“I won’t fall asleep this year. I’m older now. I can stay up.”
“Okay,” I said in a bemused, skeptical voice.
“I can! You wait and see.”
“Okay,” I said again, smirking.
Asher spent the rest of the drive talking to himself, and I overheard the words “awake” and “sleep” and “must” several times over before I pulled into the driveway.
My father’s car was already there. Asher and I grabbed the grocery bags and headed straight inside for the kitchen, where we found my father pouring himself a glass of water.
“Hello, you two,” he said, wandering over and peering into some of the grocery bags. He spotted the dip I’d bought him right away and plucked it out of the bag. “You remembered!”
“Of course we did. It’s a tradition. The chips should be in one of the other bags, too.”
My father clapped his hands together and rubbed them back and forth. “It’s going to be a good night. Plenty of food. Good entertainment. And celebration. I can’t believe it’s already the end of the year. Time has flown!”
“Sure has,” I said. “It sure has.”
Asher helped us put away the groceries, and as my father and I started to prepare the pasta, he ran upstairs to change into his pajamas. When he came back down, he set the coffee table in the living room, where we would be spending the rest of the evening. Then, all full of energy, he came into the kitchen and asked to help us cook.
It was perfect timing. My eyes were watering like crazy from cutting the onion he picked.
“Dad, are you okay?” Asher asked with concern.
I nodded. “Yep. I just got onion juice in my eyes, and it burns a little.”
“Oh. Do you need a tissue?”
I smiled and shook my head. “No thanks, Ash. I’m good. Do you think you could help me put the chips in a bowl? And put the dip out?”
Asher nodded and went about preparing the appetizers.
“How are you doing, Cal?” my father asked me as he chopped some red peppers and added them to the pan I had of simmering onions on the stove.
I shrugged. “Been better. Been worse.”
“That’s fair. Have you spoken to Kelli since you called her? You know, the night Lina left?”
I shook my head. “No, and I don’t plan to. I gave her the information. It’s up to her how she decides to act on it. I just hope Lina is okay and Kelli can move past the accident. They both deserve to still have each other as best friends. Those two have been inseparable for as long as I’ve known them. I’d hate to think I played a part in breaking them up.”
My dad nodded. “They’ll be all right. Kelli’s one of the good ones.”
“I think so too.”
We carried on cooking, and soon, we had a pot full of simmering pasta sauce, and the whole house smelled like tomatoes and Italian spices.
We went out into the living room to chow down on the appetizers. Asher bounced back and forth between the two sofas and played with his truck for a while. Then the New Year’s Eve special started around eight o’clock, and we sat down with our piping-hot spaghetti.
My father nodded at Asher. “So, you’re going to be a big boy and stay up all the way until midnight tonight?”
Asher nodded eagerly. “Yes, I’m not going to miss it again. I didn’t like watching it the next day. I want to stay up and watch it with you guys.”
“Okay,” my dad said. His tone was very similar to mine back in the grocery store.
Asher narrowed his eyes. “How come you and Dad both say it like that?”
My father’s eyes widened innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I chuckled. “Say it like what?”
“Like you’re singing a bad song.”
My father and I burst out laughing, and Asher soon joined in with giggles of his own.
I put my now empty bowl of spaghetti down on the coffee table and clasped my hands behind my head. “Maybe Grandpa and I just know you really well, Ash. And we know that as soon as ten o’clock rolls around, you fall asleep. Just like that.” I snapped my fingers.
Asher shook his head. “Not tonight. I can do it.”
“I’m sure you can. But if you can’t, don’t feel bad. Sleep is important. And all you’ll be missing is a glittery ball falling. It’s not as exciting as it sounds.”
“What?” Asher asked incredulously. “It sounds awesome.”
“I think it’s pretty awesome,” my father chimed in. “And it’s tradition. That’s the most important part. We watch this every year.”
“Indeed,” I said.
After everyone was done with their dinner, I collected the bowls and loaded them into the dishwasher. I listened to my father and Asher goof around in the living room as I packed up the leftover spaghetti sauce and put it in the freezer to heat up another night.
I gave the kitchen counters a quick wipe down and turned in a slow circle to make sure all the mess was cleaned up. The kitchen was sparkly clean after another fifteen minutes or so, and when I was done, I went back out into the living room.
I stopped at the end of the couch and smiled.
My father was still sitting in his usual corner, and Asher was lying down beside him with his head on a pillow propped up against my father’s hip.
My father shrugged. “Like clockwork, this kid.”
I glanced at my watch and nodded. “Not even ten o’clock this year. He missed it by half an hour.”
My father chuckled. “He’ll see it one year.”
My father and I stayed up until midnight and watched the ball drop, just the two of us, as we had every year since Claire died. After the clocks rolled over and twenty nineteen became a reality, I scooped Asher up in my arms and lifted him up off the couch. My father got to his feet. “I think I’m going to head home,” he said. “I’ll be back early tomorrow morning. I know you probably have a lot of work you’d like to catch up on.”
“If that’s all right with you, I’d appreciate it.”
“No problem for me, Cal.”
“Drive safe. There’ll be a lot of crazies out on the road driving home after their parties.”
He nodded. “I’ll keep an eye out for them.”
My father and I said goodbye, and I carried Asher upstairs to his bedroom. I tucked him into bed, mindful not to jostle him around and wake him up. He’d be disappointed that he missed the ball drop, especially after so much hype. He really had seemed convinced that he’d be able to stay awake this year.
I doubted he’d pull it off for a couple more years at least. My son liked his sleep.
Once he was under the blankets, he rolled onto his side, putting his back to me. I ran my fingers through his hair, leaned over, and kissed the top of his head. “Goodnight, Ash. Happy New Year.”
I got up. His bed creaked as my weight lifted off it, and I padded quietly across the carpet to the hallway. As always, I left the door open a crack.
I was about to slip into my room when someone knocked on my front door.
My father must have forgotten something. He was always leaving his wallet or his phone here.
I hurried down the stairs, wondering why he wouldn’t just use his damn key. He should know for certain now that I wouldn’t have female company over.
I got to the front door, unlocked it, and pulled it open. “What did you forget this time, Dad?”
It wasn’t my dad standing outside in the cold. It was Lina. She was wearing that navy jacket of hers and her thigh high boots. The scarf I’d bought her for Christmas was wrapped around her neck, and she had her hands in her pockets. She rocked forward on the balls of her feet and then back onto her heels. “Hey, Cal. I’m sorry to knock so late. I didn’t wake up Asher, did I?”
I shook my head. “No. He’s sound asleep upstairs. Are you okay?”
She nodded. Frowned. Shook her head. “I think so. I just… Can I come in?”
36
Lina
Ca
l looked about as shocked as I expected him to be.
“Uh. Yes. Of course. Come on in.” He moved aside, and I slipped between him and the door. He locked up behind me, took my jacket, and hung it where it had been hanging for weeks prior to me fleeing his house.
I stood awkwardly in the entranceway as he turned back to me. He gestured for me to go in ahead of him.
We went into the living room, and I sat down, pulling the sleeves of my sweater over my hands.
“You have me kind of worried,” Cal said as he sat down on the other end of the sofa and faced me. “Are you sure everything is all right? Nothing happened?”
I shook my head. “No. Nothing happened. I…” I trailed off.
“You what?” he asked.
“It’s going to sound stupid.” I forced myself to just get it out. “I had a dream about you.”
“A dream?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yes.”
He paused, and his blue eyes flicked back and forth between mine. “Was this a good sort of dream, or a bad dream?”
I rubbed my temples. Why had I thought coming here was a good idea? “I’m sorry. Forget the dream. It just reminded me of some things. Some memories came back. Memories of you.”
“Of me?” he asked.
I nodded. Why did he seem so surprised by everything I was saying? Maybe it was because he hadn’t expected to ever see me again. I hadn’t expected to come back here. That was for sure. “Yes, I remembered things about you. Flashes of things that I can’t make sense of on my own. But I remember why we broke up after high school. I remember that you went to Harvard. And I remember that I was in love with you. So, so in love with you.”
Cal raked his fingers through his hair. “I’m glad you’re starting to remember things, but I don’t think I understand why you’re here. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy to see you, Lina. I’m just confused.”
I sighed in frustration. “I know. I get it. I’m confused too. I’m here to get answers, Cal. Real answers. No bullshit this time. I need to know the truth of what happened between us so I can close that door. Or leave it open. I just need to know.”
He blinked at me, and I stared back.
“Cal, please tell me what happened between us fifteen years ago. Tell me why I haven’t been a part of your life for all that time.”
He looked down at his hands in his lap. “It wasn’t what I wanted.”
I waved his statement away. “It doesn’t matter what either of us wanted. All I care about is the truth. I need to start making sense of this. It’s getting harder and harder every day to get up and smile and act like everything is fine when everything is so not fine. It’s all falling apart, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Now, I finally found some memories. At least, I think they’re memories. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just a part of a dream. A figment of my imagination. Does that make any sense?”
He nodded. “Sure, it does.”
“Then tell me what happened.”
Cal swallowed, and then he nodded. “All right.”
I leaned back in the sofa as a weight lifted off my shoulders. I was going to get some real answers. Finally.
Cal didn’t look me in the eye when he first started talking, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t here for eye contact. I was here for the truth. No matter how much it hurt. No matter what was revealed when the curtains were drawn back.
“We were together for a little over two years,” he said. “But we knew each other for a lot longer than that. We went to the same school and lived only about a five-minute drive from each other after you moved in with Kelli’s family. We hung out as friends for a couple of years until neither of us could stay away from each other. And then we became us. A couple.”
He smiled sadly and continued. “Everything made sense when we were together. After a year of being a couple, we started making plans for our future. We spent our final year of high school deciding where we would go to college together and what our plans would be after that. Where we would live. What careers we would have. When we would get married and when we would have children. It was perfect. We were perfect.” His voice had grown sad. Lost. He looked up at me. “And I ruined it.”
I nodded to encourage him to keep going.
He did.
“I applied to Harvard for pre-law, and you encouraged me. You knew it was my dream, and you said we could work it out together if I got in. That you would come with me and take a year off school if you had to. Kelli’s parents wouldn’t be happy, but it didn’t matter because we would still be together. I agreed. But it didn’t go that smoothly. I got my acceptance letter to Harvard, and as soon as I read those words in that letter, something inside of me changed. We were so fucking young, Lina, and I was suddenly filled with doubt and fear. Instead of talking to you about it, I covered it up and lied. I let you believe I hadn’t gotten in, and we spent months continuing to make plans that I knew I wouldn’t follow through with. I led you on, Lina.”
I shrugged. “You were a teenager.”
“I was a selfish boy who prioritized my needs over yours.”
I nodded. “Still a teenager.”
He sighed. “Anyway, I told you the night of high school graduation when I literally couldn’t put it off any longer because I was leaving the next morning. I gave you twelve hours’ notice that I was leaving the city and wouldn’t be coming back until Christmas. You tried to work things out. You wanted to try the long-distance thing. You wanted to make things work. And fuck, I should have tried, too, because if I had, maybe I never would have lost you. But I didn’t. I wanted to be alone. I thought it was what was best for both of us. We were so young, and there was still so much to do that I thought I was right to make that decision for both of us.”
“How did it end between us?” I asked.
“You walked out. And you told me that I’d ruined everything. And you were right.”
“It seems a bit overdramatic,” I said.
“No. If you remembered us and what we were together,” he shook his head, “you’d know you were right. I blew it. I destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me. And when we met up at the reunion a few weeks ago, you said the same thing to me. That I’d ruined you.”
“The reunion before the crash?”
He nodded. “Yes. I tried to talk to you. I thought that maybe fifteen years had been enough for you to forgive me. But I made things worse. I upset you, and you left the party, got in your car, and hurt yourself. The blame is on me for that. It’s on me for everything.”
“Cal—”
He shook his head. “I’m not done. Not only did I hurt you fifteen years ago, and then again a few weeks ago, but I continued lying to you. I did everything I could to try to keep you in my life a little longer because that’s how desperate I was. You made something inside me feel whole again, and I was so fucking selfish that all I could think about was how good I felt. I didn’t give a second thought to how unfair it all was to you. You should have been with Kelli. Not with me. You should have been spending these weeks relearning yourself, rather than spending all your time here. I’m sorry Lina. Truly, I am.”
I swallowed. “Wow. This is a lot to process.”
He sighed. “I know.”
“I think I need some time to sort through it all, Cal.”
“I understand. You don’t owe me anything, Lina. If there’s anything else you want to know, I’ll tell you. Just ask.”
I shook my head. “You told me what I needed to know. Thank you. I know it wasn’t easy.”
He scoffed. “Only because it took me so long to be honest with you.”
I stood up, and he followed. “I’m heading back to New York tomorrow morning. I got in touch with my agent, and I’m going to meet him. He had no clue what happened to me, and he said he’ll help me get into working again. If that’s what I want. I still have a lot of decisions to make. But I think going back to where I was before all of this will help.”
Cal nodded. “
I think so too. Are you sure there’s nothing else you wanted to know?”
I shook my head. “I’m sure. Walk me out?”
He followed me to the front door. I took my jacket off the hook, and he held it out for me as I slid my arms into the sleeves. I did up the buttons and the sash, tightened my scarf up so that it was nestled under my chin, and smiled at him. “Thanks again for talking to me.”
“Anything to help you, Lina. You deserve better than all of this. You deserve better than me.”
I wanted to hug him. Hell, I wanted to kiss him too. I wanted to tell him I still cared about him and that he deserved better than the hand he’d been dealt in life, too. A dead wife and a young son. Nobody deserved that.
But I didn’t say anything about it. Instead, I smiled, leaned forward, and kissed his cheek. “Even if this is it for us Cal, I’m grateful.”
“How can you be grateful for this?” he asked softly.
I shrugged one shoulder and opened his front door. A chilly breeze whipped around my legs. “Because I got to experience first love again. With the same man I fell in love with the first time. It’s a little odd, isn’t it?”
“It sounds terribly unlucky to me,” Cal said with a small smile.
“Oh,” I said softly. “I don’t think it’s unlucky at all. Quite the opposite actually.”
37
Callum
I didn’t fall asleep until four in the morning. My brain had been running a mile a minute, thinking about Lina and everything she had said before she left last night.
About how she had been lucky to experience first love again.
It hurt and felt good to hear that she had developed feelings for me in the time she spent at my house. I had definitely fallen for her all over again, which was what was making this so damn hard, but I took some comfort in the realization that she had fallen too.
Of course, she had fallen for a man she hadn’t really known. A liar.
I rolled out of bed at eight thirty. It was the latest I had slept in for at least three years. Maybe longer. Maybe since Claire had died. She and I used to sleep in on Sundays.
My Holiday Reunion: A Second Chance Holiday Romance Page 21