by T. S. Joyce
He stared down at her wrist, lifted it gently to his lips, and then did something that stunned her. He licked the bite. Not just once either. He stroked his tongue against it until it stopped bleeding completely, and then he pressed his lips gently to the tiny puncture wounds and let them linger there. She felt better. And after he did the same to her other bites, she had this drunk, happy sensation that had expanded from her middle outward.
“I like you,” she whispered, scared of the admission. Scared of the words, scared of opening up, scared of rejection, scared of his reaction. The more she learned of him and let him touch her, the harder she fell.
Her hands were shaking. He slid his palm to hers and intertwined their fingers. “I like you back.” A crooked smile stretched his lips, and the scarred half of his face lifted. “Even if you kicked my squirrel out of our house.”
Now, she didn’t know if he’d said our house to mean his and Genie’s house or not, but she couldn’t help her smile as she pretended he’d meant his and Karis’s house. Oh, she’d turned mushy, just imagining a life here, imagining him keeping her. And now, with every touch he gave her, she wanted this life a little more.
She should run. She should shut down on him and run away, run back to her life, and find someone who didn’t test her, push her, and ask too much of her heart.
But look at her? Karis leaned against his side and rested her cheek against his shoulder for comfort. Comfort? She shouldn’t need comfort from a man, and here she wasn’t even fighting this. God, how much of herself had she lost since this morning? Since she’d left home? Since she’d become a breeder? Since she’d hung on every word Colt had texted her over the past week?
Stupid hope was making her sentimental and now, when Colt left or pushed her out, she would get hurt again.
“Why are you crying?” Colt asked.
With a sniff, she composed herself. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay to feel, Karis. I mean, your tears are terrifying. When my sister cries, I just want to leave, but with you…I think you need to teach me what your tears mean. I don’t understand. Am I doing something wrong?”
“No. You’re doing something right. I think. I just had this plan, and you’re ruining it.”
Colt pulled her gently back to the mattress, then hugged her to his side, staring up at the exposed rafters above. “What plan?”
“This isn’t what I wanted. Or what I thought I wanted.” She swallowed hard, digging deep to find that bravery. “I wanted a friend who would raise cubs with me.”
“And that’s not what I am?”
“You’re making me feel more. You’re making us into more. You feel…risky.”
“Why risky?”
“Because you could leave.”
“Like your last man?”
“Yes.”
Colt blew out a sigh and stroked his fingers up and down her arm. “How about we make a deal?”
“What kind of deal?”
“You don’t make me pay for his mistakes, and I won’t leave. I’ll keep trying, even when you drive me nuts, or you kick my squirrel out of the house, or you leave the toilet lid down, or you overpack your suitcases on trips, or you suck at riding horses, or you and my sister fight over I dunno, make-up and hair curlers and shit, or when you make me listen to lovey-dovey songs in the truck, or any of it. I’ll keep trying to make this work, and you keep trying too, and that’s as good as it gets, right? When both people decide they want to be in it. When both people try. Then we’re like halves of this machine we’re building. If we both keep doing our job, we work. Can I tell you something?”
Her eyes were trying to leak again, and her voice cracked when she murmured, “You can tell me anything.”
“I wish I would’ve met you differently.”
Karis looked over at him and frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I wish I would’ve run into you at a coffee shop, and you would’ve spilled whatever frou-frou drink you ordered down the front of my jacket, and I would’ve laughed as you patted my chest with a pathetically small number of napkins, and then I would’ve thought, damn she’s so cute with her face all scrunched up and worried like that, and I would’ve asked for your number. And I wish I would’ve been able to take you out on a normal first date. I wish we hadn’t met as breeders because I have fears, too. I’m scared you’ll always see yourself as a breeder and wonder why I’m still here. Wonder if I’m in this because we signed a contract or because I really like you.” He rolled his head toward her, showing her his whole scarred cheek. “But when I said I liked you back? I meant it. You aren’t a breeder to me. That changed the second I saw you sitting in that plane, fire in your eyes, back straight, looking so different from any girl I’ve ever seen. Looking so damn beautiful. It changed when I got to touch your body in that old house, and you made me feel like I didn’t want to burn the place to the ground anymore. Now when I drive past it, I’ll see it as something different. That’s the first place I touched you, not just the Hell I grew up in. You come in and you fix things, Karis. You stuck up for yourself with Genie, and you told me exactly what you needed and you told me exactly what your tears are from, and that’s what I need. That’s what I like. I don’t want hints on how I’m supposed to behave, because I won’t understand them. You fit me. You’re scared I’ll leave and this will end. Well…I’m scared of that, too. I don’t want you to go, you terrifying woman. You said it down there, that I can make you leave in the morning. Hell, Karis, that was a knife in the gut. Those words? I wanted to be stubborn and let Genie back in on principle, but I couldn’t even get my boots to move toward the door.”
Karis giggled in relief and slid her hand over his chest and into the opening of his unzipped jacket. His heart was racing a million miles a minute.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Karis lifted her head up and listened harder.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
“What is that?” she asked.
“That would be the wishing squirrel wishing she was back inside the house. I do spoil her. I know I do. She’s a little cretin because I allowed her to be however she wanted to be.”
“Do you spoil her because you weren’t spoiled growing up?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. A full minute passed before he answered. “Maybe. I never thought about it before.”
“Don’t turn our cubs into spoiled brats,” she teased.
“Don’t worry, even if I did, you would just throw them out into a snow bank if they misbehave.”
Karis snorted and lobbed her leg over his hips. “You can be the yes parent, and I’ll be the no parent.”
“God, I’m going to suck at this.”
“You will not. You practically raised Ava, right? And she turned out okay.”
“She’s a mouthy human who chose to pair up with the gnarliest bear shifter in the known universe. She cusses too much and bullies everyone into doing whatever she wants us to do.”
“Like what?”
“Like holiday shit at holidays. We had to do the whole nine yards at Christmas. It was traumatizing.”
“Oh my gosh, don’t be a baby. She sounds amazing.”
“She has a pet reindeer. His name is Norman. He stabs me with his little nub antlers, and I’m pretty sure she trained him to do that.”
Karis had to bite back her laughter because he really did look serious and grumpy right now.
Had she ever been this instantly comfortable with a person before? She couldn’t recall anyone else who made her laugh this easily. Who she understood so well without really knowing them. Or maybe she did know him. Perhaps this was instinct, or perhaps she was just ready to settle down and he was the right place, right time. Or maybe…just maybe…it was more.
He began talking about all the chores he had to take care of around the ranch in the morning, and as she watched his lips move, she was struck by how normal this all felt. Lying in an unfamiliar bed with a stranger in an un
familiar house shouldn’t be like this. She shouldn’t be okay with him absently stroking his thumb against the sleeve of her sweater. She shouldn’t be kicking off her shoes like this was her bedroom. She shouldn’t have already memorized the exact tenor of his voice when he was happy, or upset.
Colton Dorset was single-handedly the most interesting and most terrifying man she’d ever met.
Chapter Eight
There was just something about snow. Karis could smell it, even from the loft, with all the windows and doors of Colton’s little cabin closed. Below, he was getting dressed and making coffee, filling the small house with the sounds and smells that would make up every morning from here on if she stayed. But she lay above, thinking about the white flakes that floated down just outside the loft window. Her polar bear loved the snow. She’d been happy as a little clam from the moment Colton had touched her body and convinced her heart to stay. And her happiness was making her bear want to celebrate. The bear was scratching for release. And Karis knew exactly what she would do. She would roll around in the cold white powder in utter joy because she thrived in cold like this.
Home.
Home.
Home.
Was this home?
The small bedroom was illuminated only by the first rays of sunrise, so everything was cast in gray hues. The ladder creaked as Colt climbed them, and his eyes went right to her the second he peaked over the ledge of the loft.
Colt laid down beside her and murmured against her neck, “I have to go, but I don’t want to.”
She giggled because he hadn’t shaved, and his whiskers tickled her sensitive skin. Cupping his cheek gently, she whispered, “Then don’t. Be a lazy ranch hand and spend all day in bed with me.”
“And do what, woman? You’ve drained me. My dick is gonna be shooting dust if I don’t get a break.”
Karis cracked up, and he made it worse, or perhaps better, by tickling her ribs.
“Needy woman,” he growled. “I barely got any sleep.”
“Sleeping is for quitters and suckers,” she said through her giggles.
“Yeah, well, I have a long day working with Trigger, who is a moody dick lately.”
She frowned and eased back a few inches. “Why? What’s wrong with him?”
“Besides the fact that he harbors a literal monster of a bear? We have our first trail ride next week, and he’s like ninety-four percent sure he is going to eat the tourists.”
“Uh, is that an actual concern for you?” she asked, feeling a lot-a-bit worried now.
“Meh. I’d say it’s only an eighty-two percent chance. Only fifty-percent for me.”
“Ha,” she laughed, but the noise faded in her throat because he didn’t seem to be joking.
“Why the hell are you setting up a trail riding business if both of you are dangerous to humans?”
“Ava is making us so we don’t lose the ranch. This is the Hail Mary.”
“Colt! Get your ass out here. We have shit to do!” a booming voice called from outside. Oh, that voice was full of gravel and a little bit terrifying.
“Gotta go.” Dressed warm for the day, Colt stood and put his cowboy hat on, then disappeared over the edge of the loft. He didn’t even take the stairs, just stepped off the side and landed with an echoing thud below.
Karis scrambled to the edge of the mattress and stared over the side. Colt glanced up at her, his bright gold eyes blazing, looking rugged and dangerous with all those scars. His smile tipped up bigger on one side. “Your hair looks so sexy right now.”
Karis had been clutching the blanket to her to cover up her naked body, but she released the soft comforter and patted the side of her hair. She laughed. It was a snarled-up mess. “I probably look like a disaster.”
“You look perfect. You look like you’ve been well-fucked. I’ll try to get away for lunch. Ava’s in the big house working today if you get lonely. Good luck with the squirrel.”
The door clicked closed behind him, and she was left with a big, dumb grin on her face. Lunch sounded nice. Genie had made her way to the top loft window and was sitting on the sill, staring at Karis with hatred swimming in her eyes.
That squirrel was a pill.
With a sigh, Karis scrambled from the bed, which was really just a comfy mattress on the ground, quickly made it, then turned to scramble down the stairs to get ready for the day and brush the tangles from her hair. Only when she made it to the ledge, her phone beeped with a text. And another. And another, and a bunch more, and what the heck was happening?
She had eighteen separate messages by the time she made it to her cell—all from Mom, Dad, and her bevy of overprotective brothers.
What the actual fuck, Karis?! You’re a breeder?
Call me back the second you’re alone.
Please tell me you haven’t signed a contract with a stranger.
She didn’t even get through reading them all when Mom called.
“Oh no,” she whispered, feeling sick. This was her nightmare, them finding out before she could properly explain Colton.
“Hello?” she answered.
“Karis Marie Dunway, please tell me the rumors are wrong!”
“Mom, I can explain—”
“So they aren’t?” Dad yelled in the background.
“Am I on speaker?”
“Yes!” a trio of masculine voices piped up.
“Mark, Wade, and Trevor came over when we got the news,” Mom explained.
“Okay, first off, where did you hear this? Everything is supposed to be done privately until we’re ready to talk about—”
“Jackson told us!” Dad yelled. “You left him to be a breeder? What is going on?”
The mention of her ex’s name was like a bomb going off in her chest. It was instant pain. “I—I—” How did she even respond to this?
“Spit it out, baby,” Mom said. “Why would you leave Jackson to do this…this…awful, degrading thing?”
The snap of anger made her find her voice real quick. “I didn’t leave him for this. He tricked me. He lied. I found out he can’t have babies, and he was never going to settle down with me. We’ve been split up for two months.”
“Good God, Karis!” Trevor griped in the background. “And you couldn’t tell any of us this? You had to go and advertise yourself as a breeder instead of leaning on your family?”
“I got paired up with someone who is very nice.”
“Don’t care,” Mark said. “He picked you out of a catalogue like some mail order bride. Fuck this. Mom’s right. It’s completely degrading.”
“I want a cub!”
“Listen—” Mom murmured.
“No, you listen. All of you. I’m grown. My biological clock is ticking, and I don’t have what you all have. I didn’t find a mate the old-fashioned way. What are my choices now? Start over? I was with Jackson for ten years, and he tricked me. He never proposed, he didn’t even like coming with me to family parties. He let me go to all of them knowing how silly I felt not having him by my side. Not having anyone by my side. I was with him, and I was completely alone at the same time. He betrayed me. He used me to make himself happy, knowing…knowing…he had no intention of trying to make me happy back.” A stupid, humiliating sob escaped her, and her shoulders sagged as she plopped down on the mattress. Twin tears raced down her cheeks, but she wiped them with the back of her hand roughly. “I got really hurt, and this is my chance to be with someone who can give me what I want without that risk of having my heart pulverized again. I’m just trying to get through my life right now, and it doesn’t matter what you say. I’m going to do what I want.” Breath hitching, she hung up the phone and squeezed her eyes tightly shut.
Shame. That’s what this awful, gnawing feeling was. It was shame. Shame heated her cheeks, and shame made her clench her fists, and shame made her panic. In a frenzy, she packed her suitcase. And when it was full, she jammed her knee onto the top and forced the zipper closed. Pissed that Jackson had ruined the mo
rning, that he’d ruined her life, that he’d ruined everything, Karis typed out a text to Jackson.
I don’t know how you found out I’m a breeder, but it’s horrible that you went to my family. After all you’ve done to hurt me, you took another shot at me? Thank you for showing me what love is not.
Send.
It’s like he had sensed her happiness. Like he had picked just when she was feeling okay to hurt her again. Telling her family? Before she could explain? He had made this so much worse than it was supposed to be.
A breeder. The way her family had said the word was like a knife in her gut.
Could she do this to them?
Could she really?
Her family now thought she was pathetic, and now their entire shifter community would find out because Jackson would make sure she was shamed into oblivion. That’s how he was. That’s how he fought. These were the types of tantrums he threw if something didn’t go his way.
If she had a tail, it would’ve been tucked firmly under her legs as she shimmied down the ladder with her suitcase. Was she going to throw up? She didn’t feel good.
In a rush, she pulled on her jacket as she bolted for the door. Out of her mind and spiraling, she shoved open the door and ducked just in time for Genie to go sailing over her head, eyes intent on Karis, little arms outstretched, mouth open, exposing those little mini-beaver teeth. The one-pound demon hit a column of the porch and held on, but before she could turn and attack again, Karis bellowed, “Stop!” Her bear’s roar scratched up her vocal chords until her throat hurt. Genie froze like the intelligent little critter she was and, good on her, because Karis was in the mood for squirrel stew right about now.
One of the wheels broke as she was dragging her suitcase down the stairs, and here came the waterworks again. Could anything just go right?
“Hey! Hi! Hello!” a girl with shoulder-length black curls called, waving her hand as she jogged toward her.
Nope. No. She couldn’t meet Ava right now. She felt like a total wreck and just wanted to walk herself to the nearest bus station.