by Jenn Vakey
It was moments like this that she really showed her age. Talking to her throughout the day, it was easy to forget that she was just a child. A scared little girl whose whole life had been completely changed overnight. Lowering her down on the bed beside me, I reached out and pulled the comforter over her. She sank down into the pillows and pulled the covers to her chin, her body shaking to the point that it actually vibrated the bed. Then I laid down next to her, waiting until she turned her back to me to put my arm around her and hold her. Making sure that she knew she was safe. That she would never really be alone.
“The Petersens are going to be really worried when they wake up and you're gone,” I said, although I didn't want to have to make her go back when she was frightened.
She shook her little head. “I listened. I left them a note saying I was coming here.”
I almost laughed at that. She really was a clever little thing.
“Do you want to tell me about your dream?” I asked.
She gave a little sniffle, then I felt the pillows shift as she nodded.
“We were here and the bad people came,” she said softly. “The Sentry from Eden, but they had abilities like the Tainted. They were using them to hurt everyone. They hurt Rhydian, and they hurt you. Then I was all alone. There wasn't anyone here to keep me safe.”
I kissed the back of her head and dropped down onto the pillow behind hers. “It was just a dream,” I told her. “We’re always going to be here to keep you safe. Everyone here in Alkwin will. No one's going to hurt you.”
She sniffled again, then snuggled down even further.
I felt like I was lying to her. That that's exactly what I would be doing if I left after getting Lillith back. And it left me feeling so torn. I didn't think that I could ever really be happy here. There were too many painful memories. But would I be selfish if I left, knowing that it would hurt Linley? That it would leave her scared?
Dammit, why couldn't things ever just be easy?
Only a few minutes passed before her breathing evened out as she fell back to sleep.
Moving as gently as I could so I didn't wake her, I slid off of the bed and walked around toward the door. I inched it open, looking back to make sure she was still asleep, then walked quietly across the hall. It was late, and I knew he was asleep. He wouldn't be happy if I failed to tell him, though. If he woke up before me and they told him about the note saying she was coming here. He would panic.
So I knocked softly, standing close to the door until I heard the subtle rustling of bedding.
Rhydian looked confused and half asleep when he opened the door to find me standing there. I could only imagine what was going through his mind. Especially with us having the first semi-normal conversation in weeks that morning. He probably feared that I had read into it and thought everything could go right back to the way it was.
“I have a visitor in my room,” I blurted out, keeping my voice low so I didn't wake anyone else up.
That look of confusion on his face warped quickly at my words. It wasn’t the relief I had been going for when I dispelled any notion that I was standing there for me. Instead, now he looked angry.
“What do you mean you have a visitor?” he asked, practically hissing the words out.
I stood there for a moment, too tired to hide my smile. I couldn't make myself apologize for the poor phrasing. Not even when I replayed what exactly I had said, what I could have meant by it.
There was that jealousy again, and I would be lying if I said I didn't like it.
I reached my right hand out for his as I turned, leading him behind me back toward my door. He squeezed my fingers that were hooked with his as we walked, which sent a wave of warmth through my body. It was a touch of affection that I hadn’t been expecting.
I stopped in the doorway, the soft light from the hall shining onto my bed. Rhydian stopped right behind me, so close that the fabric from his shirt was brushing against my back. A sigh that sounded suspiciously like one of relief sent hot air across the back of my neck and down my shoulders.
“What's she doing here?” he whispered.
“She had a nightmare,” I answered. “She couldn't find your room, so she came in here.”
He sighed again, this one more tired than the previous one. “I should get her back before they wake up and panic because she's gone.”
Though he said the words, Rhydian didn't move. He just kept standing there behind me, both of us watching the young princess sleep. His fingers still tangled with mine.
“She left a note,” I explained before he found the will to actually try to move her. “She just doesn't want to be alone. I don't mind.”
Linley’s little voice moved toward us, fear swimming through it as she talked in her sleep. “Don't leave me, Evran.”
He released my fingers and put his hands down on my arms for a brief moment, then moved past me into the room. I stepped in too, pressing the door closed behind me. I didn't want to take the chance that someone heard her using that name. It wouldn't take much after that for people to figure out who she was.
“It's okay, Myrah,” he said, leaning down and resting his hand on her head.
He looked up at me for a moment like he was debating something, then I watched as he lowered himself down on the bed to lay next to her.
My heart started to race, and I suddenly didn't know what I was supposed to do here. But then I reminded myself that this was my room. My bed. If he had a problem with me being in it, then he wouldn't have laid down. He could have just as easily taken her back to his room. So I walked on quiet feet back around to the other side and laid down myself.
“I want Leeya to stay,” Linley muttered as my weight shifted the mattress.
“Shhh,” I said, trying to ignore the fact that that just made this so much more awkward. Especially since I had been debating just that. Not that she could have known, or that whatever she was dreaming about was at all related. I didn't want my guilt to show where he could see it, though, so I focused on rubbing her back, lulling her into a deeper sleep.
“Thank you for making this easier for her,” Rhydian whispered, lowering his head down onto the pillow. Even through the dark I could see the sparkle of his eyes as he looked at me. I even let myself pretend for a moment they held that same glint they used to. Before.
“She’ll adjust,” I told him, dropping my head down too. “If it makes it easier, we could come up with a story about how I knew her in Eden. That way no one will question her spending time with us.”
As soon as I said it, I realized it wasn't something that would interest him. The idea would work in allowing her to spend time with me, but it would basically mean forcing him to be around me just so he could see his sister. Intruding on time that should be just theirs.
Rhydian didn't respond. He stared at me, his eyes working their way around my face. It was that same way he always looked at someone when he was trying to figure them out. Trying to understand the meaning behind the words. I almost groaned, knowing that he would take it wrong. Assuming that I was trying to push myself on him, while disguising it as concern for his sister.
I was about to tell him that it was a stupid idea when he picked his head up again and leaned toward me. His hand left where it was resting on Linley’s side and moved to my neck, pulling me to meet him.
I held my breath, unable to do anything more than watch him as the space between us closed. Afraid to move, to even let him see the way his warm fingers on my skin made me ache and crave more. Afraid to let myself hope that I wasn’t severely misreading his actions.
But I wasn’t.
His lips found mine with no trouble. It was nothing more than a quick brush at first, like he was testing the waters. The contact didn't fully break before he pushed in a little harder. His mouth worked slowly over mine, never trying to do anything more than that. A groan I couldn’t keep buried rumbled softly in my chest as my eyes drifted closed. In that moment, I didn't need anything more. Just the
feel of his lips massaging mine was enough to make me feel like I was going to explode into a thousand pieces.
For those few moments, everything bad I had been feeling was just gone. The pit the sorrow and guilt had built was filled with a warm light. One that stretched through every inch of my body, leaving my skin hot and tingly. I knew it would be back, that this didn't really mean anything, but I didn't care. I missed him, I missed this. I was going to enjoy it.
His lips lingered on mine for a few extra seconds when it was over. Then we both fell back to the bed in silence, staying there until we were asleep.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LEEYA
The sun had filled the room with a dim light when my eyes opened again. I was still on my side facing Rhydian, Linley sound asleep between us. He wasn't awake yet, and that was okay. It gave me time to savor the fact that we had somehow come together during the night, and we'd been sleeping holding hands.
There was something almost beautiful in seeing the two of them together like this. Linley was facing him, her little body snuggled up against his chest. His chin rested against her head, the arm belonging to the hand I now held draped over her.
They looked peaceful.
He woke up not long after I did. His thumb started gently moving over the side of my hand. Caressing it. Then he opened his eyes and we just looked at each other for a moment. Unsure what to say, or maybe too afraid to say anything at all.
Our gaze only broke when Linley let out a small snore, causing him to look down at his little sister and smirk.
“I better get her out of here before someone sees me leaving your room,” he said gently.
I nodded and sat up, although I still wasn’t ready to let go of this moment. Even though I knew I had to. Something told me that once we left this little bubble we had been pulled into, we would never find our way back here. “No one can say anything if she’s with you.”
But as I watched, that resolved settled over him again. One that told me without words that nothing had really changed.
I rubbed my face and stood, watching as he carefully got up and lifted her into his arms. Surprisingly, she didn't wake. That was probably for the best. How would we even explain this to her?
They had just reached the door when Rhydian stopped and turned to face me.
I braced myself, knowing what came next. That he was going to make sure there were no doubts about where things with us stood. To tell me that the kiss hadn’t meant anything, just like the last one hadn’t. To pull away again.
“Your mom was a Grower?” I nodded, though I didn't understand the relevance of the random question, or what it had to do with us. “Harlan and Alister were both Growers. You used to babysit her. That's how she knows you. She might not want a guard, but it’s wise to have someone trained close to her in the event that something happens.”
Well, that was the opposite of what I had been expecting.
I smiled and nodded, hiding my surprise that he had actually put thought into the suggestion. Not that I was at all disappointed. Especially if it both kept Linley safer and meant that I got to spend more time with her. I didn’t want to let myself read into it, for fear that I’d only ending up getting hurt, but it would mean getting to see him more too. Maybe that would be enough for me.
I also hadn’t missed the fact that he was trusting me to keep his sister safe. Trust.
With that thought, I reached around him and pulled open the door.
Despite the early hour, both Joury and Alister we're in the hall when we stepped out. Rhydian might have voiced a concern, but I wasn't really worried. I knew they would just assume I had gone to get him to help get Linley back where she belonged.
“What's going on?” Alister asked, quickly stepping into his pretend cousin role as he looked down at the sleeping child.
“She had a nightmare and snuck out,” Rhydian answered casually. “She saw Leeya's name on the door, and since she used to babysit her in Eden, Linley went in her room. I'll take her home.”
Alister looked confused, but he just nodded and watched as Rhydian carried his sleeping sister down the hall and out of the dorm.
I tried not to think about what had happened as I walked to breakfast with the others. Aarys was giving me a funny little smile that made me wonder if she had heard about Rhydian coming out of my room. With her room next to mine, there was also the possibility that she had heard me knock on his door in the middle of the night. I just pretended to be completely oblivious and listened to the conversations.
Like the day before, most of the talk was about the people coming in. A team would be going out to meet them at the archway after breakfast. I was hoping to be on it, but apparently my little stunt yesterday left Orson annoyed enough to deny the request. That was without him knowing the full extent of what happened.
“Is it always so exciting around here?” Alister asked from where he sat across from me.
I smirked and shook my head. “Thankfully no.”
If he had any questions about Rhydian’s explanation this morning, he wasn’t voicing them. Thankfully Joury wasn’t either. I didn’t want to give her a reason to be mad at me.
Thinking about it caused my eyes to instinctively move across the room to the table Rhydian usually ate at. He was sitting there talking with Orson, although his eyes flicked to mine, which made me question whether or not he had seen me look. Then he looked to Alister, the lightness in his expression tightening just slightly before he returned his attention to the conversation.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t take some pleasure in his obvious dislike for the situation. In the reaction he had given when he misconstrued what I was saying last night, and the relief he showed in learning the truth. I didn’t really know what it meant, nor what the kiss that he had given me meant.
I was certain that it didn’t mean that things were moving back toward the way they had been. If I was being completely honest, I didn’t think it was anything more than a way of slowly getting over all of that. Letting go of the lingering feelings that had been there.
After breakfast, I watched as the group got ready to go to the archway to meet our Hafan guests. It was larger than the ones that normally went. Rhydian was there, of course. As was Prestyn, Nevin, Aarys, and Jaron. The strongest fighters in our community. They weren’t taking any chances when it came to this. We needed their help if we were going to be able to get our people out of Eden, which meant making sure that there weren’t any problems with Sentry today.
I felt a little pang of resentment when I watched them go, but pushed it down and joined everyone else as they gathered in the yard. My eyes passed through the crowd, then I started moving to the side where I could see the children gathered up. Linley saw me approaching and a wide smile took over her face. She didn’t bother to say anything to Naiya, the woman watching them, before running toward me.
I caught Naiya’s concerned look, nodding that it was okay, then reached down to catch her as she flung herself into my arms.
“Are you feeling better today?” I asked, pushing the hair from her face.
She nodded. “Rhydian talked to me when he took me back this morning. He told me the same thing that you did. That you weren’t going to let anything happen to me.” Then she looked around, almost in a secretive way, and leaned in closer to whisper, “And he told me not to tell anyone that he was sleeping with us in your room.”
I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I didn’t know why I had thought she wouldn’t have known. All it would have taken was her waking up once during the night after we went to sleep to figure that out.
“His room is the one right across the hall from mine,” I told her. “Not that you should be sneaking out at night like that anymore. If something happened, no one would be awake to know. To keep you safe.”
She rolled her eyes, which left me confident that Rhydian had already told her the same thing.
“He’ll be back in a couple hours with the others,” I said,
giving her a fixed look. “I want you to stay with the other kids today. No wandering off. If you get frightened and want to be with one of us, just ask whoever’s watching you to send someone for us. He told you the new story?”
She smiled and nodded. “It’s a good one.”
Orson walked out in front of the community and everyone fell silent. As he told everyone about the new arrivals and impressed upon people his desire for things to run smoothly, Linley tilted her head again toward me.
“Rhydian said you don't like that he's your father,” she whispered.
I smirked. “Oh yeah?”
Linley nodded, resting her head against mine. I was met with the strong desire to ask what else he had said about me, but I couldn't. Not only was I unsure I actually wanted to know, but I didn't want to pull her into the middle of what was going on with us.
“He talked about you a lot,” she said, as if sensing where my thoughts had gone. “You’re one of the first people he told me about when I got here.”
Her words made my heart hurt. Things had been different back then. Before he had known what I’d done.
After Orson’s announcement, I left Linley with the rest of the children and went to the clinic for my morning hours. Noella had been working overtime creating a supply of our new tech items to send with the others when they left. She had also included instructions so they would be able to recreate the items they needed. I had first thought their camp would have been a more primitive version of ours. To be fair, that was also how I’d envisioned Alkwin. According to Noella, though, it wasn’t really much different than ours at all. That was good, especially if Lillith and I decided to go back with them.
“Hey,” Auggie said, sticking his head through the door as I counted out things to pack up. I looked over to see a big smirk on his face. “You want to go out to the border and see the group as they come in?”
Dropping what was in my hands, I turned without even giving it a second thought and moved toward the door. He knew that I wasn’t happy that I’d been left out. I had a feeling he still felt guilty about what had happened a few weeks ago when we went out together for a retrieval. When he reluctantly allowed me to go off in search of a missing mother while he came back to get the others. I was also certain that he had figured out that the only reason Rhydian hadn’t laid into him about the decision was because I’d asked him not to. Not that it would have been something Rhydian would ever admit to anyone. Apparently Linley was the only person he’d talked to about anything that related to me. Since then, though, Auggie had gone out of his way to try to make me happy.