. She used to tell me about what she was doing here. What I want to know is why you came back?”
It was a logical question, one she’d been asking herself since she set foot in Moreira again. “I guess I wanted to finish what we started.” Even if it meant doing it alone.
“Deanna, you don’t have to be here to make a difference. You’re a smart enough woman to know that. So coming here had to be for another reason.” He placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head up to meet his gaze. “Tell me or not. I’ll find out why.”
His eyes were dark, and a shiver ran through her. “I told you the—”
“Trust me, Deanna, I always get what I want,” Rafe said through gritted teeth before turning and leaving her alone in her tent.
It took her a moment to realize she’d been holding her breath. Dropping to her knees, she buried her face in her trembling hands. Oh, Phoebe. What am I supposed to do now? He’s not going to stop. I just know it.
Chapter Five
‡
“Rafe, that means nothing,” Josh said as he paced anxiously.
Rafe knew that wasn’t a conversation any of them wanted to have, but it was needed. “Josh, you’re not thinking like a Marine.”
“And you aren’t thinking like a brother. Phoebe never would’ve involved herself with someone who could—”
“We don’t know that, Josh. Think about it. We loved her, but we spent more time overseas than with her or Melissa,” Rafe snapped back, running his hand through his hair. It wasn’t pretty, but it was the truth. “I can’t tell you what her favorite band was, never mind who she was hanging out with. Can you?”
Josh shook his head. That’s what pissed him off the most. After all those years of keeping close tabs on Phoebe, he’d found that, in the end, she’d been equally savvy at evading his tactics.
“I know she wasn’t stupid. If Deanna was trouble, Phoebe would’ve cut ties.”
R
afe would like to think so, but there were pieces missing, and things were not lining up as they should. He couldn’t blame Deanna. He could blame the bastards who’d killed Phoebe. Mostly he blamed himself for not being a better brother. “Fuck. Maybe I should’ve let her join the military like she wanted. At least then she would’ve had a gun to protect herself.”
“Rafe, if Phoebe had really wanted to, she would’ve. She was a Turchetta. Nothing would’ve stopped her, not even your controlling ass.”
There was no arguing with that. As the eldest in the family, it was his duty to take care of everyone. Since Josh was number five out of seven in the Turchetta clan, it only made sense that he viewed him in the same light that Phoebe and Melissa had. He knew Josh wasn’t someone to mess with. If he had been, the Marines wouldn’t have utilized him as they had. Even Melissa was one tough cookie. It was Phoebe who he’d underestimated. She’d always seemed so young, so innocent. Fragile. But he was learning a different side of her. Could it be true; had he been so wrong about her all those years? Wish I would’ve known all this before. Maybe we could’ve been . . . closer.
“Are you saying you trust Deanna?” Rafe asked. He needed an impartial opinion, not that Josh could give that.
“Not saying either way. Just keep an open mind. She might be as much of a victim as Phoebe was.”
“She’s not dead,” Rafe said sarcastically.
Josh arched a brow. “What the fuck’s gotten into you, Rafe? I’ve never seen you react like this before.”
He glared at Josh. “What does that mean?”
“We both have seen enough action to know what survivor’s guilt looks like. That woman has it written all over her face.”
Guilt for something, that’s for sure. “Josh, maybe I’m being too hard on her, but you’re being too easy.”
“Then I guess it’s a good thing David is flying in. Maybe a fresh set of eyes on the situation is what’s needed.
“Who the hell made that decision?” Rafe questioned.
For Honor Page 5