“I'm angry with you, Chris!” I raged as soon as he came into sight in the doorway. “It's been two years! Two years that you’ve been ignoring me! Two years of silence while I have been taking care of Val! Two years of thinking and worrying about you! And in return? NOTHING! You haven't shown a slight bit of interest and respect for my feelings!”
“Mandy–”
“I thought that we were... that we were... we...” I was fighting for breath. “...How humiliating to find out where you live through Tommy! I thought you would have needed to see Val, and me, as soon as you were out of that place!”
“Mandy–”
“And today you arrive out of the blue, and act as if nothing has happened over the past two years!”
“Mandy...” Chris exhaled.
Nothing was going to stop me.
“We were hoping to see you every day, and you never showed up! I thought Val was going to die of sadness! It broke her heart not to hear from you! And I tried to reassure her, but you obviously didn't give a fuck–”
Without letting me finish my sentence, Chris took one step closer and pressed his lips against mine (okay... almost nothing was going to stop me). Chris held my waist tight, his fingertips latched onto my t-shirt. His lips grazed mine, in a firm and sensual movement. My eyes closed immediately, blown away by his appetite for physical contact. Then his tongue softly reached into my mouth, making me moan with pleasure. I let myself sink into his kiss... My hands gripped his head so that he wouldn't stop, and I slowly pulled him into my flat. Not only had I not kissed a guy in two years, but I had been lusting after Chris' touch for so long, to the point that my body felt like it was on fire. My cheeks turned red, my heartbeat was racing and my entire being quivered with desire.
All of a sudden, a sharp bark came from the doorway, making me jump. I pulled away from Chris for a moment, to figure out where the sound was coming from. That's when a young foxhound barged in, wagging his tale and continuously bouncing up and down.
“Calm down, buddy,” Chris said to the dog.
“You know him?” I asked.
“This is Banjo, he's mine.”
The dog snorted happily while Chris patted him on the back.
“You– You have a dog?” I double checked.
“Yes. I bought him as soon as I got my first pay cheque.”
“Pay cheque?”
“I work in a supermarket. You know, emptying boxes...stacking shelves...that kind of stuff. It's not thrilling, but the correctional counsellor managed to get me this job as soon as I was released. It's a fresh start.”
“That's in Saint Helens?”
“Yes. I live there, in a little flat which the counsellor helped me acquire too.”
“You... You have been busy...” I recognised, taken aback by his new life.
I looked at Chris with dumbfound eyes. I instantly had a whole different perception of him. He wasn't the irresponsible, insensitive prick I thought he was, after all. Prison had changed him; or rather, had revealed his true inner self. Chris seemed to care about his future.
“Why didn't you visit me and Val sooner?” I had to ask, again.
This time I was willing to listen to his answer.
“I wanted both of you to see a new man,” he said. “Val, to be proud of me. And I hoped you could forgive me for my silence...”
“Why did you do that, Chris? Why didn't you even look at me during the trial? Why didn't you ask to speak to me when you phoned Val? I felt completely left out... I wanted to be there for you.”
“It was all so embarrassing, Mandy...” he said in a brittle voice.
He cleared his throat.
“It was so embarrassing...” he repeated as he lowered his head and trembled.
Chris was ashamed of himself. His depleted soul had been afraid of rejection and alienation from his loved ones. I could tell from his worn-out eyes that he had been beating himself up about his regretful actions over the past two years. He was guilt-ridden and was trying to make it up to everybody by resuming his life with a clean slate.
Banjo barked again. Chris stroked him a little more.
“Don't you want to join the party at the club this afternoon?” he asked, wishing I would.
“Well...”
I hesitated.
“Are you still angry?”
“No, but... It really is an emotional roller-coaster with you, Chris. I never know which way the wind is blowing. For months you were absent, without giving any sign of life; and today you're standing at my door and... kissing me, and–”
“Did you not like the kiss?”
“Yes, of course I did...”
Chris came closer, ready to kiss me again. I took a step back.
“That's not the point,” I told him, not giving into his tenderness. “If you want me, then I'm going to need constancy on your part. No more ups and downs. No more going back and forth. No lies. No mysteries. And no silences. I need presence and honesty.”
I was impressed by my determination and my up-front conditions, but at the same time, I was afraid of scaring Chris away.
“...Do you think that would be the kind of relationship you'd feel comfortable to be in?” I asked, with apprehension.
Chris put his hands on my hips, leaned his head against mine and closed his eyes.
“All I want is to make you happy,” he vowed.
Chris and I shared a moment of tenderness, one that didn't need any words nor kisses. Just my arms intertwined in his, our heads gently leaning together, and our eyes closed, taking everything in without having to see the loving affection that was drawn on both our faces.
“Well,” I said after minutes of stillness, “we'd better get back to the party.”
Chapter 59
“You went back to his place after the party? OH MY GOD!”
Olivia was hooked on my story from the moment I told her Chris was back. Kelly, on the other hand, wasn't impressed to hear that he and I had started dating.
“What happened next?” Olivia asked, hyped up.
“He showed me around his flat.”
“And?”
“It's small, only two rooms. Once he saves a bit of money, he'll be able to get a bigger place.”
“And then?”
“Then we sat on his futon, and opened a bottle of cider.”
“And then?”
“We went to sleep.”
“And then?”
My friend's wild anticipation made me laugh.
“Calm down, Olivia... Nothing else happened!”
“Oh,” she muttered, a little disappointed.
“We're taking our time.”
“Is Chris capable of taking his time?” Kelly asked, highly sceptical.
She still had doubts about Chris' honesty – I didn't blame her.
“I believe so,” I assured her.
“He said he was going to show up at my party, don't forget,” she reminded me.
“Chris did mention that...” I began to explain. “He had returned to Behind the Curtains on that day, and when he saw the state Val was in, he decided not to leave her side. But originally, he did have the intention to join us at the nightclub.”
Kelly grumbled, not convinced.
“Oh, what a sweetheart!” Olivia languished.
“I'll be keeping an eye on him,” Kelly insisted.
Her tendency to protect me from Chris Downes was heart-warming, but I was certain it was no longer necessary.
“What happened the next morning?” Olivia couldn't wait to asked.
“We took Banjo for a walk on the beach. Chris had to work early afternoon though, so we only had time to grab some sandwiches afterwards, and then we parted ways.”
“When will you see him again?” questioned Kelly.
“Tomorrow evening, at Val's. She's making a roast dinner.”
“Mmm... That sounds good,” Olivia commented.
Any time she'd reac
t positively to food, a part of me felt like crying with glee. Olivia's newly found interest in cuisine was sheer relief. I was also most impressed by the t-shirt she was wearing on that Saturday afternoon. It read: Girls Just Wanna Have Food!
Shortly after telling my friends all about Chris' return, the calls of the seagulls flying above the coast at West Kirby attracted to the waterside. We left the coffee shop we had been sitting in for the past hour and rented canoes for the rest of the day. While paddling along the shore with Olivia and Kelly by my side, I admired the calm and peaceful sea surrounding us. We stayed together on the water all through that warm afternoon until a romantic sunset appeared. Before handing in the little boats, we watched the sky change from light blue to fiery red. I couldn't have hoped for a more tranquil and thankful mind-set at that very moment. I felt free and happy as we floated in front of the most spectacular show ever. I was impatient to tell my sister...
I had finally reached my happy-ending.
Epilogue
It was getting on towards nine pm, and it was going to go dark at any moment. I knew the string lights and the paper lanterns hanging outside in the garden weren't going to shine brightly enough for me to see what I was doing, so I decided to step away from Hannah and Michael's wedding party for a short moment to put up my little green tent in the field nearby.
A dozen tents were already pitched. To my surprise, I was the only one who hadn't been preventive. Yes, I was the only one pacing awkwardly in my high heels at that time of night on a dry, crumbly ground. My ankles were as wobbly as one of those bobble heads that constantly sway from side to side. It wasn't a pretty sight. With two clumsy feet and an impaired sight due to the racing sundown, I tried to follow the written instructions to set up my tent correctly. I hadn't used it ever since Jessica Pearson's party two years before, and I had completely forgotten that part of it was ripped. Even so, I didn't let that stop me. However, every now and then, laughter and music coming from the banquet hall drew my attention away from my task. I kept looking back to check I wasn't missing anything. Family and friends had organised many toasts, gifts and jokes throughout the day; the newly-weds were over the moon and having the time of their lives! The disco had just started when I decided to tackle my chore...
Why hadn't I taken the time to put up my tent earlier that day? Well, I was with Chris just before the wedding. We were at my apartment at Crosby Beach. In my bed. You know how it goes... Once I was ready to leave for the event – having finished my make-up, let down my wavy brown hair, and delicately put on my slinky burgundy dress – something took over Chris and myself. A desperate need for contact. He stared at me with his flamboyant brown eyes, and one minute later, my dress was no longer hanging on my shoulders, but abandoned on the floor. So was my underwear, for that matter. Don't get me wrong, I tried to resist the desire to go back to bed with him. I really did. But I had learnt months before that Chris' touch was stronger than my will power. His firm hands always had a way of teasing the most sensitive and erogenous parts of my body, making me lose control every time. That was the reason why I arrived in the nick of time for my friends' marriage ceremony...with a flushed face, and my tent and sleeping bag over my shoulder.
“Where were you?” Olivia asked me.
My friend had kindly waited for me outside the town hall.
“It's about to begin! Everybody's inside!”
“Sorry... Sorry... I... I was...” I baffled.
“Where's Chris?” she then noticed.
“He had to work today, a colleague called in sick. He'll make it to the party this evening.”
“Okay. Let's get inside!” she hustled.
I followed her immediately, relieved I didn't have to explain myself any further.
Hannah and Michael both had a sparkle in their eyes when they said yes to one another in front of all the people who were dear to them. Their hands trembled with jubilation when they placed the rings on their fingers, as a symbol of the vows and promises they were making for their life together. All the guests applauded and whistled when they shared an emotional kiss to finalise the ceremony. It was glorious to see how two lovers' happiness could affect a whole room of people. Not one guest walked out of the town hall without a smile on their face.
At nine o'clock, everyone was still ecstatic and joyful. My feelings, however, had become a bit more ambivalent... I was getting impatient with my tent, which looked more like a deflated ball than anything else.
“Need help with that?” asked a familiar voice.
I looked over my shoulder; my knight in shining armour had arrived! He looked more dashing than ever in his elegant black trousers and his white casual shirt.
“You made it!”
“Just in time to save your tent by the looks of things...” Chris observed.
“I must have lost some pegs,” I told him, attempting to justify my lousy ability to set it up.
Chris began to inspect the situation.
“Couldn't anybody help you?” he asked, finding it quite challenging himself to walk on the parched ground with his smart leather shoes.
“Olivia's dancing with a nice man, I didn't want to interrupt her. How was work?”
“Work was... Erm... Fine...I guess... Yes, fine.”
More often than not, a simple “as usual” sufficed.
“Why the hesitation?” I asked him.
“Well... The police showed up at the store this afternoon.”
“How come?”
“They wanted to talk to me.”
“What! Why?” I panicked. “You've been doing everything the counsellor has been telling you to do! You haven't missed one day's work! What do they want from you?”
“Mandy, don't worry,” he said calmly. “They didn't want to talk about me.”
“Oh...”
I regained my composure. Chris put down the metal pegs he was about to use, and stepped to me.
“I have something to tell you,” he said in a solemn and grave tone.
“What is it?” I worried, hanging on his words.
“They've found Geoffrey.”
“...Really?” I exclaimed, thunderstruck.
“They found him in Portugal,” he revealed. “Apparently, you're not his only victim. There were many, unfortunately. He was caught red-handed one night... A young Portuguese girl was drugged and...”
He paused to catch his breath.
“Well, all you need to know is that she survived,” he finished.
I let out a long heavy sigh. It was quite a shock to hear about Geoffrey after so much time had passed.
“So...” I gulped. “What's going to happen to him?”
“A trial, first. Prison surely after.”
“And did he... did he...”
I could barely speak. Chris guessed what I was meaning to ask...
“Did he admit killing my father? Yes, he did.”
A weight suddenly disappeared from my mind. That weight was the fear of encountering Geoffrey again. A fear that had stuck with me for two years. I had no doubt that Chris too had gotten rid of a heavy burden. The motives for the murder would still remain a mystery to us, but the author could no longer cause any harm.
As Chris planted a tender kiss on my forehead, I pulled him closer to me and rested my head against his chest. We shared a calm moment in each other's arms under a cloudless night sky. Shortly after, I took this golden opportunity to inform him of other recent news...
“Chris,” I said gently, “a week ago I received two job offers.”
“That's great, Mandy!” he praised. “In Marketing?”
“Yes, Product Manager.”
“Awesome! Just what you–”
“But Chris,” I continued, “one job is in Plymouth, close to where my sister lives; and one is in Warrington, about one hour away from here.”
“Plymouth?” he asked, surprised. “Huh... That's... That's...” he stammered. “That's a long drive. Were... Were yo
u considering moving there?”
“I was, before.”
“Before?”
“Before you came back into my life.”
“And... And now?”
Chris had a look of worry on his face.
“I took the week to think about it,” I told him, “and realised that Plymouth is no longer part of my future prospects.”
“So... Warrington?” he checked.
“Yes. I'll take the position in Warrington.”
Chris smiled at me.
“Can't live without me, can you,” he winked.
I giggled.
“I know someone who would have missed you a lot...” he stated further.
“Keep going,” I told him, flattered.
“Banjo,” he said with a cheeky grin.
“Banjo?”
“And Val,” he added.
I giggled again.
“And me,” he finally admitted. “I would have missed you... a little bit...”
With those few words, Chris made my heart flutter.
“I would have missed you too. Just a little bit...” I said in return, bursting with love.
It turned out, my tent was the most crooked one of them all that night! Chris and I didn't mind. Once we had both snuggled up inside my one-man sleeping bag – that was a challenge! – we looked through the hole in the material above us, and we could see the glittering stars and the first quarter of the moon. After a night of heavy drinking and endless dancing, most of us looked a mess when we retired to bed... Except for Hannah, whose white dress had remained without a stain throughout the whole event – how on earth did she manage that? – and for Olivia, who seemed to have fallen in love with the caterer. She went home after midnight with a twinkle in her eyes.
Never would I have thought that turning twenty would have hit me like it did. One thing's for sure, the hardships me and my friends had experienced had shaped us into the adults we have become today.
The End
To be loved Page 22