Barb walked her to the door and held herself back from leaning in to kiss her good-bye. “Be careful driving. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She sighed when she closed the door behind her and reminded herself Lynette only wanted friendship. But she’d identified a need in herself during this vacation, and it wasn’t one she should ignore any longer. She was lonely, and it was time to do something about that.
Chapter 22
The evening with Barb had been relaxed and easy. Having an easy time alone with someone she was attracted to was a new experience. She’d worked hard in therapy, on learning to value herself and define her feelings. When Barb kissed her, she felt cared for, respected, and wanted. She decided to accept it and hold it in her heart. She often felt as if she were constantly redefining herself. As if the person she’d been as cult Sarah was still inside her. She wanted to be the free Lynette McCarthy, the most authentic version of herself. Free to choose the life she wanted. Free to love someone and be loved for who she was, without always looking over her shoulder or searching the shadows. She stuffed her ruminations away when she approached her carport and checked the area before getting out of her car. She got goose bumps at the feeling of being watched and rubbed at her arms. Surely she was just being silly. She brushed the feeling away. She’d figure things out one day at a time.
“I’m home, sweetie.” She laughed at Starr hopping with her front feet in the air, tail wagging, and her body quivering. Coming home to such enthusiasm helped calm her anxiety and gave her focus on something other than her issues. She put her new riverboat cup away and smiled at Barb’s thoughtfulness. She was right. It would always remind her of their first date. She worried about her growing feelings for Barb, but she questioned whether she had the strength to resist. She’d told her about Peter, her previous relationships, and the cult, and Barb still wanted to spend time with her, even date her while she was here. “How can I do that?” She spoke as she let Starr out and filled her food bowl before settling on her couch. An answer didn’t come but memories did. She hadn’t known what it meant when Ruth approached her one night after lights out. But the subsequent days and nights taught her their sexual encounters were natural for her. When Donna had asked her out, she knew what attraction was but hadn’t assimilated Sarah and Lynette before jumping into a committed relationship, and at the time it felt like it had nearly broken her. She sighed. At least she was able to have the memories now without crumbling into despair. She let Starr in and got ready for bed. She fell asleep thinking of Barb and hoping for pleasant dreams.
Lynette awoke the next morning at the jiggle of the bed as Starr jumped off. She frowned at the potted plant by the door that had been tipped over, spilling dirt everywhere. She’d always thought it was too heavy for the racoons to flip, but evidently not. She took the time to clean up and grimaced at the feeling of being watched again. She was getting paranoid. No one had called her aunt’s house again, and she never saw anyone lurking about. She finished her usual morning routine and headed to work.
“Good morning,” Claudia called from her position at one of the ovens.
“Hi, Claudia. What’s the special today?” Lynette asked as she put her purse away and put on her apron.
“I’m baking banana bread. What do you think about adding some chocolate chips to the recipe?”
“I’m all for chocolate. Always.”
“Okay if you take the omelet station again today?”
“Yep. I’m on it.” Lynette proceeded to set up her assigned area while checking out the dining area for Barb. She wasn’t at her usual table, but it was still early. She continued to prep for creating omelets.
“Good morning.” Barb stood a few feet away smiling.
“Morning.” Lynette set aside the pan she was holding. “You’re too early for an omelet.”
“I know. I wanted to see if you were here yet, just so I could see you smile before a line of other people want your attention. I’ll leave you to your job.” Barb filled a coffee cup and took it to her table.
Lynette felt Barb’s presence as she continued to make omelets. She thought back to the first time she’d met Donna. She’d approached her and pretty much told her she was going to go out with her. Lynette didn’t remember ever being asked. Everything was presumed by Donna, and she hadn’t known enough to question anything. When she thought of Barb, she smiled. She’d definitely let her know she was interested but never pushed. Barb had sensitivity to her needs and respect for her feelings. Lynette still had plenty to understand about relationships, but with Barb she sensed a tiny measure of trust trickling into her heart. She heated the pan and scrambled eggs as she watched Barb stride toward her.
“Still too early?” Barb asked.
Lynette slid Barb’s omelet onto a plate and handed it to her. “There. Now, go sit.” She grinned.
“Have a cup of coffee with me after breakfast?” Barb stood holding her plate.
“I’d like that.”
Lynette started to watch Barb walk away before she caught herself and turned back to making omelets for the guests in line. She worked steadily until the room began to empty and no new stragglers showed up. She checked her watch and began to clean up her station. She glanced at Barb’s table and wished she hadn’t. Barb smiled and winked, and she felt her stare explore her body. She turned and rushed to the kitchen.
“You okay?” Claudia asked.
“Yes. I’m fine. Why?” Lynette tried to calm her quivering belly.
“You looked flushed. Why don’t you sit for a minute?”
Claudia looked worried and Lynette cringed at her lie. “I’m okay. It’s probably from cooking a zillion omelets.” She smiled and hoped she looked more settled.
“All right, but take a break if you’re done.” Claudia turned back to the stove.
“Good idea. I’ll be in the dining area if you need me.”
“Where else?” Claudia grinned.
Lynette sat across from Barb and set a blueberry muffin in front of her. “To go with your coffee.” She relaxed in the chair and realized how natural it felt to do so. She felt no pretense from Barb. She didn’t try to impress anyone. She was who she was, and Lynette liked it.
“Thank you. Where’s yours?” Barb broke the muffin in half and offered half to her.
“I’m good. I had an omelet, bacon, and an English muffin already.” Lynette took a drink of her coffee.
“Yeah, so did I.” Barb chuckled.
“I’m looking forward to the boat trip tonight. Is that the brochure?” She looked at the photo and gaped. “This looks fantastic. I can’t believe I didn’t know about it.”
Barb smiled. “I know. I reacted the same way when I saw it. The shores of Lake Superior are spectacular, too, but this is breathtaking. I can’t wait to see it up close and photograph it.”
“Do you do a lot of photography?” Lynette never had a camera until her aunt gave her a digital one years ago. Maybe now she’d finally figure out how to use it.
“Not a lot, but I do love it. I usually think about capturing images of nature if I can, but I don’t carry my camera around with me at work. How about you? Do you have a camera?”
“I do, but I’ve only used it a few times.”
“Cool. Bring it tonight and we’ll get some great shots.”
Barb’s enthusiasm was contagious, and for the first time in her life, Lynette found herself looking forward to taking pictures.
Lynette met Barb outside of the hotel before walking to the boat dock with her. She carried her camera bag over her shoulder and pretended like she’d done it many times before.
“Wow. This is a big boat.” Lynette watched the people ahead of them board and take seats on the top deck.
“Are you okay with this? We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” Barb held her hand as they waited their turn.
“No, it’s fine. I don’t think I’d like to be crammed inside, but it’s open on top.” She checked for available seats as they climbed aboard. “Can
we sit on the outside over there?” She pointed to a row of seats on the outer edge.
“Looks great.” Barb led her through the crowd without letting go of her hand.
“Thanks.” Lynette relaxed and didn’t resist leaning on Barb for a moment before sitting up and taking in the view. She watched Barb point her camera at the crowd on the boat and noticed the view showed up on a screen. She pulled her camera out of her pocket, pushed the on button, and saw what was in front of her like Barb’s had. She held it up and moved it around, stunned at the view. She pushed the button to take a photo and waited. The screen went black, and she was sure she’d broken it until it showed what was in front of her again. She’d look in the camera’s handbook when she got home to find out how to retrieve the images. She pretended to know what she was doing and hoped she actually got pictures. She didn’t have an instruction manual, however, to figure out what she was doing with Barb.
Chapter 23
Barb watched Lynette fiddle with her camera like she’d never used it before. She saw her glance at her camera and seemed to figure things out. She was smart, and it was obvious she was used to learning on her own. Barb took several more shots of the shoreline as the boat traveled and relaxed to enjoy the ride. She slid her arm behind Lynette, who somewhere along the way leaned into her embrace and didn’t move away. She pointed to several rock formations and told Lynette how much they resembled the ones on Lake Superior. She hoped it might encourage her to visit after Barb went home.
Lynette turned toward her to speak and their lips were inches apart. “This is great.” She moved away slightly but lowered her eyes to her lips.
“It is.” Barb leaned away. There were way too many people on the boat for a public display. She wanted to kiss Lynette in private.
Lynette seemed to realize where they were and sat up and turned to point out a particularly interesting rock formation.
The two-hour tour went by too fast for Barb’s liking, but she joined in the lively conversation of the group and agreed it was well worth the fee. “Do you have to get right home, or can you stop for a cup of hot chocolate?” she asked.
Lynette looked at her watch. Starr should be okay for a little while. She surprised Barb by taking her hand as they walked back to the hotel.
“I’m glad you enjoyed tonight. I absolutely loved it.” Barb set a cup of hot chocolate next to Lynette.
“I loved it, too. Thank you, again for another fantastic date.” She smiled as she sipped her drink.
“My pleasure.” Barb set her cup on the table and gave in to her desire to kiss Lynette.
“Oh my,” Lynette murmured and set her cup down. “This is a bad idea.” She wove her hands in Barb’s hair and deepened the kiss.
Barb pulled away, stood, and gently drew Lynette to her to feel her whole body against hers while they kissed.
Lynette stepped away breathing hard. “That feels so right.” She stroked Barb’s cheek and moved another step away. “I better get home.”
“Yeah. Starr will be pacing unless she’s sitting with her legs crossed.” Barb smiled and gave Lynette a quick final kiss. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
“You don’t have to do that. I know the way.” Lynette smiled but held on to her hand and tugged her to the door.
Lynette didn’t pull away when she took her hand as they walked, and Lynette surprised Barb again by leaning in for another kiss before getting into her car. Lynette said it was a bad idea to get involved with her, but Barb sensed her conflict. She’d only been here for two weeks, but she felt their strong connection, and she believed Lynette felt it, too. She’d never been with such an intriguing, sweet, reserved woman before. It was endearing and it seemed to bring out every protective instinct she had. What she was going to do with all this when it was time to leave, she had no idea.
Barb got ready for bed and escaped into one of her romance novels for a while before turning out the light and going to sleep.
The next morning, Barb lost herself in the information she’d accessed on cults with her phone. There were several recovery groups, and the stigma and sense of shame many of the escapees encountered seemed unwarranted. It was fascinating on a research level, and deeply sad now that she knew someone who’d gone through it.
“Good morning.” Lynette set a blueberry muffin on Barb’s table and sat across from her.
“Morning. Thanks for the muffin. I didn’t see you earlier.”
“You looked like you were concentrating on your phone. I didn’t want to interrupt you.”
“Yeah, I was doing some research on cults.”
Lynette nodded slowly. “I’m not surprised. Cults are usually isolated and mysterious, so most people are unfamiliar with them and curious.”
It sounded like she was quoting from literature she’d read. “Does it bother you?”
“What? That you’re looking them up?”
“Yeah.” Barb watched Lynette closely. She didn’t want to upset her.
Lynette stared out the window for a moment before answering. “No. In fact, I’m glad you want to know about them. It was such a huge part of my life and it shaped who I am.” Lynette looked away and took a deep breath. “I’d like to tell you about all of it.” She looked at her watch. “After lunch on your balcony?” She smiled.
“Sounds perfect. I’ll have hot chocolate ready.” Barb relaxed and finished her muffin before leaving. The two-hour riverboat tour was great, and now she wanted to try the one-hour tour. She walked to the ticket booth and hesitated. Lynette would love to go with her. She decided she wouldn’t mind going twice if Lynette expressed interest in it. She’d always been fine doing things on her own, and now wasn’t the time to stop doing so just because she’d met someone interesting. She liked Lynette’s company, but she didn’t want to miss an opportunity to do something she enjoyed because she didn’t want to do it or wasn’t available. She’d never given up her independence before, and she wasn’t going to start now.
She spent the next hour awed by the beauty of nature. She took many more pictures and planned to pick out several shots to make into framed photos that her parents would love. She checked the time when she returned to her room and began sorting pictures. She worked for an hour and put her camera away before washing her hands and heading to the dining room.
“Hi there.” Barb selected a tuna sandwich from the stack.
“Hi. Did you have a nice morning?”
“I did, but I’m looking forward to you joining me after lunch.”
“See you later.” Lynette smiled and headed to the kitchen.
Barb continued her research over lunch, though much of it turned her stomach, and waited for Lynette. “Ready?’ she asked.
“Yes.”
Barb resisted taking Lynette’s hand as they walked to her room. She wanted Lynette to lead so she never felt like she didn’t have a choice. Lynette picked up her cup of hot chocolate and settled on the balcony.
“I’d love to hear about your experiences, but don’t feel like you have to tell me.” Barb stroked the top of Lynette’s hand. “You’ve already told me quite a bit.”
“All I’ve told you is that I was there and forced into marriage. There’s more. If it starts to bother me, I’ll stop. Okay?”
“It’s a deal.”
“When I first escaped I was terrified, and I didn’t want to tell anyone who I was or where I came from. I wouldn’t have survived if it hadn’t been for my aunt. I spent many days hiding in her house, reading and learning about the real world. And she spent hours teaching me about life. Sometimes I felt like I’d been dropped onto another planet.”
“I’m looking forward to meeting her. She sounds like a special lady.” Barb sat back and waited for Lynette to continue.
“I was born in a small town in southern Montana. My mom worked at the local grocery part-time, and my dad did whatever he could find. I remember him working in a coal mine for a short time, and he worked on a crew building roads somewhere near Billings.
Anyway, we never had much money, but my parents always said God would provide. They were incredibly religious but had no specific religion. They were constantly looking for the right fit, dragging me to one church or another, so when they heard about a revival meeting featuring Brother Matthew, they packed me up, and we spent three days listening to him preach. My parents were ecstatic. They’d finally found the spiritual leader they’d been looking for. For the next two years, three times a week they’d haul me to his meetings. The crowds grew each week, and by the time I was twelve, he had hundreds of followers and had found an abandoned compound in Idaho for our new home. I’d been home-schooled after my mom pulled me out of kindergarten when she found out the teacher was Native American. Mom claimed she was a heathen and couldn’t possibly know how to worship God.” Lynette let out a bitter laugh and took a sip from her cup.
“Are you okay? You don’t have to say more if it’s hard.”
“No. I’m fine. I hadn’t thought of all this for a long time. Once we got to the cult compound, there was a constant shift in authority. I didn’t know what was going on, but I remember feeling unsettled. My parents were determined to be as close to Brother Matthew as possible, and I was assigned to the kitchen and to caring for the younger kids. Like I said, I was home-schooled, so I knew how to read and write, and I knew a little history and math. I became the children’s teacher and caregiver. I hated it. I wanted, needed, my parents, but they were too busy ingratiating themselves with Brother Matthew to pay any attention to me.” Lynette’s clasped hands were white in her lap, and her gaze had taken on a faraway, pinched look.
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