It was obvious why I hadn’t seen anyone thinking about the expansion section. Megan was probably the only person in my unit with a reason to think about an unused area, and I’d been avoiding reading her mind because I found her so annoying.
“I remember that conversation, Lucas,” I said. “I was talking about the ridiculous number of rooms in my apartment. I made a joke about opening a door and discovering a beach. I assumed your comment about Megan arranging a miniature beach was a joke too, but you really meant it?”
Lucas nodded. “You never mentioned having a beach again, and I didn’t remind you about it because I was worried about the safety issues.”
“Yes,” said Adika anxiously. “I know you’re an excellent swimmer, Amber, but we couldn’t risk you going swimming alone on a private beach. You’d need someone imprinted for beach rescue to be on duty ready to …”
I held up a hand to stop him. “I only mentioned a beach as a joke,” I repeated. “I’ve been on an emergency run in the maintenance areas of the Level 67 beach. I saw how complicated the wave machinery was, I couldn’t demand even the tiniest beach for myself, and I’m perfectly content swimming in the Strike team’s swimming pool anyway.”
I paused. “If Megan could arrange for there to be a place here where animals and birds were happy, that would be wonderful. There’s no need to consult me about the design because it needs to be whatever is best for the animals and birds.”
“That’s very true,” said Buzz. “If they’re happy, then you’ll be happy too.”
“Could I really have a door that leads from here directly into my apartment?” I asked.
“Of course,” said Megan.
“I’ll want to do a security review of the plans,” said Adika pointedly, “but a door from here into Amber’s apartment would have the advantage of speeding up her response to emergency runs. The problem with her spending so much time in the park is that she has to run all the way across the unit to reach her apartment and get ready.”
I didn’t need telepathy to know the rest of us were all thinking the same thing. There was a short silence while we waited to see who would be the first to give in and say it. I wasn’t entirely surprised that it was Buzz.
“I hope that a faster response by Amber doesn’t mean more of the Strike team getting left behind,” she said, in an unnaturally innocent voice.
Adika gave her a withering look.
“I think that covers everything, so we can end the meeting now,” said Lucas hastily.
I took out my dataview to check the time, and wrinkled my nose. “I hadn’t realized it was so late in the day. I’ve been promising my mother a clothes shopping trip to the 500/5000 shopping area on Level 1 ever since I came out of Lottery. She won’t be working tomorrow, so if our unit is going to be in shutdown until tomorrow evening, then I must call her and make arrangements to go shopping.”
Lucas gave me a dubious look. “You’ve had an exhausting day, Amber. Are you sure that you want to go all the way to the 500/5000 shopping area tomorrow? I’ve always had the impression that you didn’t like clothes shopping.”
Lucas was right that I didn’t like clothes shopping. I particularly didn’t like going clothes shopping with my mother. I’d already arranged and cancelled this trip a dozen times though.
“I really must take this chance to keep my promise to my mother,” I said. “Besides, I desperately need to buy myself a dress to wear for the New Year festival.”
Adika nodded acceptance. “I’ll arrange for a group of bodyguards to escort you on your shopping trip.”
Adika and Megan turned and headed off up the ramp, followed by Nicole in her powered chair. Buzz started walking after them, but I called after her.
“Buzz!”
She came back and smiled at Lucas and me. “Yes?”
I studied her thoughtfully. The first time I met Buzz, she’d had her hair in a thick mass of black curls that clustered around her dark face, and was wearing a low level skirt and top to help Level 93 patients relax and talk to her. The second time, her hairstyle had been severely formal, and she’d been wearing an Emergency Services uniform. Right now, her hair was floating cloudlike around her head, and she was wearing a dress in her favourite bright red.
I must have seen Buzz dressed in dozens of different ways by now, depending on exactly what effect she wanted to create in the people who saw her. Whatever Buzz wore though, she always looked stunning. If anyone could help me find a dress that would make me look good, it was her.
“Would you mind coming along on the shopping trip to help me choose a New Year festival dress?”
Buzz clapped her hands together. “I’d adore helping you, Amber. Do you have any particular dress styles or colours in mind?”
“I’ve absolutely no idea what I want. My mother will probably make some suggestions, but …” I let the sentence trail off, unwilling to say anything rude about my mother.
“But you loathed the dresses your mother bought you when you were a child,” said Buzz.
I stared at her. “How do you know that?”
Buzz laughed. “From the moment I joined this unit, I’ve been aware that you had a hatred of dresses, Amber. Whenever possible, you wear a higher level version of the leggings and tops you wore on Teen Level. If you feel the need to look more formal, then you wear a onesuit, though you seem horribly uncomfortable in them.”
“That’s true,” I admitted. “It’s something about the collars and the rigid tailoring.”
“You’d still rather wear a onesuit than dresses and skirts though.” Buzz sighed. “After all the problems you’d had with Megan counselling you, we agreed that I’d never push you into discussing anything until you raised the subject yourself. That stopped me from discussing the clothes issue with you until now, but I couldn’t help thinking about it.”
She shrugged. “I’ve seen both your parents on their visits to the unit, and you strongly resemble your father rather than your mother. I guessed that your dress aversion was the result of your mother dressing you in clothes that would look perfect on her but were dreadfully unflattering on you. I’ve noticed she loves tightly tailored dresses in shades of orange and russet brown. Preferably with ornate gold trimmings as well.”
“That’s right,” I said gloomily.
“As I said, those are clothes that look perfect on your mother,” said Buzz. “They’re totally wrong for you though. I’m sure you meekly accepted her choice of clothes as a child rather than arguing, because you hate having conflicts with people you care about, but now you want to buy some clothes that are right for you rather than her.”
Buzz gave me an assessing look. “The only time I’ve seen you looking truly happy in a dress was after the emergency run on the Level 67 beach.”
I was startled. “Yes. We all had to buy clothes to fit in with the crowds on the beach. There weren’t many that would fit me and hide my body armour, so I ended up buying a dress I’d never normally have considered, but somehow … Well, you’re right. That’s the only dress I’ve ever liked wearing, but I can’t wear a low level beach dress for the New Year festival celebrations.”
“You like wearing your beach dress because it’s ideal for your figure, and has the bright colours that look glorious with your dark-brown hair,” said Buzz. “Here in your unit, you can wear whatever you want, but New Year is the Hive festival for families. You’ll want to follow tradition by celebrating the festival with your parents and brother on Level 27.”
She smiled. “I know you won’t want to disappoint your mother by wearing a low level beach dress. That means we need to find you a proper festival dress with the same informal style and bright colours. Make sure you bring the beach dress along on the shopping trip, so we know exactly what we’re looking for.”
Buzz turned to look at Lucas. “I know you aren’t in touch with either of your parents, Lucas. Am I right in assuming you’ll be spending the New Year festival with Amber and her family?”
&nb
sp; Lucas had been standing listening to our conversation with the distant expression that meant he was busily analyzing something. He was caught completely off guard by Buzz’s question, and gave her a panicky look.
“I’d like to spend the New Year festival with Amber and her family, but I don’t know whether I will or not. I haven’t had a specific invitation from Amber or her parents yet.”
I blinked at him in disbelief. Lucas was my partner. We shared an apartment. I slept in his arms every night. How could he think that he wouldn’t be invited to celebrate the New Year festival with my family and me?
But the answer to that question was obvious. Lucas was deeply insecure about relationships. He’d been an unwanted child. His father had left when he was six years old, and his mother broke off contact just after he moved to Teen Level. After so much rejection, some deep part of him would always expect to be rejected again.
I touched his thoughts to find out what I should say to reassure him, and found the glittering levels of thought had fragmented under an onslaught of churning emotion. The dark waves of pain were coming from deep in the unconscious levels of his mind, so there were no words at all among them.
“We’ll definitely be celebrating the New Year festival together, Lucas,” I said firmly. “I’d like to be with my family as well, but if it comes to a choice between them and you – if they don’t invite you, or you’d find it difficult to celebrate the festival with them – then I will choose to be with you.”
The dark waves of pain faded from Lucas’s shining mind. I would have said more if we’d been alone rather than with Buzz, but those words could be added later. I’d told Lucas all he really needed to hear.
“In that case, you’ll have to come shopping with us, Lucas,” said Buzz briskly.
“I will?” Lucas gave her a dazed look. “I don’t think I’ll be much help with choosing dresses. I don’t spend much time clothes shopping.”
Buzz gave him a pitying look. “The entire unit knows that you don’t spend much time clothes shopping, Lucas. When you’re relaxing, you wear your worn-out clothes from when you lived on Teen Level. When you’re acting as Tactical Commander, you wear a set of simple classic outfits in neutral grey or blue. Who was it who bought those for you?”
Lucas blushed. “My old boss, Keith’s Tactical Commander, Gaius. When I got the chance to become Amber’s Tactical Commander, Gaius said that nobody would have any confidence in me as a Tactical Commander if I kept wearing Teen Level clothes, and took me on a shopping trip.”
“Gaius has excellent taste and sense,” said Buzz. “He chose clothes that are suitable for your role, but a simple enough style that you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable in them. You can’t wear one of your standard outfits to spend the New Year festival with Amber though. You need to come shopping with us and get a proper festival outfit that complements her chosen dress.”
“Oh,” said Lucas. “Well, if that’s what Amber wants …”
“It is what Amber wants,” said Buzz imperiously. “We’ll take Eli along on the trip as well.”
“I think Adika will want to choose my bodyguards himself,” I said hastily.
Buzz shook her head. “Eli won’t be coming along as a bodyguard. His job will be to distract Amber’s mother whenever she tries to interfere with Amber’s choice of dress.”
I laughed. I was feeling far more hopeful about this shopping trip now. I remembered the random mind I’d read back in area 500/2500. That person had been looking at a display of New Year festival dresses in jewelled colours. Perhaps we could find a shop with similar dresses in the 500/5000 shopping area and …
I had a far better idea. Lucas was right about this being an exhausting day. If I could persuade my mother that the Level 1 shops at the centre point of Orange Zone were virtually as good as those at the centre point of the whole Hive, then I could go back to area 500/2500 tomorrow and look at those festival dresses in person.
Chapter Nine
When Lucas and I arrived back in our apartment, Lucas flopped down on one of the couches in the living room with a dramatic groan and a wide-armed gesture of exhaustion.
I sat down next to him. “Why did Megan behave so strangely when I asked about Keith’s expansion section?”
“I think she was worried that Adika would make jokes about it.”
“Make jokes? What’s funny about Keith having a giant bookette room?”
“The jokes aren’t about the bookette room itself,” said Lucas cautiously. “They’re about the bookettes that Keith plays there. He’s perfectly open about the fact he keeps everyone away from his expansion section because he enjoys playing bookettes with extremely … intimate content.”
“Oh.” I blushed. “I hope you don’t mind Buzz making you go on the shopping trip to get a festival …”
I let my words trail off into nothing, because a dreadful thought had hit me. I’d been assuming I’d be able to follow tradition by celebrating the New Year festival with my parents and brother on Level 27, but …
Lucas frowned at me. “Something just frightened you, Amber. What’s wrong?”
“We won’t be working for the whole of the New Year festival, will we?” I asked anxiously. “If I don’t spend some time with my family then, they’ll think I’ve decided to abandon them now that I’m Level 1.”
“There’s no need to worry about that,” said Lucas soothingly. “There’s a standard arrangement that a new Telepath Unit shuts down for the festival.”
I gave him a disbelieving look. “Seriously? We’re really allowed to shut down for the whole festival?”
“We aren’t just allowed to do it,” said Lucas. “We must do it to ensure that our unit remains operational. Most of the unit staff came out of Lottery with you, Amber, and a number are struggling with major family problems.”
Lucas put his arm around me. “The first year after Lottery is a period of massive adjustments in family relationships. Even if someone’s result is virtually identical in level to their parents, there’s still the change between being a poverty-stricken teen living in one room on Teen Level, and being a productive adult member of the Hive with a proper income and apartment.”
He sighed. “In most cases, there will be a level gap between the new adult and their parents though. The larger that gap, the greater the strain of the family adjustment. Even the team member positions on Strike, Tactical, and Liaison teams are Level 1. Your parents are Level 27, which is a significant level gap, but there are people in the unit that have parents from much further down the Hive. Adika has referred several Strike team members to Buzz for counselling, and he was worried enough about Caleb to discuss his situation with me as well.”
I nodded. “My parents are still stunned by me being Level 1, but it’s vastly harder for Caleb. His level 91 parents had never even spoken to someone on the elite top ten levels of the Hive before Caleb went through Lottery. Now they’re so awed in his presence that they hardly dare to say a word.”
“Caleb isn’t just faced with a staggering level difference between him and his parents,” said Lucas. “He’s also got the issue of the social divide between ordinary citizens and people in Law Enforcement.”
I grimaced. I regularly read the minds of my Strike team members, so I knew some of them had parents who considered an assignment to Law Enforcement, however high level the position, as an insurmountably bad result.
Others had parents who worked in Law Enforcement too, so their Lottery results had strengthened rather than weakened the family bond. Tobias was the one exception, where his jealousy of his brother was destroying the happiness of his whole family.
“Adika says that a few Strike team members have grown resigned to losing touch with their families,” added Lucas, “but Caleb’s still stubbornly fighting. The odds are stacked against him though, and Adika’s worried how he’ll cope when the inevitable happens at the New Year festival.”
“I’m lucky,” I said. “Since I’ve talked about enemy agents,
my family seem to think our unit belongs to Hive Defence. My parents are such law-abiding members of the Hive that they wouldn’t see me belonging to Law Enforcement as an issue anyway. I just need to keep hiding the fact I’m a telepath.”
“Well, the potential for family problems means that our people absolutely have to be allowed a break over the New Year festival,” said Lucas. “For some of them, this will be their last chance to salvage their relationship with their parents.”
“It’s surely not their last chance,” I protested.
“I’m afraid that in most cases it is,” said Lucas sadly. “The statistics show that virtually everyone who doesn’t spend their first New Year festival after Lottery with their parents will never have an effective relationship with them again.”
He paused. “That’s why Morton’s surgery has been scheduled for immediately after the New Year festival rather than during it. When the New Year festival ends, we’re inevitably going to have some people mourning the loss of their families. We can’t risk the ones in Caleb’s situation blaming their loss on having to work over the New Year festival. It would fuel a bitterness that undermined all their happiness in their Lottery result, and caused colossal problems for both them and our unit.”
“I see.”
Lucas abruptly changed from speaking in full sentences to using the abbreviated speed speech that he used to save time talking to me. “Apologies.”
“What for?”
“Embarrassed you. Stupid insecurity.”
I normally needed to use my telepathy to make sense of Lucas’s speed speech, but this time it was obvious what he meant.
“The way you reacted when Buzz asked if you were spending the New Year festival with my family?” I snuggled closer to him. “That wasn’t stupid. What you went through as a child and on Teen Level was bound to leave scars. Those scars are both your strength and your weakness. They gave you the sensitivity and emotional strength to be a brilliant Tactical Commander, but also left you vulnerable in certain areas.”
Borderline (Hive Mind Book 4) Page 9