by T J Kelly
Oh, well. I would think about that later. At the moment, I was too freaked out to decide what I really wanted, anyway.
Kamini showed us to our rooms. I doubted my magnanimous gesture of sending the two off together did either of them any good because Kamini’s lips didn’t look as swollen as mine felt. That or Peter wasn’t a good kisser.
Something inside me rejected that thought as soon as it occurred. No way. I knew it as well as I knew my own name that Peter would be amazing to kiss.
And that left me wondering why I was thinking about kissing him right after I just kissed Seth.
Man, I really was tired.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
I Find a Letter
I tossed and turned all night. Even though it might be too soon to get into a relationship with somebody new, it was too late to avoid thinking about it because I was pretty much already in one.
Besides, Seth was gorgeous, and a good kisser. Those were his upsides.
On the downside, he was four years older than me, and my uncle was probably going to kill him.
But since I jumped into it all hot and heavy, how would I step back and just drop it? That wouldn't be fair or very nice. Not that it mattered. I was under no obligation to move forward if I didn’t want to. But strangely enough, I did. So I would. Even if it was unexpected.
I punched my pillow a few more times and shoved those thoughts out of my head. I really, really needed sleep. I was going after my uncle soon, and I had to be strong. I did my best work when I was well-rested.
Sighing loudly, I took three big breaths and then forced my thought patterns into a meditative direction. It was a trick magicians learned while still in school. It helped on tough test days. The teachers wanted us to learn the knack because every working magician was occasionally faced with a disturbing situation and we needed enough sleep to stay on our toes.
The only drawback to meditative sleep was that sometimes I woke up so abruptly at the implanted time that it startled me. Like I was waking from a nightmare but couldn’t remember what it was. It wasn’t exactly comforting and seemed stupid that a sleep technique meant to promote inner peace left me feeling so freaked out.
Or, it could be that Seth and his amazing kisses were too much for my subconscious to figure out for me.
I got up and trudged to the shower. I had been thrilled to see that my assigned bedroom had a private bathroom. I was spoiled by my chambers at Castle Laurus and the rickety little half-bath downstairs just hadn’t cut it.
And I couldn't imagine accidentally meeting someone in the hallway on my way to a shared bathroom. The horror.
Was getting together with him really so bad, though? Seth was hot, and he was smart, and he liked me. He bought me apple juice when I was sick. He told me he had wanted to kiss me since we met. Another thrill of excitement shot through me at that thought. Surely I wouldn’t feel that way if I didn’t like him, too?
And I wasn’t taken or anything. I accepted that Chas and I were over somewhere on the road to save my uncle. It was time I moved on. And I felt so whole when Seth kissed me. He made the emptiness go away.
The image of how it looked when Chas rested his hand on Clarissa’s waist flashed across my mind, causing my lips to draw into a scowl as I gritted my teeth. I definitely didn’t owe him my loyalty. I scrubbed my hair a little too hard, angry at that memory the most.
After I rinsed off, I tugged my clothes out of the depths of my backpack and laid them out along the counter. I kept my towel wrapped around my body while I spent a few minutes cleaning them the way I cleaned Harris and Seth’s clothes the night before, except I swiped the natural strawberry scent in my shampoo and wove it into the fabric. By the time finished, there was a faint fresh scent of strawberries and sunshine, since I used Light to magic it in. Maybe, if the whole Irregulars thing didn’t work out, or Rector Enterprises failed, I could go into the laundry business.
Lightning fast clean and a signature scent of summer.
I snorted as I folded my clothing, gently pushing the pile into my backpack. I tugged on a pair of threadbare jeans that hugged my hips and showed off my belly button when I raised my arms and my t-shirt hitched up. It was a gray athletic shirt with a logo faded into illegibility on the front, leftover from one of my various high schools. I didn’t even remember the name anymore, but it didn’t matter. It was soft and pliable and comfortable. It also made me look killer. Kamini might have Peter’s attention, but I noticed Seth had been checking her out, too, and for better or worse, he was mine.
And I would make sure she knew it.
I used my tinted lip balm. It tasted like raspberry and highlighted my lips just enough to draw attention to them. I didn’t need any mascara because my lashes were naturally long and black (thank you, mother) and I skipped the eyeshadow. No need to look like I was trying - it would ruin the artless effect I wanted to pull off.
Then I plaited two small braids starting at my temples and tied them together behind my head to keep my long hair out of my face, like a headband. I could always put in my battle braids later - if I needed to. I had read in countless magazines that men loved natural, touchable hair, and I would use that to my advantage.
I slipped on white socks with my pink and white polka-dot tennis shoes. They were somewhat feminine, and I had learned during my many interactions with Harris and his brother that Seth thought girls should look like girls.
That probably meant he was a chauvinist at heart. I didn’t mind catering to him to attract his eye, but he better get used to that being the only girly thing about me. Not to mention, I was a stronger magician than he was. He needed to deal with that up front, too.
And that was that.
I made sure I packed all of my toiletries back into the carry sack and headed out. I was finally ready to face the day.
Nobody was downstairs. I snorted. They were all still asleep. Of course. I mean, I was looking really cute, and I only saw people when I looked like a disaster.
I shuffled off to the living room where we talked the night before and set my backpack down. I dug around until I found some of the magic books I had been dragging with me and decided it was as good a time as any to crack the code to allow me to weave indirect magic into my direct magic spells. It sounded crazy, but the enemy we were about to face could kill the magic around him. I wanted to confront David Novato with all the power in my arsenal. There was no way I would let that man beat me. It was time he realized that kidnapping my uncle was the biggest mistake of his life. Because Armageddon’s ward was going to take him down.
As soon as I figured out how.
It took two solid hours, but I did it. I finally found a method to piggyback indirect magic into my spells as long as I had the ingredients available. The key was to crush the herbs and elements in my hand while I was forming my direct magic spells. As a bonus, I even discovered a new method of amplifying meditative sleep so we wouldn’t have to stop and rest overnight anymore.
Satisfied, I stood up and stretched, trying to work out the kinks in my neck and back from hunching over the ancient books for such a long time. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, reaching up towards the ceiling. Although I hadn’t heard a sound, I knew when Seth entered the room. I could feel it.
My shirt had popped up a little from the waistband of my pants as I stretched. I smiled and opened my eyes, catching Seth’s gaze as I tugged his hands towards me to slide them around my exposed midsection. It was nerve-wracking being so bold, but I wanted to show that I was still interested in him and that his touch was welcome.
“Good morning,” Seth purred.
“I didn’t hear you come downstairs,” I said as I lowered my arms, my soft shirt sliding over Seth’s hands, hiding them from view. He tugged me towards him and looked down into my face for a long moment. I couldn’t keep the corners of my lips from moving upwards. It felt wonderful to have somebody find me that interesting again. I missed being the focus of somebody’s attention and my breath
caught in my throat in response to the look in Seth’s eyes.
“I’ll show you how to silence your steps,” he offered. Before I could ask for more details, he leaned forward and kissed me gently. Slowly. It was so different from the urgency the night before, but as a slow burn started in my stomach, I decided I liked it even better.
When we pulled apart, Seth had tangled his hands in my hair. He didn’t let go.
“Hi,” I said, like an idiot. Something about the way he was staring at me made my heart pound even harder than his kiss did.
One side of his mouth quirked up. “Hey,” he replied. Then he leaned towards me, and this time, I met him halfway. I was eager to feel his warm lips on mine again, and one tiny part of me wanted to avoid talking. I didn't know what to say, and a kiss was a good distraction.
Only seconds later, I heard somebody clear their throat. Seth and I broke apart. I turned to see Peter and Harris on the stairs, staring down at us. Harris looked exasperated, and Peter looked…
I wasn’t sure how Peter looked, actually. He turned to run back upstairs too quickly for me to tell. He held out his hand when he reached the last step, and Kamini was suddenly there, carrying a bundle of clothing. Peter took it from her, and that was when I realized she had taken care of his laundry for him.
Whatever.
Seth slipped his hands off my waist, which made me feel cold and lonely. Irritated that Kamini could throw me off my game like that, I plastered a friendly smile on my face and followed him over to the love seat where a few of my books still sat piled up where I had discarded them.
“Is anyone hungry?” Kamini asked brightly as she glided gracefully down the stairs. “I can make French Toast and omelets if you’d like.”
“That would be great,” Harris said. He seemed to be the only person in the room not preoccupied with something.
We sat around looking awkward while Kamini bustled off into the kitchen. Peter stuffed his clothes into his backpack and flopped onto the recliner.
“We should get closer to the volcano tonight and see if we can gather some intel before going in,” Peter said, launching right into making plans. I relaxed although I didn’t realize I had been so tense until then.
“Yeah, this guy’s been on a nocturnal schedule. We should hit him during the day. He’ll be tired,” Seth said. He put his arm around the back of the love seat again. I didn’t lean against him, but I was glad. The more we interacted, the less uncertain I would feel about it.
I just didn’t want to make everyone else feel uncomfortable. At least, that was probably why I felt so weird about it all. And I didn’t want to think too deeply about how I was feeling. Because I had more important things to think about. Like saving my uncle.
The darkness that was always with me crept closer to the surface, and my racing heart settled. Who knew my dark side could counteract my anxiety attacks?
“That’s what I thought. We’ll go in tomorrow. I think Ged’s waited long enough,” Peter replied. “Lia, if it's okay with you, I’d like to do another session without your necklace. The sooner you get used to monitoring your stray thoughts, the better.”
He didn’t mention the mistake I made before, but turning the park into a lava pit was still fresh on my mind. I never wanted something like that to happen again. The darkness inside me expanded a little, and it was enough to tip my near-balance into the negative.
“Sounds good.” I jumped up, trying to distract myself from the feelings of resentment and annoyance rising. None of the guys deserved to be the target of my internal upheaval. “Why don’t we head into the loft while Kamini makes breakfast? We can do some work before we eat.”
I always worked better on an empty stomach, and Peter readily agreed. I knew he remembered that about me. Peter remembered everything about me. That’s what made him such a great friend.
We headed upstairs while Seth and Harris bickered and teased each other. It was a little annoying, but it also reminded me of how they convinced a bully to leave me alone when I was barely fourteen, so in the end, their behavior caused me to smile.
“So, what’s up with you and Seth?” Peter asked. “I didn’t know the two of you were dating.” The loft was mostly unfurnished, but there were a couple of chairs, and his battle vest was laying across one of them. He shifted it out of the way, and I could tell by the streak of dirt on one side that Kamini hadn’t cleaned it for him.
“It’s kind of new,” I answered, acting casual. I had no idea how I really felt about it, much less how to talk about it. I held out my hand for the vest, and Peter handed it over. We both sat instead of getting to work. I listened for a moment to the muffled sounds of furniture rattling and realized that Seth and his brother were likely wrestling.
Honestly, you would think they were a couple of children the way they acted at times.
“I guess so,” Peter said. He had a laugh in his voice, and when I looked over at him, he was smiling. “I’m glad you’re moving on.”
I didn’t know why, but his comment annoyed me.
It was probably the darkness roiling inside me. I should have asked Peter for some of his Light for balance, but I stubbornly refused. I didn’t want help from somebody so eternally cheerful. It got to be annoying.
I shook his vest. “This needs to be cleaned, too,” I said.
“Yeah, I forgot to hand that over last night. Too tired, I guess. I can take care of it. I don’t need the house honey to do it for me.”
It was strange that Peter used that term. It wasn’t very nice, and I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to decide whether he was making a dig at me. I was sure he noticed I didn’t like Kamini much, so maybe he meant her.
“No, let me,” I said. “I did all the other ones, anyway. Besides, you can’t call on all the elements the way I can.”
Peter looked surprised. I think my annoyance and frustration showed. He probably thought I was mocking his magical abilities.
Guilt poured through me, bringing more darkness with it. I could tell I was on edge, but my annoyance kept me from speaking up. Besides, I didn’t want Peter to know I needed him that much. It made me feel weak that I couldn’t handle my magic on my own. Especially since I had been preparing to balance my dark half my entire life. If I couldn’t do it, I had no business being in charge of Rector Enterprises, and all of my enemies were right about me.
Peter stood. “True, you probably would have an easier time than me. Why don’t you take care of that while I check out my bedroom? I think I left my pencil box behind.”
Peter hurried down the hallway, and my shoulders slumped. I was a terrible person. And mean.
Really, really mean.
I slid onto my knees and spread Peter’s vest on the floor. One pocket crackled when I smoothed the fabric, trying to get it to lay flat. I could clean it even if there were something in there, but my mind was already muddled, and I was concerned I would accidentally remove the ink on the page along with the dirt on the vest in case it was important.
I unzipped the pocket and slipped a folded piece of paper out. I assumed it was a drawing. Peter may need to make marks to perform magic, but he was also an artist and sketched little drawings here and there on every random corner that was blank. He didn’t even notice he did that, but it was a part of who he was.
I looked to see if there was anything drawn on the page or if I could toss it in the trash when a word caught my eye.
Why was my name on Peter’s papers?
It took a second to realize it wasn’t his writing. It was familiar, and I studied the loops until I remembered it was my aunt’s handwriting.
I wasn’t holding sketch paper. I was holding Peony’s letter from when she told us not to return to the castle. The thing was, I didn’t remember my name being mentioned when Peter read it to us. Just that we shouldn’t come back because of the danger.
My name seemed to take on a life of its own, and my curiosity got the better of me. Since Peter shared the letter with us already, it
wasn’t like I was doing anything wrong while reviewing it.
Right?
Besides, if my name was on it, I should read it. Irregulars were supposed to gather information in any way possible, and this was directly about me. Jerking my head in a decisive nod, I unfolded the rest of the pages and skimmed the first part since I remembered it well.
I was halfway down the other side of the page when I saw my name again. I had to read it three times before the beating of my heart stopped distracting me from the meaning of the words.
“Peter, don’t read this next part to Lia,” I said under my breath. My aunt had written a secret to Peter, and I couldn't unsee it. I murmured the words out loud as I read them. “I don’t want her to know how badly Tian was hurt. She’s too fragile right now and already takes too much onto herself. Stay positive and keep her distracted. Don’t let her out of your sight and make sure you keep the darkness at bay. She’s clever and powerful, but it’s still too dangerous to return. I prefer you to remain at the safe-house, but if you decide to leave, find a way to protect her. If you find Ged and there is danger, she doen't have the experience she needs to temper her power. If she loses control and Ged gets hurt, I’m not sure what she’ll do.”
There was more, but I couldn’t read it. My hands were shaking the pages, and the pounding of my heart was making it impossible to focus my eyes, my vision jerking with every thump.
Fury filled me. I beat the top magical families to win my company back, and this was what they thought of me? That I was an out-of-control child? Talking about me behind my back, planning to keep me out of the fight?
A jolt of pain shot through me. The pounding in my head grew stronger as a pattern emerged.
Peter giving me his Light. His insistence on working on my control. Me confiding that I wasn’t sure I would ever be an Irregular. Him sticking to me like glue, taking care of me. Me losing control without my necklace.
Humiliation burned through me. Maybe they were right. Maybe I was a pathetic loser who screwed everything up. I tossed the letter aside and almost ripped the sturdy fabric of Peter’s battle vest with the violence of my magic. It was clean all right, but rumpled because I couldn’t control myself.