by Fanny Finch
Delia remained quiet about the fact that she was already aware of this. It was different hearing from him than it had been hearing from Amy.
“I am sorry, my lord, that you had to suffer such a terrible loss,” Delia said to him, anxious that he should know her sympathy.
“Yes, well, it was said by many that I was the cause of it. But no matter,” the Earl said with a deep sigh. “I have been told by others that it could not have been prevented.”
Delia did not comment further. She knew only what Amy had told her. She imagined that an argument could happen with any husband and wife and at any time. How was it that their argument had caused her to pass away?
Early labors happened. At least, that was the fact that Delia was choosing to focus on. She did not want to consider any scenario in which it truly might have been the fault of the Earl.
“Does that affect how you feel towards Grace?” Delia dared to ask, knowing that it was likely a conversation the Earl did not desire to have.
“I fear that it did,” he confessed. “I fear that it has had a great deal of impact on my relationship to my daughter. And I know that it is she who suffers as a result.”
“Indeed, I am sure she must. But do you not suffer as well? From the barrier that you have between yourself and your daughter? Do you mean to tell me that you do not mind so much that there is a distance between the two of you?” Delia challenged.
The Earl of Dulshire sighed again.
“Yes, it impacts me a great deal,” he admitted.
“You must be sure to love Grace anyway. No matter what she reminds you of. No matter what happened in the past. She is a child. And you cannot abandon her because of your own pain,” Delia urged.
The Earl faced her again and Delia allowed their eyes to meet.
“You truly are too wise for your own good, Miss Caulfield,” he told her with a faint smile.
“I simply tell you things that I can see. Again, it is the observation of an artist,” she replied with a smile of her own.
Grace began to stir and Delia stood, ready to help the child get ready for the day.
The Earl stood as well and the two looked at one another once more before he exited the room silently.
Delia was left more confused than ever before.
Chapter 16
The Earl of Dulshire looked out the window and recognized that the day was a beautiful one. The sun was out and it was clear that there was much to do out of doors.
It had been a new experience, spending time with his daughter and getting to know his governess better in the process. The Earl wanted to continue and utilize the beauty of the day as a means of continuing to get to know Miss Caulfield and to see his daughter filled with joy at spending time with him.
He made his way to Grace’s lesson room where he found the two of them deep in the study of French.
“Forgive the intrusion,” he began.
Miss Caulfield looked up at him with surprise. He saw in her eyes that she was not unhappy about the appearance.
“It is no intrusion. However, if you would like to apologize in French, I am certain Miss Grace would be delighted to hear it,” Miss Caulfield said, a playful grin on her face.
“Ah, I fear that I am no man for the modern languages. Should you like me to speak in Latin, I can, but I fear that is not what my daughter knows,” he replied.
“Then we are perfectly happy for you to speak in our mother tongue,” she said in answer.
“I thought perhaps that we might go for a walk. It is such a lovely day outside and I would be delighted to have two such lovely ladies as my company. It would be good for Grace to have the time out of doors and we cannot very well go without her governess, now can we?” he said in invitation.
The Earl hoped dearly that Miss Caulfield would not take offense to his referring to her as a governess. It was her position but it was not how he saw her.
In relief, he recognized that she felt no offense at his words. Rather, she nodded and looked to Grace.
“Would you like that, Miss Grace?” she asked.
“Oh yes, Miss Caulfield! Papa, are we really to go on a walk with you?” she asked.
“Yes, my dear. I think it would be a delight to show you off to all of England and let them see the wonderful daughter I have,” he answered, scooping Grace in his arms.
Her smile and giggle delighted him. The Earl of Dulshire wondered how he had not been more joyful about being a father before. Why was it that he had refrained from indulging his daughter? How had he been such a fool to let fear and guilt prevent him from this?
“Well then, I shall allow you and Miss Caulfield a few moments to ready yourselves. I will wait in the parlor,” he declared.
With that, he set Grace down and Miss Caulfield took her hand. She turned once and gave him a brief glance before moving on to ready his daughter for the day ahead.
After a few moments, the two returned and they all made their way in the coach to the park. It was evident that they had not been the only ones making the decision to delight in the freshness of the day around them. Indeed, there were numerous couples going about, taking a turn and enjoying themselves.
The Earl watched as many couples engaged one another and some were new lovers. Followed by a chaperone or parents, the season had brought about potential matches. He was delighted to not have to be among them.
And yet, he still could not deny that his governess had captivated his own attentions.
The Earl allowed Grace to set the pace of their walking. Miss Caulfield walked along with them but he noted that she remained a pace or two behind, which he did not care for.
Understanding that society would demand it, the Earl allowed for it, but frequently slowed his own pace so that she did not fall too far behind.
“You may at least remain close enough for us to converse,” he said, making the note to her.
The Earl was slightly embarrassed as he noted Miss Caulfield blush at this remark.
“Forgive me, my lord. I merely wished to maintain propriety,” she replied.
“Indeed, and I am glad for it that no one may have reason to speak against you. But a step behind is sufficient. You need not be left in Westershire while we are in London,” he teased.
“Yes, my lord,” Miss Caulfield laughed in reply.
For a length of time, the Earl was satisfied with this. But as he had continued speaking with Miss Caulfield, he began to realize that perhaps he really was causing an issue.
Young women around them continually eyed the two. Grace was barely ahead, and it was evident that Miss Caulfield was merely a governess. And yet, others gave looks of disapproval and judgment towards the two adults.
The Earl wondered if Miss Caulfield had seen it. He chanced to briefly look at her and saw in her face the shame of a woman walking through a crowd of those who hated her. He knew in that moment that she was deeply uncomfortable.
Knowing that it was not his own reputation at stake, the Earl tried to consider how he might help her to feel at peace for walking with him and Grace.
Noting a group of men that he was friendly with, the Earl thought he might give his governess a rest from his company. If she were alone with his daughter, some of the women might forget altogether that they had seen the two of them in company.
“Would you forgive me for a moment? I see some dear friends and should very much like to speak with them. I trust that you and Grace will continue around the park,” he said.
“Yes, my lord. Of course,” Miss Caulfield replied, taking Grace’s hand and continuing on.
He watched for a moment, relieved that she seemed content and as though it had been a kindness to her as well. The Earl did not like parting from her over such pettiness, but they both needed the small relief.
“Gentlemen,” he greeted, walking up to the group of five men. His dear friend, the Baron Woldorf, was present, as was the Duke of Compton and others.
“How lovely it is to see you,” the Duke
said in reply.
The men were speaking of rather boring topics, but very much the sort of topics that were normal for them all to speak of. He continually eyed the park and found Miss Caulfield and Grace, just to ensure that they were well.
“Oh, old Lord Conmeyer,” one man tutted, bringing the Earl’s attentions back to the discussion at hand.
“Yes, I do hope that he got home safely enough,” said another.
The Earl sensed the underlying desire for scandal. He could not help but wonder at these men, all men of title and position, relishing the failures of another. He had seen such behavior from many of the bored elderly women, but it was not necessary here, he thought.
As the gossip about Lord Conmeyer continued, the conversation eventually moved on to another man’s financial mistakes.
“Well if he can make a comeback like that of the Duke of Sandon, then he’s all set,” laughed the Duke of Compton.
The Earl nodded in agreement. The financial tale of the Duke of Sandon was legendary. It had seemed as though the man, having lost his entire fortune, made it back in the most incredible, savvy of ways.
“You know he married the daughter of a merchant?” whispered the Baron in a tone of scandal.
“Yes, but I’ve heard she’s a beauty. And her family is now quite up and coming into society. They must have learned a thing or two from the Duke’s decisions,” noted one of the men.
The Earl of Dulshire had heard bits and pieces of the story, but hadn’t known that the man married so far below his own position.
“How has society accepted her?” he asked, hoping to appear nonchalant. He had no desire for anyone to begin questioning feeling that he himself had for a woman beneath his position.
“Still mixed,” the Baron told him. “At first, she was heavily criticized, but now there are those who have chosen to be kind to her. I cannot say it is everyone. Some women will never accept a woman like that into their circles. I think she still faces a great deal of rejection.”
The Earl nodded. This was what he would have expected. Still, it was nice to hear that she had been accepted by some. It gave him hope that if his own situation ever became anything more than it was, he might have hope for Miss Caulfield.
Chapter 17
It had been rather obvious to Delia that the Earl was trying to find an excuse to depart from her. She understood and recognized the manner of his leaving and the reason behind it. Being eyed by wealthy women as though she had no place amongst them was frustrating and rather painful.
Nevertheless, she chose to walk with Grace, holding her head high. She had done nothing wrong and had no reason to submit to the indignity.
Continuing in the path, Delia enjoyed taking in the sunshine with her company. Grace was delighted by being out of doors. It was rather evident that the time was much needed.
However, as they continued, Delia noted that the stares had not ceased.
Young women and old alike continued to watch her. They stared at her with distaste and disgust. Delia tried to ignore the looks. She attempted to brush them off, knowing that they meant nothing to her at all.
However, making her way around the loop again, one woman dared to brush past her and make a snide remark under her breath.
“Little hussy,” the woman whispered, pretending not to be aware of the effect of her words.
The insult was sharp and quick. Delia was wounded by it, but attempted to ignore it. It was not easily ignored. Understanding how hated she was by society was unfair. She had done nothing other than except a position of appointment.
It seemed as though the warnings that Amy had given her against rumors were coming to pass. Not only did she face such harsh judgment with in the home, but even out in the wider world. Among society, she would never be anything more than a user.
She was relieved to note that Grace did not hear the comment. Not that the young girl would have understood, but if she had ever repeated that her governess had been called something so rude, it would serve us quite the humiliation.
So they continued on, trying to engage in exercise and the joy of the day. Grace was still entertaining herself and Delia was glad for that at least.
The stares followed her, but she rejected them.
All the while, Delia had been watching the Earl with his group of friends. The Baron was present.
She disliked seeing the man. Still discomforted from the evening that had passed previously in the week, it was unnerving to see the two men together.
Delia could not help but wonder at the man’s behavior. He had seemed entirely inappropriate with her, except without crossing any lines. How was it that he had managed to offend her sensibilities so deeply without actually stepping over propriety?
Before long, Delia and Grace were closing the circle of the path again. They had walked around the gardens twice and still continued on as the Earl was with the gentleman. She did not like the way that the Baron had quickly glanced at her.
His look and smirk gave her reason for caution. It was as if he still wanted to play with her like a dog chasing a cat.
While the women could be ignored easily enough, the Baron departed from his group of men and could not go unnoticed.
“And how are you today?” he asked.
“I should wonder why it is that you would come speak to me. I am a mere governess as everyone in this park seems to recognize,” Delia replied.
“Yes, well perhaps it is those who are not of society that I find most interesting,” he said to her.
“And why should you find me interesting?” Delia asked.
“Maybe it is because I see that my friend, the Earl, considers you to be so,” the Baron answered.
Delia had no desire for this conversation. She looked at the man and wondered why he could not simply leave her alone. If it was improper for her to be walking with her employer, it was a far greater sin to walk with another man.
She began to wonder if perhaps he was making an effort to destroy her reputation. She wondered if he was looking for a means of wounding her. Despite having done nothing to him, Delia wondered what might be leading the Baron to his actions.
“You know, it is difficult for a woman to trust a man,” the Baron said.
Delia could not follow what it was that he was trying to get at. She didn’t understand if he was addressing that he himself was untrustworthy or if he was attempting to speak about the weakness of women, which she had so often heard spoken of by men in society.
Delia knew she wasn’t weak. She also knew that she would never trust the Baron Woldorf.
“And what of it?” she asked, scarcely bothering to conceal her irritation.
“I mean only that it can be easy for a young woman, vulnerable and perhaps from a family in need, to be swayed by a man. A man who is, maybe wealthy or handsome, who had the world at his fingertips. He might easily bring her to heel,” he remarked.
Delia was suddenly realizing that the Baron was referring to the Earl. She could not quite grasp the sort of suggestion he was making, but wondered if he could be insinuating that she was under the emotional hold of the Earl of Dulshire.
“If you please, I should very much like to continue my walk with my charge. I do not think it appropriate in society for the two of us to be walking alongside one another,” she remarked in evident irritation.
“But it seems as though you scarcely mind about such things. I mean, whether or not something is acceptable by society’s standards,” he continued.
“I do not know what it is that you are insinuating, but I can assure you that my reputation cannot be called into question. I have done nothing to bring about any sort of accusations,” Delia finally said, turning to him and stopping in her place.
She was aware that they were being watched by a few people nearby. And it would, most assuredly, be she that would suffer the consequences.
“Miss Caulfield?” Grace asked, growing impatient and wanting to continue the walk.
“Forgi
ve me for any misunderstanding. I merely made a comment regarding the difficulty in trusting men. Perhaps you mistook me,” the Baron finally said, acting as though he were the victim of her anger as opposed to the instigator of it.
With that, the Baron removed his hat, bowed to her, and departed. Delia stood, red faced and angry. She was utterly humiliated that some around them had noted her frustration and were evidently judging her as a result of it. They would only ever see her as a young woman trying to fit in a space where she didn’t belong.
They would see her speaking with men like the Baron and assume that she was using him, as they assumed she was using the Earl. No one would ever believe that she was justified in her frustration or that she was not the guilty party.