by K. C. Crowne
“Yes, yes, I need you,” she whimpered, her petite body writhing against me. “Fuck me, Kellen.”
The fighting earlier about my truck taking up two spots was long gone. It had turned into something more passionate and led us against the side of my truck, with her skirt raised up.
I lifted her into my arms until her lower half was aligned with me. Her legs wrapped around my waist and smashed my body into hers.
It was Heaven, pure and utter Heaven. I groaned as I filled her, as her tiny body held onto mine for dear life.
“What’s that noise?” I asked, stopping mid-thrust.
An obnoxious beeping sound pulled me from my sleep, followed by a message from the pilot.
“We’re approaching our destination and should be landing within the next half hour. We ask that you remain seated with your seatbelts fastened, tray tables secured, and your seat in an upright position.”
I glanced at the elderly woman beside me, who was giving me a weird look.
“Sorry, weird dream,” I muttered, sitting upright. I wasn’t sure if my moans had been loud enough for anyone to hear or not; hopefully I hadn’t muttered anything too graphic. There was a tightness in my jeans, making it uncomfortable to sit in the cramped airplane seat. I adjusted as best I could as the older woman stared me down.
She leaned over, her hand against my arm. “Whoever she is, she’s a lucky girl,” the woman whispered to me. She winked and turned to stare out the window, leaving me to my thoughts.
What a weird fucking dream, I thought. I didn’t even know the woman’s name, had only seen her the one time, and I was fantasizing about having sex with her. I mean, she was a hottie, don’t get me wrong. She was gorgeous. No wonder my brain concocted such an elaborate and realistic dream about her.
I pushed the dream from my mind and focused on getting off that plane as soon as possible. I hated everything about flying - from the security theater to being crammed into a big, metal tube like sardines. Being a big man, I made sure to book a first-class seat - I needed the extra leg room. Being 6’5”, however, meant that even in first class, there was very little room for my long legs. At least I wasn’t rubbing elbows with the woman beside me, which I often did in regular seats. I wasn’t just tall, but also broad.
As soon as the plane was on the ground, I hurried through the airport. I’d packed only a carry-on, so I made my way out of the airport and into the first cab I could find.
“Where to?” the driver asked.
I gave him the details for the hospital. No time to stop at a hotel or Alice’s home; I wanted to get to her first thing. Since she was obviously in labor, there were no voicemails or messages from her. Not like she had anyone else there to update me.
The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever, but once I was there, I hurried inside and made my way to the labor and delivery floor. I had no idea which room Alice was in, or if she was even out of delivery yet. I had no news and no idea where to go. So I started with the nurse’s station.
“I’m here for Alice Jenson,” I said.
The nurse typed Alice’s name into a computer, and she frowned.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
The nurse looked at me with a serious expression. “Are you the patient’s husband, I presume?”
I knew that hospitals couldn’t give patient details unless you were family, so I lied. “Yes, I am,” I said. “Is everything alright?”
“Just give me a second,” the nurse said, standing from the desk. “Her doctor can speak with you.”
My heart raced. This didn’t sound good at all. I calmed my nerves by reminding myself that I knew absolutely nothing about labor and delivery. Maybe this was normal. Maybe she was still in labor, and the doctor would get me prepped to join her. I’d witnessed childbirth before, but only a few times as an EMT. It was never someone I knew, and I could stand back and take a medical approach to it.
This was different.
This was personal.
An Asian woman in scrubs walked toward me after speaking to the nurse. She was dressed for surgery.
“Hello, I’m Dr. Lee,” the woman said, giving me a pleasant smile as she shook my hand. “And you’re Ms. Jenson’s husband? Boyfriend?”
“Yes,” I said rather bluntly. I hated lying, but I was the only family Alice had, and I needed to know what was going on. I didn’t bother to differentiate between boyfriend or husband; it didn’t matter. “I just want to know how she’s doing.”
“Well, she’s out of the operating room now,” Dr. Lee said. “The baby is doing fine, but we’ve run into a few problems regarding Ms. Jenson. She was rushed in for a C-section. Her blood pressure was rising rapidly. She’s being transferred to the ICU, but once she’s stable, we can let you visit her.”
I heard everything the doctor was saying, but it felt like a nightmare. It didn’t feel real. I knew Alice had some issues with her blood pressure, but I thought the doctors had it taken care of.
“Would you like to see the baby?” Dr. Lee said. “She’s healthy and doing great.”
I’d never been around babies before, at least not outside of my job. And I’d never held a newborn. The few times we’d delivered babies as EMTs, someone else always took control of the situation. They always held the child.
“Mr. Jenson?” Dr. Lee probed.
“Uh, sorry,” I said, shaking my head to clear it. “My name isn’t Jenson. It’s Mayberry. Kellen Mayberry.”
“I apologize,” Dr. Lee said. “I shouldn’t have assumed. But would you like to see your daughter?”
My daughter. Now that was an odd phrase to hear. Even though the child wasn’t mine, and it still felt odd to hear those words.
“Sure,” I said, knowing that if I wanted to play the part of Alice’s partner, I needed to go with the flow. Truthfully, I would have rather met the baby with Alice present - mainly so I wouldn’t have to worry about dropping her or doing something wrong - but since that couldn’t happen, I decided to go with it.
Besides, there’d be nurses there, others who could help me. And who said I had to hold her? I could just look at her through the glass.
I followed Dr. Lee, who handed me off to another nurse. This nurse was a bubbly blonde who wouldn’t stop yapping. She seemed to love her job working with babies.
“Your little girl is so darn cute,” the nurse said. “She’s just the tiniest little thing. And she already has so much hair. She looks like you, you know.”
“She does?” I stammered. It wasn’t possible for the child to look like me, and I assumed it was something the nurses said to all the new fathers.
“Of course,” the nurse said. “You can tell she’s yours!”
Yeah, okay, sure, I thought. I stifled a laugh as the nurse led me into the nursery. There was no glass separating me from the babies, and right away, panic set in.
“Here she is,” the nurse said. “Isn’t she just the cutest?”
The baby was tiny, much smaller than I expected. Though looking around, she seemed to be about average. The doctor had said she was healthy. She was asleep and looked so peaceful. Her hair was dark, just like Henry’s, and thick already.
Until that moment, I never knew you could love someone so quickly. My heart swelled and tears stung at my eyes.
“She’s beautiful,” I said.
“Would you like to hold her?” the nurse asked.
“Oh no, she’s sleeping. I couldn’t—”
But the universe seemed to have it out for me. As soon as I spoke those words, the little girl’s eyes opened, and she let out a pitiful whimper.
“Seems like she wants her daddy to me,” the nurse said, scooping the baby into her arms.
Before I could protest further, she placed the tiny infant in my arms. Thankfully she was there to help me, because I had no idea what I was doing or how to hold my arms, but she guided me until the baby was nestled into my massive arms. She looked so tiny and fragile against me.
“Isn’t
that precious,” the nurse said. “She stopped crying right away. She knows who you are.”
The baby no longer whimpered or fussed. She stared up at me with her eyes only opened the tiniest amount. Her face was wrinkled as if she was deep in thought, trying to figure out who the hell I was and why I was holding her.
“Do you have a name picked out for her?” the nurse asked.
“Matilda,” I said quietly. I knew the name Alice and Henry had chosen for their child; they’d talked about it often. She was named after both of their mother’s, both of whom had passed away before getting to meet their beautiful granddaughter. “Matilda Jane.”
“What a beautiful name,” the nurse cooed.
Matilda laid in my arms, calmer than I expected. I didn’t dare move a muscle, afraid I might drop her or break her. The nurse noticed my stiffness.
“It’s natural to be nervous as a new dad,” she said sweetly. “But trust me, you’re not going to break her. You’ll get the hang of it.”
I doubted that. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to being around something so small. Not that I’d have to.
“Do you know when I’ll be able to see Alice?” I asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the baby in my arms.
“Uh, let me check,” she said, moving toward the door.
I panicked. “No! Don’t leave,” I whispered. “I mean, here, help me put her back down.”
The nurse chuckled and came over, taking Matilda from my arms and placing her back in her bed. Another nurse was walking around, checking on all the babies. She was safe and in good hands. As hard as it was to leave her, I followed the nurse out of the room and down the hall to the nurse’s station.
“Do we have an update on Alice Jenson yet?” the nurse asked another woman.
They talked, and I listened. I found out that Alice was set up in her room and would be able to see her baby now. She would also be able to see me.
“She’s on the third floor,” I was told. I was instructed to talk to the nurse’s station on that floor to get a better idea of what was going on - as well as to find out where her room was located.
I hurried toward the elevator and made my way to the third floor, feeling anxious. I’d worked for years as an EMT and fireman, but hospitals made me nervous as hell - especially the ICU. It brought back too many memories.
Especially this hospital, where I’d said goodbye to my best friend, and I associated the ICU with death. But Alice was stable. She’d be fine. Just a minor blip.
When the elevator doors opened, I walked to the nurse’s station and told them I was there for Alice. A nurse named Eunice walked me to her room. The buzzing and beeping of machines was deafening, especially since everyone was so quiet. There was hardly anyone talking. While everyone was pretty cheery on the labor and delivery floor, it was much more solemn in the ICU, and with good reason.
Eunice led me to Alice’s room, which was really just a private area cordoned off with curtains. As soon as she pulled the curtains back, my heart dropped.
Alice was in the bed, awake, but she didn’t look good. She had an IV and oxygen, and while her eyes were open, she didn’t move at all.
As I walked slowly to the side of the bed, her eyes followed me. Her lips pulled back into a sort-of smile. “You made it,” she choked, her voice sounding sore.
“Of course I did,” I said, taking a seat beside her bed. “I told you I would, and I’m here.”
“You never let those you care about down,” she said wistfully.
I thought, Henry might disagree with you about that, but decided not to bring up her dead husband when she was clearly struggling.
“So what happened? Did the doctors say when you’ll get to go home?”
Alice’s eyes darkened. “They haven’t said, but Kellen, I don’t think I’m going home.”
“Come on, of course you will,” I said. “You have a little girl waiting for you too. She’s beautiful, by the way.”
“They said I can see her soon, but only for a few minutes,” Alice said weakly. “I only got to hold her for a second after birth before everything went dark.”
I looked around until I found the nurse call button and pressed it. It was high time Alice got to meet her baby girl. When Eunice came into the room, she looked as solemn and miserable as before. Her job couldn’t be easy, working with people who were in serious condition or on their death bed. Maybe bringing a baby into the mix would cheer us all up a bit.
“Yes?” Eunice said, her voice almost too soft to hear over the machines. “Can I help you?”
“She wants to see her baby,” I said.
“We’re waiting on Dr. Lee’s orders,” Eunice said.
“Then get Dr. Lee in here,” I said bluntly.
“I’ll tell her you want to speak with her,” Eunice said dryly and turned and walked out.
Alice asked, “Are they always that difficult?”
“Who?”
“Nurses,” she said. “I don’t remember them being so grumpy the last time we were here.”
A knot formed in my throat. The last time we were there, in this hospital in the ICU, we’d lost Henry. I didn’t remember the nurses or anyone else from that day. Only Henry.
“I don’t recall,” I muttered.
A few minutes later, Dr. Lee entered the room. We exchanged pleasantries, and I got right to the point. “When can she see her baby?”
“Soon,” Dr. Lee said, checking Alice’s vitals.
“What’s the holdup?” I asked.
“Well, to be honest, we’re worried that too much excitement could put stress on her heart.”
“On the baby’s?” I asked. “You said she was healthy.”
“The baby is healthy. I’m talking about the mother.”
I glanced at Alice, who didn’t seem surprised at all by this. “What’s going on here?” I asked. “What’s wrong with her?”
Dr. Lee pulled the other chair over to sit near me, facing both Alice and me as she spoke. Her voice was as solemn as Eunice’s earlier.
“Alice has an infection in her heart. We haven’t yet discovered how it got there, or why, and we didn’t catch it until after surgery. The c-section probably put more stress on it, causing her heart to enlarge. We’re treating the infection with antibiotics now, but she needs more time to recover. The medicine hasn’t had a chance to rid her body of the infection, and her heart is working extra hard just to function. Any extra excitement could pose a problem.”
Alice spoke louder and clearer than earlier. “I want to see my baby.”
“Ms. Jenson, I’m not sure that’s a—”
“You heard the woman,” I said matter-of-factly. “If she poses no threat to the baby, let her see her.”
“She poses no threat to the child, no, but her condition is very critical,” Dr. Lee said. “I don’t think either of you understand how serious this is.”
“I have a pretty good idea,” I said, running a hand over my thick beard. “I used to be a firefighter and EMT. While I’m no doctor, I know a thing or two about medicine.”
“I know how serious this is,” Alice said slowly. She let out a breath and started coughing. “I know I’m dying, and I just want the chance to see my little girl.”
My head turned so fast to Alice, I almost gave myself whiplash. “You’re not dying,” I stated.
“Kellen, I—”
“No,” I said firmly. “You have a little girl who needs you. You’re not fucking dying and that’s final.”
Alice’s heart monitor began beeping, causing Dr. Lee to rush to it. She frowned.
“See? Not letting her see her baby is causing more stress than if you just let her spend a few moments with her,” I said, my voice rising.
Dr. Lee looked at Alice with a serious look. She seemed to be weighing her options. “Okay,” she said. “But only for a few minutes. Any signs of distress, and we’ll send her away.”
“That’s fine,” Alice said. Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I just
want to see her.”
Dr. Lee nodded and left the room, leaving Alice and me alone. I didn’t dare bring up the idea that she was dying. She wasn’t going to die. She couldn’t. Life isn’t that fucking unfair to kill both her and Henry, leaving little Matilda with no one.
Alice wheezed and coughed more, but her heart rate returned to a more normal level. “Thank you,” she said, reaching for my hand. I gave her tiny, fragile hand a squeeze.
“Of course,” I said. “You’re going to be such a good mother, just wait and see.”
Alice’s cheeks were even wetter than before, and I wiped the tears away. I knew this couldn’t be easy; she felt so alone. I wasn’t much, but I’d be there for until she got better. I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Before Henry died, we wrote a will,” Alice said, her voice shaking. “In it, we chose guardians for Matilda in case anything ever happened to us.”
“I know,” I said. “You asked me to be her guardian.”
“Yes, and I know you don’t believe you’re up for the job, Kellen, but you’re the only person I trust with my daughter’s life if anything were to happen to me.”
“Nothing is going to happen to you, Alice,” I said.
I gave in and agreed, mainly because I knew they had no one else - and because at the time, I didn’t expect anything to happen to either of them, much less both of them. I assumed it was a technicality, something to set up just in case, but we all knew it would never come to that. Matilda would have both her parents, we assumed. Then the unthinkable happened, and my best friend died.
But Alice would make it. She had to.
Alice let out a sob, then composed herself. “Listen, Kellen, I just want you to promise me one thing. If something were to happen to me, take care of Matilda, please? Raise her as your own and give her a good life.”
“I said, nothing is going to—”
The cheerful nurse from upstairs came bustling in the door. “Here she is! Baby Matilda Jane!”
I finally read the nurse’s name tag. “Thank you, Paige,” I said, grateful for the interruption. I hoped that by seeing her daughter, it would cheer her up enough that she’d stop feeling anxious about dying.