by Iris Morland
Guilt tore at Violet. She’d had no idea that Martha had noticed, and that only made her feel worse. She’d been so focused on her business, on money, on Ash. She’d moved to Fair Haven to take care of Martha, and within a month, Martha had almost died.
Did everything Violet touch turn to dust? Gloomy and depressed, she wondered if she was cursed.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you,” said Violet. “I didn’t want to worry you. I told you that I’d take care of you, and look at me. I’ve failed you. I’m so, so sorry.” Her voice became choked.
“Honey, this wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I don’t want you to take that burden on yourself.”
“How can I not? I should’ve paid more attention. I should’ve stayed home with you instead of going off with Ash like I was some kind of stupid teenager.”
“Stop.” Martha’s voice was firm. “Don’t do this to yourself. Sometimes things happen, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Just like when William died. I know you blame yourself for his death, too.”
Violet wanted to curl up into a ball and hide from the world for all eternity at the reminder of William, at the other person who she’d failed.
“That doesn’t mean I won’t do better,” whispered Violet. “I said I’d take care of you, and I will.”
Martha blew out a breath, and in that moment, Violet saw such sadness in her mother-in-law’s eyes that it twisted her heart. Sadness and…guilt?
“I was stupid, sweetheart,” said Martha. Violet was about to reply when Martha interjected, “No, listen to me. Let an old woman talk.” Martha’s lips quirked up. “Yes, I just admitted that I’m old. Not that old, mind you, but old enough to know that my body isn’t what it used to be. I swear I’m getting wrinkles in my wrinkles.”
“You look great, and you know it,” assured Violet.
“And you’re the sweetest.” Martha patted Violet’s hand. “I haven’t been totally honest with you. Since before you moved here, I’ve been having issues with getting Harold’s pension money, which I use to pay for my insulin.”
“I thought insurance covered your insulin.”
“It does, but not all of it. And it’s gotten so expensive that I wasn’t using it as often as I needed to. I knew you were struggling; I didn’t want to add to your burden by telling you about my money issues. A woman has her pride, you know. I thought I could skimp on my insulin until the money came through, but I guess not. I’m just a stupid old woman, Violet. I’m so sorry to have put you through this.”
Martha started to cry, and Violet’s heart broke right then and there. If her guilt before had been great, now it was astronomical. She’d been so preoccupied with herself that she’d neglected the one person who should’ve had her full attention. She understood all too well Martha’s pride, although that didn’t help Violet feel any better. It only made her feel worse.
I’ve been so selfish. First with William, now with Martha. They both deserved better from me.
“Don’t be angry with me,” implored Martha when Violet hadn’t yet said anything, “It was my fault completely, not yours. Don’t blame yourself. Promise me?”
Violet nodded, but she knew that she was lying to herself. She would blame herself regardless.
A knock sounded on the door, and Ash entered carrying two cups of coffee and an assortment of vending machine snacks. “The cafeteria wasn’t open yet,” he explained as he set the items on the table next to Martha’s bedside. “So I got you some Nutterbutters and Snickers. The healthiest options in there.”
Seeing him smiling down at her, Violet couldn’t deny the obvious now.
God, she loved him. She’d known it for ages now. She just hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself. She loved him so much, but in falling in love with him, she’d neglected the person she’d sworn to take care of. How could that be a love worth pursuing?
Martha had begun to doze, and Violet gestured for Ash to follow her outside.
“Thank you, for everything,” said Violet. Her voice was hoarse, and she was suddenly so tired that her knees shook. “I’m sure you’re tired. You should go home and get some rest.”
“Me? What about you?” He touched her cheek, and she let herself lean into the touch even when she knew she shouldn’t. “You’re dead on your feet.”
“I am, but I don’t think I can sleep. It’s like I’m so tired that I can’t.” She let out a sad laugh. “I’m not even making sense. But you should go home. I’ll head home here in a bit, if Martha is okay. I know you need to get to work soon.”
“Violet, you know I’ll stay with you however long you need me to.”
“I know.” She kissed him, as if she could wordlessly apologize for dismissing him. “But you should go,” she said more firmly. “Go get some sleep.”
His expression was skeptical. “Only if you promise me you’ll get some sleep, too.”
“I will. I promise,” she lied.
Violet couldn’t help but watch him walk away until he was finally out of view. Steadying herself, she returned to Martha’s side, knowing full well she wasn’t going home to sleep anytime soon.
17
Forty-eight hours later, Ash opened his door to find Violet standing there. She was coatless, the rain soaking her to the skin, yet nothing about her presence surprised him. He was almost relieved that she’d come to him. He ushered her inside and took her straight to his bathroom.
“You’re going to die of pneumonia,” he muttered.
“That’s not how you get pneumonia.” Her teeth were chattering so hard that Ash could barely understand her.
He stripped her of her clothes, ignoring the desire that ignited in his blood when her pale flesh was revealed. She was cold, exhausted, and grief-stricken. This wasn’t the time to get hot and bothered. Pushing the lust away, he dried her off. She let him without protesting, and her lack of response was what scared him the most.
Where was the vivacious Violet he knew? This wasn’t the Violet he’d fallen in love with.
He put her in one of his robes, and it was so big on her that she was swimming in the fabric. He led her to his bedroom, and she followed him like a meek child.
When he pressed a steaming mug of tea into her hand a few minutes later, he said, “Drink it. You look terrible.”
“Such a flatterer,” she croaked.
The jab made him smile. “That sounds more like you.”
She sighed and sipped the tea. Color slowly returned to her face.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just had to see you. I couldn’t go home, not with Martha still in the hospital.”
“How is she?”
“Better. I didn’t want to leave her, but a bunch of her friends were there to keep her company. Including Dennis, her latest boyfriend.” Violet’s lips curled into a smile. “She said I was hovering and starting to annoy her.”
“Did you get any sleep?” he asked.
“Not yet. I came straight here to see you.” She set the mug down, her gaze imploring. “Can I stay here with you? I don’t want to be alone.”
His answer was immediate. “Of course.” He kissed her temple, her hair tickling his lips. “You can stay as long as you like.”
Her eyelids started fluttering only moments later, and Ash pulled the covers down from his bed. She sank down, and right as her head hit the pillow, she was fast asleep.
Ash gazed down at her for a long time. He brushed the wet strands of her hair from her forehead as he thought.
He’d hated leaving Violet at the hospital, but he’d known she’d wanted some time alone. He understood that. He’d always retreated into himself when he was hurting. Hell, he’d basically become a one-man island after his mother had committed suicide. If he didn’t let anyone else in, then they couldn’t hurt him.
Then Violet had happened. She’d blown his walls to smithereens. He’d thought he was impenetrable, and look where he was now. He laughed softly. How the mighty have fallen. Now he understood his brother Tre
nt. If Trent felt for Lizzie anything like Ash felt for Violet, then Ash now knew why Trent was so devoted to his wife.
Ash let himself imagine the future for once. He thought of Violet wearing an engagement ring—a ring he’d bought her. He thought of her wearing white and walking down the aisle toward him. He thought of children with her blond hair and blue eyes, how they’d be smart and saucy just like her. He wanted all of those things so powerfully that he couldn’t breathe.
Leaning down, he kissed her one last time and pulled her into his arms. He couldn’t sleep, though, and when he closed his eyes, all he saw was the images of a future he’d never let himself imagine before.
When Ash awoke a few hours later, it was just before dawn. Violet was gone, and he almost panicked thinking she’d left him again. Then he heard water running, and he let out a sigh of relief.
Violet returned and got back into bed with him. Resting her head on his shoulder, she said, “It was all my fault. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself.”
He didn’t have to ask what she meant. “You can’t blame yourself, baby,” he said. “Martha is older. Her health isn’t what it used to be, I’m sure. I’m just glad you found her in time. It could’ve been much worse.”
“No, you don’t understand.”
She sighed deeply before telling Ash about how Martha had been skimping on taking her insulin because she hadn’t been able to afford it in recent months. The guilt and anguish in Violet’s voice made Ash hold her more tightly to him.
“I wasn’t paying attention,” said Violet, her voice anguished. “I was so focused on myself that the one person I vowed to care for almost died. What the hell is wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you. Violet, Martha made that choice herself. She made the choice not to tell you, and she made the choice to put her health at risk. I’m not saying I don’t understand why she did it, but she’s a grown woman, too.”
But Violet just kept shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter. I should’ve noticed. I should’ve checked how much insulin she had, when she was getting more supplies, when she was injecting it, all of it.”
He rested his chin on top of her head. “You can’t save people who don’t want to be saved,” he murmured. “Believe me, I know.”
Violet didn’t say anything for a long moment after that. At first, Ash thought she’d fallen asleep again, but when he caught her looking up at him, his body heated. Her eyes were dark blue pools. When she pulled him down for a kiss, he sure as hell didn’t protest.
The second their lips met, it was like everything important slid back into place. Groaning, Ash turned so he could rest his elbows on the bed, caging Violet in. She touched her tongue to his bottom lip, making his cock harden against his sweatpants.
God, he wanted her. He wanted to fuck her until he forgot everything and everyone but her. He needed her like he needed air in his lungs.
“Are you sure?” he whispered. “You’ve been through a lot the past few days.”
“Yes, I’m sure. I’m not sure about so many things, but I’m sure about you.” She hitched a leg over his hip. “I want to forget. Make me forget, Ash.”
He could do that. He knew how to touch a woman until she forgot her own name.
Sitting up, he untied the tie on her robe until he unveiled her bare skin. Her breasts were high, her nipples already hardened peaks. He kissed her right over her pounding heart.
Ash licked the salt from her skin. Violet sighed and ran her fingers through his hair. Taking one nipple into his mouth, he swirled his tongue around it until she whimpered.
“How do you make me feel like this?” she asked wonderingly. Her eyes were glassy, her cheeks flushed. “It’s like you take over my soul.”
He kissed her then, with tongue and teeth, until he felt her moans echo throughout his body.
You took over my heart ages ago, he thought. It’s just you. Only you.
He moved down her body, kissing and licking every bit of skin, wanting her desperate for him. He wanted to taste her on his tongue first, even though he was so hard that it was painful. He wanted this to be about her. He needed to show her how much she meant to him so she’d never try to leave.
“You’re so soft, everywhere,” Ash marveled. He nipped at her belly. “Your skin is like silk.”
Violet just arched and whispered his name. When Ash reached her inner thighs, he stayed there for a long moment. He sucked the sensitive skin there, leaving red marks. Seeing his marks on her only ratcheted his desire even higher. God, he wanted her. He’d always want her.
He could smell her arousal, and when he pushed her legs further apart, he gazed down at her dewy center until she sobbed his name softly. She so was wet and pink, so beautiful. He closed his eyes, mostly because he wasn’t sure how much more self-control he could manage.
Leaning down, Ash licked her center. Her taste burst on his tongue, and as she moaned, he went more slowly. He loved how swollen with desire she already was. She desired him. That thought alone made him dizzy.
Ash could feel Violet’s gaze on him as he licked her, kissed her, tasted her. Her fingers tightened in his hair with every dart of his tongue against her sensitive flesh. When he began to lick her clit, her nails dug into his scalp, urging him on.
“I’m so close,” she gasped. “Don’t stop. Yes, like that. Oh my God…” Her words were lost on a long moan, and when Ash sucked her clit and pressed a finger inside her tight sheath, she exploded. Wetness coated his tongue with each shiver of her orgasm, and he exulted in her release. He loved that he could make her come this hard.
Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, he got up to grab a condom from the nightstand. Violet had curled onto her side, her skin a pretty pink from her orgasm, a light sheen of sweat making her glisten in the low light.
Before he could put on the condom, though, Violet sat up and beckoned him to stand in front of her. Her mouth was just above his cock, and she smiled up at him when she pulled his sweatpants down. Her eyes widened in surprise when she realized he wasn’t wearing any boxers. He laughed softly.
His cock bobbed in front of her, and when she licked her lips, his laugh turned into a groan.
“I’ve been dreaming of having you in my mouth,” she whispered. “Like the first time. You remember?”
“Of course I remember—Christ.” He hissed in a breath as she took him into her mouth. Her wet heat made his toes curl into the carpet. “Christ, Violet, your mouth is going to kill me.”
She squeezed the base of his cock and began to stroke him, timing her strokes with the bobbing of her head as she sucked him. Her tongue swirled around the tip, and with each motion, he felt his balls draw up. God, he was already so close. If she kept this up, he’d be done before they’d even started.
Ash gathered up her hair. “Violet, I’m about to come. Do you…?”
She just hummed and quickened her rhythm. Ash let himself revel in the pleasure she gave him for a few moments, until he gently disengaged from her mouth right before his own release was about to hit him.
Shit, he thought dazedly, I’ve never almost come that fast from a blowjob.
“I want to be inside you,” he said, his voice hoarse.
Grabbing the discarded condom, he slid it on and climbed onto the bed once again. Violet wrapped her arms around him as they kissed. Ash hooked her legs over his arms and slid inside her.
They both moaned as he filled her. Ash clenched fistfuls of the covers, forcing himself to be still until he could get his raging desire under control. He didn’t want to come before she came again, too.
Breathing like he’d run a marathon, he began to make love to her. Her tight heat made him see stars behind his eyelids.
“Ash, Ash, Ash.” Violet bucked her hips each time he thrust inside her. “Faster. Harder. I want you to fuck me.”
The vulgarity on her lips only urged him on. Kissing her, he fucked her so hard that the headboard bounced against the wall. She dug her nails int
o his shoulders, and the bite of pain only made him go faster. He felt her reach between them until she could rub her clit in time with his thrusts.
Goddamn, she was amazing.
He felt her tighten around him right before she let out a yell.
“You coming for me, baby?” he crooned. “I can feel you. God, you’re beautiful. I can’t get enough of you.”
Her eyes rolled back into her head as she began to come, her body shaking like a rag doll. Growling, Ash pulled out and flipped her onto her stomach before pushing back inside her. He spanked one ass cheek and then the other. Violet cried out, but he only heard pleasure in the sound.
“You’re going to come one more time for me,” he vowed as he pounded into her.
“No, I can’t—” Her words were lost on a moan.
She pushed against him with each thrust despite her protest. He could feel her body tightening a third time. It was only a matter of minutes before her last orgasm hit her.
A muffled scream filled the room as she shook. Ash groaned and swore as he fell off the cliff, too, thrusting into her in a jerky rhythm. He couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. Sweat dripped from his chin onto Violet’s back.
His world went black. He roared his release, and he heard the words God, I love you echo in his mind.
When he opened his eyes, he realized that he’d said the words aloud. Her eyes were wide with shock, and he had a feeling it wasn’t from having three orgasms, either.
Shit. So much for keeping it to myself.
He discarded the condom in the trash can and lay down next to her. They were both breathing hard, and Ash had to let his body calm down enough for him to come up with the words to explain.
“You love me?” she whispered. “Seriously?”
He shrugged despite the tension building inside him.
“I didn’t say the words to make you say them back,” he said. Even as he said that, pain spiked inside him. The thought that Violet didn’t feel the same was like a knife to the gut.