by Penny Blush
He didn’t give me a chance to respond, his hand left my hip, snaking around my body until he found my clit. Two fingers rubbing circles over my hypersensitive bundle of nerves, applying the right amount of pressure, bringing me to the edge again.
“Good girl,” he said as I gasped and moaned, rocking back against him.
He thrust harder and faster, rolling my body forward, the taut peaks of my nipples grazing the cold, hard stone of the bench top, causing sparks of electricity to zap through me, making me cry out.
“Now!” He roared, the demand in his voice setting me off.
"Memphis!"
My voice echoing around the kitchen as the most intense orgasm of my life ripped through me. I was helpless, and all I could do was hold on as I rode the waves of pleasure.
Two more hard, deep, powerful thrusts and my name came bellowing from his lips. His orgasm hit, triggering further ripples of my own as he emptied himself deep inside me.
Time stood still as we thrust and spasmed and shattered around each other. I leant my forehead on the cold stone of the bench top, breathing deeply, trying to catch my breath as I came back down from the most incredible sexual high.
Memphis chuckled as he kissed his way up my spine again, I could feel his smile against my ear as he asked; “you still alive, Baby Girl?”
“Ugrh…umph,” I responded, I don’t think I will ever regain the power of speech again; Memphis and his magic penis had short-circuited my brain.
"Come on," he laughed, pulling out of me, making me whimper at the loss of him.
He pulled me up into his arms carrying me into the shower. I was exhausted, my legs felt like wet noodles as I tried to stay upright. Memphis took care of me, cleaned me, using the body lotion to massage my tired muscles. Exiting the shower, he dried us both before once again lifting me into his strong arms and carrying me to bed.
We curled up against each other, me taking my position on his chest with my head over his heart, its beat healthy and comforting in my ear. I sighed, melting into him.
"Baby Girl," he whispered.
“Umm-hum,” I replied sleepily.
“Don’t do that again,” his voice was so soft I barely heard him.
I lifted my head, gently kissing his lips. “I’m sorry Baby,” I said, kissing him again, “I wasn’t thinking.” I settled back down on his chest, my fingers tracing random patterns on his abs.
"Hedge, I was concerned," he said evenly. "Not just that you went off with another man without telling me, but that you ignored my calls and texts." His fingers were drawing unknown patterns on my hip. "I was scared that something had happened." He kissed the top of my head, "I don't ever want to feel that way again."
A tear slid down my cheek, splashing onto his chest at the pain in his voice.
“Hey now, come on, don’t cry,” he kissed the top of my head again as I burrowed further into his chest.
"I am sorry Memphis, I didn’t mean anything by it," I sniffed, taking a deep breath trying to control my emotions. "Nobody ever really cared what I did before," I kissed his chest. "Well anyone I was romantically involved with anyway." I placed a lingering kiss on his chest over his heart. "I am so, sorry Memphis."
"Oh, Baby Girl, no one especially you, should be made to feel like they don't matter, that they aren't cared for and cherished." He hugged me tighter to him. "You and me, Baby, this thing we have is real, it matters, and we both have to do better to cherish it." I nodded against his chest, his words making me want to cry again, but not from sadness, but from joy. I could hear the truth in his words, and they lighted my heart. "I'll do better at not snapping the head off every guy that looks at you." His words had the desired effect, making me laugh. "And you need to remember that you matter to me a great deal and can't just go off without telling me, and you definitely can't go off with strange men."
I kissed him with everything that I had. I used the kiss to express to him everything I was too afraid to put into words. The kiss said you are everything to me Memphis, you own my heart, the kiss said I love you.
“Me too, Baby Girl, me too,” he whispered against my lips.
"I'm sorry, Memphis seriously. I'm just so used to the only person caring about me being my brother. Well, brothers, let's face it Jax is more my brother than a cousin, and he worries enough for both of them, and I just figured that Jax knew where I was so…"
"From now on, you tell me, okay?" He said, leaving no room for argument.
"Okay. Please remind me to kill Jax next time I see him; he promised to tell you."
I was so angry at Jax; this whole argument is his fault! Not entirely his fault but, he's unmistakably up there.
“Only if I don’t kill him first,” Memphis grumbled. “All he would tell me was that you were safe and that you’d be back. That little shit enjoys torturing me too much.”
“He forgets that I grew up with him and I have a lifetime of dirt on him.”
“Baby Girl, what do you mean no one cared about you? What about the guy you were with just before we met?”
“Thomas?”
“Yeah, that douche bag.”
It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling and butterflies in my stomach when he got so growly about anyone that I might have been with before. I always thought that possessive guys were mean, abusive assholes, but this was different, it was honest.
"I always thought that Thomas was just a quiet guy and just didn't want to do anything that I wanted to do, or hang out with my friends. I now know he just wanted to spend time with one particular friend." I said sadly. "Anyone else that I had been with, I just figured that they didn't care enough. Either that or I just never mattered enough," I shrugged.
Memphis gathered me closer, kissing me softly. "I do. I care enough, and you matter enough to me." He paused for a moment, "Baby Girl I'm about to say something that doesn't leave this room, and if anyone says anything to me about it, I will deny it."
“Memphis, you know you can tell me anything, I won’t say a word.”
"Hedge, I have never felt this way before about anyone. I thought I had. Then we met and knew that what I had before was nothing compared to this. Please don't break me." He kissed me again, adding, trying to lighten the mood, "I may seem like, a big strong, tough, ruggedly handsome man." I could hear the smile in his voice, "but my heart is just as soft and delicate as you are, so please be careful with it.”
I pulled myself up, leaning on his chest, searching his eyes for the truth. “Memphis, are you saying you’re giving me your heart?”
“No, Baby Girl.”
“Oh, okay.”
Why did that hurt so much? I was so confused; he had just gotten through telling me to be careful with his heart now he’s saying that he’s not giving it to me.
“I can’t give you my heart," he said, running the back of his hand down my cheek, "because you already stole it."
His lips touched mine in such a passionate kiss; it wasn't about sex or teasing, it was an expression of love. I settled back down on his chest, letting his warmth seep into me, turning me into a boneless pile of mush. I fell asleep listening to his heart, the heart I loved, beating.
The sound of Hells Bells playing as his phone rang penetrated the comforting fog of sleep sometime later.
“Fuck,” he whispered, “I’m sorry Baby Girl, I have to go.”
He slipped from my arms and my bed, and as the front door clicked closed, I whispered, "I love you Memphis."
Chapter 30 Hedge
Every week for a few months, Memphis has gotten a phone call that pissed him off, making him leave. Every time he gets that damn phone call, he looks at me like he has some big secret to tell. He would sigh and say that he had to do ‘something' and that he'd be back as soon as he can and then he'd leave. It wouldn't matter what was happening or where we were if his phone started singing AC/DC’s Hells Bells, I knew he would have to go.
There was no consistency to the phone calls. They were always on different days, at diff
erent times but always yielded the same result - a pissed Memphis leaving, returning late at night, climbing into my bed, wrapping me in his arms and falling asleep.
The mysterious ‘something' of Memphis was never actually discussed. Anytime I did ask he would say, "I have it under control Baby Girl, don't worry about it," or, "if I could tell you I would, but I don't want to get you involved. It's safer if I don't tell you."
This stupid answer sparked many an argument that usually ended in a passionate session of make-up sex. It was hard not to be suspicious when a phone call would have Memphis leaving in the middle of a movie or dinner with the BSI gang, with Memphis asking Jax to make sure I got home safe. I had voiced my concerns, but both Memphis and Jax had told me on multiple occasions that it was not another woman. Jax told me, in front of Memphis, that if he ever cheated on me, he would break every bone in his body. Cassidy and the boys did their part to alleviate my worries, all telling me that they have never seen Memphis look at anyone or act the way he does when he’s with me.
“Seriously Hedge, I think you’re the best thing that has happened to Memphis in a long time,” Cassidy said to me one day when we were in Memphis’ truck heading across town to get the boys lunch from The Cantina, the best Mexican restaurant in the city.
"I like him, Cass, I honestly do, but we're just having fun," giving my best noncommittal reply.
Memphis and I had spoken about how we both thought that this, whatever it was, was something more but what that ‘something' was, had yet to be classified.
"Hedge, please. You don't need to spend more than five minutes with the two of you, hell you don't even need eyes to see that you two have found your forever love. He's different since you, more settled, at peace, it's like he's found his other half."
I let the weight of her words settle around me for a moment, like a warm blanket made of smiles and dreams come true as I let the romantic part of my imagination take over. If I let go of the last little part of my heart that I’ve been hanging on to, then I could let my heart indulge in the ‘Happily Ever After’ dream that it had been longing for. I could vividly see the life we could have, a declaration of love, a ring, a white dress, a home, a dog and maybe a baby or two.
Shaking off the dream, I replied, "I don't know Cass, we'll see,” I shrugged.
“You can keep denying it all you want, but I see the way you look at him.”
“And how, exactly do I look at him?” I asked, curious to hear what she had to say.
“You look at him like he hung the stars, stole the moon, melted your panties and owns your heart.”
I looked at her, shocked. I thought I had done a better job of hiding what my brain knew, but my heart still wanted to deny a little.
"It's very cute. It’s sweet really just like a Disney movie. Belle found her Prince in the sexy as hell Beast," I raised an eyebrow at her. "What? You know it's true. I may love him like a brother, but that doesn't mean that I'm not aware how hot he is. I have eyes you know," she said. We both burst out laughing.
Cassidy had nailed it. That was exactly how I feel whenever I'm with Memphis, but there was a ‘but' a big ‘but,' he was keeping something from me. The fact that there was something that he wasn’t telling me was the reason I still held onto that last part of my heart. Not knowing what was going on with him and the mysterious disappearing was pissing me off. I wanted to help. He just had to let me in – all the way in – but he's keeping something from me.
Hypocrite much! My subconscious would scoff at me every time I had this thought. Have you been a hundred percent honest with Memphis? Have you told him about your past and the unique skills that your past gave you? Have you said anything to him about the secrets you’re keeping? No! You haven’t. Have you? So, put your judgyness away!
God, I hated it when my subconscious made sense!
There was part of myself, my past that I was keeping from not just Memphis, but from everyone. The detour my life took when I finished school.
At the time, I thought I was having the greatest adventure of my life. I was getting to spend time with my father's side of the family. I was going to travel the world, learn new skills that I would be able to use in real life that would help me get a job when I got home.
Uncle Charlie had me working for some of his businesses learning bookkeeping, office management, that kind of thing. When there wasn’t much else to do, or on the weekends, I would hang out with Stella, the wife of a friend of my uncle. Stella was a hairdresser, and I would help out in her salon absorbing as much as I could so that I was able to complete the assessments and got my hairdressing license within six months.
Once I was qualified, I started working with Stella. She took me under her wing and showed me around London. She took me to concerts, took me to the pub on my eighteenth birthday and bought me my first beer. Stella was an amazing person who filled the void left behind after my mother died. She never tried to take the place of my mum; she was more like the sister I never had.
I loved living in London, and I loved my life. I continued my martial arts training, adding in kickboxing, training at a gym my uncle owned. Uncle Charlie treated me like a daughter, like a princess. Until he didn't. Then Uncle Charlie started seeing me less as his daughter and more like a son, a tool and a weapon. I began working more for my uncle and less with Stella. We still hung out, but it wasn't the same, and pretty soon, I, wasn't the same anymore.
I was in Uncle Charlie's employ for a little over nine years before I managed to get out, well fight my way out actually. I made promises, assurances that would keep me out, alive and keep my family safe.
Jax was the only one who knew the details. What had happened, what I had been through, what had been done to me and what I had done.
Jaxon was the one who helped get me out; made sure I had somewhere to go, somewhere to land after I fell. Jaxon saw me at my absolute worst. He helped me fix myself; repair what Uncle Charlie had broken, all while keeping his promise not to tell Davan.
I had begged and pleaded for Jaxon not to say anything to Davan when I come home broken and scarred. I know what I must have looked like an angry, broken, scared shell of myself. I would jump at the slightest noise. I would stash weapons around the house, and wouldn't leave home without at least one blade strapped to my body somewhere, not that I needed tangible, weapons to cause damage.
I would have nightmares, waking up screaming and then would spend hours crying after I attacked Jaxon when he came in to check on me.
It had been after a particularly bad episode that I made him a promise. I had a God-awful-nightmare that was more memories coming to attack me when my defences were down. I was screaming and thrashing around on my bed and woke to find someone standing over me; he had his hands on my shoulders calling my name, shaking me. I panicked and went straight into fight mode, with fists, elbows, knees and feet flying. It wasn't until Jaxon called my full name that my eyes focused and I saw that it was my cousin that I was fighting.
I scrambled off the bed, pulling the blanket with me, huddling in the corner, looking at my cousin who had blood pouring down his face, probably from a broken nose. There was pain, anger, fear and hurt in his eyes.
Jaxon quietly said, through the muffled sound of a washcloth that he held to his nose, "I'm contacting Davan. Tonight.”
“No Jax! I’m fine. I’m sorry, but you snuck up on me.”
“Cuz, you’re getting worse.”
“You snuck up on me! You know you shouldn’t do that when I’m asleep!” I yelled, my self-hatred at attacking my cousin morphing into anger.
“I’m contacting him.” The tone of his voice gave no room for argument.
"Please Jaxon. Please! Don't contact him," I begged, panic returning. "He'll… he'll be on the first transport home and… and… and it would kill him to see me like this!"
“I, don’t want to see you like this! It’s KILLING ME to see you like this!" The pain in his voice tore my heart out. "He's your brother; he deserves to kno
w! You need help. I need help. I can't do this by myself. I don't know how to help you!"
“Please Jaxon,” I cried from the floor in the corner of the room where I sat wedged between the wall and dresser. “I can’t let him see me like this,” I sobbed, wrapping the blanket that I had dragged off the bed tighter around me. “Jax please, don’t,” I whispered, tears streaming down my face. “Let me … Let me fix this. I have to be the one to fix me.” I angrily wiped at the tears that wouldn't stop, taking a deep breath allowing my voice to get stronger. "Let me, help me fix what he broke in me. What …What I allowed him to break."
It took him a long time to reply, but when he did; he made demands of his own.
"If I do this, if I help you and agree to keep this from Davan, then you have to do something for me." I nodded my reply, my vision blurring through unending tears. "You have to make a conscious effort to break your old habits. You have to go against your brainwashing. You have to fight your instincts."
I winced as the harshness of his tone, not that I could blame him he was hurting as much as I was and not just physically. My big, strong cousin, who had taken over the role as my big brother and protector when Davan was re-deployed, didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to help me, how to help me fight the demons that plagued my dreams. If it were a kid bullying me in the playground, Jax would have words with my tormentor, thrown a punch if needed, he would fight for me, protect me. But as my current tormentor and the battle that was being waged again, it was happening in my head, he had nothing to fight, and he felt helpless.
“I mean it,” he continued. “You have to make changes. You have to stop hiding weapons around the house. You have to stop taking protection with you whenever you leave the house. You have to put all of this behind you and lock any reminder you have away."
He made me promise; sitting paranoid in the dark corner, that once I was out I was out for good and if I ever went back he would never speak to me again. It was not a childish threat. It was not an ‘if you go to the movies without me I'll never talk to you again' kind of threat. It was an ‘if you go back, lose my number, forget where I live, we are over, you'll be dead to me' promise. I loved Jax and needed him in my life too much to go back on my word.