“I wouldn’t dream of it, Ren.” Padraig eased them onto the bed, and Cairren was soon asleep, but it was restless at first. Padraig stroked her hair until she settled, and he watched her sleep. His heart broke for his sweet wife and his gentle sister-by-marriage. They’d both suffered for entering this clan. A clan he’d once been proud of, but now often wished he could leave behind.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Cairren stood in the bailey and waved as her clansmen and Alex rode away. Unlike the last time she said her goodbyes to her family, Padraig stood at her side. She smiled up to him and patted his chest before walking into the keep. She wasn’t sure where to go. She wasn’t in the mood to weave, and there was nothing else for her to do in the chamber she shared with Padraig. She still wasn’t comfortable thinking of it as their chamber; there was still too much uncertainty to think of anything in permanent terms. Without Wynda to keep her company, there was no reason to go to her old bedchamber. She wasn’t welcome in the kitchens after three unsuccessful attempts to offer her help. She didn’t know, nor did she want to discover, where Mary and Myrna were. Duncan was back on his feet, so she preferred to stay away from any dark passageways. She changed into her boots and went for a walk. She’d discovered a valley during one of her rides with the Kennedys and Alex, and she was certain she could make it there on foot.
The day was pleasant, but she appreciated how her plaid kept away the crispness of the autumn morning. She’d agreed to wear Padraig’s plaid, but she disagreed that it would help people see that he accepted her. It seemed to do the opposite, as if she committed sacrilege by wearing it. But that morning she was glad to have the wool wrapped around her shoulders. She walked for what she assumed was an hour and discovered the meadow she was searching for. The heather and thistles painted the ground her favorite shades of purple. She’d brought a basket with her, so she gathered heather to use in a fresh batch of soap. When she had all that she needed, she decided she should return to the keep, or at least closer. It was growing warm, and she feared her skin darkening too much if she remained in the direct sunlight.
She passed through a stand of trees and breathed easier in the shade, but when voices carried to her, she halted. She didn’t want to be discovered wandering alone, so she ducked behind a tree trunk, straining to hear the voices, hoping to know what danger they might present.
“I couldn’t wait any longer for the chit to be out of the way,” a man’s voice carried to Cairren. She struggled to hear, recognizing the voice was Duncan’s. She dared slip closer, knowing he spoke of Wynda, but she couldn’t see to whom he spoke.
“She caught us one too many times,” Myrna’s voice filled Cairren’s ears as she drew near to the couple. She could see them lying naked together on the ground. She swallowed her gasp as she watched Duncan playing with Myrna’s breast as she stroked him. She ducked back behind the tree. “The stupid bitch wouldn’t have kept the secret much longer. You had no choice.”
“I just wish I’d done it sooner.” Cairren was close enough to hear Duncan suckling Myrna’s breast.
“I wish you had, too. There was no way I would have let her bear your heir. If you hadn’t beaten it out of her, I would have poisoned it like the last time. At least now we don’t have to worry aboot doing either of those.” A rustling of leaves beneath them and then Myrna’s moan signaled that they were done talking. Cairren peeked back around the tree and spotted Duncan’s lily-white backside as he thrust into Myrna. Cairren looked around for a way to escape the trees and make it back to the keep without being seen. Even before what she heard, she didn’t doubt they’d kill her if they discovered her alone. Her heart pounded as she tried to figure out what to do.
“By God’s bones, Myr. Your cunny is ringing my cock dry. You’re so damn tight.”
“Or you’re so big,” Myrna panted.
“Do you tell Padraig that too?” Duncan laughed.
“I wondered if his cock was broken until he started humping his little whore. I even wondered if he was a real mon, or if he preferred being buggered. He never tried to tup me. He claimed it was honor. I think his cock is tiny.” Myrna and Duncan chuckled as he rolled off her. “Duncan, you know I haven’t been with anyone else since I arrived here. At least not this time.”
“You better not be. I’m the only cock you’re fucking, understood?” Cairren peeked back around the tree when Myrna yelped. She could see Duncan had a fistful of Myrna’s flaxen locks, and his hand was wrapped around her throat. “You like that, don’t you?”
Cairren watched Myrna struggle to nod. She turned her back to them yet again when Duncan thrust his fingers into Myrna’s sheath. Cairren squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out the sound of them rutting and trying to recall what they’d said. She’d heard them admit to not only killing Wynda, but Myrna admitted to bedding men other than just Duncan. She swallowed bile as she tried to decide what to do with what she heard.
“He’s going to send me back, you know.” Myrna’s voice carried as she and Duncan dressed. “I’m certain of it. He’s turned away from me, and I can’t lure him back. I don’t know that Mary will continue to help even if she wants Cairren gone. Unless I can convince Padraig to keep me, we’ll be forced to meet here.”
“As long as your messenger is better than the last one. He gave the bluidy missive to Wynda instead of me. That’s how she found out aboot us,” Duncan grumbled.
“Then we must turn Padraig against Cairren.”
“Aye, and the sooner the better.”
Cairren held her breath as she listened to the couple mount their horses and ride away. She remained there as her stomach churned, and her heart pounded. Do I tell Padraig? I doubt he’ll believe me. He’ll believe I’m being a jealous shrew before he believes his darling has done aught wrong. But that doesn’t make keeping the secret right. Cairren replayed what she heard in her head. They’ve sent each other missives. Perhaps one of them has saved theirs. Dare I rummage through either of their chambers? Will what I find even convince Padraig? I’m more likely to be caught than I am to be believed. I wish Maman and Papa were here. They would know what I should do.
Padraig watched Cairren leave the bailey alone because she’d asked him for space after her family and friends left. He made his way to the lists, but he couldn’t concentrate. Cairren had endured Wynda’s funeral the day before, and now her friends had departed. He worried about her as he watched her retreat since Wynda’s death. She’d become introspective and distant, and he suspected part of it was she expected him to send her back to her own chamber now that it was no longer in use. He had no intention of having Cairren spend another night anywhere but in his bed. By midmorning, he abandoned his training and went in search of Cairren. He looked in their chamber, her old chamber, and Wynda‘s. He went to the garden and even checked the stables. He asked two villagers as they entered the bailey if they’d seen Cairren among the crofts, but they shook their heads. He figured she must have gone for a walk outside the walls, so he went to the guardhouse.
“Where did Lady Cairren and her guards go?” Padraig asked, his questions directed to any of the men. But he received blank stares in return. “She’s not in the keep or the bailey. Her horse is here, so she must have gone for a walk. Where did they go?” He repeated his question.
“We dinna ken, Padraig,” one guard offered. “She doesnae tell us when she leaves.”
“You mean she just walks out without her guards?” Padraig was incredulous. He didn’t think Cairren was that irresponsible.
“She doesnae have guards.” Another man, Timothy, spoke up and looked at Padraig as if he were a simpleton.
“Of course, she does. She’s my wife and a lady,” Padraig countered.
“Ye never assigned her any, so nay one has agreed to go with her,” a young guardsman named Matthew stepped forward. He shot an angry look at Timothy. “Or rather, none have been allowed to go with her.”
Padraig didn’t know if he had ever been as angry as he was now. “She
’s outside the walls right now without a guard because she was refused an escort.” Padraig’s ears were ringing.
“She came happy as you please, demanding that men give up their time to play nursemaid to her,” Timothy explained. “I told her nay each time. If she’d mattered enough to be protected, ye would have seen to it. We ken ye dinna want her, so we figured this might help things along.”
“I didna need to order that she be guarded. She’s ma wife!" When upset or angry, Padraig’s burr overtook his speech. He spun around but stopped. He turned back to the guards. His left eye twitched. “What do ye mean ‘we figured this might help things along’?”
Timothy shrugged. “We all ken ye want to marry Lady Myrna. That canna happen if ye’re still married to that brown bitch.”
Padraig snapped. He lunged at Timothy, his knife in his hand. It entered the man’s belly as Padraig’s weight pushed the guard back against the wall. “I would cut out yer tongue for saying that, but I never want to see ye again.” Padraig drove the dirk deeper into Timothy.
Padraig stepped back and let Timothy’s body drop to the floor. “He willfully endangered ma wife’s life and insulted her. Let that be a lesson to ye all. Lady Cairren is ma wife, and I expect her to live a long and healthy life at ma side. What I did or didna want in the past is irrelevant to yer duty to guard members of this clan, particularly women. From this day forth, if anyone refuses ma wife’s request for a guard, ye will meet the same fate as this sod.”
Padraig wiped his blade on the man’s leine and sheathed it. He ran up to the battlements, looking for Cairren. He couldn’t see her near the loch or toward the tree line. She wasn’t within sight in the village. He was starting to panic.
“Padraig!” Matthew ran up to him. “She’s in the shade by the loch. She likes to sit on the rocks and splash her feet in the water. I dinna ken where she went earlier. She went much further than usual and I couldnae follow her, but she usually doesnae go beyond where she can still see the keep’s outline.”
“How do ye ken?”
“I keep an eye on her. Timothy wouldnae let any of us accompany her, even though there are a few of us who disagreed with him. Ye ken Meg’s ma cousin, and I ken what Lady Cairren’s done for wee Katie and the other weans. I dinna think it’s right that she nae have someone guarding her.”
“And why didna ye come and inform me of this?” Padraig demanded, but he knew the answer before Matthew answered.
“I didna ken how ye would react if I did. I figured it was better to keep an eye on ma lady than to have ye say nay one should.” Matthew shrugged, embarrassed.
“Are ye the only one who watches out for her? Would ye agree to be her guard?”
“I would be honored to. And nay, I’m nae the only one. Henry, Peter, and Dougal take turns with me keeping watch.” Matthew looked sheepish for a moment before he lifted his chin. “We’ve followed her before, Padraig. Nae because we suspect her of aught, but like I said, it didna sit right with us that she was outside the wall alone. And well, we feel sorry for her.”
Now that Padraig knew where Cairren was, and his heart slowed, he wanted to know more about what Cairren did when she left the keep. He took a deep breath, and his burr slipped away as easily at it had appeared. “Does she leave for very long?”
“Before the Kennedys visited, she would leave before the morning meal and come back as the sun set.”
“That long?” Padraig looked out at the loch. “What did she do for that long?”
“Walk mostly. A large circle around the keep, village, and loch. Like I said, never so far that she canna see the keep. But Padraig, we didna realize what she was doing for several sennights. Someone could’ve nabbed her or killed her with nay chance of making it back to the keep. I dinna ken that anyone would go to her aid if she cried out. Henry, Peter, Dougal, and I make sure we’re never on patrol together anymore. As least two of us accompany her whenever we can, even if she doesnae ken it. At the least, we watch her from the battlements.”
“Besides going for walks, how else does she spend all those hours?”
“Sometimes she rides. That makes it harder for us to follow without her noticing, but when she sees us, I think she assumes we’re on patrol. She sits in the meadow a lot, daydreaming sometimes, reading others. She paddles in the loch and picks flowers. I’ve seen nay one skip a stone as many times as she does.”
Padraig continued to look out at the loch. The youthful man standing next to him knew more about how his wife spent her days than he did. Matthew and three other men had cared more for his wife’s safety than he had. He’d assumed that she asked for a guard and was escorted everywhere she went beyond the village. It never dawned on him that any of the guardsmen would dare turn her down. But Innes’s words came back to him: where you lead, they will follow. Timothy said very much the same thing. They assumed he didn’t care enough about her. But to know that members of his clan thought he would welcome her demise so he could marry Myrna was more than he could bear. He still wished he was married to Myrna, though the sentiment seemed to grow weaker each day, more a familiarity than an emotion, but he never wished Cairren would come to harm. The consuming protectiveness that he only seemed to experience with Cairren surged through his veins.
“You, Peter, Dougal, and Henry are now my wife’s personal guards. I don’t want her to go beyond the village without the four of you with her. She’s not to pass through the gates without at least one of you when she goes to the village.”
“Yes, Padraig.” Matthew pulled his lips in as he considered sharing one more piece of information. “Padraig, she cries every day. Sometimes it’s just tears, but many times it’s sobs.”
Padraig patted Matthew on the shoulder and smiled. “Thank you.”
“If it were ma wife out there, I wouldnae want Catriona wandering alone.”
Cairren leaned against the rock to her side as she twirled circles in the water with her big toe. She’d walked even further than she realized, and her feet were determined to punish her. The cool water eased the blisters she’d worn on the balls of her feet and her heels. She wished she could slide all the way into the water, but she hadn’t been for a swim since before her parents left, and the air was far too chilly for it now.
She’d needed the walk to clear her mind and work through her grief from losing Wynda and watching her friends ride away. She had no way to know if she would ever see friends or family again. She’d only wound up with more to cloud her mind and heart when she stumbled upon Duncan and Myrna. The walk back to Foulis had done little to resolve her conundrum. Without Wynda, and solely reliant on Padraig, crushing loneliness threatened to consume her. She swiped away the freshest batch of tears that trickled off her chin.
If only I could slip away under the water, mayhap find a world with selkies rather than people. Or mayhap walk to the end of the world, never to lay eyes on Foulis again. Would that I could walk to Dunure. Perhaps it will come to that in the spring, but I’m likely to freeze into a standing stone if I set off now.
Cairren sighed as she watched the sun shine through the leaves of the tree branches that hung low over the water. She heard someone approach and scrambled to her feet, pulling her dirk free from her belt. She crouched, prepared to defend herself. She knew she’d been followed more than once, but no one ever came this close. When someone pushed aside the branches to her hidden spot, she raised her arm, ready to thrust.
“Put that down!” Padraig lurched backward. “It’s me, Ren.”
It took Cairren a moment to register what Padraig said and that it was her husband. She stepped back and lowered her knife. She reached for a leaf stuck in Padraig’s hair before retaking her seat on the rock. “You found me.”
“Were you hiding?”
Cairren shrugged. “Not from you.”
“Your guardian angel told where to find you.” Padraig smiled.
“My who?” Cairren’s brow furrowed.
“Four of the guards have appointed themse
lves your protectors.” Padraig scooted closer and lifted Cairren into his lap. He needed the contact after learning that she had gone unprotected for so long. “Why didn’t you tell me they refused you guards?”
“Because what the mon told me made sense.”
“Oh, Ren. I never intended for you to be unprotected. I assumed that as my wife it would go without saying that you were to have an escort any time you left the bailey. I had no idea that you were away from the keep for so long each day. Why didn’t you tell me this is how you spend your days?”
“What would I have to do if you refused me the guards or permission to leave the walls?”
“So you figured it was better to wander in an unfamiliar land alone? This isn’t Kennedy land, where everyone kens you’re the laird’s daughter.”
“I never left Dunure’s bailey without at least two guards. Never.”
“Then why would you do something so risky? You could have been taken or killed.”
Cairren looked him straight in the eye, lifting her chin. “Would that really be so horrible?”
“What?” Padraig’s eyes widened. “How can you say that?” But he knew how asinine the question was as it came out of his mouth.
“It was go on my own or remain a prisoner. I liked my odds better on my own. At least I’m likely to see my attacker coming out here.”
“You make it sound as though something happened in the keep. Has someone tried to hurt you?” When Cairren tried to look away, he pulled her chin toward him despite her resistance. His voice held a warning. “Cairren.”
“Duncan has tried to approach me a few times. I ducked away most of the time, but he pinned me against a wall once and has made lewd comments a few times.”
An Enemy at the Highland Court: An Enemies to Lovers Highlander Romance (The Highland Ladies Book 5) Page 19