“URGH,” groaned Cy.
“Oh,” said Joan. “Well.”
“Harsh,” said Drags.
“Wheee,” said Tipsy. “Fleeeeea!”
And she was right, because on impact, the fleas had gone flying off Cy . . .
. . . and right onto Elmer. They quickly crept and burrowed inside Elmer’s many cracks and crannies, hiding in his circuitry, as the Protos stared.
“No.” Cy was perfectly still now. “Oh no. Elmer, I’m so sorry . . . I didn’t mean to B-B-BUG YOU!”
WHRRRRR.
Elmer sat perfectly still, sensing new interference in his logic circuits.
WHRRRRR. WHRRRRR. WHRRRRR.
The Protos watched with concern, waiting for him to do something.
“Elmer! Are you . . . operational? Did the bugs . . . bug you?” Joan finally broke the silence.
Elmer sat for a long moment in the silence.
“I think they . . . they got him,” Drags said.
“W-w-we can’t just let the b-b-bugs get him.” Cy was still panicking.
Joan lowered herself to the floor. “Shhh. Something’s happening. Maybe he’s going to counterattack. You never know, with a battle bot.”
Tipsy rolled closer. “L . . . MER?”
BEEEEEEEEEEP!
Tipsy rolled back in surprise, landing on her back in the toppled trash can.
“UNKNOWN INTRUDERS!” Elmer shouted.
His lights blinked.
“SMALL!”
Blinked again.
“ALMOST INVISIBLE!”
And blinked again.
“YET MIGHTY!”
Elmer, a formidable battle bot, had no subroutines for dealing with enemies so microscopic.
His lights blinked one more time.
“A . . . CURIOUS . . . CONUNDRUM.”
The Protos watched in stunned disbelief as Elmer slowly lumbered back and settled into his charging station, with his flea passengers and all, to silently ponder his problem.
It was most unexpected.
9
A New Ally
Min glared at Max, pointing a fork at Scout, “You better be sure you got all those fleas,” she said through a mouth full of waffles. “I could barely sleep last night.”
It was the next morning, and Max and Min were eating breakfast in the kitchen while Javi worked at the kitchen table.
“You didn’t have any fleas on you,” Max said, annoyed.
Min sniffed. “I imagined I did, which is almost worse. There’s no flea shampoo for imaginary fleas.”
Scout, released from basement banishment, prowled around the table, intent on sniffing every bit of food.
Max scoffed. “Easy, right, Javi? We totally flea-washed them.”
Javi took a sip of coffee and nodded. “Easy-peasy, bye-bye, fleas-y.”
The doorbell rang, and Mom got up to answer it.
“That was quick,” Dad said. “Everyone, Mom messaged her friend last night, and she promised to come over as soon as possible. Looks like that means now!”
Min dropped her fork and sprinted past Mom, throwing open the front door.
She immediately forgot how to speak when she saw her idol M.E. Portillo standing right in front of her.
Mom maneuvered around Min, gave her shoulder a squeeze, then gave Portillo a huge hug. “Thank you for coming,” she said.
They came inside, and Mom introduced her friend. “I’d like you to meet M.E. Portillo, my old college roommate, current research partner, and great friend with one of the biggest hearts and best brains I’ve ever had the pleasure to know.”
Portillo blushed at the praise. She came from a humble home, brought to the United States by her parents from El Salvador when she was a child. She never sought out the spotlight, and waved Mom off as they walked in. “Too much, girl, too much.”
“Not enough!” Mom said. She loved to boast for her friend. “During college, before she even graduated, she designed an app called La Niña, to help translate for her parents when she wasn’t around. It could hear people speaking English and instantly translate what they said into Spanish. The speech recognition algorithm was so good that she expanded it to include real-time translation of over thirty-five languages!”
“Okay,” Portillo said, “I am proud of that one. You got me.”
Min stood next to Mom and joined the conversation. “Isn’t that also how you became, you know, super rich? By selling La Niña to GloboTech?” Portillo made headlines when she sold her program to Gifford Huggs, who had tried and failed to develop something better. She held out for a long time, but he eventually offered her a ridiculous amount of money and she sold.
Mom shot a look at Min. “We don’t need to get into that, Min.”
“It’s true, though, isn’t it?” Min said, embarrassed.
“It’s okay,” Portillo said, smiling at Min. “I made La Niña to help my parents and friends. Now I can help them and a lot more people.” Her smile faded. “I will say, I was not happy when I found out that Huggs took my speech recognition code and used it in that House program.” Portillo shuddered. “I knew House was already listening to people. I should have known he would use my code to expand his snooping to any language.”
Max got up from the table when he heard about the talk about money. “But isn’t it awesome to have all that money?” Max was excited thinking about the possibilities. “You could buy all the INSECTAGONS in-game skins! Oh, you could even get the rare toys for the codes that unlock the super-exclusive armor and weapons.” His eyes were wide. “I bet you even could afford the complete set.” This was Max dreaming big. He loved collecting things in his games. “Oooh, and the dance emotes!” He started flossing, INSECTAGONS-style.
“Max!” Min glared at him.
“Okay, sheesh,” he said, self-conscious. “Can’t a guy dream?”
“Those are dumb dreams,” Min said, “especially when you could be like Portillo and use the money you had to help people who really need it.”
Javi saw an argument brewing and moved to cut it off. “Max, there’s nothing wrong with having sweet dance moves, but Min’s got a good point.”
Portillo laughed and nodded. “I definitely made a few upgrades in my life, but I still knew so many people don’t have enough, friends who couldn’t afford school. When you think about that, it doesn’t feel so good to keep it all to yourself.”
“Oh yeah,” Max said. “I think about that when CAR takes the ‘safe’ way home from school. Sometimes we pass by huge mansions and I’m like, Do you really need twenty bathrooms, five fancy cars, and a huge fountain in your driveway? Especially when just a few blocks away homeless people are living under a bridge in cardboard boxes?”
“Exactly,” Portillo said. “I think about how hard my parents worked. They risked their lives bringing me to America and worked twelve-hour days so I could go to school. They sacrificed everything they had to give me the opportunity for an education and a better life.”
“You were lucky to have them,” Min said, giving her mom a squeeze without thinking.
“I know!” Portillo clearly loved her parents. “It’s because of them I learned how to code in the first place. I followed their example, worked hard, and made something useful—and suddenly I have more money than my parents could ever dream of? How does that make sense when my parents, friends, teachers, everyone that helped me along the way, work just as hard and barely make enough to survive? Librarians, farmers, construction workers, a lot of people work hard but don’t get paid millions of dollars for it.”
Max nodded his head. “Yeah, it seems pretty dumb when you think about it.”
“There has to be a better way,” she said.
Min looked up at her and smiled. “You’ll figure it out.”
“With your help, maybe.” Portillo smiled back.
“Speaking of difficult problems,” Dad said, “that’s why we wanted you to come by. We could use your help with one.”
“Yes, enough
about me,” Portillo said, looking at Mom. “You told me about your situation with the Singularity Chip and the interstellar visitors. If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t believe it. I knew the chip was incredible, but I wouldn’t have guessed it would spark a galactic war between alien cats and self-aware robots.”
Javi looked up from their work at the kitchen table. “It’s even worse because they’ve been fighting as long as they can remember, but there’s no reason they can’t coexist. Right now, they’re both obsessed with the chip, but it seems almost like the chip is just an excuse to keep fighting.”
“It’s like in preschool with the toy that nobody wants. Until someone decides to use it, then everybody starts fighting over it,” Max said.
Portillo nodded. “You mentioned your idea of somehow using the Infinity Engine to bring them together. I think it’s a good plan,” Portillo told Mom. “We need something bigger and better than the Singularity Chip to get their attention, and I think I can help with finishing it.”
“Are you going to give it to the Binars to get back Obi?” Max asked. “I keep thinking he must be so scared.”
“It might work. We can ask Pounce next time he calls in,” Mom said.
“We can’t forget about Pounce,” Javi added. “He’s also in big trouble because he didn’t bring back the chip, and if Meow hears that the Binars got something for Obi, he won’t be happy.”
“Good point,” Dad said. “We need to help Pounce deal with Meow.”
Javi stood up from the table. “It sounds like we have two teams. You three should stay focused on the engine. The twins and I can work on how to deal with Felinus and Binar,” they said, looking at Max and Min. “Right, team? We’ll think about how we could use the Infinity Engine to get Obi back and make them stop fighting.”
“Great!” Portillo said.
Mom held on to Portillo’s arm. “We’ll get you caught up on the engine progress. With your help, we can finish much more quickly. Hopefully, things don’t get too out of control in the meantime.” They were already moving toward the door to the lab.
Stu woke up from his nap on top of the heating vent as they passed by.
He yawned and gave a spread-out, sprawling stretch . . . and started scratching.
10
Pounce and Obi in Peril
On the other side of the galaxy, Obi’s life was also growing increasingly . . . itchy.
Beeps worked nonstop, day and night, hoping to find a way to satisfy SLAYAR’s unreasonable demands, but made no progress. Obi had patiently subjected himself to every probe and scan the Binar scientists could imagine, but they only confirmed what they already knew. The chip wasn’t going anywhere.
When he wasn’t being examined, a constant stream of curious Binars of all shapes and sizes came to see this oddity from Earth. Word had spread about the robot in the shape of one of those hideous Felines, but when the Binar visitors saw Obi, they were awed by his graceful shape and movement and without fail left impressed.
“He’s not hideous. I thought you said he was hideous?”
“Is all Fur made of metal?”
“Do all Felines need batteries?”
Obi was equally fascinated by Binars. “You don’t seem as terrible as I was taught,” he confided to Beeps. Binars were full of curiosity. They were a bit predictable, true, but not entirely dull . . .
. . . until, days later, they were.
“I don’t know how much more of this I can endure,” Obi lamented. “I’ve been relentlessly poked, prodded, and peppered with questions . . . and they’re all the same questions! Nothing changes, day after day.”
Beeps was more worried than bored. “If it’s excitement you’re looking for, I know of a certain fiery mountain that I’m sure will heat things up for you. SLAYAR’s deadline is almost here and we’ve made no progress.”
Obi saw Beeps panic and realized they would need to help each other. That, or they would both be taking a lava bath. He decided it was time to let Beeps in on his conversations with Pounce.
He just wasn’t quite sure how to go about it.
“We’re bound by the same fate, Beeps,” Obi began. “I know we’re on opposite sides and our planets have fought for eons. Binars and Felines have been wired to fight with each other for as long as either side can remember.”
“That’s because Felines are the worst. Everybody knows that,” Beeps agreed. He still had a little learning to do.
Obi suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. “Yes. Well, we need to put our opinions aside if we want to survive this.” Obi paused. “I need to tell you something, but you must not tell anyone else. This medallion is more than a translator. I can use it to contact my counterpart on Felinus.”
Beeps spun, shocked. “What? So you’ve been spying on me, on Binar, this entire time? Pretending to be trapped, all the while divulging our deepest secrets? Classic Feline treachery!”
Beeps rolled toward the door to report the betrayal.
Obi leaped ahead of Beeps, blocking his path to the door. “Beeps, stop. I have no interest in Binar secrets. To the contrary, I’ve found your kind to be quite hospitable, under the circumstances.”
Beeps looked suspicious. “You haven’t been pretending? Putting on a front to lull us into trusting you?”
Obi shook his metal head.
“No, actually. I’ve been completely focused on dealing with SLAYAR and getting out of here.” Obi walked past Beeps into the room. “Unfortunately, it’s clear I’m not going to be able to do that alone. Neither of us can.”
Beeps calmed down. “I want to disagree, but your logic is infallible.”
Obi smiled. “Good. Keep in mind that I am also trusting you, even though it goes against everything I have been taught.” The old cat hesitated. “I’m calling my counterpart. Are you ready?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Beeps said, cross.
“Well,” Obi started, then considered.
<< How do I tell him my counterpart is Pounce? >>
Pounce and Beeps were long-time enemies. They had fought countless times over the many years of the great Cat-Robot War.
It was said that Beeps despised Pounce more than any other Feline.
“Never mind,” Obi said, and forged ahead rather than explain. He activated his medallion. “Felinus, this is Obi, calling from Binar, can you hear me?” The cat robot glanced nervously at Beeps as he waited for the reply.
The medallion came to life. “Obi! Pounce here. Good to hear from you, Obi. You’re coming in loud and clear.”
Obi paused.
He heard a strange grinding noise and looked over at Beeps to see his eye was now a spinning dial. . . .
Oh no.
Poor Beeps! The shock of hearing his nemesis Pounce’s voice on his home planet overloaded his systems.
For the first time since Beeps emerged from the Maker’s vault, his wheel locked, and he slowly tipped backward.
Before Obi could help, Beeps fell over and landed with a heavy THUDDDDDD.
His eye stared at the ceiling, unblinking.
“What was that noise?” Pounce asked. “Are you safe?”
“I’m fine,” Obi finally said. “I was about to mention that I’m not alone. I decided I needed some local assistance.”
“What?” Pounce growled. “Have you lost your mind? Gone rogue? You know Binars are not to be trusted.”
“I believe this one has no choice but to cooperate,” Obi said, at this point enjoying the drama. At least it was a change of pace. “I’ve invited Beeps to join in our planning. We could use his influence. He is also facing Slag Mountain and highly motivated to help, Pounce. We need to cooperate.”
A long pause followed, while Pounce composed himself. “Fine. I see your point. Let’s get to business, then. I have news from the Furless. They have a possible solution to our problems.”
Obi listened intently. “What is it?”
“They are developing a new device that is much more powerful than the
Singularity Chip. They call it the Infinity Engine.”
From the ground, Beeps interjected weakly, “That’s a cool name. SLAYAR likes things with cool names.”
“Yes, well, it also seems to be a powerful piece of technology. Something that could I think distract SLAYAR and Meow from their obsession with tearing Obi apart and destroying us in the process.”
Beeps’s eye started moving, his systems coming back online. “SLAYAR would want to know about something better than the chip. It might work.”
Pounce sounded relieved. “As would my Chairman Meow, I believe.”
Obi nodded. “To be clear, you’re proposing we inform our leaders of this new device and use it to distract them from their obsession with the chip?”
“Yes,” Pounce said. “Hopefully it will give us time to figure out a way to rescue you.”
“And Beeps, if necessary,” Obi said, with a sympathetic glance at the robot.
“I suppose,” Pounce said, annoyed. “I’m just glad we have a plan. I’ll see what I can do about Meow. You talk to SLAYAR and report when you can. Pounce out.”
Obi walked carefully over to sniff Beeps but detected no obvious damage. The reclining robot slowly regained use of his sensors . . . a new energy filling his circuits. . . .
“Stay positive, friend,” Obi said. “We may get out of this after all.”
Beeps tried to speak; only a small squeak came out. Obi just smiled and nodded, then helped boost Beeps back up on his wheel. . . .
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEAK.
This one was larger, a squeak of gratitude and of apology, Obi thought. With that, Beeps was on solid standing. He’d regained his balance and his dignity, and he gave an almost-grateful look to Obi, as if to prove it.
“Don’t mention it,” Obi said, with a smile.
Beeps just shook his head. “Felines and Binars cooperating.” His eye stared ahead in disbelief. “This goes beyond my instruction set. We must go see SLAYAR.”
Obi nodded. “Strange times indeed.”
11
Slayar Wants a New Engine
THWACKKK!
Cats vs. Robots #2 Page 7