by L. C. Mawson
I sighed, folding my own arms in a subconscious mirror of Willow’s stance. “I’m guessing that I’m here for the ‘uncontrollable’ part?”
Willow gave me an apologetic look but didn’t dismiss my fear.
“It’s all right,” I said. “If you can help me get it under control, then it won’t be ‘uncontrollable’ anymore, will it?”
“Well, I don’t think approaching this as a way to get your Energy ‘under control’ is helpful. Think of it more like helping you understand your Energy better. If you try to fight it, it won’t work.”
I nodded, though I wasn’t quite sure that I understood what she meant. I assumed that it would make more sense once we actually started the training. “So, if this is a pretty rare form of magical training, how do you know about it?”
“My father. He’s a Fin’hathan. My training isn’t as extensive as his, and won’t be unless I decide to follow in his footsteps and take the same vows, but it’s enough.”
“What’s a Fin’hathan? And what kind of vows do they take?”
Willow grimaced. “Promise you won’t look at this with Human morality?”
I raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”
“It means that the closest translation of Fin’hathan is ‘assassin’. In Skyreach, the Elven realm, it’s more of an anti-corruption role within the government.”
“But where they kill people?”
“Well, yes. The problem with the strongest magical beings is that you need someone stronger to cage them. And it’s not always fool proof, like with Maria Brown’s escape. The only sure way to deal with a strong magical threat is with death. For most magical factions, that looks like bloody wars. Only two factions have come up with alternatives, the Demons and the Elves. The Elves have the Fin’hathan to take down tyrants. The Demons are lucky in knowing that the King or Queen will always be the strongest of them at any given time, so the first Demon Queen fashioned a sword that would weaken her or her children, and broke it into a hundred shards, distributed amongst the nobility, so that they could use it to take down the King or Queen if they ever all agreed that it was necessary. Of course, Lord Uther’s coup against Queen Freya showed that that system also has flaws.”
I nodded. I wasn’t sure that I bought into the nobility of killing anyone, but I did have to admit that if imprisonment was off the table, I wasn’t sure how you could deal with tyrants. “So, does your father live here on Earth with you? If he has such an important role, I mean.”
She frowned for a moment before sighing. “I forget that you’re not well versed in magical history. Yes, he lives on Earth now. The Vulcan Plains, Skyreach, and Dwiivan were all sealed away years ago. Traversal between Earth and those realms is now impossible. Atlantis is the only elemental realm that we can still access.”
“So, what does he do on Earth?”
“Well, Fin’hathan can’t really break their vows, so the few stranded on Earth decided to use their skills to head off the bloody wars that the other factions often engaged in by taking out the major players before anything got too heated. The problem there was that the factions were too split. And you can prevent a ‘bloody war’ by stopping those who would rise up against a dictator.” She shrugged. “I don’t know why I’m trying to defend his line of work, I don’t believe he’s right, I just...” She sighed, blowing a strand of hair from her eyes. “I guess I’m so used to people judging me when I tell them, I’ve started pre-defending myself.”
I gave her a reassuring smile. “I’m not going to judge you for your parents, Willow.”
“Thanks, Amelia.” She smiled back, though it was strained. “A lot of people don’t trust Elves to start with, so they see my father’s profession as proof that their distrust is justified.”
I frowned. “They don’t trust you? Why?”
Willow didn’t answer, forcing her smile further. “You know, if I didn’t know any better, I would think that you were asking all of these questions to try to get out of training.”
I cringed. “Not consciously, but... Well, you saw what I did to Mr Stiles. Can you blame me for being nervous?”
The tension in her frame relaxed once more as she gave me a smile that finally read as genuine. “Amelia, you’re not going to hurt me. You had no idea what you were doing when you broke through, and you were panicking, which fuelled your magic, which made you panic further.”
“Bold of you to assume that I know what I’m doing now.”
Willow chuckled, shaking her head. “Amelia, at the very least, you have a wand now.”
I just raised an eyebrow, not buying that that would be enough.
She sighed. “Have you even tried to use your Energy since then?”
“‘Tried’? No. But I have used it accidentally.”
“Did you hurt anyone?”
My cheeks flushed. “No, I didn’t physically hurt anyone, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t.”
“Well, we’ll never know until you try.”
I frowned, even though I knew she was right. Or rather, because I knew that she was right, but wished that she wasn’t.
“Come on, let’s sit down.”
She led me over to a corner and sat down cross-legged.
I followed, sitting opposite her.
“So,” I said, “how do we do this?”
“The most important thing to remember here – and with all magic – is that your powers are fuelled by emotion. If you want to understand your Energy, you have to understand the source it’s drawing from.”
I grimaced before I could think better of the reaction.
Willow gave me another sympathetic smile. “I know that that won’t be easy right now, Amelia. And I know that you’re still uncovering things that until now were buried deep, and with everything else going on, things will be in turmoil. But even if you can only take a small step now, that’s going to help.”
I sighed as I wondered if the things ‘buried deep’ was referring to my magic or... other things.
Probably both.
Though most of my sigh was brought on by the realisation that I would have to be honest with her if we wanted to get anywhere with this.
“It’s not just that,” I finally said. “I mean, it is that, but it’s also... I’ve never been great at emotional regulation. Like, clinically. It’s an ADHD thing. My medication helps, but... I might have a harder time here than other people.”
Willow gave me a wry smile. “Not as many people as you might think.”
“What do you mean?”
“Magic draws from your emotions, Amelia. If you use too much magic, you drain your feelings. It’s why Vampires don’t feel like we do. They produce the same level of emotion as Humans, so it’s drained by their magic until they can replenish themselves through drinking blood.”
I frowned. “But we still feel, even with the drain. Implying that we feel more than Humans?”
Willow nodded. “It’s another reason we keep to our own as much as possible. Sometimes we can come across as a little... much. You would have been fine before you broke through, but now that you have access to your magic, you’ll be overcompensating. If you use your magic enough, it should level out. But if you don’t... Well, that’s not recommended.”
“Well... At least I’m used to it.”
Willow smiled. “There is that. And be grateful that you don’t have elemental blood like me. We’re even worse.”
I returned her smile. “You don’t seem so bad to me.”
“Well, you don’t seem so bad to me, either. Maybe we’re just as bad as each other.”
She leaned closer and my breath hitched in my throat.
My eyes traced over her freckles before I’d even realised what I was doing, looking for patterns like looking for constellations in the stars.
It was as if Willow amped my distractibility and hyper-focus up to eleven, leaving me incapable of paying attention to anything but her.
“We should really start with one of the
training exercises,” she said, pulling my attention back to the moment.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
“Can you access your Energy and bring it out?”
Energy was crackling over my skin before she’d even finished speaking. In all honesty, with her so close, it was like electricity sparking just under my skin, itching to be released.
“Okay,” she said, her voice low and quiet, “I’m going to join my Energy to yours to help you get a feel for it. But... Well, it’s raw emotion. It might feel a little... intense.”
“I take it there’s not another way to do this?”
Willow shook her head.
“Then I suppose we don’t have a choice.”
“There is always a choice.”
“Not if I want control of my powers.”
She hesitated for a moment, looking as if she wanted to say something else, but then she nodded and brought her hands forward to clasp mine.
Sparks of her own crackled over her skin, coming to meet mine.
The second they collided, I gasped, overwhelmed by the sensation.
It was almost as if I could feel Willow as just another part of me.
Separate, with her own feelings, but as connected to me as my arm was.
You know, if my arm had a mind of its own.
I felt surprise and it took me a moment to realise that it was coming from Willow, not me.
Surprise at my reaction to her, and my cheeks flushed crimson as I realised that I had managed to broadcast the way her proximity was making me feel.
“Sorry,” I managed, my words coming out as barely more than a whisper. “I’m trying to figure out how to hide my feelings through my Energy, but... Well, it’s only been a week since I broke through.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologise. It’s actually refreshing.”
I raised an eyebrow. “It’s refreshing for me to let you in on my embarrassing feelings?”
She smiled. “Well, not quite that. It’s refreshing that you’re so open. Especially when you feel so... Well, so familiar.”
“Familiar?”
She nodded. “It almost feels as if you have elemental blood, even though I know you don’t. But your magic... It has that wild edge that calls to me.”
I took a deep breath, focusing on the magic between us.
On Willow’s magic.
It seemed to dance within her. Wild and uncontrolled.
Like mine.
Like Freya’s.
I did my best to ignore that thought, not wanting to risk sharing it.
Thankfully, Willow didn’t seem to catch it.
“So, what now?” I asked.
“We need to let the bond develop. I know that it can be uncomfortable to share your Energy like this – it can feel too intimate – but if you can get a good enough sense of my Energy, you can use it to guide yours. To figure out what it should feel like, instead of flailing in the dark.”
I nodded, Willow’s words about it being too intimate bringing my thoughts back to the day before.
And that moment on the bench when I was sure that she was going to kiss me.
And how disappointed I had been when she’d moved away.
By the time I realised that I had broadcast that thought through our bond, it was too late.
Willow yanked her hands away from mine and I suppressed a cringe as she stood up.
So, my feelings before weren’t bad, but this was too much?
Well, at least now I knew where the line was.
“Amelia, don’t-”
I stood up as well. “Sorry. Like I said, I still don’t know how to keep things from my Energy. Especially... Well, things I’ve only just begun to admit to myself that I can feel.”
Willow winced. “No, I’m the one who should be apologising. I never should have lowered my suppression magic. You don’t really like me, Amelia. It’s just the effect of seeing me for who I am beneath the magic. It will fade in time. I promise.”
I frowned. “So, you never lower it? You’re constantly concealing what you really look like?”
“I have to. You’ve felt the effect for yourself. Other Elves are used to it, but they’re so rare on Earth...”
“I’m sorry. That must be lonely.”
She stared at me, as if I’d grown another head.
“What?”
She shook her head. “Most people wouldn’t say ‘sorry’ after I’d forced them to feel the way that you feel about me. Most would resent me for it.”
I shrugged. “I mean, it wasn’t your fault. I was about to literally explode, and it was the only way you had to get my attention. Plus... Well, I’m not as convinced as you that it’s an effect of your magic. You were more patient with me yesterday than I think most would have been, and I appreciate that.”
“Speaking of yesterday, how are things with Natalie now?”
I shrugged. “We cleared the air. She made it clear that we can be nothing but friends, and I’m happy with that. And I do mean it today.”
I almost believed the words myself, I said them with such conviction.
“Because you’ve stopped pretending that it’s so impossible for you to have feelings for her?”
I sighed, looking away. “Admittedly, I am still working that out. But... Well, I can’t ignore how I feel when my magic is broadcasting it to everyone else. And... Well, it doesn’t seem like it’s a problem here.”
“Ms Griffin is fairly strict with people when it comes to that kind of thing.”
“Well, yeah. So... I’m sick of secrets, Willow. I’m sick of not even being sure of what’s in my own head. My magic, my memories, my feelings... I’m not going to take an active part in suppressing anything. Not anymore.”
Willow tucked her fiery hair behind a pointed ear. “If you’re so desperate to be sure of what’s in your own head, then how can you want me close?”
“How can I become sure if you’re not close?”
I stepped forward, perhaps a little impulsively, and waited to see how she responded.
To my surprise, she didn’t step back.
Though, a moment later, she frowned. “Wait, what did you mean about your memories being suppressed?”
I froze, realising that I probably shouldn’t have said anything about that to her.
How could I explain that without explaining my connection to Freya?
“Hey, Amelia. Willow.”
I turned, more than a little relieved to hear Natalie’s familiar voice.
She was approaching with Lena, though she was dragging Lena by the wrist.
“Hi, Natalie,” Willow said, stepping away from me.
I frowned, turning back to see that Natalie wasn’t exactly giving Willow the friendliest of looks.
What the hell was that about?
“Need anything?” Willow asked.
“Yes, actually. I thought that perhaps we should work in a group of four. After all, you know elemental magic better, so you’ll be able to help Lena in ways that I can’t.”
“Okay,” Willow agreed, and I suppressed a sigh, getting the feeling that this was about something more than just helping Lena.
I WAS NO FURTHER ENLIGHTENED on the reason for Natalie’s intrusion when the lesson ended.
After a brief moment of awkwardness, we had settled into practicing. Though Willow switched to less intimate techniques when it came to helping me control my magic.
Instead, she had me focusing on causing white and then black sparks to dance up each arm.
By the end of the lesson, I only had a handful of successes, and I wasn’t sure if they were because I was actually improving, or if they were just chance.
I headed out of the room, only to run straight into Ms Maltere.
“Ah, Amelia. I was hoping to catch you. Would you mind if I borrowed you for just a moment?”
“No. Not at all.” I turned to my friends. “I’ll see you later.”
They nodded and headed off as I followed
Ms Maltere to her empty classroom.
She went to lean back on her desk before pulling out her wand and closing the door behind me. “So, Amelia, I was just wondering how far you had gotten with reading through the book I gave you.”
I cringed, not wanting to admit how much I was struggling with it. She’d seemed so sure that I would be able to manage it...
But I suppressed my urge to lie. If this book did have answers about how to lift the curse from my mum, Ms Maltere might be able to help me find them faster.
Even if it did lower her estimation of me.
“Actually, I’ve been struggling to make progress with it. Even with Natalie helping me with the aspects of magic I haven’t learned yet, some of it is beyond her, and then there are language barriers as well that are making it difficult. I’m sorry. I know you thought that I could do this...”
Ms Maltere gave me a kind smile. “It’s okay, Amelia. Those are understandable pitfalls, and the fact that you’re making any progress at all is impressive. This is not a text for beginners.”
“But you said that you thought I could handle it.”
“I didn’t want to scare you off. And admittedly, I hadn’t read it since... Well, for a long time. Reading it again after giving it to a novice highlighted some flaws in Maria’s writing style. But never mind. Now that you’ve broken through, and I am officially one of your teachers, I don’t see why I can’t take over helping you through the book. That is, if you’re still interested, and if you don’t mind spending your evenings in here with me.”
“I am still interested, and I don’t mind at all.”
She grinned. “Excellent. Are you free this evening? We can get started right away.”
“Yeah, just let me tell Natalie.” I pulled my phone from my bag and sent a quick text before putting it back and retrieving the book.
I placed it on Ms Maltere’s desk before giving her a sheepish smile. “Thank you for this. Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“Of course not.”
“Really? Because I can’t imagine teaching a complete beginner is much fun. If I’d been in Natalie’s place, I probably would have torn my hair out at all of the basic questions I ended up asking.”