by Iris Morland
“I’m sorry for your loss.” The words were difficult for him to get out.
“Thank you.” Her gaze turned far away. “He was the practical one. He didn’t want me to start this business because he knew how bad I was at numbers. He only agreed to cosign for the business loan if I agreed to let him do the books.”
For some reason, that bit of information made Ash frown inwardly. He understood wanting your spouse to do things correctly, but telling your wife you wouldn’t let her do something that meant so much to her?
Not your marriage, not your monkeys, not your zoo. Don’t say a damn thing, man.
“I guess he came around?” was Ash’s neutral reply.
“He did. I can be very persuasive when I need to be. Everything was going great until the last few months before William’s death.” She hesitated. “We were having some issues again, right before the accident. Mostly because the business was going south and the numbers weren’t adding up. William thought I should close up shop, so to speak. I didn’t want to. Our last conversation was an argument. If I regret anything, I regret that the most.”
Her voice sounded choked now, and Ash looked up to see her brushing tears away. Her smile was sad now. “Don’t let anyone you love leave when you’re angry with them. You never know—it might be the last time you see them.”
“I’ll remember that.”
They gazed at each other, the moment taut, and Ash wanted to take her in his arms and tell her she didn’t need to worry anymore. He didn’t know why he wanted—no, needed—to take care of her when he’d never thought he had a care-taking bone in his body. He’d lived his life mostly independently, flitting from woman to woman. He had his family, of course, and he had male friends, but nothing like what his brother Trent had with Lizzie.
And in that moment, he craved something more to such an extent that he slammed the feeling down, down, down, into the recesses of his brain until he could believe it had disappeared.
“Well, I should get going.” Violet rose from her chair and held out her hand. “Thank you, again. Let me know if there’s any way I can help.”
He went around the desk and took her hand, squeezing her fingers. “Of course. I’ll text you about that dinner date.”
“Really? You’re still going on about that?”
He grinned. “Hey, you cancelled lunch, so that means dinner now. You can’t get out of this one so easily. Unless there’s someone else who might be suing you?”
“Ha-ha, you’re hilarious.” But her eyes sparkled as she waved goodbye and left his office, her ass looking particularly amazing in the tight jeans she was wearing.
Damn her for being so gorgeous, he thought with a groan before he got back to work.
9
Violet waved as her sister Vera’s face popped up on her phone for their monthly video chat. Someone yelled and then there was a crash, but Vera just shrugged.
“Ethan has a new soccer ball and I told him”—she looked over her shoulder—“not to play with it inside. Ethan Lucas, if you break another vase I’m going to put you up for adoption!”
“Yeah right!” Ethan called from the background.
Vera rolled her eyes. Two years older than Violet, Vera didn’t look like her sister at all. She was shorter, with dark brown hair and eyes, although she and Violet had a similar smile. Vera had married a decade ago and had two children, Isabella and Ethan, who were eight and six, respectively. Violet hadn’t really understood her sister’s attraction to the staid and quiet Jim, but as far as Violet knew, their marriage had been relatively happy.
“So, what’s new with you?” asked Vera. “How’s the business going?”
Violet had told her sister about the business’s financial issues, although now she didn’t know how to tell her that Ash Younger was looking at her books without telling her sister about Ash in the first place. She’d neglected to tell Vera that she’d had a one-night stand with a younger man a month ago. Vera wasn’t a prude, but even she would be shocked that Violet had done something so out of character.
“I actually found someone who would look over my books at no cost,” hedged Violet.
“Is he an actual accountant?”
“Yes, he is. What, did you think I’d hire some random off the street?”
“I wouldn’t put it past you.” Vera frowned. “How’d you find someone that nice? No one’s that nice.”
“He’s a friend of a friend. Actually, he’s the brother-in-law of the woman I told you about—Lizzie Younger? I just had my jewelry party at her house.”
“Huh. Well, he must be a saint, considering what a mess your books are. I have to ask, how old is this very saintly guy?”
“Old enough.”
“Is he handsome?”
“Vera!”
Vera’s smile was sly. “So he is handsome. That explains it all. Is he single, too?”
Violet sniffed. “I’m not having this conversation.”
“Then you’re going to have to hang up to get out of it. Based on how red you’re turning, he’s handsome and single. Did you pay him a late-night visit to get this favor from him?” she joked.
When Violet blushed bright red and spluttered, though, Vera gasped. “No! Violet! Did you sleep with him and you didn’t tell me? You’re in so much trouble!”
Knowing that Vera was like a bloodhound that’d caught the scent of prey, Violet told her about Ash, including the night they’d met and how she’d gone home with him.
Vera’s eyes sparkled. “How was the sex? Good?”
“I’m not giving you details!”
“Oh, come on. The most exciting thing going on right now is Jim’s root canal for Thursday. I need some smutty details.”
“It was...” Amazing, mind-blowing, unforgettable? “It was really good.”
“That means it was terrible. No wonder you didn’t want to talk about it.”
Violet laughed. “No, I mean, it was better than good. Great. Amazing. He’s a guy who knows what he’s doing, I’ll say that.”
Frowning, Vera put her chin on her hand. “Okay, then are you seeing each other? If the sex is amazing and he’s kind enough to do your books for free, then he must be a good guy. Hell, if you don’t want him, I’ll take him.”
“I heard that,” said a male voice behind Vera, which Violet recognized as Vera’s husband Jim’s voice.
“Vera, is Jim listening to this conversation?”
Jim, his glasses perched on his nose, peered into Vera’s phone and waved at Violet. “Hi, Violet. I’m just going upstairs.”
Violet groaned in humiliation while Vera laughed. “He won’t say anything,” said Vera. “You know him. Now, why aren’t you dating this guy? I’m confused.”
How did Violet explain that Ash was a total playboy who didn’t do relationships? Except he told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me. What kind of a playboy continues to pursue a woman he’s already slept with? It made no sense.
Maybe he was just being nice to get her into bed again. It seemed like an awful lot of effort, but Violet hadn’t always understood men. Her only real experience with men had been with William, and in comparison to Ash, the two men were like night and day.
“Ash just isn’t the guy for me,” Violet said, trying to explain something she couldn’t explain to herself. “He’s younger than me.”
“How much younger?”
“Five years.”
“That’s not that much. Okay, so he’s a little younger than you...? That’s it?”
Violet blew out a breath. “No, he’s a one-and-done kind of guy. He has a reputation around here for it.”
“So much that he offered to look at your books for free? Come on, Violet. He’s totally into you.”
Those words should’ve excited Violet, but oddly enough, they only scared her. It had only been two years since William had died. How could she even consider moving on already? It was too fast, too soon.
“Nothing’s going to happen. That’s all there
is to say,” Violet said firmly.
“Oh honey.” Vera’s voice gentled. “I know how much you miss William. We all do. But you can’t not live your own life, either. He would’ve wanted you to be happy. How long are you going to lock yourself away from the world? From dating? From maybe even remarrying?”
“I can’t think about that. It’s too soon.”
“Vi, it’s been two years. Not two months. Years.”
“And how long would it take you to get over Jim?” she snapped.
“I’m not saying get over William. You don’t get over your husband’s death, but you can rebuild your life. You’ll always have a place for William in your heart, but your heart is big enough for another love, too. I know it is. Don’t push this Ash guy away out of fear, because I think you’ll regret it.”
After she and Vera had hung up, Violet sat on her bed, her heart heavy. Was her sister right? Martha had certainly said the same thing, that Violet couldn’t stop living life because William was gone. Tears choked Violet’s throat. How can I move on without you, William?
Their wedding photos sat on her dresser, and she brushed a thumb over the glass covering them. In one photo, they were both laughing. Violet couldn’t remember what had made them laugh like that. William had looked especially handsome in his tuxedo. Although he hadn’t been as handsome or as tall as Ash, he’d been handsome in his own way. He’d had kind eyes, and he’d told the cheesiest jokes. He’d told Violet one on their first date and she’d fallen for him right then and there.
William had worked as an electrical engineer, although when his company had begun laying employees off when the economy had started to collapse, William had been transferred from position to position, taking multiple pay cuts in the process. Violet’s idea of starting her business perhaps hadn’t been the greatest, considering the timing, but she’d been making pennies as an administrative assistant at a marketing firm. She’d hated how stifling that job had been. Entrepreneurship, with all of its potential pitfalls, had seemed infinitely preferable to being stuck in a cubicle for the rest of her life.
Violet touched William’s smiling face in the photo. The first few years of their marriage, before all the financial and job issues, had been the best years of her life. Things had started to sour, though, although Violet knew that a lot of it had been her fault. If she hadn’t been so insistent on starting her business, if she’d learned how to manage her money better, if she hadn’t pushed and pushed...
She wiped a tear from her cheek. Regrets wouldn’t do any good now, would they? William was gone. She couldn’t tell him how sorry she was. That last argument had been the most volatile.
“You always do what you want. You never think about me. You’re so focused on this business that it’s like I don’t exist.” William’s words had pierced her like an arrow to the heart, and, angry and hurt, she’d lashed back.
“You’ve never supported me or the business,” she threw back.
He scoffed. “Are you serious? When I do your books every year? How is that not supporting you?”
“You do the books for yourself. Not for me. Because you’re so convinced I couldn’t do it, or couldn’t find someone better to do it.”
William’s cheeks reddened. “That’s unfair, and you know it.” Scowling, he grabbed his coat and put his shoes on. “You know what, I’m not listening to this. I’m going out.”
“In the pouring-down rain?”
When he didn’t respond, Violet’s vision turned red, anger spiking inside her. “You know what, run. That’s what you’re good at. And while you’re at it, don’t come back! I don’t need to keep trying to convince you that I’m not some moron when I’m more than capable of running a successful business!”
William’s eyes blazed. “If you don’t want me to come back, I won’t.” He slammed the front door behind him, and a moment later, the sound of screeching tires filled the night.
That was the last time she saw William alive.
When her phone rang hours later, she didn’t pick it up because she assumed it was William wanting to tell her how wrong she was. Her phone went to voicemail, then promptly started ringing again. Annoyed, she frowned when she saw that the caller ID wasn’t William. The voice on the other end wasn’t one she recognized—but it was a voice that would haunt her dreams for the rest of her life.
Your husband has been in an accident. I’m so sorry, but he didn’t make it.
He’d been T-boned by another driver at an intersection. It had been raining hard, and the streets had been slick. The driver who’d hit him had run the red light and had slammed into the driver’s side of William’s car. The driver had survived with only a broken arm, while William had died on impact.
Tears fell down Violet’s cheeks in rivers now as she gazed at her wedding photos. She wiped them away, but they kept coming. The photos in her hand blurred behind her veil of tears.
How can I move on when you’re not here anymore? she thought. It was easy enough for Vera to say those words. Did her sister have any idea how much Violet would like to move on but couldn’t?
“Violet? Are you home?” Martha called as she closed the front door.
Violet hastily wiped her tears away and set the photos on her dresser, but when Martha came into her bedroom, she saw Violet’s red eyes and wet face and knew without asking what she’d been doing.
“Oh, honey, what is it?”
Violet started crying again as she sat down on the bed with Martha holding her. Martha was half Violet’s size, but Violet still felt safe in her arms. She let herself cry a little longer as Martha touched her hair, soothing her but never trying to stop her from crying.
Violet eventually sat up, and Martha handed her a tissue from her purse. “Now, what was that all about?” Martha asked.
“I’m just sad today. I miss him.”
Martha’s own eyes glittered with tears. “I do too. I had a dream about him last night. We were all eating dinner here and you made some weird dish with Brussels sprouts. William hated Brussels sprouts, you know.”
“I remember. No matter how I made them, he couldn’t even swallow one without spitting it out.”
Martha rubbed Violet’s back, and Violet sighed, suddenly exhausted. “Vera thinks I’ve put my life on hold,” she admitted. “She thinks I should start dating again.”
“And I agree with her.” When Violet tensed, Martha added, “You don’t have to date-date. You can just...go out. You can’t lock yourself away, Violet. It won’t bring him back.”
“I know, but it feels like...” She shook her head. “It feels like a betrayal, like I’ve forgotten him.”
“Of course not. You’ll never forget him, and I’ll never forget him, either. I think about him always, but every day it gets a little easier. The grief never goes away. But every day that passes is a little easier.”
“I’m so afraid I’m forgetting things about him. I couldn’t remember his favorite color earlier today.” Violet sniffled. “I don’t think I’m ready to date.”
“Maybe not. That’s okay, too. But don’t hold yourself back out of fear or guilt. It’s one thing not to be ready; it’s another to avoid something because it scares you.”
Violet hugged Martha, inhaling her perfume. “I’m glad I moved here to be with you.”
“The day you told me you’d be coming here, it was like I finally saw a light at the end of the tunnel for the first time since William’s death.”
The two women fell silent, remembering the person they’d both loved so much.
“Where were you today?” asked Violet suddenly. “I didn’t think you had an appointment.”
“I told you that my doctor’s appointment was moved, didn’t I? Well, it doesn’t matter. He says my blood sugar was a bit too high but that it can be managed.”
Guilt twisted Violet’s gut. She’d been so wrapped up in her own little world that she’d forgotten the person she’d come to Fair Haven to help.
“‘A bit too high�
��? Do you remember the number?”
Martha shrugged. “No, I can’t.”
Violet had a feeling her mother-in-law wasn’t being completely truthful, and that only made Violet resolve to go to as many doctor’s appointments with Martha as she could. Martha was too neglectful of her own health. Violet had to be the one to make sure Martha controlled her diabetes. Because if she lost Martha, Violet knew she wouldn’t survive it.
She’d already lost William. Another blow like that would cripple her.
10
Ash rolled his neck and checked the time. He’d been working on Violet’s books for over three hours now, and his eyes were blurry from staring at incomprehensible spreadsheets on his computer and mounds of indecipherable notes and receipts. Her husband might have taken care of the books, but he’d done a shit job of it.
Going back to the beginning, Ash had yet to figure out how William had come up with his numbers. There were acronyms throughout that were never explained, and Ash could also find no records of many expenses. All of it had given him a raging headache.
Shutting his laptop, he rubbed his eyes. He wished he could give Violet good news, and he felt stupid for thinking he’d be able to figure things out quickly. Pride comes before the fall. He’d told Violet he couldn’t guarantee anything. But that didn’t mean he hadn’t thought he wouldn’t untangle this mess, either.
Ash wished he could wring William’s neck. It wasn’t just jealousy that made him feel that way: from William’s lack of support for Violet to his shit job of managing Violet’s books, Ash had come to the conclusion that William hadn’t deserved Violet one bit. Of course, Ash didn’t know the ins and outs of their marriage. He was basing his assumption on snippets of information, but that didn’t stop him from imagining the scenario of wringing William’s neck regardless.
Someone knocked on his apartment door before entering. “It’s me,” said Thea. She came in carrying two pizza boxes. When she saw that his coffee table was covered with papers, she raised an eyebrow. “You were sure having fun today.”