by Clara Capp
“M’fine,” I say. I grab the paper towels and stumble a few feet away from him.
I back up when he tries to approach me again. Shu gets the message and puts some distance between us.
“Ok,” he says. “Let’s get some food. You didn’t eat dinner last night.”
“I’m going to have some cereal.” It comes out muffled through the paper towels.
“I’ll get you something better than cereal. I’ll DoorDash the breakfast place down the street.”
“You don’t have to…”
“I’m getting that for breakfast, so you are too. Wait. Don’t you have to go to work?” He glances at his phone.
“I called out.”
Shu doesn’t chide me for playing hooky. He just asks what I want for breakfast and places the order. I sit as far from him as possible in the living room. I wish he’d put on a shirt. This nosebleed is gone, but if he gets close to me shirtless again that might change.
We sit in silence until the food arrives. When we’re at the table together, I don’t dare look at his abs in fear of bleeding on my pancakes.
“I’m sorry,” he says, breaking the silence. “I know you don’t want this.”
“It’s not your fault.”
This is all Daddy’s fault. He didn’t tell me why he got into these illegal things. Extra money, probably. It may just be his personality. I don’t like to admit it, but he has a sinister side.
I knew I made the right decision leaving him and that company behind.
“You are so kind,” he says. “You’re nothing like your father, and you don’t deserve to be caught up in this mess.”
I nervously catch my breath. Everything Shu has said to me has been mean or sarcastic before this. Maybe…there’s more to him than just a criminal? Wait, this may be blood loss from the nosebleed.
“I was supposed to hang out with my friend tomorrow,” I whisper. “Can I still go?”
“I’ll need to come with you.”
“Ok.”
* * *
I had to beg Shu to let me be alone. He’s standing on the other area of the library, pretending to read a book, but his eyes are locked on me. The poetry club meets in the side area with windows, so he can keep an eye on me.
“Is that your boyfriend watching you?” Rina asks.
“Uh…yeah. He gave me a ride.”
This is embarrassing. I look like one of those girls with controlling boyfriends who don’t let them do anything.
“If he’s going to be here, he might as well read a poem,” she cackles.
“No! No. He can stay over there.”
It’s been two days, and the only break I’ve gotten from Shu was work today. He’s not a bad roommate. I spend most of the time in my room, and he never bothers me. He just never has a shirt on at home, and it makes bad thoughts go through my head.
“Welcome, everyone.” An older woman greets the group.
The poetry group are oddballs. There’re a few older people, a couple hipsters, and a few that don’t fit in anywhere. The older woman welcomes Rina and I and has us introduce ourselves.
Oh no.
Rina is a wonderful public speaker. She has everyone fascinated at her job (storyboarding) and that she grew up on a small farm. How am I going to follow that?
“I’m Stephanie. Um, I work at Flux as an accountant.” Crickets. I’m so boring. There’s nothing these people want to hear about me.
“Tell them about the kittens you rescued,” Rina says.
“Oh!” I launch into a mini speech about the kittens. At the end everyone is ‘awing’ and saying how sweet it is, which is the best reaction I’ve had with my public speaking. Thank god for Rina. I don’t know how she thinks of these things.
“Ok!” The older woman says. “Who wants to go first?”
One by one, everyone delivers their poems, and I’m almost shaking as I watch them. That’s the problem with going last. I’ll be sitting here in fear until I’m done.
“Your turn,” Rina says.
I don’t say anything. I just try not to throw up as I walk to the mic. When I bring my mouth to it the mic makes one of those ringing noises, and it startles me. This isn’t going well.
The poem came to me after my night at Shu’s. My voice is small as I speak into the mic.
I can’t stand the frustration
Stitching you shut as you tear me open
Your gentle nips are razor blades
There’s the splatter of brain on pavement
My heart beats faster.
I want you.
Will I make it out okay?
The poem is shorter than everyone else’s, and it’s ok at best. I pull away from the mic and people clap, which I wasn’t expecting.
“I loved it,” one of the hipsters says. “You have amazing use of metaphors. I felt the part where you talked about brain on pavement.”
I can’t tell him that’s not a metaphor.
“Thanks,” I respond.
People buzz and talk about poetry for awhile longer, before eventually trickling out. Finally, it’s just Rina and I. She’s sitting on the sofa with her arms crossed and I don’t like the look on her face. Great. I finally make a friend and I piss her off in the first few weeks.
“Did I do something wrong?” I squeak.
“No.” She glares at Shu, who’s given up on pretending to read, and is now watching from the library table. “That poem was about him, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.” My voice is small as I say it.
“I don’t like it. ‘Stitching you up as you tear me open.’ What’s he doing to you? I’m going to go over there and beat his ass.”
That part of the poem was only half a metaphor. But I can’t tell Rina that. ‘Oh yeah he’s a criminal, I found him almost dead at the docks and stitched him up, and now we’re living together.’
“It’s complicated,” I say.
“What’s complicated about it? From what you said, it sounds like he’s physically or mentally abusing you. Or both!”
Oh boy. How am I going to make it out of this one?
“I didn’t want to tell you because you wouldn’t believe me,” I say.
“I knew it!” she interjects. Rina stands up and starts to head towards the door. “I’m going to go over there and beat his ass.”
“No! There’s no abuse.” I grab her arm and pull her back on the sofa. “The story is so outrageous that I didn’t want you to think I’m lying.”
“I would never think you’re lying.”
There’s only one way out of this. I have to tell the truth. I’ll just omit certain parts of our story. Anything that can get him or my dad into trouble.
“Don’t look at Shu as I tell you or he’ll know,” I say.
I start from the beginning. How my father is the owner of Hawthorne Medical Supplies, and I had to inspect the warehouse at the docks. How I found Shu, and against my better judgement, stitched him up. Then all the random happenstances that went on from there.
“Holy shit. Where do I even start?” she says. “You really did see brains on concrete.”
“Yeah.”
“Gross.” Rina looks disgusted as she holds her stomach. “How did you not puke?”
“The two years of med school. I’ve seen nastier things.”
“Oh, right.” Rina’s expression switches from amazed to sad. “I’m not going to tell anyone. I was on the wrong side of the law too, once.”
The look in her eyes tells me I brought up a bad memory. She quickly shakes it off and continues to interrogate me.
“Wait. He was kissing your neck that day. How’d that happen?”
I turn bright red. “Well, um, that is…” How do I say I can’t resist him?
“Your poem. You totally want the guy.”
Part of the reason I’ve been staying in my room is I need to keep away from Shu. I can’t take anymore neck kisses. If we kiss, and he tries to go further, I’m going to disappoint him. I’m not ready t
o have him touch me in those intimate places.
I can tell that Shu has done those things with girls, and with how handsome he is it’s probably often. I hate myself for getting angry that he’s touched girls other than me.
The gentle, teasing kisses can’t happen anymore. I know he wants me as badly as I want him, but our intimacy comfort levels are different. This needs to stop.
Shu
It’s been four days, and all Stephanie does is stay in her room. I try to get work done, but all I can do is think of her being alone. Well, she’s not one hundred percent alone. She has Slippers. But I wish she’d come out for some human interaction. And by that, I mean interaction with me.
It’s frustrating living with her. In the rare moments she does come out, she wears the hottest loungewear I’ve ever seen. The girl only wears skintight yoga pants, sports bras, and jersey shorts. Every time I see her my cock goes from zero to one hundred, and I’m tempted to pounce on her on the spot.
Slippers is a lucky cat, getting to cuddle against that body.
It’s late in the day Saturday, and I’ve barely seen her today. I can’t do this anymore. The girl needs to come out. If not for her sanity, for mine.
I walk to her bedroom and knock on the door.
“Yeah?” she says.
“Can I come in?”
“S-sure.”
Stephanie’s browsing her laptop on the bed. I look at her face, because she’s wearing one of the skimpy short outfits that can bring me to my knees.
“Let’s go out tonight,” I say.
“What?”
“Let’s go out. We can get dinner and walk around somewhere. You’ve been cooped up in this bedroom for four days; it’s about time you left.”
She bites her lip. “I don’t know.”
“I do. C’mon. I’ll take you anywhere you want for dinner.”
“Anywhere?”
“Anywhere.”
“I don’t know if going out is a good idea,” she says. “But I really miss pho…”
“I’ve never had it.”
“You’ve never had pho?”
“Nope.”
Stephanie’s back arches as she stretches. I can think of quite a few things I’d like to do to her that will also make her back arch. I rip my eyes from her as my cock goes half-mast in my pants.
“Get dressed,” I say. “We’ll leave in thirty minutes.”
“Ok.”
I shut the door before I’m tempted to look at anymore of her perfect body. How does she keep in such great shape? She’s 5’9ish and her legs are as toned as a model’s.
I tell my cock to be quiet as I get dressed. I finally get to enjoy time with her, and I don’t want to screw it up by being distracted.
Forty-five minutes later we’re at the pho restaurant.
“You should probably get vegetable or chicken,” she says. “Beef is a bit overwhelming if you’ve never had it before.”
“Ok.”
We place our orders and are left in silence.
“Are you doing alright?” I ask. “You never come out of your room. If there’s anything I’m doing wrong, or anything I can do for you…”
“You’re fine,” she blushes. “It’s just my life is suddenly so different. I got so much information dropped on me at once, and I don’t know how to handle it.”
“It’s hard. But I know your dad didn’t tell you because he wanted the best for you.” I grab her hand and place it between mine. “I will always be here for you if you need anything.”
One of my talents is making Stephanie turn bright red. The girl resembles at tomato right now.
“Thank you.”
I don’t let go of her hand. My fingers trace along the lines of her palm, and I gently massage them. They’re so soft. It feels illegal for my calloused hands to touch hers, knowing what they’ve done to people.
Hers stitched me up when I needed help. Mine shoved bamboo under another man’s fingernails. They’re so different but fit together so nicely.
I reluctantly let go when the waiter brings our food.
“It tastes like regular ramen, right?” I pick the noodles up with my chopsticks.
“Um…not exactly.”
She nervously waits for me to take a bite. Pho is disgusting, and nothing like ramen. The noodles have an odd combination of spices that shouldn’t go together at all. I know if I tell her the truth it’ll hurt her feelings.
I’ve faked emotions for years working in the mafia. I pretend to love the noodles, and rave about how good they are.
Stephanie smiles at me. “I’m glad you like it. I hated pho at first, but I like it now.”
So, she’s been through this phase already. At least they might grow on me if Stephanie wants to eat here often. Because I’ll eat these nasty things every night if it makes her happy.
“What do you want to do after this?” I forcefully swallow another bite of noodles.
“I thought we were just getting dinner?”
“Nope, we’re going out tonight.”
“Oh.” She taps her chin. “I decided on pho. You pick what we do next.”
Stephanie will be naked if I pick what we’re doing next. I reel those thoughts in, and make it more PG.
“How about Griffith Observatory?” I say.
“I’ve never been there,” she says.
I almost choke on my noodles. “You live in LA and have never been to Griffith Observatory?”
“No. I only moved here a little over a year ago. I keep meaning to go, but something always comes up.” She pauses. “I’ve seen pictures, though. It looks beautiful.”
“Looks like we’re going.” The waiter brings the check and I slip my card in.
“No!” Stephanie says. “You’ve been paying for everything. My dad said to watch me, not to pay for things.”
She tries to take my card out, but I snatch the check holder.
“If I didn’t want to pay for you, I wouldn’t.”
The two of us leave the restaurant and drive to Griffith Observatory. This is the first time that parking hasn’t been overwhelming, and I’m glad Stephanie will be able to enjoy everything without massive amounts of people around.
We look at the interactive exhibits together. Stephanie already knows some of the planetary facts and can even expand on a few. It’s irritating and adorable how smart she is.
“The telescope is open!” she says.
There’s a giant telescope on the roof of Griffith Observatory. I don’t know how to measure sizes of telescopes, but this thing is massive in comparison to something that can be bought at the store. It has its own enclosure and a professional that shows you how to use it.
“Let’s go,” I say.
The telescope is so big that we have to climb stairs to look through it. Stephanie is in front of me, which makes her ass eye level, and I spin and look at something else in the room. I can’t be getting hard in public. God, Stephanie has me acting like I’m thirteen again.
The attendant holds the massive microscope steady for her, and she peers through the lens.
“Jupiter’s rings!” she exclaims and turns back to me.
“I thought it was Saturn that had rings?”
“Other planets do, too.” She says as she peers through the telescope. “Look!” The girl grabs my hand and pulls me up to the telescope.
I was expecting something a little higher definition, but the planet is probably light years away. It’s a bright white blob about that’s three times bigger than a star. I guess that weird thing around it is a ring?
“It’s awesome!” she bubbles.
Seeing her happy over the blob makes me happy. “It’s pretty cool.”
She doesn’t turn red as I take her hand. All she does is gush about Jupiter, and how cool it was to see it. We exit the planetarium and get the full view of LA. The lights of the entire city flicker along the horizon.
“Wow,” she says.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” I look at h
er. I’ve seen this view many times.
Her hair blows in the wind as she looks at the expansive view of LA. The cool night air has her cheeks tinged the same shade of red as her hair. I want to grab her and kiss her, but I can’t.
“Yeah…I never knew LA looks like this.” She changes her grip to interlace her fingers with mine. “It’s as if things like skid row don’t even exist.”
“Mhm.”
“Let’s look from the right side!” she exclaims.
Stephanie stops as we’re walking along the observatory.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“That man…” she lets go of my hand, and I’m tempted to grab hers again. I don’t like that she let go.
There’s a man leaning against the railing with a blank stare on his face. He’s probably just another one of LA’s drugged out citizens.
“Just drugs, Sweetheart.”
She bolts to him right as he falls. If she hadn’t caught him, he would have slammed his head into the concrete.
The man isn’t drugged out. He’s having a seizure. Stephanie holds her hand under his head, trying to stop it from slamming into the ground as he thrashes.
“Can you help me Shu?” she asks.
“What do I do?” I’ve tortured men until they went into seizure. The idea of helping instead of harming a person has me terrified.
“Flip him on his side.”
The gentleman is larger. I bend down next to Stephanie and flip the seizing man on his side. She’s is in the middle of wriggling her jacket off while trying to keep her hand in place. She finally gets it off and places it under his head.
She snaps her fingers and points at an onlooker. “You call 911.” The person goes from shocked to dialing out their phone.
“Don’t we put something in his mouth?” I ask.
“That’s a fallacy. It’s actually dangerous to do that.”
Stephanie glances at her watch. “It’s been over two minutes…”
I don’t ask her what that means. From the sound of it, if the seizure continues much longer this man may be in trouble. She exhales in relief as he stops seizing. His face begins to fade from purple to a normal color, and his body is no longer flailing.
“You should move.” Stephanie says.
“Um, ok.” I step a few feet away from the man.
He starts to fade into consciousness, and abruptly vomits everywhere. It covers Stephanie’s jacket and runs down the side of his face into his hair. I’ve tortured many people, but the moaning noises he’s making haunt me.