Barb continued to a quaint restaurant where she ordered a cup of coffee and a sandwich. She would miss Lynette at lunch, but she needed time to think. She still wanted to get close to her, but was she too damaged? Too concerned with the past to look to a future of her own creation? Barb took her time finishing her coffee and watched people stroll past the window for a few minutes. Maybe she’d try one of the water parks. She didn’t take the first vacation in five years to spend it chasing a woman who wasn’t available. Maybe it would be best if she backed off and convinced her heart all Lynette could be was a new friend before she was in too deep. She left a tip and headed back to her room. She reviewed the pamphlet on the water park and dismissed it. She enjoyed the water if she was in a fishing boat, but sliding down a huge slide with screaming children didn’t sound appealing. She’d rather hike along the river and take photos of the rocks. Boring to many people, but she loved it. She ignored the idea that Lynette would probably love it, too.
She took her pile of brochures to her table in the dining area and considered her options.
“Hi there. I missed you at lunch.” Lynette stopped at Barb’s table.
“I went downtown to check things out. I ate at a little place next to the gift shop.”
“I know the place. It’s good.” She leaned close. “Is everything okay? Are we still going to the cave Saturday?”
“Absolutely. I’m looking forward to it.” Barb meant it. She liked Lynette and planned to see her while she was in the area, if it went any further than friendship or not. “Are you off after dinner? Can you stop for a cup of hot chocolate?”
“I’d like to. I can’t stay long. I have to let Starr out.”
“Great. I’ll see you later.” Barb finished her meal, contemplating the various things in her life and how people were so complicated. She waited for Lynette, still lost in thought.
“Ready?” Lynette asked.
“Yep.” She relaxed as they took the long route along the river. “What’s in the bag?” Barb pointed to Lynette’s hands.
“A couple leftover pieces of chocolate mousse cake.” Lynette grinned.
“Oh. Thanks!” Barb walked quickly until they got to the entrance to her side of the building. “Let’s take the stairs. It’ll counteract the effects of the extra cake.” Barb followed Lynette up the four flights, impressed with her physical condition.
Lynette laughed as she pulled out plastic forks and the cake while Barb made a cup of hot chocolate for them both. “I think it’ll take more than a few stairs, but it’s a good thing neither of us is overweight.” Lynette took a bite and swallowed before she set her fork down and turned to face her. “I’m glad you’re okay with the friend thing.”
Barb leaned back in her chair. “I’m grateful you’re able to be honest with me. I never want to push you into anything you’re not comfortable with.”
“I appreciate it. Some people wouldn’t be so understanding.”
“You told me you’ve been burned before and had things in your past. I’m not pressing you, but if you ever feel the need to talk about it, I’m a pretty good listener.” Barb didn’t expect Lynette to open up to her, but she figured she’d offer anyway.
“I’ve had two relationships that ended because my lovers had affairs. That pretty much soured me on ever trying again. I don’t have many friends, so I’d like to consider you one.” She took a deep breath and smiled.
“I think that sounds perfect. I look forward to a new friend in my life.” Barb took her hand and squeezed gently before letting it go. “Shall we check out the cave brochure?” She grabbed the whole pile she’d collected and spread them out on the small table between their chairs.
“It looks great,” Lynette said before taking a sip of her hot chocolate. “I’m really looking forward to it.”
“Me, too.” Barb checked her watch.
“I’m good for a little while yet unless you want me to leave.” Lynette grinned.
“No. I’m sorry. I can be overly protective sometimes. You’ll let me know when you have to leave.”
“I will.” Lynette smiled.
“I’ve only had two relationships also, but there was no infidelity. That would’ve been really hard for me to get over, too.” Barb’s heart hurt at her own memories. It must have been very painful for Lynette.
“I’ve been told that living through life’s tough lessons makes us stronger. Whatever that means,” she mumbled.
“I’m no expert, but I’ve come to believe that as long as I stay honest and true to myself, the people who come into my life will accept me for who I am and what I believe, or move on. I know that I can’t change anybody or force them to be who I want or need them to be. I can only accept them for who they are, and if they choose to be in my life, consider it a gift and a learning opportunity. Maybe it just boils down to having the ability to take care of ourselves no matter what life throws at us.”
“I admire your insight. I hope one day I’ll feel that confident.” Lynette finished her hot chocolate and stood. “Now, I better get going.”
“Thanks for joining me on my balcony. I enjoy your company. I’ll walk you to your car.”
Barb watched as Lynette pulled out of the parking lot. The evening had taken a positive turn when Lynette opened up to her about her previous lovers. She’d finally disclosed some personal information, and Barb recognized the struggle going on inside Lynette. Winning her trust was going to be a challenge Barb intended to take on. She stopped by the river on her way back to her room and settled in her chair with her latest romance novel to enjoy a world in which life was easy and predictable with a happy ending.
Chapter 18
Light filtered into Lynette’s bedroom window, and music from her clock radio blended with Starr’s sporadic whimpers. She took a deep breath, expelled it, and wrapped her arms around Starr next to her on the bed. “Hey, you. I need to get up.” Lynette released Starr and rose to take a shower. She washed her hair and stood under the hot spray. She leaned against the shower wall and allowed the feelings to surface that she usually worked so hard to suppress. Barb was sweet, gentle, and considerate. So opposite of Donna, who’d been self-centered and controlling. She’d been drawn to Donna because she could be who Donna wanted her to be and avoid the work of figuring herself out. It seemed easy until she realized she was suffocating, and Donna was off looking for others to conquer.
Lynette dressed, took Starr for a quick walk, and grabbed some cheese and an apple to eat on her way to work.
“Good morning.” Lynette spoke to Claudia as she quickly put on her smock and began setting up the omelet station.
“Morning. Wait up. You look frazzled.” Claudia followed her to the station and stood in her way.
“Sorry, Claudia. I’m fine. Running late this morning.” She wiped the table.
“Lynette. You’re not late. Take a breath, relax, we’re good here.”
Lynette looked at the empty dining area and realized she’d had an anxiety attack. This was the first one she’d had in over two years. She needed a recovery meeting. “Thanks, Claudia. I’m going to a meeting tonight,” Lynette whispered.
“Sounds like a good idea. Is there anything I can do?” Claudia spoke quietly.
“No, but thanks for asking. I’ll get the omelets this morning.”
“You might as well. You’ve pretty much got them started.” Claudia laughed and Lynette joined her.
Routine and consistency. That’s what made her feel better, and she had to remember that. She went to her station and fell into the regular pattern, and the anxiety slid to the background.
“Good morning.” Barb stood at the station holding her empty plate.
“Good morning. Same omelet?”
“Yes, please.”
“Can I stop by your table after the rush is over?”
Barb smiled, nodded, and continued to the bacon line. Lynette watched as she sat at her usual table. She didn’t regret her disclosure to her about her previous love
rs and she appreciated Barb’s response to offer her experience, but talking about her past brought up memories she wanted to squash.
Lynette finished cleaning and found Barb at her usual table cradling her coffee cup and watching the people out the window. “Are you doing okay?”
“I’m fine.” Barb reached for her hand and squeezed gently before releasing it.
“We’re still going to the cave tomorrow, aren’t we?”
“Absolutely. I’m looking forward to it. I hope you are, too.”
“I am.” Lynette felt most of her tension ease, and she looked forward to spending the time with Barb. She people-watched with her for a few minutes before going back to work.
“What’s the dessert tonight?” Lynette asked as she peeked over Claudia’s shoulder.
“Banana pudding.” Claudia turned to look at Lynette. “You look more settled than earlier.”
“I am.” Lynette loaded dishes into the dishwasher. It was true.
“She’s good for you.” Claudia stood watching her.
“What are you talking about? Who’s good for me?”
“Barb. You’re calmer and smile more after you spend time with her.” Claudia grinned. “My suggestion is to keep seeing her.”
Lynette stood staring at Claudia and evaluating her feelings like her therapist had taught her. Claudia was right. She felt grounded with Barb. But was it just the notion of having another friend? Or was it something more? Would it last beyond the moment Barb went back to her real life? She finished cleaning up the kitchen and started on the dining area. She double-checked her work, satisfied it was ready for the next morning, and left to get to her group meeting in time. She arrived in time to pour a cup of coffee and look for a seat.
“Hey, Paul.” Lynette sat next to the designated leader of the group. When the group started she was one of the newest members. Now she’d been out of the cult the second longest, but she doubted she’d ever feel truly free of the psychological damage it had done. This group helped her know she wasn’t alone. Others had made lives for themselves, and she could, too.
She sat quietly waiting until the room filled and everyone took a seat. The routine of it, the knowledge that it was a place of acceptance, relaxed her. She felt her shoulders release and she could breathe freely again. A young woman she’d never met sat across from her. She doubted she was out of her teens, and she recognized the hollow look in her eyes and the rigid posture. So many had endured worse than herself, and she was reminded of how far she’d come and about the reasons she was there. Encouraging new members did as much to help her as it did them. She smiled at the newcomer and was rewarded with a shy smile before the young woman ducked her head.
Paul leaned forward in his chair and rested his forearms on his knees before he spoke. “Welcome, everyone. This group has been meeting for years, and I want to encourage the new people to participate in the discussion as you’re able. Nobody has to talk if they don’t want to. Relax, listen, and share your experience only if you’re comfortable doing so.” He sat back in his chair. “I was fortunate enough to find a therapist that works with cult survivors, and I first came to this meeting six months after escaping from one of The Family cults. I’ve been out for seventeen years, but some days it still feels like yesterday. I have flashbacks and anxiety attacks, but fortunately, I’ve gotten to a place where I manage my suicidal thoughts. I’m telling all of you this because I’m here to say it does get better. It does get easier. So, if anyone feels like sharing their story or venting, know it’s safe here. Anything you say will never leave this room.”
Lynette indicated she wished to speak. “My name’s Lynette, and I want to confirm for the new people here today what Paul said is true. I was taken to a small religious cult by my parents when I was a kid and spent twelve years under the cult’s control until I escaped. Since I’ve been free, I’ve made a life for myself, but this week, I considered telling my story to someone other than my therapist and this group. I ended up changing my mind, but the experience threw me into an anxiety attack. I’m using my therapist and this group to help me find the strength to let someone care about me, but it’s scary and will take effort. But I think it’ll be worth it. My anxiety only lasted a short time. It used to last days. Just know, like Paul said, it does get better.”
Chapter 19
Barb waited in line for a table in the full dining room. She left her jacket on the chair to save herself a seat when she saw Claudia in the omelet line. “Hey, Claudia. Do we have something special on the menu today? It’s packed in here.”
“Nothing special. It’s the weather. We’re having a beautiful weekend for outdoor activity, so everyone came to enjoy it. The other hotels are full, too.” Claudia set Barb’s omelet on her plate and turned to the next person in line.
Barb didn’t see Lynette anywhere as she filled her plate with other breakfast food. She finished her meal and relaxed with her coffee to enjoy the variety of people in the room. There were more young couples than she’d seen through the week, and several children squirmed in their seats, probably anxious to get to the water park. She finished her coffee and went back to her room. She hoped Lynette hadn’t changed her mind about the cave tour, but she planned to go with or without her. She hadn’t asked Claudia if she knew where Lynette was. There could be several reasons she wasn’t here, and none of them were her business. She’d been enthusiastic about going to the cave with her, though, so she’d presume it was still the case. She took a walk by the river and stopped in the gift shop. She bought a coffee cup with a picture of the riverboat on it for her brother and a postcard to send to her chief. She settled on a bench to people-watch and enjoy the sunshine sparkle off the water. She mused about how boring many folks would consider this. She rarely concerned herself with what other people thought, but she cared about what Lynette thought. She’d grabbed her attention immediately and had become important to her. That had never happened so quickly with anyone before. Lynette would enjoy relaxing here by the river, and it was one of the things that drew Barb to her. She couldn’t imagine being with someone who didn’t love nature and all its wonder. She sighed, wondering why that thought even materialized. Lynette was a new friend with whom she could share the many things to do while she was here. Maybe they’d talk or text after she went home, although they’d probably eventually lose touch, as was the way with these things. The thought saddened her. She checked her watch and decided she’d have enough time to hike along the river before lunch.
Barb made a mental note to carry her camera whenever she left the hotel as she watched a pair of eagles soar above her and land amongst the rocks. She arrived back at the hotel in time for the lunch buffet.
“Hi, there.” Lynette looked rested. “I missed you at breakfast.”
“Yeah. I looked for you,” Barb said.
“I had what I call storage locker duty. We get canned goods and other supplies in bulk. It’s usually my job to put them away, so I spent the morning restocking shelves.”
“You look more relaxed today.”
“I am. I slept well, and I like the organizing it takes to work on the shelves.”
“Are we still on for the cave tour today?” Barb asked.
“Absolutely. I’m looking forward to it. Are you having lunch here?”
“Yes. I was going to claim my table while it’s still available. I can’t believe how many people are here this weekend. I’ll talk to you later.” Barb went to her table, placed her jacket on the chair, and headed to get food. She only lingered a few minutes when she was done and gave her table to someone waiting. She waited for Lynette at the door to the kitchen. “Hi there. I wanted to confirm what time we’re leaving.”
Lynette walked toward her, totally unaware of how sexy she was. “I’m off at three.”
“Okay. So the plan is to meet at the cave?” Barb asked.
“Would you like to go home with me?” Lynette blushed and shook her head. “I mean, to take Starr out. Before we go to the ca
ves.”
Barb hesitated for a moment, aware that Lynette was letting her in. “Sure. We can ride together to the cave. I’ll meet you back here at three.” She knew the temperature in the cave was a constant fifty degrees, so she changed into her hiking pants and shoes when she got to her room and set her jacket on the bed. She exchanged the SD card in her camera with a blank one and finished a cup of coffee before she headed back to the dining room.
It wasn’t quite three, so she lingered outside the door. The warmth of Lynette’s hand on her shoulder created yearning down to her toes. She turned to face her and instinctively rested her hands on her hips but somehow found the strength not to pull her into her arms. Barb watched Lynette’s eyes darken, and neither one moved. Barb took a shaky breath and stepped back. She needed to get herself under control. “We should probably get our tickets.”
Lynette nodded. “Yeah. That’s a good idea with all the people here this weekend, and then we can take care of Starr and come back.” She turned and began walking toward the ticket booth, and Barb followed.
The line for tickets was as long as Barb anticipated, and the only tickets left were for the five o’clock tour. She put the tickets in her hiking pants pocket and reflexively took Lynette’s hand when they walked to her car. “I’m glad you suggested getting tickets first. They probably would’ve been sold out later.”
“Yeah. We’re all set now.” Lynette slowly extracted her hand and pulled her car keys out of her pocket.
Lynette was quiet on the ride, and Barb hoped she hadn’t scared her. She didn’t consider holding hands too aggressive, but Lynette was different than anyone she’d ever dated and definitely wasn’t the touchy-feely type. She stepped out of the car when they arrived, followed Lynette into her apartment, and hoped for another opportunity to hold her hand.
Chapter 20
Lynette filled Starr’s bowl and leaned on the kitchen counter. She felt Barb standing behind her before she heard her.
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