‘Okay, first man, you’re up,’ she says.
With my eyes closed I can hear much more clearly. I hear kissing coming from Eva’s direction. I scrunch my eyes tightly shut under my blindfold, as though it might make my hearing better, to try and work out what’s going on. The thought of Freddie kissing Eva makes me feel sick with jealousy. I suppose she’s already kissed my real man, I don’t want her getting her claws into my fake one too.
‘Okay, onto the next girl,’ Ali instructs.
I don’t have long to feel nervous before I feel a pair of hands take hold of my shoulders and pull me close. As his lips meet mine a sense of familiarity washes over me. I’d know Daniel’s moves anywhere. As his beard brushes against my face and his hands firmly squeeze my shoulders, it feels like home. Like my favourite pair of snuggly pyjamas and my own, lovely bed… and yet it feels so wrong. It’s like something pretending to be something of mine – it might seem familiar, but it’s a copy of something I used to have. It only takes me a few seconds to adjust my body language to something unwelcoming, shrugging him off.
There’s one thing that’s bothering me more than how wrong the kiss felt, and that’s why he kissed me – he really kissed me. He kissed me like every single passionate kiss he’s ever given me over the four years we’ve been together. Why would he do that to me now, with his new girlfriend standing right next to us?
‘And the second boy,’ Ali prompts.
I know that was Daniel, so this has to be Freddie. I listen carefully for his kiss with Eva.
I hear a loud, overly exaggerated ‘mwah’ sound. Freddie is doling out pecks, which is a huge relief. Not only because I don’t want him to kiss Eva, but because, after I pecked him earlier, it kind of levels the playing field. I already know how the peck goes.
‘And the second girl,’ Ali says.
A few seconds go by, but nothing happens. I can hear every shallow breath I take, roaring in my ears, louder than the ocean lapping against the shore.
I feel someone… not physically, but I sense them moving into my personal space. It’s a bizarre feeling, being able to tell someone is so close to me, without actually touching them.
First his hands rest lightly on my cheeks. Then they slide slowly over my neck where his palms rest, his fingers lightly creeping up my head, getting lost in my hair. As his body moves towards mine, pressing softly against mine, it feels like an age before our lips finally meet. The peck I was expecting never comes. Instead, Freddie takes my bottom lip and sucks it lightly for a split second. As his mouth pulls away from mine, my lips find a mind of their own and follow his, as if they’re under some sort of spell. Our lips find each other again and we kiss – I mean, really kiss, and the fact that my eyes are covered makes it all the more intense. I run my hands up Freddie’s sides and across his bare back, which is still uncovered from the previous competition.
All of a sudden our kiss comes to a halt, as buckets of water cascade down over us. I can’t help but think about what a shame it is because I was really starting to get into this game.
30
I take off my blindfold but there’s no sign of my summer holiday anywhere.
As the rain lashes down on us it’s safe to say the storm everyone has been threatening has finally arrived.
‘I’m calling time, Freddie and Lila win,’ Ali shouts. ‘Night, all.’
Everyone runs off in the same direction, but Freddie stops me.
‘Let’s take the shortcut,’ he shouts over the hiss of the rain. ‘Through the trees, by the waterfall.’
I swallow hard before I can reply.
‘Okay,’ I blurt.
We hurry through the beach bar, towards the secret path that leads up to the villa. Hidden behind a wall of leaves is a secret gate, which Freddie ushers me through before leading the way.
It’s a particularly tricky balancing act, hurrying up this path, battling the rain, weaving in and out of trees in heels, and all the while being unable to think about anything but how Freddie just kissed me.
The kiss from Daniel was just awkward and confusing – can you imagine what Eva would say, if she knew? She’d be horrified. But the kiss from Freddie… did I just escalate the showmance, by giving him that peck on the lips? I wasn’t even doing it for the benefit of our audience (I don’t really know what I was thinking), but perhaps that made him think that I wanted to put on more of a show? But my God! What a show he put on! I know he’s an actor but… my God! The hands, the way he uses his lips, the flick of his tongue. However much they pay him to star in Edge of Eden, he’s worth it. Worth every penny.
I make conversation to distract myself.
‘Is this a safe shortcut?’ I ask. ‘In this weather?’
‘Of course,’ he replies. ‘I was here nearly two weeks before you arrived. I know this path like the back of my hand.’
‘Wow, two weeks?’
‘Yeah. Don’t worry, the lightning is still far away and at least the bigger trees shield us from the rain.’
I’m surprised how long Freddie is here for, given that he’s here solo. I was hoping he’d say more…
At the exact moment I hear a loud ripping sound I feel my body jolt to a stop. I fall forwards onto the ground, which is thankfully quite a soft landing.
‘Shit!’ I blurt, in that foul-mouthed way I often do when I slip up.
‘Lila!’ Freddie gets down on the floor to help me up. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine,’ I reply. ‘Just a little embarrassed.’
As Freddie helps me to my feet I hear that tearing sound again. By the time I’m on my feet I realise I’m standing there in my underwear. My strapless dress, having firmly snagged itself on a particularly sharp branch, has got stuck, torn, and as I’ve stood up, thanks to a lack of straps, it’s fallen to my ankles.
‘Make that a lot embarrassed,’ I correct myself. I don’t know what else to say, standing here, drenched in rain, in my mismatched pink bra and black knickers.
‘I turn my back on you for a minute and you’re naked.’ He laughs. ‘Why is it you’re always naked or flashing?’
I try to playfully shrug it off but the fact he has a point makes me feel even more embarrassed.
Freddie ushers me under the protective branches of one of the large trees.
‘I’ll get your dress for you,’ he insists.
‘Thank you,’ I reply. ‘I’d be mortified if anyone else saw me like this. I’d have a lot of explaining to do.’
I watch as Freddie tries to untangle my dress from the branch. He’s hunched over it, so soaking wet his hair is dripping down over his eyes. Eventually he hurries over with it.
‘I don’t think you can wear this,’ he says, holding it up to reveal a significant tear.
‘Oh no,’ I squeak. ‘That was my favourite sundress.’
Freddie looks at me for a moment. I notice a glimmer of something in his eye a split second before his dimples become more pronounced. Then he rips open his shirt, pinging off buttons in all directions.
‘That was my favourite shirt,’ he tells me with a playful shrug.
Then he takes off his trousers.
‘What are you doing?’ I laugh.
‘You said you’d be mortified if anyone saw you. Consider this… solidarity,’ he replies.
‘I feel like both of us in our underwear would take even more explaining.’
‘Well, at the very least I can create a distraction,’ he says. ‘Misdirection, while you run for cover.’
‘My hero,’ I joke.
The smell of the wet trees hits me like a train. I find myself distracted, watching droplets of water rolling over Freddie’s muscles as I back into the tree behind me.
‘Ouch,’ I say.
‘Be careful,’ Freddie insists, quickly stepping towards me to save me, lest I fall again. ‘Are you okay?’
And just like that we are in position, just like in the movie and just like in my dream. The perfect set pieces for a perfect play.
<
br /> ‘I’m…’ I start, but I don’t finish. There’s this tension between us, so thick we can hardly move in it. Neither of us moves away from the other. In fact, we grow closer by the second. It’s only a millimetre or two at a time, but it’s happening.
‘That kiss before,’ I start. I can’t help myself. All I can think about is kissing him again. ‘Was… was that because Daniel was watching? Was it just for show?’
‘Do you think it was for show?’ he asks me.
‘I, erm… well, yes.’
‘You don’t sound convinced,’ he says. ‘How about I kiss you now, with no one watching, and then you can make your own mind up about what’s real and what’s for show?’
I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. No witty remark, no self-deprecating joke. I’m speechless.
We snap together like north and south magnet poles; from head to toe every inch of our bodies touch. I don’t know how I’ll ever let go.
We kiss, just like before but with a difference. This time we kiss as if no one is watching. There’s a real urgency to it, as if the hunger I’ve had growing inside me is reciprocated. I feel Freddie has to have me just as much as I have to have him and that only turns me on more. He can have any girl he wants, genuinely. There are women (and probably even a few men) on the island who would leave their significant other in a heartbeat for him (I’ve known people hurt their partners over much less) – what the hell is he doing with me?
Reading my mind, Freddie stops.
‘Sorry,’ I apologise. I don’t know why or what for.
Freddie scoops me up in his arms and kisses me again for a few seconds to show me that it’s okay.
‘Let me take you back to the villa,’ he says.
‘I’d like that,’ I reply.
Freddie carries me up the path, safe in his arms. I’d say I’m in no danger of falling but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I think I am falling. I’m falling for Freddie.
31
Day 11
I wake with a jolt and puff air from my cheeks. I’ve been dreaming again and they’re getting raunchier and raunchier.
I wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands before running my fingers through my hair. In some places it’s still damp, in others the rainwater has caused it to triple in size. As soon as I remember the rain I remember the kiss – both of them.
Freddie is lying next to me in bed, completely naked. I look under the covers at my own body. Also naked. I didn’t dream it; we did get together last night.
I bite my lip as I relive every incredible moment of it. I’ve never been with anyone so attentive, so strong, so powerful yet so sensual. Never mind the thunder and lightning, the fireworks drowned it all out.
After watching that stupid movie, I don’t know why, but all my Freddie fantasies involved recreating scenes – I suppose that was all I had to go on. But he didn’t shag me against a tree or spank me or make me wear a leash and bark like a dog. He brought me back to his bed and somehow it was still like something out of a movie. I never knew great sex existed. I thought it was a myth being peddled to try to ensure the continuation of the human race.
When I lie back down on my pillow, Freddie wakes up.
As his eyes adjust to the light, his brain remembers what we did last night. I am so relieved when his eyes light up.
‘Good morning,’ he says.
‘Good morning,’ I reply. ‘Sleep well?’
‘Eventually,’ he replies with a smile. ‘You?’
‘Best night’s sleep I’ve had in ages,’ I admit.
‘We should retrace our steps,’ he suggests. ‘Work out what it might’ve been, that made you sleep so well.’
‘I think I have a good idea,’ I reply, running my hand from his chest slowly down his abdomen.
I feel emboldened by his interest in me. I’m not usually an instigator, unless I’m with a boyfriend and I know it’s a sure thing. But with Freddie I feel full of confidence – because he makes me feel as if I ought to be – but also intoxicated by the risk I’m taking.
‘Again?’ he jokes.
‘Again,’ I insist.
Freddie finds a surge of energy to jump on top of me. We’ve barely started kissing when we’re interrupted by a knock at the door.
‘Could it be Ali?’ Freddie asks.
‘I doubt it – she’d call,’ I reply.
Whoever it is knocks again.
‘I’ll go get rid of them,’ he insists, jumping out of bed, throwing on a dressing gown and heading downstairs.
‘Hurry back,’ I insist with my best attempt at ‘come to bed’ eyes.
I roll around in bed with joy. I can’t believe Freddie and I slept together. Even more surprising than that, suddenly I feel an overwhelming urge to write my book, just, y’know, after we do it again.
My phone vibrates on my bedside table. I open a text from Ali saying she’ll be round in ten minutes – we’re definitely going to need more than ten minutes. I’m just about to type a reply, buying us some more time, when I hear raised voices downstairs.
‘Freddie Bianchi,’ I hear an east coast American accent boom through the suite.
‘Marty,’ I hear him reply. ‘What are you doing here?’
Freddie’s voice is much harder to hear that Marty's – and I never did learn my lesson when it comes to listening in on other people’s conversations – so I creep across the bedroom to grab a dressing gown, my feet touching the floor as lightly as possible.
‘I’m here to take you home,’ Marty says.
‘I’m on vacation,’ Freddie points out. ‘I’m allowed to go on vacation.’
‘Sure you are,’ Marty replies. ‘But they have to come to an end. You can’t just go off, not tell me when you’re coming back, not answer my calls or my messages. So I’ve come to drag you back to reality, kicking and screaming if I have to. You’ve got to get back to real life now – I mean, come on, you don’t have to get back to real real life. Real real life is shit, working all day, going home to your wife and screaming kids who don’t appreciate you. You’re a movie star. You’re Freddie fucking Bianchi.’
This is honestly the worst pep talk I’ve ever heard, and Ali prepped me for my first bikini wax by telling me I’d die alone if I let things ‘grow over’ down there. I want to get a look at this guy, this loud, obnoxious person telling Freddie he has to leave.
I tiptoe down the stairs and peep into the living-room area. Marty is a middle-aged man with a middle-aged man’s belly trying to hide under a designer suit. He has thick salt-and-pepper hair with a pair of eyebrows to match that jump up and down as he makes his case.
He must feel my eyes burning into him. His turns his head and spots me lingering by the bottom of the stairs. He stops what he’s talking about and approaches me.
‘Ciao,’ he says, his American accent as strong as ever.
‘Hi,’ I reply.
‘Great, you speak English, that makes this easier,’ he says as he removes his wallet from his jacket. He removes a wad of dollars, which he hands me in two halves. ‘Okay, thank you for your time. This is for the night and this is for your discretion. You are free to go.’
I look down at the money in my hands and then I realise what’s happening. He thinks I’m a prostitute.
‘Marty, Marty, no,’ Freddie says as he hurries over, putting himself between us. ‘Come on, man, not again. This is Lila, we’re friends.’
I’m not going to worry about him referring to us as friends because it’s certainly a big step up from prostitute, but I am concerned about something.
‘Not again?’ I ask.
‘He’s done this before, marching into my apartment, trying to pay off the first woman he saw – it was my auntie who had come to visit.’
‘She found it funny,’ Marty says, holding his hands up, a big dumb grin on his face.
‘Right,’ I reply. ‘We just go nought to prostitute, then.’
‘He said he was taking a vacation. He wanted to figur
e out who he was or some shit – actors, you know? – so I figured, yeah, prostitutes.’
‘Well, that explains everything,’ I reply sarcastically, tightening my robe.
‘Sorry, Lila, this is my manager, Marty Caruso. Marty, this is Lila.’
‘Well, I know I can shake your hand now,’ he jokes, offering me his to shake. I do so reluctantly.
Freddie disappears for five seconds, ducking into the bathroom to put on a pair of shorts.
‘Can you come back later?’ Freddie asks Marty.
‘So you can give me the slip again? No chance.’
‘I went on vacation, I told you,’ Freddie stresses.
‘And now it’s time for the vacation to end and you to come back to LA and do your job. I got products I need you on Instagram with – got a couple of dates lined up for you to be spotted out with. Now is the time, Bianchi. Some other beefcake is going to come along and steal your money and your game and your girls.’
God, I hate this guy’s pep talks.
Thankfully, Freddie just laughs.
‘I can’t go home yet. We’re in the middle of a competition,’ Freddie tells him.
Marty looks back and forth between us.
‘Freddie, you know there’s that clause in your contract,’ Marty says cryptically. ‘You can’t be doing anything to… mess you up.’
Freddie’s eyes widen before he laughs uncomfortably.
‘I don’t know what you think we’re doing –in fact, I really, really don’t want to know – but it’s nothing like what you’re thinking. It’s a competition for couples staying on the island. It’s just fun stuff like answering questions and seeing who can hold their partner for the longest.’
‘That’s even worse!’ Marty insists. ‘Buddy, you can’t do this shit without me around to manage you. People have cameras and they’ll have their own interpretation of what you’re doing. We need to control the narrative.’
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