by Gina Azzi
I brush my fingers through her hair.
I know I’m not good enough for her. She deserves a million times more than what I can offer. She deserves a man who is whole. Not one tormented by a monster. Not one who can barely see a beer without his throat closing. Not one who is a skilled liar, a deft con artist, a fucking shadow.
But now that I’ve had her, I can’t walk away. Deep down, I know it and I hate myself for it.
The only solution is to be enough for her. Not what she deserves but enough of what she wants.
One month ago, I was safe, my conscience clear. It was easier to hold Claire off with insults and the cold shoulder. But now, I can’t go back and the uncertainty that clogs my throat is nothing like the usual morning-after need to disappear, but an entirely different type of worry.
Claire Merrick could own my soul. And the darkest part of me desperately wants her to.
I blow out a shaky breath and watch as Claire stirs next to me. Her eyelids open slowly, heavy with sleep. When she spots me, a smile stretches over her face and the look of it, of her smiling for me, fills my chest with gratification. “Morning, Clairebear.”
She stretches for me, her arms twisting around my neck. “Good morning.”
“How’d you sleep?” I ask, my fingers toying with the sheet that covers her bare breasts. It slips a little and I catch a glimpse of her dusty rose nipple.
“Deeply,” she murmurs. My head snaps up at her word choice. “I had the strangest dream…”
I grin, loving this sassy side of her. Of course, I always knew Claire as a little hellion, but Claire challenging me last night was more than I bargained for.
“Tell me about it,” I taunt, running my nose along her jawline.
She purses her lips, pondering my question. Then she shifts, the heat of her skin gravitating toward mine. Her fingers press against my shoulders until I lie back against the pillows. She sits up straight and the sheet pools to her waist. Her breasts are perfect. The perfect size for my palms, the perfect weight against my fingers, just perfect. She swings a leg over my body and straddles my waist.
“What are you doing, babe?” I whisper, feeling my dick quicken to life as she sinks down.
“I’d rather show you,” she whispers. Then she drops her mouth to my neck and trails open-mouthed kisses down my chest and abdomen. Her hands explore the planes of my body while her mouth tastes my skin greedily.
I try to stay still as she explores, but need coils in my veins. Between last night and now this, I’m desperate to claim Claire as mine and only mine.
She moves lower and lower as my limbs stiffen. She spends several long seconds studying, touching, kissing my tattoo. I reach for her, my fingers twisting in her hair. “Claire,” I warn.
Then, I feel her tongue dart out and lick along the head of my dick. I inhale sharply, swearing, as I sit up.
She shakes her head, keeping her gaze trained on mine as she slowly drags her tongue up my shaft. “It’s my turn to play, Easton,” she says, pushing me back down.
I laugh, in awe and a little in love with this new glimpse of Claire. I feel drunk off her, intoxicated by her touch, delirious from her words. I lie back and watch as Claire takes me into her mouth. She pulls me in deeply and I swear as I hit the back of her throat.
She sucks me off expertly, and for a second, I wonder how the hell she learned to do this so well. A silent rage fills me at the thought of her doing this with other men, at the realization that other men have seen her the way I am right now. With plush lips, wild eyes, and a sexy body that is begging to be worked over.
“Fuck,” I growl, pulling myself from her mouth. I move quickly to flip her over and slide on top of her. “Want you, Claire. Now.”
In response, she surprises me again by widening her thighs. “Then take me, Easton.”
“Jesus,” I moan, my body trembling for hers. I’m so close to release, I try to stall and think awful things, just to make this moment last longer. “I’m clean, Claire.”
“So am I. And I’m on the pill,” she adds, giving me a knowing glance.
I rear back, surprised. It’s quickly replaced by the grave understanding of how much trust she’s placing in me. Claire Merrick’s faith in me is its own type of drug, more powerful than liquor.
I brush her hair back and peer into her bottomless baby blues. “You sure, Claire? Because this changes everything.”
She regards me for a long moment before offering a small nod. “Last night already changed everything, East. I know what I want.”
I hold her gaze as I slide into her, inch by inch, watching as a myriad of emotions flit across her expression. Desire, vulnerability, excitement, a bloom of shock, a hint of need, and then something I can’t place but it shines from her eyes like moonbeams.
When I’m all the way in, I still. She clutches at my shoulders and I press a desperate kiss to her lips. Then, I begin to move, finding a rhythm that has Claire moaning and me screwing my eyes closed to make this last as long as I can.
At the same time, we cry out, clinging to each other with a recklessness that defies all logic, with a chemistry that burns all reason to ash.
“Act normal,” Claire reminds me as we take the stairs up to her parents’ front door.
“I’m always normal. It’s you who’s a loose cannon,” I remind her.
She grins and hip checks me.
I smile back.
The door swing opens before we reach it and we both school our expressions.
“What’s so funny?” Austin asks, peering at us.
Claire rolls her eyes and pushes inside, lifting up on her toes to brush a kiss across her brother’s cheek. “Easton thinking he’s got jokes,” she replies breezily.
I’m impressed by her acting, and a strange jolt of possessiveness and delight grips me.
I watch as she disappears into her parents’ kitchen before I step forward. When I look up, Austin is watching me curiously.
“What?” I ask, holding out a hand to shake hello.
“What’s with you two?” he asks, his brow furrowing.
“Nothing, man. Claire’s still a pain in the ass.”
At that, Austin looks in the direction his sister disappeared, smiling affectionately. “She is that. Come on in, man. How are you doing?”
I step inside and Austin closes the door behind me. While I slip out of my winter coat and hang it in the hall closet, I respond, “Yeah, I’m good, thanks. Taking things day by day.”
“You’re looking good on the ice, East. I feel like we’re all starting to gel again.”
“Yeah. I feel good too. Better, I mean. But Sims has been doing a hell of a job.”
Austin regards me strangely for a second before nodding. “Yeah, he has.”
“Is that you, Easton?” Mary calls out from the kitchen. “I hope you brought your appetite.”
“You know I did, Mary.” I step into the kitchen and breathe in deeply. “Something smells delicious.”
“Oh!” Mary laughs, coming over to kiss my cheek hello. “I made your favorite. I know you recently had chicken piccata, but I wasn’t sure if Claire managed to pull it off. Since she never called me to talk about it…” Mary lets her unasked question hang in the air.
“It was the best he ever had!” Claire calls out.
I cringe at her word choice, but Mary bursts into laughter. Joe chuckles as he pours out glasses of Coke.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that. You guys can enjoy your wine and beer.” I hold a hand up to stop Joe, knowing the family always enjoys wine at Sunday dinners.
Joe stills, shooting me a serious look. “You sure, son?”
“Positive,” I respond, my gaze darting to Claire who looks back with acknowledgment in her expression. “I went out to lunch with Torsten and Panda the other day too. I need to ease back into real life and this is the best place for me to do it.” I gesture to the kitchen.
Mary’s expression softens as she nods slowly. “You’ll let us
know if it’s too soon? Too much?”
“I’d rather practice here,” I admit. I turn and note Austin’s strange expression again. “What?”
“Wait, I’m still on the part where Claire cooked you chicken piccata.”
I chuckle. “It was good.”
Austin’s brows furrow until they nearly meet over his nose. “Are you sure she didn’t poison you?”
Joe throws his head back and laughs.
“Oh come on now,” Mary says indulgently, taking out a bottle of wine. “Claire does a wonderful job.”
“Oh, now you stick up for me.” Claire slips beside Mary and snakes an arm around her waist. “What happened to ‘I wasn’t sure if Claire managed to pull it off’?’”
Mary blushes and Joe’s laughter grows.
Austin snickers and he shakes his head. “She totally poisoned you.” He points at me. “You’re being way too nice to her.”
A knock sounds on the door and Mary claps her hands together. “That must be Jemmy and Leanne.”
“Or Noah and Indy,” Austin supplies, heading for the door. “I’ll get it.”
Claire sticks her tongue out at his back and Joe chuckles, tugging on her ponytail.
I slide onto a barstool and clutch my glass of soda, relaxing as I watch the Merrick family antics unfold. It feels like home.
14
Claire
“You’re blushing.” Rielle smirks at me before lifting her caramel macchiato to her lips and taking a long sip.
“Isn’t it wonderful?” Indy sighs, clasping her hands to her chest.
“You’ve gotten so gushy since Scotch put a baby in you,” I tell my cousin, rolling my eyes. I swear, in a handful of months, my serious, Type-A, often boring cousin has transformed into the poster child for love. She could star on a dating website for the amount of hearts and stars that shine from her eyes.
“You’re coming in at a close second,” Rielle accuses me. “In all fairness, I’ve never seen you as twisted up over a man as Easton, but this tops the cake. The sex must be stellar.”
I sigh, totally pulling an Indy. “It’s orgasmic.”
Rielle cracks a smile as Indy laughs.
“But it’s more than that,” I continue, leaning forward like I’m about to divulge a secret. “He made me breakfast,” I whisper.
Rielle’s mouth drops open and Indy gasps, clutching her chest again, this time in surprise.
“No way.” Rielle points at me. “You’re serious?”
I nod.
“Damn.” Indy whistles. “That’s like relationship level.”
“I know, right?” I grin, picking up my latte. “I mean, I spent the morning blowing his mind so I needed nourishment but—”
Rielle bursts out laughing.
“I still didn’t expect the omelet and whole wheat bagel and orange juice.”
“What was in the omelet?” Indy narrows her eyes.
Rielle shoots her a look and I giggle. “It was a veggie omelet. Why?”
Indy shakes her head. “I’m just…surprised. Ever since we were teenagers, Easton rarely went out of his way to do anything nice for anyone.”
“I know,” I agree.
“It’s definitely more than just sex,” Rielle decides.
Even though I think it’s more than just sex too—I mean, it feels like more than just sex—having Indy and Rielle confirm it makes it more real.
I beam at them like I won the lottery. Ten times over.
“Have you told anyone? I mean, anyone except us?” Rielle asks.
I shake my head. “Easton hasn’t brought it up. I mean, we haven’t talked about what we are or anything…”
“You’re dating,” Indy says with confidence.
“I guess so.” I worry my bottom lip between my teeth.
“What is it?” Rielle asks.
“It’s just, I think Easton is worried about what Austin and my parents will think. Plus, the team…”
“They do all treat you like their little sister,” Indy agrees.
Rielle shakes her head. “I can’t imagine having my own brother give a shit about who I date, never mind ten hulking hockey players.”
Indy glances at her curiously but I give a subtle shake of my head to let my cousin know that Rielle’s family is off-limits. She doesn’t speak of her family often; in fact, she rarely brings them up. When she does, it’s usually as an afterthought and any prodding on the subject—been there, done that—results in her clamming up completely.
Indy reaches across the table and grasps my wrist. “Claire, if you’re this into East and things are going so great, you can talk to him, you know?”
“I know.”
“I just don’t want to see you hang out in relationship limbo because you’re too scared to rock the boat. I did that with Noah and it sucks.”
“I know,” I say quietly, remembering the anguish that Indy’s uncertain relationship status with Noah caused both of them just a few weeks ago. “But it’s still new.”
“True.” Indy nods. “And you’re not knocked up.” She narrows her eyes. “Are you?”
I flip her the middle finger and she grins as Rielle snorts.
“It’s different this time. Everything with Easton is just different.” I can’t stop the grin from splitting my face. “With him, I feel like I can do anything. I mean, he’s so supportive of my designing band logos and encourages me to follow my dreams, to do something I’m passionate about. After months of having my parents and Austin on my case about finding a real job, it’s just nice to have someone in my corner, you know?”
Rielle nods slowly, her gaze searching as it scans my face.
But Indy straight up frowns. “I had no idea you were so serious about the band logos.”
I wince. “I am. I just, I was embarrassed to tell you.”
“Why?” My cousin looks genuinely confounded, and guilt pierces my chest.
“Isn’t it obvious?” I force a light laugh. “Indy, you’re perfect.”
“Straight up, you are,” Rielle agrees.
Indy shakes her head. “No I’m not. I—”
“You’re organized and disciplined,” I cut her off.
“Focused and determined,” Rielle adds.
“You know exactly what you want and go after it with tenacity,” I tack on.
Rielle nods. “I wish I was as ambitious as you.”
Indy’s brow furrows as she looks between us. “But you’re creative and passionate, Claire. And Rielle, I don’t know anyone who works as hard as you.”
“Because I have to,” Rielle mutters, taking a large gulp of her beverage.
“And my creative and passionate side are dismissed.” I fiddle with the handle of my mug, glancing at Indy. “My parents would think my dabbling in band logos is a cute hobby for my boredom.”
Indy’s shoulders slump and I watch as realization flickers over her expression. “I’m so sorry, Claire. I had no idea. If I had, I would have backed you up more. You know I support anything you want to do.”
I nod. I know she’s telling the truth. If I had been more vocal and upfront about what I wanted, Indy would have had my back. “It’s just, it’s nice that Easton noticed it without me having to say it.”
“I understand that.” Indy smiles at me. “Then I’m happy for you. And if you ever want to talk to someone for some perspective or help setting things up, you know Aiden is an entertainment lawyer, right?”
“Your best friend, Aiden?” I ask, recalling Indy’s childhood bestie from Florida who spent Thanksgiving with us. “Didn’t he just move here?”
“Yes. He arrived last week. You can sit and talk with him anytime you’re ready.”
I smile at Indy, a wave of gratitude rushing through me. “Thanks, Indy. I’m not really there yet but as soon as I am, I’ll definitely take you up on that.”
She waves her hand. “Anytime. And if you ever want someone to check out bands with, Aiden is definitely your guy.”
“Cool,
thanks.” I smile.
“I’m happy you finally found the happy ending with East you were waiting for,” Indy adds.
Rielle lifts her mug. “Cheers, baby girl. I’m happy you’re so damn happy.”
I smile and clink my mug against Indy’s and Rielle’s. But I don’t miss the curious glance they exchange, or the worry that rings my best friend’s eyes just before she drinks.
Shaking it off as they’re being overly concerned, I dismiss it. Because I’m too happy for anyone to rain on my parade.
This morning, I woke up to Easton’s head between my legs. And let me tell you something, there’s no coming back from that. He’s ruined me for any other man, but it doesn’t matter, because there will be no one after Easton.
He’s my future.
“Missed you today,” East whispers. His lips brush across mine, rousing me from sleep.
Dreams still cloud my vision as I force my eyes open. “What time is it? I must have dozed off.”
“Just after 6 p.m.”
“Oh.” I frown. “I can’t believe I slept so long.”
Easton smooths his thumb over my forehead. “It’s my fault, babe. Been keeping you up too late.”
I grin. “I like how we spend our time.”
Easton chuckles and collapses next to me on the couch. He tugs me into his arms, our chests pressed together, as he kisses my nose. “You do, huh?”
I nod, snuggling deeper against him. “How was practice?”
East shrugs, uncertainty flickering over his face for an instant. In the next blink, it’s gone. “It was okay.”
I frown. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He shakes his head, grinning slyly. “Not when there are so many better things we can be doing.”
My heart soars at the playful gleam in his eyes. He showers me with attention and affection, two things my soul has been starved for far too long. “What did you have in mind?” My voice is huskier than I intend and East bites the corner of his mouth, his eyes flashing.
He pulls me higher on his chest, until our lips are lined up. We inhale each other’s exhales and it’s surprisingly intimate. “I wasted too much time with you, Clairebear,” he murmurs, kissing me slowly. The tip of his tongue traces the seam of my lips and as I part them, he pulls back. “Gotta make up for lost time.” He grins before capturing my mouth again.