by T J Kelly
“Do you still see him?” Peony asked. I was glad she brought it up. I didn’t want to be the one responsible for finding out Tian's dad passed away the hard way. Like right in the middle of a sunny day, collecting honey and beeswax.
“Oh, he finally followed us here,” she said to my relief. “He keeps an eye on the house while Reg is on assignment. Dad babysits, too, when I go with Reg. Best nanny in the world.”
I envied Tian's closeness with her family. Then I thought about Peony and Armageddon, and Peter. And Mort. And once my cousins got back that winter from deep undercover work, my family circle would expand again. Maybe I wasn’t so alone after all.
My aunt saw the smile on my face, and I caught her and Tian exchanging a look. I wasn’t sure what they were up to, but I bet I wasn’t thinking about what they thought I was. And surely Peony didn’t believe the subject of love caused me to reminisce about Chas. Because that didn’t bring a smile to my face. Or hers.
The sun dimmed. Clouds moved in to block the light, casting us in shadow. I latched the cover of the hive I was working on and stood up. The day had lost its glow for me, and I wanted to go back inside.
My aunt placed her hand on my arm, pausing my flight. “Lia, are you okay?” She studied me intently. I think she was reading what I was beginning to think of as my darkness-balance meter. I was sure I showed more dark than light to her seer’s eyes.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to go up to my room and brood a while,” I said. There was no use trying to hide the plunge my heart had just taken.
My aunt touched my cheek as she nodded. I turned to Tian and begged her pardon, then hightailed it out of there. I hated crying in front of people. I think everyone at Castle Laurus had seen it happen three times over by then. But still. I could maintain a little decorum around Tian and the Irregulars.
That would be a refreshing change.
I stomped up the stairs, then closed and locked my bedroom door. I kicked off my work shoes, tossing myself face down on the bed as memories of Chas flooded my mind and pain gouged a hole in my chest.
Love sucks.
◆◆◆
I spent more time with the younger agents. Lucky for me, Seth and Harris turned out to be a lot of fun. They helped pull me out of my funky moods.
“Try to get out of that,” Harris said. He was swirling a web of Water, pulling it out of the ground to surround me. We were outside behind the storage rooms wandering around before lunch. There was only so much time I could spend moping in my bedroom. I met up with them near the kitchens on my way downstairs, but just a moment passed before Peony and Reg booted us outdoors. I was an apprentice, a new member of the Irregulars, and still under my probationary period, but Harris and Seth were full agents, and it annoyed them to be ejected from the room along with the kid.
The kid, of course, being me.
But once outside, they agreed to exchange spells. The brothers acted like they were offering me some kind of favor, a treat for the newbie. And that was cool as long as they didn’t muss my hair and make baby noises. Even though I had put up with worse in the past. Maybe that's why their condescension didn't bother me. That and I figured guys in their early twenties liked to feel they were way more experienced and powerful than a girl of seventeen.
And they were powerful and experienced, considering they were in the Irregulars and just ended their apprenticeships. But my magic and talents boosted me to an even higher level. Which had potential for a little fun. And I needed a distraction.
I threw up a standard shield between the Water and me. I really hated getting wet when I was wearing jeans. And I hadn't used my battle hairstyle that morning, so my chestnut hair practically floated around my shoulders, the humidity making it frizz. I didn’t think of myself as vain, but I couldn't stand looking like a mess on top of being condescended to.
Instead of trying to find a weakness in the Water mesh swirling around me, tightening and getting closer, I simply bolstered the Dark inside me, tapped into its power, and shoved outward.
The web of Water exploded into millions of drops, soaking the brothers.
“Holy cow, Lia. What the hell did you do?” Seth shouted. His eyes were wide with shock. He was also obviously impressed.
“That was freaking awesome!” Harris added. “You’ve been holding out on us.”
I laughed and casually adjusted my blouse. It had hitched up on me when I tugged my elbows in to keep them from getting knocked about by the Water spell and had exposed my belly button.
“I’m sorry. I guess I pushed a little too hard,” I said. Excitement coursed through me. I had just used my magic without a cohesive, clear image of the result I wanted inside my head. I sort of leaned into it and then unleashed the power. Like taking a deep breath and then blowing out as hard as I could. It was an extension, only a slight exaggeration, of what I naturally did. Maybe that meant I could figure out how to use my magic in such a way I could skip my imagination entirely. Or cut that part off. I especially wanted to avoid plunging the planet into darkness because I had a nightmare or was in a bad mood and forgot to put on my star necklace.
“Are you kidding?” Harris asked. “Seth was helping me control the Water spell with Air. You just blew our magic apart, and nobody but Ged has ever done that before.” Harris had a look in his eyes that made my cheeks flush.
Seth must have noticed because he stepped in front of his brother and winked. He was trying to connect with me, point out that there was something we felt together, turn my attention to him. An excellent flirting tactic.
I looked away. As far as I was concerned, I was already taken. “That was a cool Water-net. It’s not all that different from the Sand-stinger Reg showed me,” I said.
“Really? That’s interesting.” Harris used Earth and Water elements, so anything that had to do with the ground beneath our feet interested him.
“Actually, Reg also uses Air, and it’s a big part. I guess you guys could try that together, but I was wondering.” I stopped and studied them. They looked open and engaged, which meant they would probably help me experiment. “I know our light and dark factors are set when we ascend but have you thought about working on your elemental magic? I haven’t read a thing about it being impossible to expand element use after ascension, and I’ve come across a few passages in my historical texts that suggest you might be able to develop them at any time. It won’t be easy, but I think anything we can do to enhance our arsenal is worth trying.”
Seth and Harris exchanged a knowing glance. I wondered if my earnestness seemed comical to them. I cringed inside when I remembered how hard my classmates used to laugh at me when they felt I was taking things too seriously for them.
“You really think that will work?” Seth asked. He didn't look like he was about to mock me. I should have realized that Irregulars wouldn't make fun of somebody else. No, usually agents were the ones who were laughed at. At least, when they were young. We were all a bit quirky. “I’ve wished a million times I could toss in one or two more elements when working my spells. I’m not sure if it can be done, but I’m willing to try it.”
“Same here,” Harris interjected. “Which elements do you use?”
“Me? I brought all four of them with me during my ascension,” I explained. I left out I also used Light and Dark. They may be fellow agents, but I didn't have to give away all my secrets. “Otherwise, I'd experiment by myself. But since I already have them, I can’t see if any of the techniques would work or not. If you don’t mind, I can show you some info I’ve found. Come up with a routine or program or something. If that’s okay.”
“Cool,” Harris said. “I’m on board. I like partnering up with my brother, but if one of us gets knocked out, or we're separated, we can't work some of our spells. It’d be great to do them on our own.”
I nodded. Being able to rely on others was a good thing. But having to rely on them was dangerous.
“Ditto,” Seth agreed. “But we don't know how long we’ll
be here. Can we start this afternoon?”
Their quick agreement surprised me, but I was thrilled they were so eager. Some of their efforts might help me delve deeper into the nature of magic. Then I would be able to get into blood magic and see if there was a way to break a blood oath. Just in case Chas wanted out.
What was I thinking? Of course he did. He must be living in hell ever since he had to go back with his father, Oberon. A man who was the absolute worst of the worst. I really hoped I never had to see that man again. At least, not until I pried Chas out of his clutches.
Pushing that thought away, I turned to answer in the affirmative. I was happy to start immediately. Then Peony stuck her head around the back of the building where we were standing.
“There you are!” she called. “Come on in, we’re ready for lunch. Sorry about kicking you out. Reg had some highly sensitive information he needed to go over with us. Since Ged and Mort are out, I’m the one they report to. Scary, isn’t it? Letting Flighty Peony run the show?”
I shook my head and gave her a quick hug when I reached her side. “People are stupid,” I said, trying to reassure her, but Peony just laughed. I should have known the rumors and obnoxious names didn't hurt her feelings.
“Well, I can’t disagree with that,” she said. “Sometimes, they really are.”
We headed into the castle for lunch. As usual, there was a huge spread, and the guys attacked it like they hadn’t eaten in a month. I held back and let them at it. My appetite tended to fly away when I thought about Chas.
After a moment of deep depression, I decided to skip the main meal and made myself a sundae instead. My aunt raised her eyebrows at me, but I shrugged and dug in. Sometimes a girl needed ice cream in her life. And chocolate syrup.
And most especially whipped cream.
We were still eating when Mort showed up. I looked behind him for my uncle, but the doorway was empty.
“What happened?” Peony asked in a tense voice. I wasn’t scared until I turned and saw the look on her face.
“It’s Armageddon,” Mort said. “He’s gone.”
CHAPTER NINE
I'm Ashamed of Myself
I couldn’t sleep. I was too worried about my uncle. Peony and Mort wouldn't talk about what was going on, and I finally stomped off to my bedroom alone. Too bad Peter was on some stupid errand because I could have used a boost of Light.
My poor pillow would never be the same. I kept smacking it around and plumping it, hoping to get comfortable. I should have tried meditation and knocked myself out with a spell, but I was afraid news would come in the night, and I wouldn’t be able to wake up and respond when needed.
“Whatever,” I said out loud into my dark bedroom. I tossed my beleaguered pillow on the floor and got back up. I traded my pajama bottoms for sweats and pulled a hoodie on over my baggy t-shirt since the corridors were usually a tad chilly. I headed downstairs. I wasn’t hungry but a little chamomile-mint tea would do my nerves wonders. I hoped.
I was passing the arboretum in the center of the castle when I noticed there was a patch of darkness that wasn’t quite as deep as the rest on the opposite end from the practice dome. There had to be a light source somewhere in there. Curious, I decided to investigate.
Reaching out with my senses, I stepped into the shadows. There was a small light-crystal in use, made by my own company. Rector Enterprises produced so many light crystals they were almost literally a dime a dozen. Because each crystal was infused with my family’s spells, it was easy for me to latch onto their magic and find the location. I carefully stayed on the path to avoid trampling the smaller plants. My ears felt weird. Like they were seeking a sound, any sound, to help guide me through my near-blindness.
Then there it was. A sniffle and cough. My aunt’s voice was behind it, muffled and stuffy.
“Aunt Peony?” I called softly. I moved further into the garden, and the deeper I went, the fainter the darkness got until particles of light broke through the shadows. Then shapes. A tree. A bench. A crying woman.
“Oh,” I breathed, freezing in place. My aunt heard me, but I wanted to give her a chance to pull herself together before I stepped around the lavender and verbena.
“You can come out,” Peony said. I slipped over to the bench and sat down beside her. She took my hand and squeezed. “I came out here to be alone and clear my head, but I’m glad you’re here.”
I carried a handkerchief that belonged to Chas with me everywhere, so I tugged it out of my pocket and handed it to her. She gave me a watery smile and dabbed her eyes. She blew her nose on a tissue she pulled out of her pocket, and even though I was worried about her and loved her, I was still really glad she didn’t use my handkerchief for that.
“Can I help you?” I asked.
Peony patted my cheek and shook her head. “No, sweet. And I don’t want you to worry. Armageddon has disappeared before. I’ve been through this a few times.” Her voice hitched, and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt something else had gone wrong. Mort had never looked that worried or exhausted. And my aunt wasn’t acting like she had been through this before.
“I can help, you know.” Seers rarely received warnings about those close to them. We had to find another way to reach him. I cleared my throat and strengthened my voice. “I have a lot of power just sitting here inside me, waiting to turn me into a hero.”
Peony laughed. My heart lifted. “I know you do,” she said. “I promise, if I can figure out what to do, I’ll be happy to utilize your strength.”
“Good.” I smiled and folded the handkerchief into a damp square and stuffed it into my pocket after she handed it back. It was polite to keep a handkerchief once offered and then clean and press it before returning it. But my aunt was the one who bought it for Chas and knew I wouldn’t want to lose sight of it. I wasn’t ready for that yet.
"Speaking of which, how are your lessons with the other agents going?" Peony asked. I could tell she wanted to distract herself from her worries by focusing on me.
"I've learned a lot. I think I'm ready for the next level," I answered. But her seer's ears caught the lie in my words.
"What's wrong?" My aunt leaned closer so she could pat my arm to comfort me. And it worked. I even relaxed enough to blurt out the truth.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be a full agent. I’m always such a mess inside. How can I make choices for everyone else when I can’t figure out how to get my life to work right? How can I protect those I love when they don't stay?” Tears burned in my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them fall. I wanted to just sit and talk like an adult. So far, I hadn’t figured it out.
Peony gave my shoulder an abrupt shake. “None of that from you, sweetheart. You’ve just started your journey, and negativity can derail your progress. Don’t do that to yourself.”
“But I make so many mistakes.” The lump in my throat grew larger and cut off the rest of what I wanted to say.
“Nobody comes out of their ascension a fully formed magician. That’s why we have our apprenticeship years. And nobody has ever lived their life without loss. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you can’t blame yourself for somebody else’s choices. If Chas’s love had a flaw, it was his own and not yours. Eventually, you will see that, and it won’t hurt anymore. You'll make it through this and come out stronger on the other end.”
I leaned into my aunt, resting my head on her shoulder. She didn’t have Light to share the way Peter did, but I still felt the same warmth and care, the same lift in my heart. “I wish I were stronger. I wish I knew what to do.”
“You’ll figure it out. You will discover your plan, for your personal life, and as an agent. We all have a role to play, my dear, even if you have to climb a mountain of pain to get there. And I’m right here, giving you all the love I’ve got. You will make it. You can do this.”
My aunt spoke as if she were repeating a prophesy, with only truth in her words. But how could I believe them? How do I have faith in myself when the guy
I loved found it so easy to walk away? When I could damage and destroy with only a thought?
The love coming from Peony was almost tangible, wrapping around me, breaking through the darkness that always sought to drag me down. The moisture in my eyes dried, and I sat back up. I shouldn’t get so upset with Chas. She was right. I would find a way. “Do you really think I belong in the Irregulars?”
“Absolutely. I can see it. When the time comes, you’re not going to just do your job. You'll be brilliant.” My aunt gave me another hug.
That’s when I saw the small pile of tissues and two of my uncle’s handkerchiefs. They were damp and crumpled in a heap on the bench behind her. Peony must have been alone for a long time, crying silent tears so she wouldn’t worry the rest of us.
“Thanks, Aunt Peony.” I wasn’t sure what else to say.
“We should head inside,” my aunt suggested. She shook herself, lifted her chin, and stood. “I should get some sleep. It was after one in the morning when I came in here, and we may need to get up early. You should consider going to bed as well.”
Apprentices were under strict guidelines, but since we did so many spells at night, it was hard to make a rule about bedtimes. Peony would never directly tell me what to do. She respected me too much for that, and I reached my majority on my seventeenth birthday, anyway. She wouldn't send me to bed like a child.
I didn’t deserve her respect, though. I wasn’t a real adult if it hadn’t even occurred to me that my aunt would be so upset. I was too busy thinking about myself. How disgusting. “I will. I'll get my tea and then go back upstairs.”
“Okay, sweetheart. You have a good night. We’ll talk more about this tomorrow.” I could hear the faintest hesitation in her breath and realized she was still holding back tears. I nodded and let her go. If I hugged her for too long, she might cry again, and she wouldn’t want that. And I might start crying, myself.